And Along Came
MaryAnn - Part 3
By
May 2003
Revised: March
2004
Disclaimer: I do not own the Cartwright characters but they
do linger in my mind, readily available whenever I choose to imagine. My thanks to David Dortort for creating the
Cartwright family. I do claim MaryAnn
Archer as she is described in this story.
She is my invention and she is worthy of my need to keep her safe.
Mid-Summer
1852
Adam
didn’t wait for the stagecoach driver to completely stop the team of horses, he
didn’t wait for the driver to hop down and place the small steps at the coach
door, and he certainly didn’t wait for the other two male passengers to
disembark from the coach before him. As
the coach was grinding to a halt, Adam opened the coach door and jumped the
short distance to the ground. He had
spotted his family anxiously waiting on the boardwalk and he practically
skidded into Ben’s outstretched arms.
This was the boy who shied from public displays of affection?
Ben held his firstborn close, then held him
at arm’s length to look him up and down before pulling him back into a bear hug
again. God, he had missed Adam. Adam had been away at college for four long
years and now his barely 22-year-old son was finally back where he belonged.
Adam pulled away from Ben long enough to
throw his arm around Hoss’s neck. At
least he assumed this was Hoss. The man
he was hugging had sky-blue eyes like Hoss and he had a good-natured grin like
Hoss, but it just didn’t seem possible that Hoss was now so much taller than
Adam's own 6'2" frame. If Adam
thought that his father had given him a bear hug, he was wrong. Sixteen-year-old Hoss’s hug was truly bear
sized.
Adam laughed and turned next to embrace his
littlest brother. Well, this was more
like what Adam had imagined. Little Joe
had always been somewhat small for his age and he still was. The 10-year-old boy now standing before Adam
had of course grown but, other than that, Little Joe hadn’t changed much in
looks. He still had the same curly brown
hair, hazel eyes, and mischievous grin that Adam had remembered so well.
Adam cupped the back of Little Joe’s neck
with the palm of his hand, bent down to Little Joe’s level, and pulled a
slightly hesitant Little Joe into a warm embrace. “I missed you, little buddy.” It was now Adam’s turn to hold Joe at arm’s
length and look him over. “I’ve missed
you all.”
After much jostling and saying hello to a
few of the town’s people who had also gathered to greet the returning
Cartwright, Adam’s luggage was finally loaded onto the buckboard and the entire
family set off for home. Hoss was riding
Chubb and Little Joe was riding Blaze. Adam’s horse, Sport, had been left at home
until Adam had had a chance to get used to riding again so he and Ben were in
the buckboard.
As the buckboard bounced on its way to the
Ponderosa, Hoss and Joe rode close to the buckboard so all four of the Cartwrights
could talk. There wasn’t much of a lull
in the conversation even though the ride to the Ponderosa was long.
As the buckboard passed the hill between
the Archer’s ranch and the Ponderosa, Adam glanced up and over Ben’s head to
check the position of the signal rock.
The white signal rock had been placed on the west side of the tree, a
clear signal from MaryAnn! At that
moment, Adam wondered how it was possible for one man to be so happy.
“Hey, Pa, have you seen MaryAnn
lately? You wrote that she had moved to
San Francisco a couple of years ago but that she spends some time each summer
at the Archer ranch. Is she here? Does she know I’m coming home today?” Adam tried to sound casual.
Ben chuckled a little to himself. Some things never change. Adam rarely gave out any more information
than he had to regarding his feelings.
“I ran into MaryAnn last week and, yes, she knows you’re coming home
today. We’re throwing a welcome home
party for you on Saturday and of course I invited the Archers.”
“The party will be great, Pa. I can’t wait to see everyone again,” Adam said aloud as he wondered to himself how
he was going to be able to sneak away to see MaryAnn before Saturday. This was Monday and Saturday was a long way
off.
Wait a minute, Adam thought, I’m
22 years old and I don’t have to sneak past Pa any more. I’ll just go over to MaryAnn’s house and we
can go for a ride.
But Adam had another problem. He had been going over and over in his mind
the pact that he and MaryAnn had made about meeting at Lake Tahoe at a
designated spot in four years upon his return from college. He wondered to himself how many times in the
past four years he had revisited their last day alone. He had missed her and had looked forward in
his mind to being with her as they had planned so long ago. But Adam wanted to keep his feelings for
MaryAnn private. He wasn’t sure if
things had changed over the years between MaryAnn and him. God, he hoped not.
Adam was a little surprised at the reserved
nature in which Hop Sing greeted him at the ranch. Well, Hop Sing tried to be reserved but Adam
just grabbed the smaller man’s hand warmly and shook it in greeting, then
draped his long arm over Hop Sing’s shoulder and grinned from ear to ear. You know the grin, the one that stretches his
lips back to show most of his teeth and causes a small canyon to appear in each
cheek. Yeah, that one. Hop Sing gave up his meager attempt at
decorum and let his own smile show his happiness.
