Wherefore Aren’t Thou, Juliet?

By Kelli Marie

A Mitch Sotry

Mitch sighed and placed his head in his hands. He tried to force himself to listened to Miss Jones ramble on and on about 'The Globe' and the great playwright Shakespeare and his 'wonderful artistic ability', but it was dang near impossible. There was a reason this guy was dead, he thought sullenly, sighing again. He snuck a peak at his best bud Joe Cartwright. Joe had his book propped up so it appeared he was following along, but in reality he was almost asleep. His little head kept bobbing up and down. It was all Mitch could do not to laugh. Suddenly, Little Joe lost the battle and his head slammed against the desk with a loud thud. Little Joe yelled out like he had been shot. That did it. Mitch began to laugh. He was laughing so hard tears were running down his cheeks. He was still laughing as Miss Jones made her way to them her eyes flashing.

"Joseph Cartwright! What is the meaning of this?" She asked stopping at his desk, placing her hands on her hips. Mitch stopped laughing quickly. Miss Jones did not look happy.

Little Joe offered Miss Jones his most pitiful expression. "Gees I'm sorry, Miss Jones. I didn't mean to fall asleep in your class. My Pa has been working me so hard at the ranch”, he sighed dramatically. "It is such hard work and I guess I have been trying to keep up with my big brother Adam. You know how much I admire him, Miss Jones. I want to grow up to be just like him." Joe smiled up at her, "Don't you agree he is a very fine young man?"

Mitch rolled his eyes and tried not to smile. Little Joe was good. Miss Jones got a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Yes, Little Joe. He is, but I guarantee you *he* never fell asleep in class", she replied. Little Joe's smile faded, "And I am sure he always paid attention." she added turning towards Mitch. Mitch sighed.

"We was paying attention, ma'am." Little Joe spoke up.

"You were, huh? Alright, Little Joe why don't you tell the class what your favorite play by William Shakespeare is?" Miss Jones asked sarcastically.

"That's easy, ma'am" Little Joe replied frantically trying to come up with a title.

"It's ah that Romeo one." Mitch piped up.

"Yes, that's it!" Little Joe replied smiling gratefully at Mitch.

"Oh really?" Miss Jones said not believing the two for a second.

"Alright boys. I am glad to hear that, because that is the exact play we are going to be performing. And since you two love it so much you both will get to play the leading roles." The boys groaned as she smiled sweetly at them both and made her way to the front of the room.

"You mean one of them has to be Juliet?" Seth asked raising his hand. That sent everyone into a fit of giggles.

Mitch looked questionably at Little Joe and mouthed 'who is Juliet?' Little Joe shrugged.

"Of course not, Seth. A girl will play Juliet." she replied.

Mitch looked at Little Joe in panic.  'A girl? This was a love story?'

"Class it is time for recess. Little Joe and Mitch you may remain inside. I think you both should get a head start on reading Romeo and Juliet, don't you?"

"Yes ma'am" they chorused sitting back down.



"Mitch! Why did you pick that play of all plays?" Little Joe asked as they rode home.

"How was I to know it was a love story? 'Sides I got us out of trouble didn't I? We didn't have to stay after school!" Mitch replied.

"True, but a love story? Who do you suppose she will pick to play Juliet?" Little Joe asked scratching a bug bite on his neck.

"Worse which of us is going to be forced to play that Romeo fellow?" Mitch asked.

Little Joe moaned. "Why couldn't she of just kept us after school like she always does?"

"I don't know about your Pa, but mine wasn't too happy last time I was kept after. I aint itchin' to make him angry again. I would take a love story over a tanning any day." Mitch replied.

"I guess your right." Little Joe replied, "See you tomorrow. We still going fishing?"

"Yep. See ya later." Mitch replied clicking to his horse. "Bye" Little Joe replied heading towards the Ponderosa.



"Mitch could you please go call your brother. Dinner is ready." Martha said pushing a few loose strands of blond hair behind her left ear.

