All
Hallow’s Eve Capers
By
Deborah A. Demko
It
had been a wonderful birthday party for Little Joe that year. All the neighbors
and family friends had come over to celebrate Joe’s eighteenth birthday. Joe
had danced with every pretty young girl in the great room at the Ponderosa
ranch. Adam and Hoss managed to get their share of dances too, even though they
had promised their father that Joe would have first pick of any of the young
ladies to dance with. Ben stood on the sidelines watching his youngest son and
smiled with pride at how his son had grown.
Adam
wandered over to the table to get some punch for the lady he was dancing with
and noticed Joe’s friend Robert Villes was dancing with Melissa White. Was it
Adam’s imagination or did Robert seem a bit distracted?
Robert
was getting a bit tired of hearing Melissa constantly chattering away about how
well Joe could dance and how handsome and charming he appeared to be. As the
music continued playing a lively waltz, Robert was fed up with listening to
Melissa
sing Joe’s praises. Even though they had been friends since boyhood, Robert had
a tendency to get slightly jealous over how all the girls seemed to flock
towards the youngest Cartwright.
The
waltz finally finished and Robert escorted Melissa for some refreshment. As he
handed the crystal cup to his dance partner, Joe wandered over to get some punch
as well.
“Great
dance isn’t it Robert?” asked Joe.
“I
sure have seen a lot of them here abouts, but I must say I never saw one quite
like this,” replied Robert. “Say, how do
you feel about having been born on All Hallow’s Eve?”
“All
Hallow’s Eve?” asked Joe. “What is that?”
“Well
it’s an old pagan thing going back centuries,” started Robert. “My Pa used to tell me stories about it when
I was a kid. Supposed to be the night of
mischief when ghosts, witches and demons would come out and cause all sorts of
trouble for all the good folks.”
“Ghosts
and witches”, sneered Joe. “Who believes
in those things?”
“Lots
of folks. Believe it or not,” answered back Robert. “But here’s the best part.”
Robert
paused and glanced at the two young girls.
“Would
you ladies please excuse us? Wouldn’t want to frighten either of you with this
kinda talk.”
With
that, Robert took Joe’s arm and walked him over by the grandfather clock.
Joe
noticed it was almost
“So
what’s this All Hallow’s Eve that you want to talk about?” Joe asked.
He
thought his friend was pulling his leg with all this talk because Robert didn’t
get a chance to dance with Alice Brown who he was sweet on.
Robert
looked around to make sure that no one else was close enough in the vicinity to
overhear. Satisfied that they were
alone, Robert began whispering to Little Joe.
“My
Pa says that to have good luck for the rest of the coming year, you gotta do
something so the demons will think that you are one of them. Then they leave you alone.”
Joe
looked at Robert as if this was an even a bigger fish story than the one Hoss
told last spring. Joe’s face twisted
into a grinning smirk as his hazel eyes sparkled with amusement.
“Oh
come on Robert,” started Joe. “Do you really
expect me to believe this?”
Robert
scratched the stubble of his chin contemplating how to get Joe to go along with
a little prank he wanted to play. It
would take at least two of them. Course it would be even better if Joe could
talk Hoss into joining them. He had been
planning this for a long time since Farmer Gortelson got him in trouble. All
that fuss over a few bushels of grapes. It wasn’t like old man Gortelson didn’t
have plenty on that farm of his.
Robert
had planned on taking the grapes and making his own homemade hooch. It sure
would be cheaper than buying that crummy beer in the saloon. Or better still
sell it back to one of the saloons in town.
He
never did tell Joe the real reason he landed in Roy Coffee’s jail for those few
days was due to those stolen grapes.
Robert had sworn that he would come up with some scheme to get even but
he needed help if he was gonna pull it off.
“Ah
shucks Joe, you aren’t any fun anymore,” whined Robert. “It’s kinda like April Fools Day.”