Adam spent the rest of the afternoon
getting resettled into his old room and walking around the house and barn. It felt strange after being gone for so
long. Adam gave a soft whistle as he
entered the barn and was pleased to hear an answering snort from Sport. He was glad that his horse had remembered
him. Somehow he had been a little
concerned about that. He rubbed Sport’s
nose, then decided to saddle up and ride a bit.
Hoss and Ben had kept Sport well exercised while Adam was away and Sport
was ready for a ride.
Sport was ready but Adam wasn’t. He rode Sport around the yard for a brief
time before putting him back in the barn.
From his vantage point in a chair on the
porch, Ben had been watching Adam ride around the yard. He got up and followed Adam into the
barn. He didn’t mean to be following
Adam around, but he couldn’t quite believe that his son was finally home and he
couldn’t resist the need to be near him.
“Son, it’s going to take a while for you to
get used to riding again. I’m glad
you’re taking it a little at a time.
You’ll soon be back to riding as much as you did before, but right now
Hop Sing has dinner ready and he has prepared all of your favorites.”
“I never thought it would seem strange to
ride a horse but I have to admit that it does.
I hope you aren’t expecting me to jump right back in where I left
off. I’m going to need some time to get
used to things again.”
Ben threw his arm around Adam as they
walked toward the house. “Take your
time, Son. Take your time. You have no idea how happy I am just to have
you home again.”
Adam was anxious to get to the signal rock
but wasn’t sure when he would be able to get away from his family. Hoss was now a full time ranch hand and had
lots of duties around the Ponderosa.
Adam wasn’t sure exactly what his own role would be on the ranch but, in
the meantime, Hoss wanted Adam to join him so they could work together.
Little Joe was on summer break from school
and he also was anxious to get reacquainted with Adam. Little Joe was somewhat more reserved about
this than Hoss was. Little Joe
remembered how fun Adam could be but he also remembered that his eldest brother
had a lower tolerance than Hoss for Joe’s natural inclination to get into
mischief.
The next day, however, an opportunity to
get away presented itself earlier than Adam expected and he grabbed it. He saddled Sport and told his family he
wouldn’t be gone long, but he wanted to take Sport out alone to get used to
riding again. Sport naturally danced
around as he always had in anticipation of a run, but Adam held him back to a
walk and finally to a nice easy lope.
After making sure that nobody was in the
vicinity, Adam rode up the hill to the signal rock. As he crested the top of the hill, he looked
down the other side of the hill to the Archer ranch not far in the
distance. As he dismounted, he glanced
around and noticed an odd assortment of twigs.
A grin spread across his handsome face as he realized that the seemingly
haphazardly placed twigs were actually a signal to him. The twigs formed a large arrow pointing in
the direction of the signal tree.
Adam went to the base of the tree, dropped
to his knees, and felt around in the small hole in the split of the tree. Sure enough, his and MaryAnn’s old note jar
was still in place. Adam pulled the jar
out and saw a note in it from MaryAnn.
He fumbled in his hurry to get the small jar opened.
Adam,
I’m
so happy you’re home. As I promised, I
have come back to be here when you returned.
I have lots to tell you but mostly I want to see you. I haven’t changed. I still love you. Do you still want to meet me at the
lake? If you can get away from your
family, I will be at the lake at noon on Thursday, same spot. I will bring a picnic lunch. If your answer is yes, please signal me by
placing the rock on my side of the tree.
I
hope you say yes.
MaryAnn
Adam’s heart thumped in his chest and he
quickly moved the white signal rock to the east side of the tree. He had to grin at his own need to hurry to
get that rock repositioned. Did he think
she was going to change her mind and that the writing on the note was suddenly
going to fade then reappear as different words?
Thursday morning found the four Cartwrights
at the breakfast table.
Hoss turned to Adam, “How about ya comin’
with me today, Adam? I’m gonna be
roundin’ up some strays that got out last week, then I need to mend the
fence. It’s always easier when two
people mend fence.”
Little Joe shot a challenging look at
Hoss. “Hey, back off. Adam just got home. I wanted him to come fishin’ with me. You’ve got Charlie to help ya fix that
fence.”
Joe then turned to Adam. “So, how about it, Adam? Feel like a little fishin’ or have ya
forgotten how?”
Adam looked at Joe and grinned. “I can outfish you any day of the week,
little brother. Any day of the week.”
Ben watched Adam over the rim of his coffee
cup. “So, Adam, what would you like to
do? You know you don’t have to start
working right away so it’s up to you.”
Adam looked around the table, “Would you
mind if I just spent the day riding alone today? I’m feeling the need to reacquaint myself
with Lake Tahoe and just take in the beauty of the Ponderosa.” Adam added with a chuckle, “And before you
say anything, Pa, I promise I won’t read while I’m riding.”
Never one to give up easily, Little Joe
looked at Adam. “Will ya promise to go
fishin’ with me next week?”
“It’s a promise, little buddy, and I can
still outfish you.”
Adam rode out alone and headed for the
lake. He had a talk with himself about
his need to keep his feelings for MaryAnn to himself. He didn’t much like the fact that he was 22
years old and felt like he was sneaking around to be with her. On the other hand, some things were just
private and, until he knew where he and MaryAnn stood with each other, he
decided that not saying more than he had to was the best way.