"Alright, Ma." Mitch said heading towards the door, he stuck his head out and hollered "LLLLUUUKKKKEEEE! GET IN HERE!"

"Mitch! I could of done that!" Martha said, lightly smacking him on the back of the head causing Patti to laugh, "Go get him."
Mitch smiled at her and glared at Patti, who was still giggling, and went out to find his brother. He soon found him sitting in the dirt making Frog houses.

"Hey little buddy. That is fine frog house you got there." Mitch said squatting to get a better look.

"Really? You think so Mitch?" Luke asked looking up at Mitch. He adored his older brother.

"Sure, Luke. Now all you need is the frog." he replied.

"Oh I got one already. Meet Mr. Man, my frog." Luke said pulling a small frog out of the front of his overall pocket. He placed him in his small home. Surprisingly Mr. Man didn't hop out.

"Perfect. Now come on we better get inside. Ma has dinner all ready and I am starving." Mitch said helping him up.

"Okay" Luke agreed following him inside.

Soon the entire family was around the table. Pa sat at one end with Pete, his older brother, on his right and Mary, his older sister, on his left. Next to Mary sat Mitch and Patti across from him. His mother sat at the other end with little Luke's chair pulled beside hers’. Pa prayed and the family began to eat.  Mitch was shoveling in the food not really paying attention to what was going on, so he missed his sister's announcement. He suddenly realized it was quiet and looked up. Pete kicked him under the table and raised his eyebrows toward his Pa. Mitch quickly realized his Pa had asked him a question.

"Is that true, Mitch?" his Pa asked him again. Mitch swallowed hard. He couldn't read his Pa's eyes and had no idea if he was in trouble or not. What could his Pa be talking about?

"I'm sorry Pa, I wasn't really listening." Mitch said quietly.

"Your sister was just telling us that you are going to have a leading role in the school play." Ma explained smiling at him.

Mitch glared at Patti again, but just nodded. "Yes ma'am. I am, but I am not sure which role just yet."

"What play are you guys putting on?" Mary asked.

"Romeo and Juliet!" Patti said clapping her hands.

"Oh! Do you have the part as Romeo? Mitch that is just so sweet!" his ma said smiling excitedly.

Mitch groaned and sunk down in his seat. His brother smiled evilly at him. "You know little brother, they wore tights in Shakespeare's times."

"I am not wearing tights!" Mitch said sitting back up.

"There is also a few kissing scenes in that play." Mary added winking at Pete.

"KISSING?" Mitch yelled.

"Oh you don't think Miss Jones will encourage kissing do you, George?" Martha asked.

His Pa just smiled. "You never know." and then began to laugh as Mitch laid his head on the table and groaned.


The next morning Mitch made his way out the door praying that his Ma wouldn't find something else for him to do. He knew Little Joe would be waiting impatiently at their "mettin' place".  He grabbed the jar of worms that he had dug up that morning.

"Mitch? Where you going?" Luke asked, appearing out of no where.

"Ahhh! Shhhh!" Mitch said looking around. "You scared me." he whispered.

Luke spotted the jar in his hands. "You going fishing?" he whispered back.

"Sure am, little buddy. I gotta get before Ma sees me and puts me back to work."

"Can I come, please?" Luke begged giving him his best puppy dog look that always worked on his Ma.

"Oh Luke. Stop. I can't. Not today. Next time, I promise." Mitch replied ruffling his hair.

Luke crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I'll call Momma and she'll give you so much work. She was mumblin' in there about needing more water from the well and....

"Fine! You can go. Go ask Mary if it is alright." Mitch replied running his hands through his hair. Joe was not going to be happy about this, he thought.

Luke let out a whoop and then took off running towards the house. Fifteen minutes later the duo made their way towards the meeting spot, Luke holding the jar of worms close to his heart taking care not to drop it while humming a tune. Little Joe spotted them coming and ran towards them.