“April
Fools Day?” Joe was even more confused now.
“Yeah.
Remember how we used to pull harmless little pranks and then say April
Fools? It was a lot of fun and no one
ever got hurt by it,” continued Robert. “Some folks even got a good chortle out
of it.”
“Yeah,
well I still don’t understand what this has to do with All Hallow’s Eve.” Joe
stood there and crossed his arms across his chest wondering what the point of
this whole topic of discussion really was.
“My
pa says that when he was younger, he and his friend used to play harmless
pranks on the neighbors and such on All Hallow’s Eve. It’s kinda like a
tradition.” Robert was trying his best to sound convincing. Joe still looked like he didn’t want any part
of this.
“Don’t
you think we are getting just a bit old for these kinds of games Robert?” asked
Joe. “I mean it’s not like we are little
kids anymore.”
“Just
cause you grow up some doesn’t mean you have to stop having fun!” pointed out
Robert. “My pa told me lots of stories
about grown, married men who would go out on All Hallow’s Eve and do things
like leave scary painted pumpkins on folks’ porch. Then they would knock on the
door and then go hide to see the expression on the people’s face. All good,
clean harmless fun.”
“Well,
what did you have in mind?” quizzed Joe.
“I
got this neat game we can play on one of the locals. It’ll be a load of laughs
and I promise ya, ain’t no one gonna get hurt,” began Robert. “Course it would be a lot easier iffen we
could get some help from your brother Hoss.”
“And
just how do you expect me to get out of the house this late? Pa would tan my hide but good…birthday or
no.”
“All
you have to do is agree to take one of the girls home and then on the way back,
I’ll meet you by the side of the road. It won’t take long at all.” Robert was
pulling out all the stops now to get Joe to join him in this prank.
“Weellll,”
drawled out Joe. “It might be fun at that. Now you’re sure no one is gonna get
hurt or nothin’.”
“Ya
got my word on it Joe. Now how’s about you see if you can’t get Hoss to join in
the fun?”
Joe
walked over where Hoss was helping himself to his fifth piece of cake. He
glanced around the big room. Pa was over talking to the banker while Ann Ritan
was holding Adam’s attention.
“Psstt,
Hoss.” Joe hissed towards his brother.
Hoss
still chewing away turned to look at his brother. “Some party, huh little
brother?”
“Yeah,
yeah.” Joe replied. “Say how’s about a little ole harmless Halloween fun? Just
for old times sakes?”
“What
kinda fun Joe?”
“Oh
nothing much. Just a little harmless prank is all. You and me will each take
one of the girls home and then meet by the fork in the road coming back to the
Ponderosa.”
“Whatcha
got in mind little bro? Nuthin that ain’t gonna git no one hurt none is it?”
“Nah.
Quit your worrying older brother. This is me, remember?” Joe arched his
eyebrows and looked at his brother with fun sparkling in those hazel eyes.
“Yeah.
As I know aallll too well.”
“Look,
we do this right and Pa will never find out and we’ll have a little fun. Come on Hoss.”
Hoss
went to shove another forkful of cake into his mouth only to have his younger
brother pull his arm down and whisper in his ear.
“Whadda
ya say Hoss?”
Hoss
began making some faces at his brother like he wasn’t quite sure whether or not
this might lead into trouble with their
“Well,”
drawled out Hoss. “Reckon I best come
along to keep you out of too much trouble.”
Joe
grinned a big devilish grin. “Thanks
Hoss, I knew I could count on you.”
The
big clock struck
“Well
Joe, that was some birthday party wasn’t it?”
Ben asked his youngest.
“Sure
was Pa, thanks. Now if you don’t mind, I
think I better make sure that Melissa gets home safely.”
“Good
idea son.”
“Hey
Pa,” called out Hoss. “Miss Becky here
wants me to take her home on accounta it being so late.”
“That’s
fine son, now you boys take care of the girls and hurry back home.”