As Adam rode, he found himself wondering
how many times while at college had he caught himself with an open textbook in
his hands just staring off into space thinking about that last day that he and
MaryAnn had been together. Adam had
wanted to make love to MaryAnn but she had stopped both of them at the last
minute. He remembered so clearly her
telling him that she wasn’t strong enough yet but that she would love him for
all of her life and, although she would not marry him, she would find a way to
never leave him completely.
As he neared the lake, he veered off a
little to the north and guided Sport through the large boulders to the small
cove where he and MaryAnn had last parted.
Adam felt both a mixture of anticipation at again seeing MaryAnn and a
feeling of apprehension. What if she had
changed and she only thought she loved him?
Adam rounded the last boulder and saw
MaryAnn standing at the water’s edge.
Her light-colored red hair had grown longer and it now reached well
below her shoulders. She was wearing
women’s riding clothes instead of the old jeans and shirt that Adam was
accustomed to seeing her wear. She was
very slender but didn’t seem quite as angular as he remembered. His eyes traveled over her body and once
again he found himself thinking, God, she sure is long. Another thought quickly followed, I have
to have her.
MaryAnn turned when she heard Adam ride
up. She walked over to greet him as he
dismounted.
“Welcome home,” she said softly as she
touched his sleeve. “I see you
remembered about the black clothes and…the buttons.” She tried to stop her glance from drifting to
his shirtfront but wasn’t entirely successful.
Adam placed his hands lightly on her
shoulders, leaned forward to place his lips close to her ear, and said
softly. “It’s been a long four
years.” He let his fingers slip through
her long, straight and shiny hair.
“Adam, let’s…let’s sit down and talk. I have a picnic lunch if you’re hungry.”
“I’m not that kind of hungry,” Adam said
huskily.
“I…I think we need to talk. Four years is a long time. Uh…tell me about college.”
“MaryAnn, we have a lifetime for me to tell
you about college. All right. All right.
But first you have to tell me what you’ve been doing in San Francisco.”
“Well, we have a lifetime for that also but
I’ll fill you in a bit. I moved there
two years ago. You remember Aunt Jane,
my father’s maiden sister who used to come stay with us almost every
summer? Well, she passed away and left a
little money for Lizzie and for me. She
always seemed so poor and always dressed as if she didn’t have a dime to her
name so it came as a real shock to find out she left some money for me in her
will. Can you imagine that? Adam, I miss her so much. You remember how nice she was, don’t you?”
“MaryAnn, of course I remember Aunt
Jane. She was always very nice to
me. Even when you and I were in trouble
with your pa, she always tried to intervene on our behalf. Do you remember her doing that?”
MaryAnn chuckled. “I do.
It never worked but she always tried.
We have to give her credit for that.
Not many people would go up against my pa when he’s angry.”
Adam laughed in memory. “Are you thinking about the time we threw all
of that mud at Lizzie? Sorry, MaryAnn,
but I never liked your sister and that memory has made me chuckle over the
years.”
MaryAnn grinned. “You don’t have to apologize, Adam. I feel the same way about Lizzie. For some reason, she always tried to make my
life more difficult than it had to be.”
“Well, we did throw mud all over
her.”
“Well, we did but I don’t think that’s the
reason. I have just about decided that
in this life there are some people who think their whole goal in life is to
make someone else’s life less enjoyable.
They never even look at their own lives at all.”
“How did we ever get on the subject of your
sister? Onward, tell me about San
Francisco.”
“Well, Adam, I used the money that Aunt
Jane left me and I’ve been investing it in real estate. I took one long look at that gorgeous ocean
coastline in San Francisco and decided that all of those new people coming to
that area would also realize the beauty of the property there. So, that’s what I do…I buy property, hold it
for a while, then sell it at a profit.”
“That’s great, MaryAnn. So, when are you going to move back here and
marry me?”
The light went out in MaryAnn’s eyes and
she quickly looked down at the ground.
“Please, Adam. Don’t ask me that
any more. It just makes things harder.”
“MaryAnn, do you…still love me?”
“I do, Adam.”
There was a brief pause as MaryAnn seemed
to be thinking and choosing her next words.
“Adam, I hope…I hope you’re not expecting me not to love you
because, if you are, you’re out of luck.
I wouldn’t know how not to love you.
But, please, don’t ask me to marry you any more.”
“Why?”
“Let’s talk about something else.”
“MaryAnn, you know that I love you, don’t
you?”
“Yes, I…I do know that. It just doesn’t…change anything.”
“Why?” Adam demanded, getting a little
heated.
MaryAnn thought to herself, If I tell
you Adam, you will just tell me that you don’t have to have children. I know you.
You will make it not matter to you.
But you don’t understand that it is important to me that you have
children. It matters so much to me!
“Why are we arguing? Please, Adam.
I won’t marry you but I...I don’t have to give you up.”
“Well, how is that going to work? What are you saying, that we just…just sleep
together?”