"Mitch! Howdy! The girls have taken over our spot!" he yelled before Mitch could return his greeting.

"What girls?" Mitch asked.

"Yeah, what girls are in our spot, Joe?" Luke echoed.

"A whole bunch of 'em. One of 'em being your very own sister! You was takin' so long getting here, I thought you had left me so I went down to check it out and that's when I saw them. A whole herd of girls, Mitch. Swimming! In our spot!" Little Joe said angrily stomping his foot.

"How dare they!" Luke said stomping his foot just as Joe had done.

"Well", Mitch said smiling, "we will just have to convince them to swim somewhere else."

Joe smiled back. "Let's go!"

They made their way to the lake that ran right along the edge of the Ponderosa territory. As they got closer they could hear the girls giggling and splashing around.

"....and I am going to catch the biggest fish and Momma can fry it up and it will feed the whole family it is gonna be so big. I mean big big biggest fish. So big it might even feed your brother Hoss, Joe and then.....

"Luke, shhh." Mitch said putting his hand on his shoulder, he pointed towards the water. The boys hunched down behind a bush.

"Who are they, Joe?" Mitch whispered.

"It looks like Patti, Rachel Anne, Sue, and maybe Sarah or that could be Jennifer and Lori Beth." Little Joe whispered back.

"That aint Jennifer. That is Sarah." Luke replied seriously.

Mitch smiled over his head at Joe. "Let's get closer and see if we can hear what they are talking about." he suggested.

They dropped to all fours and got as close as they dared.

"I'm excited about this play." Sarah said, squeezing water out of her dark hair.

"Me too." Sue replied, "I hope Miss Jones picks me to be Juliet."

"And Little Joe to be Romeo!" Rachel Anne said splashing her.

"Why you!" Sue replied dunking her.

"There talking about you!" Luke said loudly to Little Joe.

"SHHHH!" Joe and Mitch replied putting their hands over his mouth, but it was too late.

"That sounded like Luke." Patti said standing up to get a better look.

"It's now or never!" Little Joe said to Mitch. He stood up and came out from behind the bush. Mitch and Luke followed.

"Hello ladies." Little Joe said bowing.

"AHHH!" the girls screamed dropping into the water to their shoulders.

"What are you doing here?" Sarah demanded.

"Well you see girls, this is our fishing spot. Has been for years. We came to fish." Joe replied.

"You should be ashamed of yourself Joe Cartwright. We all know you didn't come here to fish. You and Mitch came to see us in..in..in...our unmentionables!" Sue yelled. The girls all nodded in agreement.

"WHAT?" Mitch yelled, "Why would we want to do that? We just came to fish."

"Yeah, so leave!" Luke added jumping up and down in excitement.

"We aint leaving!" Lori Beth yelled, "We were here first!"

"This is our spot!" Joe yelled back.

"I suggest you boys find a new spot!" Rachel Anne shot back.

"This has always been our spot and we are not leaving. You girls are!" Mitch yelled, taking a step closer hoping to intimidate them.

"We aren't leaving. The only way we are leaving is if you come in here and drag us out!" Sue said crossing her arms over her chest. The girls all lined up making sure to keep just their heads above the water, mimicking her.

"Fine! We’ll drag you out!" Luke said charging towards them.

"Woe there little brother." Mitch said grabbing him by the shoulders, "You can't rough handle girls. What would Pa say? We gotta think of another way."

"I know a way." Joe said smiling at Mitch. He pointed to the ground. There in a nice little pile lay all the girls' outside clothing. Mitch smiled back while Luke just looked confused.

"OH girls!" Mitch said holding up a dress, "this belong to you?"

"Hey! Put that down, Mitch. Right now!" Patti yelled.

"You want these clothes you have to come out and get them!" Joe said picking up some more of the clothes.

"Why we want their clothes?" Luke asked confused.

"JOE! MITCH!" the girls screamed. "That's not fair." Sarah added, "We can't get out with you guys looking."