“We
will Pa,” said both boys in unison.
The
girls had their wraps on already and with Joe escorting Melissa and Hoss
walking out with Becky, they made their way to the buggies. After helping the girls in, the boys got
their horses from the barn and tied them onto the back of each buggy.
“
“Bye
boys!”
“Bye
Hoss, Joe” called out Adam.
The
two buggies pulled away from the big ranch house. Ben put his hand on Adam’s shoulder and
looked into the eyes of his first born, “sure was a good birthday party for
your brother, eh Adam?”
“Yep,
I especially think he liked all that dancing with so many pretty girls.” A chuckle escaped from Adam as his eyes began
to twinkle.
His
father joined in the laugh. “I think
you’re right son. Now let’s get to
bed. We’ll clean up in the morning.” With that the two went into the house to
retire for the night.
Later
on, after both the girls had been escorted home, Hoss was anxiously awaiting
the arrival of his younger brother near the road where he had been told to
wait.
“Dad
burn it!” he blurted out in disgust. “If
this is a prank, Joe is apullin on me, he’s gotta git it.”
A
few minutes later, Hoss hears the galloping hooves of a horse approaching.
Turning towards the sound, he notes a black and white pinto silhouetted in the
moonlight racing towards him. Joe pulls
up Cochise rather sharply just past Hoss.
“Joe!
How many times I gotta tell ya! Don’t
treat that thar horse like that! T’ain’t
good for him ta have ya pullin’ on his mouth like thet!”
Joe
jumped off Cochise and walked over to his brother. “Now Hoss, you know how much I love ole Cooch
here. I wouldn’t harm him for the
world.”
“Meybe
so, but I don’t like to see ya ride so dang hard and fast is all. Or are you forgettin when you got them
cracked ribs last spring after ya fell off?”
“I
didn’t forget. Sides…Hey here comes Robert!” Joe waved to his friend.
“Hey
over here!”
“Robert?”
asked Hoss. “Whut in tarnation is he doin’ here?”
“Oh,
didn’t I tell ya Hoss,” began Joe with that puppy dog innocent look. “Robert’s
the one who got this great idea.”
“Doggone
it. I jest knew it. I JEST knew it,” hissed Hoss.
“Ah,
quite your worryin. I swear since you gain a couple of years, you’re startin to
not be fun anymore.”
“Howdy
boys. All set for a little harmless fun?” asked Robert.
“I
sure am, but we ain’t got much time before we gotta hightail back home so’s Pa
won’t suspect nuthin.”
“Don’t
worry Joe, we’ll be back in plenty of time.” Robert had to reassure Joe if this
scheme was gonna work.
“Let’s
head over to Farmer Gortelson’s. I got me a real good one to do.” With that Robert turned his horse in the
direction of Farmer Gortelson’s and calling back, “you boys coming?”
“Sure
are,” called out Joe as he mounted Cochise.
“Come on Hoss, times awastin.”
Hoss
mounted up and began following the two.
The
three pranksters headed towards the back of the farmhouse.
“Now
here is what we is gonna do,” began Robert.
“My pa dun told me a favorite All Hallow’s prank was to take someone’s
outhouse and put it up on top of their barn. Should be easy with your brother
Hoss. We can just lift that outbuilding
off its foundation, carry it over to the barn.
I already got a block and tackle hooked up in that big ole pine tree
there. Once we get it aloft, Joe you
climb onto the top of the roof so’s we can position it just so.”
Joe
began a soft chuckle and gave a playful slap on his brother Hoss’ arm. “Oh man.
Mr. Gortelson is sure gonna be surprised if he is gonna make a trip out back in
the middle of the night.”
Hoss
scrunched up his face looking like he was beginning to be sorry he got mixed up
in all of this. Joe noticed and turned
towards him. In his most persuasive voice he began, “Oh see here Hoss, too late
to back out now. We came this far. Besides it’s only a harmless prank.”