MaryAnn slowly raised her eyes to meet his,
“Yes.”
Adam practically exploded. “Well, great, that will do wonders for my
reputation. In spite of what you might
think, I don’t want to be known as the stud of the Ponderosa! And you know where your reputation will be,
don’t you?”
“Well, I didn’t think we had to tell
anyone.”
“MaryAnn!”
“Adam, it can’t be helped. Not everyone’s…situation fits into the nice
little cubbyholes of…of society-dictated morality. People have to do some thinking, too.”
“Well, I’m not going to do that to you.”
MaryAnn was quiet as she turned to look
toward the lake. After a long time, she
turned again to Adam sitting beside her and said quietly, “I love you, Adam
Cartwright, but I won’t change my mind.”
Adam was silent for a long time. After awhile, he found himself watching her
as she watched the water lap at the shore.
Good Lord, the girl had indeed developed some interesting curves on that
long, slender body of hers.
Adam’s eyes climbed to the gentle features
of her face and he found himself losing his resolve completely when she turned
again to look at him. He looked into her
questioning eyes and felt like he had just tumbled into the depths of the
kindest, sweetest, most passionate soul on this living earth.
They reached for each other at the same
time. A small sliver of sanity broke
through Adam’s sense of urgency, and he stopped long enough to hold MaryAnn at
arm's length.
“Wait, MaryAnn. I want you to know that if you get preg…if
you get in the family way, I want you to know that I will marry
you. Please never think otherwise.”
“I know, Adam. But I won’t get pregnant. It’s okay.”
“Wait.
If you won’t agree to marry me, there are some…some choices available
now to prevent…conception. I learned
about some things to use while I was at college. I brought one with me today…just in case we
decided…you know, we decided to…”
“I won’t get pregnant, Adam.”
Adam didn’t even hear her as he rushed on,
“It’s called a French Preventative and it’s for men to use. Here…here’s what it looks like.”
MaryAnn looked down at what he was
holding. Her eyes widened and she softly
said, “They teach this in class?”
Adam was startled by her innocence and, in
spite of himself, a grin started at the corners of his mouth. “Uh…no…they don’t teach this in class.” And don’t ask me any more questions.
“Oh.
Well, we don’t have…to use anything, Adam. I…I won’t get pregnant.”
A quick thought ran through Adam’s mind. I wouldn’t mind if you got pregnant at all,
MaryAnn. If you did, you would
practically have to marry me. I wouldn’t
mind that at all.
As Adam continued to search MaryAnn’s eyes,
he watched her gaze slide slowly from his mouth down to his shirtfront, and
then watched it gently drift back up again to his mouth and finally come to
rest on his eyes.
“Adam, would you just…not move for a minute
and…and not say anything? Please?
Adam knew what was coming and he felt his
heartbeat suddenly accelerate. MaryAnn
lightly tugged the front of his already unbuttoned shirtfront slightly to one
side and softly touched her lips to the little hollow just above his
collarbone. Adam felt a much lower part
of his body suddenly respond to that small touch and he drew in a sharp breath.
Good Lord, he wanted her. He had waited so long to feel that long,
naked body of hers held tightly against his own.
He reached out and pulled her to him. She seemed hesitate but not unwilling. He leaned his body into hers and they both
tumbled the rest of the way backward to the ground. He swung one long leg over hers, grabbed both
of her wrists, and held her arms outstretched on the ground above their heads.
A feeling of déjà vu came over MaryAnn as
she saw the same devilish look come into his eyes that she had first seen four
years ago. She had never done anything
like what she was about to do, but she wasn’t afraid of Adam. The thought occurred to her that she wasn’t
sure if she would ever trust anybody but Adam.
Just as Adam bent his head towards
MaryAnn’s, he heard the same hesitant but forever curious MaryAnn quietly say
in his ear, “So tell me…uh…have you ever done this before?”
“Shut up, MaryAnn,” Adam said softly as his
parted mouth settled on hers.
Later, nestled in each other’s arms,
MaryAnn thought to herself that the word ‘primal’ was a fairly accurate
description. As MaryAnn stirred
slightly, she heard Adam say softly in her ear, “Uh…sorry, MaryAnn. I guess I got…I got a little ahead of
myself.”
What does that mean? MaryAnn thought.
Later
That Summer, 1852
For the rest of that summer, Adam and
MaryAnn met privately at the lake as often as Adam’s workload would allow. They also went to a couple of barn dances and
a church picnic in town together. People
naturally started to think of them as a couple.
MaryAnn expected that notion to soon be dispelled as she quietly went
about making arrangements to return to San Francisco.
Ben was pleased that Adam was so obviously
happy after his return from college. His
eldest son had always been a hard worker and Adam was once again taking on many
responsibilities of the ranch. For this,
Ben was extremely grateful.
But Ben Cartwright had a problem. He had begun to suspect that Adam was
spending private time with MaryAnn and he decided that he needed to confront
his eldest son about it. Adam was a
grown man but Ben did not think that Adam fully appreciated the fact that Hoss
and Little Joe were still young and impressionable.
