bonnien002

ALONE AGAIN!

By Bonnie Nesvick#
January, 2002

With Grateful Appreciation to Meggy the Muse

Adam Cartwright came riding into the yard just as the family was sitting down for the noonday meal. His primary errand had been to hire hands to help with round-up and branding. Mindful of the time of day, he tethered his horse outside rather than put him away in the barn. A little standing wouldn’t trouble the horse, but keeping Hop Sing waiting was asking for trouble.

He walked into the house, hung up his hat and set his gun belt on the sideboard before joining the others at the table.

“How’d you do, Adam? Any takers?” Hoss asked.

“None to be had. Seems like most of them hired out last week when we were otherwise occupied” Adam glanced in Lorrie’s direction “and the rest moved on. We’ll have to take care of it ourselves.”

“That’s gonna be a big chore.” Joe said. “It’s been a while since we tried to do a round up all by ourselves”.

“I think we can manage alright” Ben said. “We’re four grown men. We’ll just plan to stay out and get the job done. If we push ourselves just a little harder than normal it shouldn’t take us much more than a week...maybe a week and a half.”

“Stay out there all that time, Pa?” Joe wasn’t thrilled at the prospect. Other ranches would be finishing up sooner and they would be sure to miss some of the springtime social events.

“Who’s gonna cook?” Hoss thought it seemed like an awfully long time to be away too.

“I didn’t say it was going to be a picnic but we’ll have to get through it, boys. Let’s eat what we have here and enjoy it...it’ll be camp cooking after today”.

Lorrie listened intently to what was being said. She hadn’t spoken much since Ben had found her alone by a burned out wagon. She didn’t remember how she got here but she was just beginning to feel safe. Now everyone was talking about going away. What would happen to her then? She was startled out of her thoughts when the man they called Pa said her new name.

“What do you think of that, Lorrie?”

She looked up at him. What was the answer. Think of ‘what’? She stared at him silently for another minute.

“Do you know what I’m talking about?” Ben finally asked.

Lorrie shook her head.

“We have some work to do away from here, the boys and I”, Ben explained.
“We will have to be gone for a while and we want you to stay here and help Hop Sing take care of our place. Can you do that”?

Lorrie nodded. She would have a place to be. They would come back. That sounded fine.   She didn’t know about Hop Sing though. He worked hard and she didn’t know how to help him.

**********************

Hop Sing and Lorrie were not a good match from the start. Hop Sing was industrious and always had chores. Lorrie was inquisitive and tried to learn how to survive here. Hop Sing had no patience for that. His workload was too high. He tried to give Lorrie a chore to help him out.

“Missy you give chickens food. You bring eggs. Hop Sing show you today. Tomorrow you do.”   Hop Sing thought this would be an easy way to keep her occupied at least part of the time. He resented having this intrusion and the extra work it created for him.

Lorrie had developed an intense fear of birds as she watched vultures rip strips of flesh off the rotting corpse she had been abandoned with. She tried to comply with Hop Sing’s request but the chickens were terrifying.   Sometimes Hop Sing sent her outside with garbage scraps and sometimes she fed them grain.

The first couple of times she came out, they didn’t know she was bringing food but soon her appearance in the yard caused them to flock at her feet.   Lorrie stood in the midst of them terrified to move, watching as they climbed over the top of one another to get at the food. Lorrie began running out of the house, flinging the food quickly in their general direction and then backing up toward the corral to watch.

In spite of her terror, the chickens held a fascination for her. They were wicked toward each other...reaching out to peck one another and flying at each other.   Except for one. One of them was sickly and didn’t move very much at all. Lorrie kept a watch on that one and when the chickens weren’t flocking to the food, she watched them peck at the lonely bird. Lorrie hated the sight of it but was drawn to it every day. She tossed it bit of grain at it but it didn’t move in the direction of the food. She noticed that the other birds flocked to the new site each time. When she realized that, she threw the food as far away as she could hoping to divert them. When Hop Sing saw her throwing food at the birds he yelled at her in his peculiar mixture of Chinese and English. She didn’t know what he was saying but his dark look and angry gestures left no doubt in her mind that she had messed up good.

When she went into the yard for any reason, Lorrie felt her eyes drawn to he area of the yard where the sad bird was.    She had to see it but at the same time she was afraid to. It was horrifying to watch the others wander by tormenting it.