"And we aren't going to get out either. We were here first! Put our clothes down!" Rachel Anne yelled.

"Have it your way!" Mitch replied. He picked up the rest of the clothes and began to walk off. Little Joe and Luke followed.

"COME BACK!!!" "Give us our clothes!!" the girls cried.

The boys kept walking.

"Let's leave them here." Mitch said a few minutes later, setting his bundle on the ground.

"Perfect." Little Joe said laughing, throwing his on top of the pile.

"But I wanted to fish." Luke whined.

"We are going to. We can fish further down." Mitch replied, "No fish would be biting now with them girls swimming there."

"That'll teach them to mess with us!" Little Joe added as they took off, laughing.

You think Momma will fry these fish up tonight?" Luke asked as he skipped along side Mitch and Little Joe.

"Maybe." Mitch answered absentmindedly. He was beginning to think their little prank wasn't such a good idea the closer and closer they got to home.

"You think Patti's gonna tell?" Little Joe asked Mitch, concern clearly showing on his face.

"I hope not." Mitch replied, taking the fish from Luke, "You're dragging it."

"Is Pa gonna be sore with us?" Luke asked trying to take the fish back.

"I don't think *he* is the one gonna be sore." Mitch replied dryly, letting go of his hold on the fish.

"You think your Pa will find it necessary to inform my Pa of this little incident?" Little Joe asked in his best Adam voice.

"You know it. It's like the father code of honor or something." Mitch replied, once again taking the fish from Luke.

Little Joe sighed dramatically. "I knew it. Well, it was nice knowin' ya." he added as they parted ways.

"Bye." Mitch replied turning and heading to home.

Luke reached for the fish once again. "Mitch, are we gonna be in a lot of trouble?" he asked worriedly.

"I hope not. Listen, don't say a word about seeing the girls unless Pa flat out asks ya, okay?" Mitch said retrieving the fish once again. "Swear it."

"I swear it." he said spitting in his hand and holding it out. Mitch spit in his free hand and they shook.



"MA!! Were back!!" Luke yelled as they came into the yard. "Look at all the fish we caught" he added taking the fish from Mitch and dragging it on the ground all the way to the porch. Mitch rolled his eyes.

"You caught all that by yourself, Luke?" his Ma asked smiling down at him.

"Most of it. Little Joe and Mitch helped some." he replied seriously.

"Oh I see. Well, you think we should fry that up for dinner?" she asked winking at Mitch.

Mitch smiled and inwardly sighed with relief. His ma didn't seem upset, yet. "Here Ma. I'll wash those fish and skin 'em." he said taking them from Luke.

"Thanks son. Come along Luke, let's get you cleaned up." Ma said taking him by the hand.

"Do I gotta wash behind my ears?" he asked allowing her to lead him inside.

Mitch made his way to the side of house and began cleaning the fish. Soon Pete joined him. "Nice bunch of fish you got there, brother." he said picking one up and cleaning it off. "Luke drag them through the mud again?" he asked laughing.

"Yeah." Mitch replied, not returning the smile.

"What's the matter with you? You into some kind of trouble?" Pete asked, turning towards him.

"I don't know yet." Mitch replied taking out his knife.

"Today is not the day to be gettin' on Pa's bad side, Mitch. He was in town getting some supplies when Sheriff Coffee tumbled into a stack of Mrs. Brown's canned tomatoes and they came crashing down on him. Busted some too." Pete said smiling at the memory.

Mitch laughed. "Pa alright?"

"He's fine. Just madder than a wet hen. Then on the way back the fool horse threw a shoe and the flour broke all in the back of the wagon. He just aint in a good mood. So you better watch it." Pete said suddenly serious.

Mitch looked up at his brother. "I'll do my best, Pete, but it's all up to Patti."

"Patti? Shoot boy you know she is gonna tell, whatever it is you done to her." Pete replied cleaning the last fish, "just like her sister. Mary has gotten me into more trouble than I care to tell."