There had been a couple of times when Ben
had seen Adam riding back to the house from the direction of the lake rather
than from where he had been working earlier in the day. One time, Ben saw MaryAnn racing her horse
from the direction of the lake towards her home. In addition, Adam consistently sidestepped
Hoss’s request to partner with Adam on getting a chore done. Hoss was big and strong and didn’t understand
why Adam didn’t seem to welcome his help.
And there was Little Joe. Adam had gone fishing with Little Joe a
couple of times but would cut Little Joe short if Little Joe suggested he be
allowed to come riding with Adam. Adam
was a kind person and Ben suspected that Adam was just so wrapped up with his
own thoughts that he didn’t fully realize that his actions were hurting his two
younger brothers.
Late one afternoon when Hoss and Little Joe
were in the house, Ben pulled Adam aside in the barn and told him he wanted to
speak to him alone. As soon as Ben mentioned
that he believed Adam was privately meeting with MaryAnn, Adam exploded and
didn’t give Ben a chance to finish his sentence.
“Pa, I’m 22 years old! I don’t have to explain anything.” Adam started to walk away.
Ben reached out, placed an iron grip on
Adam’s upper arm and jerked his son around to face him. In the eons-old tradition of one larger man
imposing his will on another, Ben unconsciously stepped in close to Adam, ready
to use his height and weight advantage if needed to support his next words. “You may be 22 years old, but you will answer
me when I talk to you and you will do it in a respectful manner.”
Adam tried to pull away from Ben but was
unsuccessful. At 22, he was still not a
physical match for his father but, more importantly, Adam knew he could never
bring himself to fight this man who he had loved and respected all of his
life. His pa not only demanded respect
from his sons but he had earned that respect in countless ways over the years.
Adam felt a quick surge of shame for himself. He stopped struggling and lowered his
eyes. “Sorry, Pa.”
Ben relaxed his grip on Adam’s arm but
didn’t let go. He put his other hand on
Adam’s back and walked him toward a couple of wooden crates at one end of the
barn. “Sit. There’s something you need to get straight.”
Ben let go of Adam as they both sat
down. Adam started to say something, but
Ben held up his hand to silence him. Ben
looked into Adam’s eyes and his voice was hard and unyielding.
“Adam, in the future, I want you to understand
that you do have to explain yourself to me. It has nothing to do with you being 22 years
old. It has to do with you setting a
good example for your two younger brothers.
I still have Hoss and Little Joe to raise and I won’t tolerate a
disrespectful attitude from any of the three of you. Is that clear?”
“Yes…sir.
I didn’t…mean to be disrespectful to you, Pa. I understand about Hoss and Little Joe. Hel…heck, I demand respect from both of them
toward me too so I do understand.
I’m sorry. It’s just that some
parts of my life are private. I know you
won’t approve of what I’m doing and that knowledge is…is hard on me. Please, Pa, don’t ever say anything to me
against MaryAnn.”
“Son, you know how much I have always liked
MaryAnn so that isn’t likely to happen.
Now, I am going to ask you something that really isn’t my
business so it’s all right with me if you don’t want to talk to me about
it. Adam, you seem to love MaryAnn, why
don’t you ask her to marry you? We could
build a house for the two of you right here on the Ponderosa.”
Adam suddenly dropped his head forward as a
sense of profound frustration flooded over him.
“Pa, I do love her but she…she won’t marry
me.”
“What!
Why? Her love for you shows in
her eyes whenever she looks at you.”
“She won’t tell me, Pa. I don’t know why. I just know that she won’t. I do know that she loves me. I will never give her up, Pa, so…please don’t
judge her…or me.”
“I see.
I’m sorry, son. Well, I’m not
happy about this situation but I won’t bring it up again unless you want to
talk to me about it. I’ll leave that up
to you. I’m always here to listen.”
“Thanks, Pa. And I’m sorry I was disrespectful. I’ll be more careful around Hoss and Little
Joe, too.”
A small twinkle appeared in Adam’s
eyes. “Do you suppose you and I will
ever get Hoss and Little Joe raised?”
“Lord willing and the creek don’t rise,
son. Lord willing.”
MaryAnn left the following week to return
to San Francisco with the promise that she would return for a visit in July of
the following summer. Adam thought about
Christmas without MaryAnn and knew he would be lonely, but he knew that travel
to and from San Francisco was near impossible in the winter.
Ten
Years Later (1862)
Every year for the past ten years, MaryAnn
had returned to Virginia City to visit with her family and to be with Adam for
two to three weeks each July.
Adam was now 32 years old, Hoss was 26, and
Little Joe was 20. Not much else had
changed.
Adam looked forward to MaryAnn’s return
each year with barely concealed eagerness.
MaryAnn, on the other hand, was beginning to despair. What good did it do her not to marry
Adam if he wasn’t going to marry someone else and have children? God, the best laid plans of mice and men,
she thought.
In fairness to Adam, he didn’t know that
MaryAnn couldn’t have children and that she needed him to marry someone else so
he could have children. He still
harbored hopes of her changing her mind someday about marrying him.