And then, there was trying to gather eggs. Hop Sing made it look easy. He’d reach right under the hen if she was setting and grab the eggs. No way could Lorrie touch a bird. She took a stick and prodded the hen away. Even THAT resistance - when the stick touched the bird, caused her to shudder and frequently drop the stick. She consistently got several eggs and then the rooster would saunter over to see who was disturbing his domain. He was aggressive and Lorrie kept a watchful eye out for him. His approach was always the end of the egg gathering. But sometimes she misgauged and he would come between her and the door. He would flap his wings and crow and move towards her. When that happened, Lorrie usually dropped the eggs and ran. That created ANOTHER problem with Hop Sing. He needed the eggs and he couldn’t imagine how the girl could be so careless. No one in his memory had failed so miserably at such a small task.

When Lorrie went to bed, these chickens came into the room with her. Not at first. They would wait until she was almost asleep and then she would jerk wide awake, as they landed on her bed.    She could feel them walking up the bed, hear their feathers rustling, and if she could dare to open her eyes she knew she would see those beaks coming at her face. Lorrie screamed, throwing her covers off in an attempt to get them off the bed! Hop Sing didn’t make that any better. The first time she woke up screaming he came running upstairs looking for a burglar and when he found it was only her, he shook his finger and yelled his unfamiliar words at her. When he came into the bedroom with a light, she could see they weren’t really there. It didn’t help though. They would just come in again the very next night.

Lorrie wasn’t quite sure who was worse. Hop Sing or those chickens. She HATED them on the bed...but Hop Sing would yell and shake his finger and she didn’t know what he would do either. One night Lorrie tricked the chickens. She snuck under her bed, and brought her stuffed rabbit and pillow. She had just fallen asleep when she felt the bed above her jerk. They were back! Lorrie was very still and quiet. She KNEW she could feel them walking around on the bed. She wasn’t even aware that she was digging her fingernails into her arms to hold herself still. Those chickens couldn’t find her so they finally left. They must have. She fell asleep. The next morning she found scratches on her arms and wondered if those chickens had found her hiding place after she went to sleep.

Lorrie started keeping a stick just outside the door. She could use it to keep the chickens away.

***************************

The Cartwrights spent almost all of their time out in the far pastures. There were a lot of calves to locate and though the work was hard and tiring, all of them wanted to get it over with. Not only were they behind on branding but ranch chores were piling up as they tried to make up for lost time.

Joe and Adam spent time looking for the calves while Ben and Hoss kept a fire going. They would bring in a few calves for on Hoss to wrestle down to the ground and the others would apply the brand. It was hot, dirty and Ben’s cooking left a lot to be desired after being used to Hop Sing’s food. Bits of ash settled in the food and spring breezes dropped bits of sand and other debris into their dry, tasteless cuisine. There was nothing pleasant about the work they were doing and all made their best effort to finish the job as quickly as possible.

************************

Hop Sing was used to making good meals which were enjoyed by all the men of the Ponderosa. Lorrie was lonely for company during meals and too uncomfortable to eat under Hop Sing’s watchful eye. She wasted most of what he gave her.   She was an all-around vexation to Hop Sing. He would be heartily glad when the branding was over and he had some assistance with the girl again.

In her boredom, Lorrie had spent a lot of time out in the barn while Hop Sing was occupied with his household chores.    It got her away from those chickens and she was very drawn to the horses. It didn’t take long before talking and petting them wasn’t enough. She especially liked the look of a chestnut gelding and spent most of her time in the barn near his stall, bringing him treats if she could get something away from Hop Sing. She wished she could think of a name for him. She didn’t know how names worked. Hers came from a song but she didn’t know any songs.   She thought of him as “safe” in her mind and used that as a bit of a nick name. It didn’t sound like a real name either. She didn’t know if he would like it.

Lorrie knew she could ride him.   She wondered if Hop sing would be mad about that. But he didn’t like her underfoot. She decided it would be more fun than just hiding out in the barn all day. She tried put a halter on him but he was too tall. She settled for a bit of rope around his neck...all she wanted was something to guide him till she could get on. She brought him out into the corral area so she could use the fence to climb on and mount up.   She climbed up but couldn’t quite bring herself to make that big jump to get on his back. Still, while he was close she liked to rub against his neck and get the horse smell on her face. If she could just get on that horse and stayed in the corral, she thought she would be okay.

She was lonesome too. Only Hop Sing was there and he treated her mean just like those chickens did to that lonely one.    Nobody ever said she couldn’t get on the horses. It was probably okay but he didn’t like anything else she did. Maybe he wouldn’t like this either.