Hoss
pulled his face even tighter into that “I dunno” look of his for which he was
so famous.
Robert
and Joe were already at the outhouse and wiggling it free. It wasn’t firmly
attached, as a lot of the nails were all rusty.
“Sssst,
Hoss,” whispered Joe. “Come here and give us a hand.”
Hoss
ambled over and the three freed the top part of the outhouse from its
foundation. Walking very gingerly, they made it to where Robert had the block
and tackle.
Robert
climbed onto the building while Joe handed him the hook to latch onto the top
of the outhouse. Neither Joe nor Hoss really questioned why there was already a
place for the hook on top of the outhouse.
That
done, the three threw their weight onto the line and the building began rising up.
Once it was even with the top of the barn, Robert had Hoss hold the rope while
he went to get the pole to push the building towards the barn.
Joe
had already scrambled up the ladder, so conveniently placed there earlier by
Robert, and crawled onto the barn roof.
With great deftness, Robert guided the outhouse towards Joe as Hoss
controlled the amount of rope to slowly let out.
Joe
managed to grab the building and between him and Robert on the pole got that
old outhouse square on top of the barn. Joe quickly scrambled down and hid the
ladder while the other two gathered up the block, tackle and rope. With great haste Robert placed the pole on
the outside of the barn, and the three beat it.
Next
morning found Ben having his morning coffee as breakfast was being brought out
by Hop Sing. Adam who began munching on a piece of toast while pouring his
coffee soon joined him.
A
loud knock at the door interrupted the beginnings of their breakfast. Hoss and Joe were coming down the stairs.
Ben
opened the door and found Sheriff Roy Coffee and a most agitated Farmer
Gortelson. Spying Hoss and Joe, Mr.
Gortelson pushed by the sheriff and
Ben
and started ranting and raving.
“There
they are! Two hooligans. That’s what you
two are!” His arms flying madly about as
he yelled at Hoss and Joe.
Adam
stood up from the table and faced Mr. Gortelson.
“Now
what’s this all about?” began Adam in his calm cool manner.
“That’s
what I’d like to know too,” replied Ben.
“I’ll
tell you what’s the matter! Good thing
it was a full moon last night er I might not have found out who dun it!” Mr. Gortelson was practically frothing at the
mouth now.
“What
happened last night to get you all upset?” asked Ben, wondering whether that
full moon might not have made Mr. Gortelson a little moonstruck.
“I
seen them. Yer sons there! Hoss and the little’un,” began Gortelson. “They dun
took my outhouse and hoisted it up top of my barn! Them two and one tuther
feller I couldn’t recognize.”
“Is
that so?” Ben turned to his boys and gave that real stern lecturing look.
“Either of you wanna explain this?”
Adam
had meandered over a little and had his hand over his mouth to stifle the
giggles that threatened to come any second.
Joe
and Hoss assumed a look of pure innocence and Joe smiled a very whimsical smile
and gave a weak chuckle.
“Well
ya see Pa, it was just a harmless little prank is all.” began Joe.
“HARMLESS!”
bellowed Ben. “Well, I never…” as he began sputtering being so
mad
he couldn’t even talk.
“Well
you two, since you seem to have a thing for outhouses, the first thing you are
gonna do is get that outhouse down off that barn!” Ben’s eyes were blazing with fire now as his
deep voice began ringing through the house.
“And
furthermore, you both will dig a new outhouse for Mr. Gortelson, fill in his
old one and build him a brand new outhouse building. Then you can do the same
here at the house and every single line shack we have on the entire PONDEROSA!”
Adam
had joined
“NOW! Both of you git! And don’t forget all the other chores you
gotta do around here!’
With
that Hoss and Joe took off full gallop out the front door.
Ben
turned to
“I
just don’t understand. You’d think that those two would steer clear of playing
games with outhouses with all the cow patties we gather around here!”
The
End
October
2003