Now, Adam didn’t sit at home and pine for
MaryAnn on a continual basis. Above all
else, Adam was a passionate man and he had a lot of living to get done. And, in spite of his earlier declaration to
the contrary, he had indeed developed a bit of a reputation as a man
who…who…well, as delicately as can be said, he was a man who did the Ponderosa
proud. He was a tall, well-built,
handsome man and it wasn’t his fault if women turned to look back as he passed
on the boardwalks of Virginia City.
Adam was a man who saw strength, courage,
and beauty in the human race and he openly admired any woman who was pleasing
to his mind. He often found himself
glancing back whenever a particularly interesting-looking woman passed him on
the boardwalk. It was always a charming
moment when they both happened to glance back at the same time. Adam would do a quick turnaround, retrace his
steps, touch his hand to his hat, and introduce himself. A more self-assured, unfailingly polite and
mannerly man never existed.
But he dropped all other plans when MaryAnn
was home every July.
Adam had plans to take MaryAnn to the dance
on Saturday night and it was a good thing he had already asked her. Otherwise, he might have had to tell a small
lie to Bessie Sue Hightower, Hoss’s potential love interest.
A few days earlier, after some good-natured
teasing from both Adam and Little Joe about Hoss going to see Bessie Sue
instead of that new bull her father had recently acquired, Hoss blushed and
rode off in the direction of Bessie Sue’s house. When Hoss hadn’t returned the following
morning, Adam and Little Joe set off for Bessie Sue’s to locate him. Adam and Joe couldn’t help but entertain some
private hopes that their romance-shy middle brother had not made it through the
night with his purity entirely intact.
As it turned out, for a reason that had
nothing to do with Bessie Sue, Hoss hadn’t even made it to her house. Bessie Sue hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Hoss
and Bessie Sue was in a high huff because Hoss and she were supposed to have
been making plans for the coming dance.
Whenever Bessie Sue got herself into a huff, it was a wise man who paid
attention. She was as tall as Adam and
built stout enough to toss heavy wood posts around like matchsticks without
even breaking into a glow.
As Adam and Joe talked to Bessie Sue that
day, she got it in her mind that she would just go to the dance with someone
else and to hell with Hoss. She turned
an inquisitive stare at Little Joe.
Although Little Joe was all grown up, he was still downright scared of
Bessie Sue. His eyes got bigger and
bigger and even his forehead twitched in an effort to release some of his
tension. He finally managed to squeak
out that he was taking Jennie to the dance and this immediately let him off the
hook.
Bessie Sue barely acknowledged Little Joe’s
response before her eyes slid sideways to land on Adam. Now Adam, being a tall, well-built man of
considerable strength, had nothing to worry about from Bessie Sue, at least not
physically. He did, however, want to
maintain his manners with her because Hoss was sweet on her. He firmly stated “MaryAnn” in answer to her
unspoken query as to his availability for the dance.
Unfailingly polite, Adam kissed the back of
Bessie Sue’s hand and cautiously backed away toward his horse. Little Joe watched wide-eyed and with a look
of horror as Adam kissed her hand. He
couldn’t even begin to extend his own manners that far and couldn’t understand
why Adam had. Little Joe did an awkward
flap of his arm toward Bessie Sue that somewhat resembled a wave and he also
ducked gratefully away to his horse.
A few days later, while the three
Cartwright boys were riding out to do some branding, Adam turned to Hoss.
“You know, Hoss, that Bessie Sue is really
sweet on you. She even had it in her
mind to use Joe and me to make you jealous when we came looking for you the
other day. Now, a gal that thinks that
much of a fella deserves some consideration.
She would make you a real good wife.”
Hoss looked at Adam with alarm written all
over his face. “Hey, knock it off. I don’t have no hankerin’ to settle down
yet. If you want to talk marriage, why
ain’t you and MaryAnn gettin’ hitched?
You two been goin’ together since forever.”
Little Joe piped up, “Yeah, Adam, I’ve been
wonderin’ that same thing.”
“All right, you two. We were taking about Bessie Sue.”
Little Joe grinned, “Yes, we were. But let’s talk about MaryAnn now.”
“Yeah, I agree with Joe. Let’s talk about you and MaryAnn gettin’
hitched,” said Hoss with an agreeable grin.
“What’s wrong with ya, anyhow? I
can’t figure why ya want ta prowl around like a lobo wolf all year long when ya
could marry MaryAnn.”
Before Adam had a chance to respond, Joe
piped up with a grin. “I’ve been doin’
some thinkin’, Adam. Maybe the
Cartwright Curse is all because you won’t get married. Maybe there’s somethin’ in the stars that
says you have to marry before Hoss and I can get married.”
“Yep, I agree with Joe. It’s all your fault, Adam,” Hoss laughed.
Joe continued, “Lord knows I’ve already
done my fair share of falling in love and I’m only 20 years old. Why, when you take all of the girls that the
three of us have dated, it’s a cryin’ shame.
What is going on? We’ve had
all of these wimmin in our lives and not one of the three of us seems able to
keep ‘em in the corral long enough to marry one.”