One morning Lorrie went out to do her chicken chore. She picked up the stick and waved it in front of her keeping the chickens at a bit of a distance. She went over by the sick one. It was laying flat out. It didn’t move. Its feathers ruffled with the breeze. She scattered the grain and walked over a little bit closer. The eye she could see wasn’t closed but it didn’t look open either. It was all white. It’s beak was open and she saw a little whitish pink...ack! A trail of ants was walking across its face and disappearing into the nostril she could see. Lorrie dropped her stick and covered her face screaming.

Hop Sing heard the noise. He shook his head in frustration. ‘Always that girl scream’! He went outside and saw her standing over near the chicken coop, hands over her ears. Just like when Mr. Cartwright brought her. He walked over and touched her shoulder. He didn’t have the same skill at quieting her. Lorrie didn’t know what had touched her shoulder. She whirled around and lost her balance. Hop Sing grabbed her.

“Why you make noise!” Lorrie pointed at the dead chicken. Hop Sing reached down and picked it up by a leg. It’s head lolled and the wings fell limply away from the body. Hop Sing gave it a good toss. It was a horrific sight, burned into her mind. Then he took that SAME HAND and put in on her arm to guide her into the house.

Once inside, Lorrie ran up to her room and poured water out of the bowl and scraped and scraped to get that icky touch off her arm.   Lorrie worked hard to get her feelings under control. She didn’t want that Hop Sing coming up and yelling at her again. She had to get out of the house.    Her stick had been left out in the yard so she charged as fast as she could to the barn, slamming the door as she went out. Hop Sing muttered at the noise.

Lorrie had come into the barn without a treat, but her pal was glad to see her just the same. She got her rope and brought him out and climbed up the rails of the corral. This time he stood closer and she got on him. He walked around the corral slowly. Her eyes wandered to where the dead bird had been. She wished she could get away from that place. Suddenly the horse ran around the corral and jumped the fence. Without any control, Lorrie lay down on his neck and hung on. She forgot about the rope. She had no idea where he was going.

*************************

The Cartwrights were finally returning from the branding weary and dirty, looking forward to a calm quiet evening, a good meal by Hop Sing and nothing to do.   As they approached the yard, a horse went running in the opposite direction. Something or someone appeared to be on it.
“What’s that. Did you see that horse?” Adam tossed the question to everyone.

“It looked like that gelding we were working with before the branding.” Ben said.

Joe leapt into motion. He kicked Cochise into a run and tried to catch up with the horse he had believed to be running free. As the gelding retreated it became obvious that it wasn’t riderless. They all saw the small figure laying against the horse’s neck.

Ben was stunned. What possessed that girl..there was no RIDING GEAR.    Adam and Hoss turned around to give chase also but there was no need. Joe had caught the rope dangling from around his neck. He turned toward home and the gelding followed.

“What are you DOING!” Ben shouted at Lorrie.    “What were you doing on that horse!”

“Riding” It seemed pretty obvious to Lorrie. THOSE MEN were riding horses. What did they think SHE was doing.

Ben glanced at the horse and saw the little loop of rope around its neck. For just a moment he felt sick. Nothing there to stop a runaway horse. “Lorrie you go inside and wait for me in your room.” Ben said. “Hoss, Joe, take care of that horse and mine, will you? I want to...” his sentence trailed off as he stalked into the house. He was heading for the stairs when Hop Sing came running out of the kitchen and stopped his progress,

“Why you leave girl here with Hop Sing! She make trouble all the time! No have time to work AND watch little girl!   She throw food at the chickens. She no eat. She scream all night sometimes.   She break eggs! She poke chickens with stick. Make them upset! She ride horse alone!!! Hop Sing glad you back. You take care of girl. Maybe Hop Sing go somewhere else!”
Ben soothed the frustrated man to the best of his ability and then went to have a few words with Lorrie. He was particularly concerned about the horse incident.

“Lorrie?” Ben walked into the bedroom.

Lorrie had been watching out her window. She jerked around at the sound of Ben’s voice. “Hi Mr...Pa. Did you come to stay now”?

“Yes. And I’d like to talk to you a bit.   Come sit here by me on the bed. Hop Sing has been upset at some of the things you have been doing while we’re gone. I need to find out about that.”

“I didn’t do anything bad. I promise!” Lorrie said.

“Well Hop Sing was upset about the chickens. Said you threw food at them and poked them with sticks and dropped as many eggs as you brought in. Can you tell me what happened there?”

Lorrie’s eyes welled up immediately. She rocked back and forth in a familiar but unconscious behavior. “Them....them chickens...Pa, they are like those birds out there. I can’t touch them. I’m scared of them. They go after each other and I think they’re going to get me like them other ones go that man. I can’t...I can’t....” Ben could see the distress it was causing her and moved closer to her on the bed and put his arm around her.