Mitch sighed. "Guess your right. Might as well get it over with." He picked up the fish and headed towards the house. He stopped at the door and took a deep breath, then pushed it open.

"Patti, I just don't understand how you could lose a whole stocking." his Ma was saying.

"I'm sorry, Ma. I just couldn't find it. All the girls helped me look." Patti replied.

"Well, maybe next time you should stay home. A girl your age should be able to keep up with her things. I expect this from Luke not you. Go see what is keeping your brother."

"Yes ma'am." Patti replied, turning towards the door. Mitch quickly stepped back. He couldn't understand why his sister didn't just tell his Ma it was his fault. Patti swung open the door and stopped short at seeing Mitch. She glared at him.

"Uhhh hello Patti." Mitch said nervously.

Patti just nodded.

"Listen, Patti. Um, I'm sorry about taking your clothes." he half whispered fearing his ma would hear him.

"Oh you will be, Mitch, trust me." Patti replied taking the fish from him.

"Patti, wait. You gonna," Mitch swallowed hard and tried again, "you gonna tell Pa?"

"I aint no tattle tale Mitch!" Patti replied angrily.

"Since when?" Pete asked walking up.

"Since...since forever!" Patti replied swinging the fish for emphasis.

"Hmmm, don't recall that. Seems to me you tattled on Mitch and I just last week for going to Shelby's to watch that fight and then what about the other night when you told Ma about Luke trying to feed his greens to the dog?" Pete asked, teasingly.

"That was when I was a child, Pete!" Patti replied, throwing her hair over her shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse me, Ma needs my help."

Mitch just stood there flabbergasted. Patti wasn't going to tell? And what did she mean by he would be sorry.



"MITCH! Wait up!" Little Joe yelled making his way across the church yard the next day.

"Hey Joe." Mitch replied stopping.

"See you rode your horse here. Your Pa saw the humor in our little prank?" Joe asked hopefully.

"Humph, like that would ever happen, Little Joe." Mitch replied smiling.

"Then what?" Little Joe asked as they headed towards the church.

"Patti never told." Mitch replied just as they made it to the door.

"SHE WHAT?" Little Joe yelled causing everyone to turn and look. "Sorry." he mumbled as his Pa made his way towards him.

"Maybe you should come sit with me, Joseph." he said leading his son down the aisle, placing him between himself and Adam. Mitch made his way to his family's pew and took a seat. Little Joe turned around and quickly mouthed 'we'll talk later', then swung around before Mitch could even reply. Mitch looked questionably at his sister beside him. She smiled sweetly at him, smoothed her dress down, and then turned towards the front. She was definitely up to something. While the pastor prayed, Mitch did some praying of his own. He was praying his sister would not do anything too drastic that would lead them all into some serious trouble and then added for good measure that Miss Jones would forget all about that stupid play!


Mitch glanced over at Luke who was happily swinging his legs back and forth oblivious to what was going on around him. His mother reached down and lightly laid her hand on his knee. Luke looked up at her and she slowly shook her head. He continued to stare at her in confusion till his father gently but firmly stopped his foot in mid swing. Mitch quickly hid his smile and turned back to the pastor.

"Now, sometimes God has to take us in hand just as our own fathers do. He guides us and leads us and yes sometimes disciplines us. We, as Christians, often do some foolish things. Can I get an Amen?" the pastor asked smiling.

While the congregation laughed Joe stole an apprehensive look at Mitch, who only stared back with wide eyes.

"And now I have done some foolish things as a child. I remember this one time I thought it would be a pretty funny joke to take some friends of mine's clothing while they were swimming. Let me tell ya, boys, don't ever do that. No one but you will find this funny!" the pastor said smiling at his congregation.

Luke stopped playing with his small Bible and stared wide eyed at the pastor. He turned to Mitch, worry written all over his face. Mitch didn't dare look at his brother for fear of bringing attention to himself. At a tap from his father, Luke turned back around but the worried look did not leave his face, nor did it go unnoticed by his father.