Adam didn’t respond but slowly allowed his
horse to come to a stop. Hoss and Little
Joe did the same and looked back at Adam.
The grins died on Hoss and Joe’s faces when
they saw their oldest brother just sitting in his saddle, looking as lonely as
he looked sometimes in winter when he didn’t know that his family wasn’t fooled
by the open book he held in front of him.
A quiet look passed between Hoss and Little
Joe. Hoss nudged Chubb forward and
called back to both brothers, “C’mon, you two.
At the pace we’re goin’, we’re gonna be branding steers at 2 in the
mornin’!”
The following week, Adam and MaryAnn were
once again at their small cove at the lake.
They both had been swimming in the nude, as was their wont, and both had
spent considerable time practicing their diving from a large boulder that
jutted into the water. MaryAnn had
finally left the water and was now watching Adam dive alone. As he climbed back up on the boulder after
each dive, MaryAnn watched the water stream down the long, clean lines of his
body and she unconsciously held her breath as she watched him throw his head
back to fling off droplets of water from his dark, curly hair.
Good Lord, he looks like a hero
conquering all of the elements of nature around him, she thought.
MaryAnn was not unlike Adam in many
respects. She was a woman who valued the
strength, beauty, and goodness of the human race and she enjoyed watching this
man that she loved stand so tall, so straight, so naked, and so fiercely proud
against the backdrop of the lake. Pride
was a virtue to Adam and to MaryAnn and, in their sunlit cove at the lake, they
reveled in the pure joy of being alive.
After swimming and lazily sunning
themselves on the blanket, MaryAnn leaned up on her elbows and looked down into
Adam’s face. “You awake?”
“I am now.”
“Well, stay awake. I want to ask you something. Actually, two things. Would you be able to come to San Francisco
next July instead of me coming back to Virginia City?”
“Well, I guess I could arrange for Pa to
hire some extra help to fill in for me for a few weeks or maybe a month. What’s the other thing?”
“There’s something special I want to ask
you to do for me during the long winter months here at the Ponderosa. Adam, please think carefully and don’t just
say no outright. You know I’ve done well
in San Francisco. I…I want to build my
own house on that piece of beach property that I wrote to you about.”
“Yeah.
Go on. Where do I come in?”
“Adam, would you design the house for
me? Wait. Wait.
I’ll tell you why. I think of you
all year here on the Ponderosa and I wondered if you would design a small
Ponderosa for me. Exactly like your
house here except with an open view toward the back of the house to see the
ocean. If…if I had a house like yours,
it would seem more like you were with me all year long.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to marry me?”
Suddenly and without warning, MaryAnn
started to cry. Adam immediately sat
up. “Good Lord, what caused this?”
“Oh, Adam.
Aren’t you ever going to get married?”
“You won’t marry me!!”
“Damn it, Adam, I mean to someone else!”
“You take care of your life and I’ll take
care of mine.” Adam said somewhat
petulantly. “Besides, MaryAnn, I don’t
notice you rushing off to get married either.”
“Sometimes I think that’s what I need to do
in order to get you to give up on me.”
“MaryAnn, you’ve told me that you would
never leave me completely. I feel the
same way about you. How the hell
is that going to work if I marry someone else?"
“Adam.
Listen carefully. I…I made a
mistake. I have spent so much time
arguing with you over the years about not marrying you that I think I
should have just told you the truth in the beginning. Maybe you will understand after all.”
“So now you’re finally going to tell
me why you won’t marry me?” Adam asked in surprise. Then he shot a furious look at her. “You better not tell me you don’t love me.”
“Adam, I can’t…have children. There, I’ve said it.”
“Oh.
You can’t…can’t have children?
Well, so you can’t…have children.”
Adam was quiet for a few minutes, then he suddenly jumped to his feet. “Damn you, MaryAnn, you better not tell me that’s
the reason why you wouldn’t marry me all of these years! You better not tell me that!”
Adam wouldn’t sit back down so MaryAnn rose
to stand also.
“Adam, please listen. I can’t give you children but another woman
can. I love you so much…I need you
to have children. Don’t you
understand? It’s me who needs to
know that the sons and daughters of Adam Cartwright exist. And I need for you to know your sons and
daughters. This is my need.”
“That doesn’t make sense! If you love me that much, how could you give
me up to another woman? Answer me!”
“I thought…I thought I could achieve both
of the things I needed. I tried to think
of a way where you could have children and where I didn’t have to ever be
completely out of your life.”
“Fine.
Enlighten me as to how that was supposed to work,” Adam said
sarcastically.
“Well…I made a mistake, Adam. I can only direct my own life. I can’t direct yours."
“Enlighten me!”
“You’re towering again. Back off a little.”
MaryAnn took a deep breath. “I guess there…there are two parts. The first part was something that I felt I
could direct and make possible. I…I
wanted you to marry someone else so you could have children. All I had to do was get out of the way. I love you so much, Adam, that I was willing
to risk losing you just so the traits of Adam Cartwright could live on in
another human being. And I wanted you to
have the same delight that I saw on your face when we were younger and Little
Joe would run into your arms for comfort.