Ben reflected back on the scene where he had found Lorrie. There had indeed been several vultures there, ripping flesh away from the corpse, fighting one another. It was an awful site for him and he’d been exposed to that kind of thing before. Lorrie was very small compared to the birds and for all he knew, she could have thought they were responsible for his death. He pulled her onto his lap.

“You’re not in trouble Lorrie. I just need to know what’s wrong. Can you tell me why you drop eggs once you’ve got them?”

“That big ol’ rooster comes at me. I don’t know what he’ll do. I try real hard to hold...”Lorrie relived the encounter and cried again. Ben, getting a much clearer picture rocked her on the bed and patted her back.

“Okay, I think I understand that. We won’t have you do that chore anymore. I guess ol’ Hop Sing thought YOU were scaring the chickens instead of the other way around!”

Lorrie couldn’t imagine how she could scare a bird. Not after what she had seen them do.
Ben changed the subject. “Lorrie, what were you doing riding that horse today?”

“I want to ride him. He likes me. He’s Safe.”

“But you’re too little to put a saddle on him...How did you get on him?”

“I just brought him to the fence and climbed up the fence and got on him!”

“But you didn’t have any way to control him either...just a loose rope around his neck. That’s dangerous, especially on a newly broken horse.”

“Oh I COULD though,” Lorrie said. “I don’t need that stuff. Horses know what you want. You...you..” she realized she couldn’t quite explain how to control a horse.

“I don’t want you on a horse by yourself unless I tell you it’s okay. Do you understand me?”

“But Pa, I can...”

“Lorrie you are not to ride by yourself. Is that clear?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. We’ll talk about this more tomorrow. We’re all tired and..”

“I’m not tired!”

“No, you’re not tired. But Adam and Hoss and Little Joe are tired and so am I. We’re going to have supper and go to bed early and tomorrow we can sort out some rules.”

Lorrie didn’t want to go to bed early either. She already went to bed way too early for her likes. It was hard to sleep and sometimes in the dark, at night...all by herself she started waiting for the chickens to come and couldn’t sleep at all.   That helped because they always waited till she was asleep but she wanted to stay up as long as she could and avoid them.

She had been waiting and waiting for this springtime chore to get over so she wouldn’t be so lonely but it was going to be a longer wait after all.

****************************

Ben walked wearily down the stairs, hoping that the boys were done with the bath house. From the moment he’d walked in the door he’d been bombarded first with Hop Sing’s complaints and then Lorrie’s energy. It wasn’t the way to end a long chore. He’d been looking forward to winding down and he felt more frustrated than he had during the whole time he had spent outdoors.

Ben asked Hop Sing for new, clean bath water and got a change of clothes and went out to the bath house. He helped Hop Sing carry the water, listening to him mutter about the delay of dinner. Ben grinned...couldn’t make Hop Sing happy! After days of eating trail food, he was pretty sure Hoss would make Hop Sing happy when he ate his dinner tonight.

Ben relished his time away from every one in the bath house. For just a few minutes no one was talking to him, asking him what to do, or making any other demands. For a short time he could let everything go and relax in the hot water.

Joe and Hoss were relaxing in the great room. “Too bad we don’t have beer here”. Joe said. “That branding is hot work!”

“Yeah, I could sure go for a big ol’ glass of beer” Hoss agreed.

***************************

Ben considered Hop Sing’s dilemma with Lorrie. It wasn’t quite fair to have Hop Sing add Lorrie to his chores. She sure had some deficits in social skills - but what made her try to ride a horse like that? That wouldn’t do. He thought of all the areas where she was lacking. What did she know anyway? He would have to find some ways to keep her out of Hop Sing’s hair. That was certain.

Hop Sing waited graciously if rather impatiently for Ben to come into the house. He was fairly sensitive to the men of the Ponderosa. The new addition was different. An enigma. But he understood what the men needed after this heavy exertion. As soon as Ben came into the house, Hop Sing served dinner.

After spending so much time so close together, everyone was ready for private time and each retreated to their room to pursue their own relaxation.

Lorrie drug herself up the stairs, unwilling to be alone but even more unwilling to be with just Hop Sing and his bad temper. She got her pillow and rabbit and went under the bed.

Ben came in to check on her on his way to bed. The bed was too smooth to contain a child.

“Lorrie! Where are you?” He looked around.