"As I was saying, my earthly father took me to task on that and I never again did anything so foolish. Certain lessons last, folks and our heavenly father........."

Mitch squirmed a little on his seat and tuned the sermon out. How on earth did Patti get to the pastor so fast? He stole a peek at Patti, but turned away in disgust at the smug look on her face. This was not looking good, he thought.

After church, Mitch made his way towards Little Joe who was trying to slide past Hoss and his father as quickly as possible.

"Heya Mitch." Hoss said as he scooted out of the way.

"Hey Hoss. How are you doing?" Mitch asked, as Joe slid past him.

"Can't complain." Hoss replied scanning the congregation for Tess. He spotted her talking with her mother across the room. "'scuse me gentlemen." he said pushing Mitch out of his way. Little Joe just rolled his eyes, "women" he muttered. Mitch nodded in agreement. "Let's get out of here."

The boys were almost out the door when they were stopped by Rachel Anne. "Why hello boys, it's good to see you here this morning." she said smiling sweetly at them.

"Um yes, it's good to see you here too." Little Joe replied side stepping his way around her.

"Well, have a great afternoon!" she replied patting Mitch on the back as he made his way around her.

"What was that about?" Little Joe asked Mitch as they made their way down the steps, stopping to shake the Pastor's hand.

"I don't know." Mitch whispered back, "Good sermon, Pastor." he said shaking his hand.

"Glad you boys enjoyed it." the elderly man replied, eyes twinkling.

"Sure did." Little Joe added, "have a good afternoon."

The Pastor just shook his head and smiled. "You too."

The boys were making their way across the yard to where a few of their friends were standing around talking, when suddenly Mitch stopped. "Little Joe, I got something on my back?" he asked.

"Let me see, turn around. Nope nothin'." he replied.

"I don't understand. What on earth are the girls going to do to us? This waiting is killing me!" Mitch replied.

"I know. This kindness thing is scaring me." Little Joe whispered back just as they reached their group of friends.

"Hey fellas." Seth said kicking a dirt clod. "Thought that sermon would never end."

"No joke." Michael quickly agreed, "I almost fell asleep three times, would of if my Pa wasn't keepin' his eye on me."

"Same here." Little Joe said, sighing. "He's always watching me. He's got this look. You know the one I'm talking about?"

"Oh my Pa has the same look." Michael yelled, "He looks at you like this, with that evil you better straighten up eye." He scrunched up his face, slitting one eye half closed and glared up at Joe. The boys began to all shriek with laughter.

"The worse though is the Ma look." Mitch said swinging his arms to get their attention. "My Ma screws up her nose like this and glares down at ya with this you are dead young man look. It is so scary."

The boys all began to laugh again, each insisting their parent had the scariest look. They were so into their game they didn't notice two girls sneaking up behind them.

"Hello, boys. I hate to break up this little party but I have a picnic date with this here fine gentlemen." Ethel Peterson said draping her arm around Little Joe.

"WHAT?" Joe shrieked turning around. When he saw the two girls standing there he gasped. Ethel and Bethel Peterson had failed the 5th grade three times and were working on their fourth. What they lacked in brains they made up for in brawn. There wasn't a boy at the school that could take them and not many dared to try. The girls both out weighed Mitch and Joe by a good 50 pounds. They never wore dresses, except on special occasions. They both were wearing one now.

"You heard her, honey." Bethel replied, smiling at Mitch, "and I got a date with this one here."

"Now wait a minute Bethel..."

"You can call me Beth." she interrupted moving closer to him. Ethel squeezed Little Joe closer as well.

"Um Beth, Joe and I, we don't know nothin' about these dates and ..." Mitch began.

"WHAT?" Bethel said doubling up her fist. "But you sent us those notes. You weren't pulling no fast one on us, were you?"

Mitch took a step backwards. "Of course not, Bethel-ah Beth."