These are the things I wanted for me.”
MaryAnn struggled to go on, “This next part
is the part I’ve never had any…control over.
I wanted…I wanted you to remain in my life. I guess I was hoping you would find a woman
who wouldn’t insist that you give me up.
So, what does that make me…insane?”
MaryAnn suddenly shot a glare at Adam. “Adam Cartwright, whatever you say right now,
you better never tell me that it doesn’t matter to you about having
children. It matters to you and it
matters to me.”
Adam was stunned. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this
earlier? I could have married lots of
women who would dearly love to have children.
It wouldn’t have mattered which woman!
There, problem solved! Case
closed!”
“Adam, you aren’t that way and I don’t want
you to be that way. I didn’t want you to
marry just any woman. I wanted
you to love your wife and I wanted her to love you. I guess I just wanted her to love you so much
that she might understand that…that you and I have loved each other for so
long. I don’t know why that seems so
sane to me but it does.”
MaryAnn looked quietly into Adam’s
eyes. “Adam, the world can think of me
whatever it will but I have never experienced anything but pride that I love
you, pride that you are the kind of man that you are, and pride that you and I
both are able to clearly see in each other the highest ideals of mankind.”
“I love you, Cartwright, and I’ve always
told you that I would find a way to never be completely out of your life. Well, there are two things I want out
of this life. I want you in my life and
I want you to have children. And I’m not
getting what I want. It didn’t do any
good for me to move away from you if you won’t let yourself fall in love with
someone, get married, and start having babies.
Good Lord, Adam, if I had known that you were going to get stubborn on
me and not have a family, then I could just as well have married you myself!”
MaryAnn felt drained but she would not
allow herself to appear defeated in front of Adam.
“Adam, I…I don’t know what else to
say. I’m probably the only person on
this round earth who thinks there is a sane solution to this dilemma but, in
any case, this is something I can’t do alone.
Sorry, Cartwright, but you’re just going to have to work a little harder
at falling in love with another woman.
And, no, I won’t marry you.”
She stood defiant, her body straight, her
head thrown back, and her eyes flashing.
Adam stepped to her side with traces of
anger still on his face. Traces of anger
blended with an overpowering love. He
entwined his long fingers in MaryAnn’s hair, placed one long leg behind one of
hers, tripped her and let his body drive hers backward to the blanket on the
ground.
“What are you do—?”
“Quiet, MaryAnn,” he said in a hoarse voice,
“I have something I need to do right now.”
Later, they lay quietly together for a long
time. He lay curled behind her with one
arm tucked beneath her neck and his other arm encircling her waist. He leaned slightly forward and whispered
quietly in her ear.
“MaryAnn, I’ll design a Ponderosa for us,
you have it built in…in San Francisco, and we’ll both live in it when I
come to stay with you every July for the rest of our lives.”
Adam felt a quiet shudder pass through
MaryAnn’s body. He felt a warm dampness
on his arm beneath her neck and he knew that her tears were tears of hope for
both of them.
Adam’s arms tightened around her and he
drew her closer.
“MaryAnn, I love you so much and I have
loved you for so long that it isn’t possible for me not to have you in my
life. The two of us will find a
way.”
(Sung by Pernell
Roberts)
The birds sing out
and the grass is growing high.
The field warms in
the sun.
Spring’s coming on
and the ice melts down
as it runs through
the streams to the sea
far away, MaryAnn.
Now the grass
growing high and the singing of the birds
might charm the
hearts of some.
But all I feel is
the cold spring rain
that says my love
has gone
far away, MaryAnn
When she was here,
my heart was bright and warm,
but now it grows so
cold.
A man needs the
love of a soft gentle girl.
Summer’s gone,
winter’s now coming on.
Hurry home,
MaryAnn.
Soon the grass will
die and the birds fly south
and the ground ring
hard as stone.
But her smile will
melt the ice in my heart
when I see my love
coming home,
on the hill,
MaryAnn
But her smile will
melt the ice in my heart
when I see my love
coming home,
on the hill,
MaryAnn, MaryAnn, MaryAnn.
References and Acknowledgements:
Adam’s
reference to use of a French Preventative comes from the book, I Do. Courtship, Love and Marriage on the American
Frontier by Cathy Luchetti, 1996, ISBN 0-517-88449-6, page 236. In other sources, this is sometimes referred
to as a “French Letter”.
MaryAnn’s
reference to “the best laid plans of mice and men” comes not from John
Steinbeck’s novel Of Mice and Men but from the poem To a
Mouse, On Turning up her Nest with a Plough, by Robert Burns (1759 –
1796).
The
reference to Adam telling Bessie Sue Hightower that he is taking MaryAnn to the
dance comes from the Bonanza episode Any Friend of Walters,
written by Lois Hire. So, you see,
MaryAnn was very much present in Adam’s life during the span of the TV
series.
The song
“MaryAnn” comes from the CD, Pernell Roberts Sings Come All Ye Fair.
End
of Part 3