Lorrie scooched out from under the bed. She had forgotten that Pa always checked on everyone.

“What are you doing under the bed?”

“I’m trying to...I got scared up here when you were gone so I hid. Sometimes the chickens come in here, Pa.”

Been shook his head. “Just get in the bed, Lorrie and I’ll tuck you in.”

She lay down on the bed and thought about those chickens. Maybe since Pa and those boys were back, the chickens would leave her alone. It sure felt better to have everyone back. She was asleep before she knew it.

******************************

The night was shattered by the horrible keening sound that the Cartwrights had hoped was gone. As Ben brought a lamp into the bedroom he saw her blankets flying off the bed and watched her cover her face with a pillow and flail her arms and legs wildly. After the quiet of sleeping under the stars, Adam, Hoss and Joe were startled out of their beds as well.

Hop Sing woke momentarily, heard the noise subside, smiled and rolled over. This was the first time in a while that he hadn’t been responsible for that noise and the child that went with it and he was going to make the most of it.

Ben put the lantern down and reached for Lorrie who was slowly coming awake, her breathing became jagged as she was struggling to compose herself. Holding her sobs at bay took all her energy and she couldn’t get any words out.

“Did you have a bad dream?”

Lorrie looked wildly around the room and then snuggled into his chest and the sobs came out unchecked. It was a while before she could speak.

“No! Them chickens got on my bed. They did it while you were gone and I thought they wouldn’t come now that you are back. They always come after me when I get asleep!”

Ben looked around the room and saw his three groggy sons in the doorway.

“Boys, look around in here will you? Make sure there are no chickens.”

“Huh?” Hoss had smuggled critters in before but it hadn’t created this big of a row.

Adam nudged him. “Hoss just have a look will you so we can get back to bed!”

Joe brought in another lantern and it didn’t take any time at all to conclude the room had no uninvited guests.

“It’s clear, Pa.   We’ll just...leave you to it” Adam said as the three made their way back to their rooms.

“Lorrie, the boys checked for me. There are no chickens in here. You were right. They are scared to come when I am here. I think it was a dream after all. I’ll just stay a little longer so you can go back to sleep. They won’t come in here any more. Where’s your rabbit?” He looked under the bed where Lorrie had started the night and found the toy and tucked it into bed with her.   It was a whole lot easier to fall asleep with Pa right there and the light on.

****************************
Ben announced at the table, “Boys, I think we all need to pitch in and help Lorrie learn what she needs to get along if she’s going to stay here. Adam, I wonder if you could help her with reading and numbers.”

Adam looked over at Lorrie. “Have you ever read anything, Lorrie?
“I don’t know. Probably not. How do you do it?”

Adam knew his work was cut out for him. He wasn’t sure where to begin.

Ben turned to Hoss. “Son, I hope you can help Lorrie learn to ride like we do.”

“Sure, Pa.” Hoss answered, always agreeable but from what he had seen earlier today, Lorrie knew how to sit a horse quite well. He wasn’t quite sure what Pa wanted from him. It was soon clarified.

“Pa, how come you’re having Hoss show her riding?”   Joe asked. “I’m probably our best rider!”

“Joseph, you are our most daring rider. That’s not quite the same as the best. After what I saw today, I think we would do well to steer Lorrie away from any kind of dangerous riding.”

“I never did nothing dangerous!” Lorrie objected.

“Anything” Adam automatically corrected.

“See?” Lorrie said. “Even Adam knows it!”
Ben wished he hadn’t started this line of conversation.

“Anyway, Pa, if you don’t think I can help Lorrie learn to ride, what DO you think I can do?”

“Joseph, if there’s one thing I know you’re good at, it’s socializing. I’m hoping you can help Lorrie get comfortable with people and start to behave like a little lady.”

“Well, I AIN’T a lady, Pa!” Joe said.

“No, but you know a lot about how ladies act, Joseph, or so you would have us believe!” Ben countered.

A smile began to creep over Joe’s face. Pa was right. He COULD help Lorrie adapt to her role!

***************************

As soon as dinner was finished, Adam called Lorrie over to the settee. “If you’ve never read anything, you probably don’t know what you’re missing. How about if I read you a story and you can find out why we like to read?”

Lorrie didn’t know what she was agreeing to but sat down next to Adam. He had a book on his lap. Adam opened the book. “Once upon a time” he began.

Lorrie snuggled in under his arm and looked at the funny symbols on te paper in the book. but in a moment she was lost in the word pictures Adam made for her. She was going to like this learning!

*Formerly posted under pen name Lorrie Wood

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