Little Joe ducked under Ethel's arm. "We would love to go on a picnic but you know our Pa's won’t let us take a whole day off from chores. Sorry."

"I am sure that they can be persuaded." Ethel said, taking his arm. "My you are strong." she added attempting a flirty giggle that came out as a bark.

"Lead the way." Beth said to Mitch, taking his arm as well. Mitch tried not to grimace at the death grip she had on his arm. It was unnatural for a girl to be this strong, he thought. Little Joe looked at Mitch and shrugged. What else could they do, so Mitch led them to where his Pa stood talking to Mr. Cartwright.

George looked up in surprise to see his son leading, well actually being dragged over to him, by a rather large girl who desperately needed a comb.

"That has got to be the two scariest girls I have ever laid eyes on." Ben said to George just before the foursome reached them.

"Without a doubt." George replied laughing. He quickly covered it with a cough when the uglier of the two turned to him.

"Mr. Cartwright, sir, could you find it in your heart to let this fine young man escort me to lunch?" Ethel asked George.

"Sweetie, I'm not Mr. Cartwright. He is." George replied trying hard not to laugh.

"Oh, right. Well, Mr. Cartwright, can he?" she asked him.

Little Joe cast pleading eyes on his Pa, shaking his head no. "Can he what?" Ben asked, also fighting the urge to laugh.

"You gonna make her repeat herself? She asked if we could be escorted by your sons to a picnic." Bethel said tightening her grip on Mitch. George raised his eyebrows at her tone. Brave little girl, he thought.

Mitch let out a small pitiful whimper. "Well, ma'am," Ben said looking down at Bethel, "that depends on which of my sons you plan to 'escort' you."

"Why the two men we have on our arms!" Ethel replied, indignantly.

Ben smiled at George. "Well, I don't see why 'my two sons' can't escort ya."

Little Joe gasped. "Pa, you can't be...I mean...I have chores and...."

"He's not my Pa, Bethel!" Mitch said at the same time.

"Well now, did you promise these ladies you'd 'escort' them on a picnic?" Ben asked his son.

"Yes they did, sir!" Ethel said patting her rather large belly. "I got the letters right here."

"Well, I guess you don't have much choice now do you?" George replied, trying hard not to laugh out loud.

"YAY!" Bethel yelled jumping up and down, pulling Mitch along with her.

"Pa??" Mitch said pitifully.

"Pa?", Little Joe echoed, "don't make me go with this this..."

"Joseph!" Ben said warningly, "You and Mitch will take these girls on this picnic and you will behave like the gentlemen you are."

"But Pa!" Mitch tried again.

"Son, I think next time you better not mess with your sister, don't you?" George asked raising his eyebrows.

Mitch and Little Joe took a step backwards. "Guess not." Little Joe mumbled, while Mitch just nodded.

"We made a lunch boys. Just follow us. Thanks Mr. Cartwright!" Ethel said taking Joe by the arm again.

"We'll get them home on time to do their chores." Bethel added, tightening her grip on Mitch and pulling him along.

George looked at Ben and Ben looked at him. Then they both began to laugh. Little chuckles at first that soon escalated into deep belly laughter, causing people to turn and look.

"Did you see that boy's face?" Ben asked between breathes.

"Do you think we should have been merciful and let them off the hook?" George asked.

Ben looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, George returned the look.

"Nahhhh" they both said at the same time and began to laugh again.

Mitch looked at Joe. If Ethel cackled one more time he was going to forget she was a girl, a girl who could take him, and hit her. Little Joe nodded his understanding.

"Um, Ethel, it is getting pretty late, maybe we should head home." Little Joe said standing up.

Ethel held at her hand to Joe. Joe looked at her outstretched hand, raised his right eyebrow in question, and then looked at Mitch. Mitch shrugged. Ethel cleared her throat nosily. Little Joe sighed and offered her his hand. Ethel flashed a smile at Bethel who giggled in return, then grasped Little Joe's hand with such force he almost yelped. It took all of Mitch's will power not to laugh as he watched his buddy struggle to lift Ethel off the ground. He almost dropped her twice, but finally she put one hand on the ground and pushed herself up. Little Joe tried to let go of her hand but she held on fast. Mitch helped Bethel clean up the leftovers. Surprisingly the food actually had been tasty. After placing everything in the basket, Bethel got herself up then quickly realized her mistake and sat back down. Mitch sighed and offered his hand. After a few tries he also had her standing and she too grasped his hand refusing to let go. Mitch sighed again as he picked up the picnic basket. They made their way home.

"It's such a pretty afternoon, isn't it?" Bethel asked Mitch.

"Sure." Mitch replied, dryly.

"Joseph, don't you think so?" Ethel asked squeezing his hand.

"No." Little Joe replied sourly.

"Oh don't be like that, sweetum." Ethel replied squeezing even harder. Little Joe let out a small yelp.

"Ethel, I think your man there needs to be cheered up." Bethel said suddenly stopping causing Mitch to trip and drop the basket.

"You are right dear sister. Let's sing them a song." she agreed.

"NO!" Mitch and Joe yelled at the same time.

"Excuse me?" Bethel said glaring. "You don't want to hear us sing?"

Ethel turned Joe around so he was facing her. "I want to sing to you Joseph and I will." she jabbed her finger into his chest. "Now"

Little Joe wasn't about to fight her. She was scarier then Adam. "We want to hear ya" he said attempting to smile.

"Hmmmmmm. My bonny lies over the oooocccceeeannnnn.............." Ethel started and Bethel quickly joined her. They sang about as well as they did long division.


"Um, we are here now Beth, you can let go of my hand." Mitch said as they entered his yard.

"Oh, ok." she said slowly letting go.

Mitch handed her the basket. "Um thanks." he mumbled.

"Your welcome, Mitchell. I had a real purity time." she said, smiling at him. That was when Mitch noticed one of her front teeth was missing.

"See you in school." Mitch said turning to leave. She grabbed his upper arm and spun him around.

"I was hoping..to well ahhh..." then to Mitch's horror she closed her eyes and puckered up her lips.
Mitch tried to take a step back but she held fast to his arm. Mitch pulled away with all his might and fought the urge to scream for help. Bethel opened her eyes and glared. She grabbed his arm again and pulled him closer. "Bethel, I can't. This isn't......please don't." Mitch pleaded as she began to lean in, lips still puckered.

"What is going on here?" a voice called from behind him. Pa. Mitch had never been so excited to see his father before.

"I was just saying good bye Pa. Bye Bethel." Mitch said wrenching free from her grasp.

"Good bye." she replied her lower lip coming out in a pout.

Mitch turned angrily to his father as soon as Bethel was out of ear shot. "Pa how could you?" he yelled.
"Excuse me?” Pa said taking a step towards him.

Mitch was to angry to stop. "Do you realize who you just...just feed me to?" he yelled again.

“Do you realize who you are speaking to?” his father replied.

“Yes! A father I thought I could depend on, not one who would throw me to the wolves!” Mitch yelled again.

"Mitchell, you will stop yelling at me right now!" His father replied his brows lowering.

Mitch opened his mouth to argue, when his father took another step towards him. Mitch took a step back, but his eyes were still flashing.

"I believe you have chores to do." his Pa said evenly.
Mitch nodded and stomped off, making a wide circle around his father.

Mitch angrily threw open the barn door and stomped towards Hubert's stall and began to clean it out, muttering with each move he made. Patti walked in humming. Mitch swore she was humming 'my bonny'.

"How could you?" he hissed turning towards her.

"Why, I don't know what you are talking about brother." Patti said smiling at him, "Did you have a nice afternoon?"

Mitch took a step towards her. "That was a mean, low down, dirty trick to pull on someone and you know it!"

"You asked for it, Mitch!" Patti yelled also taking a step towards him.

"But you started it! You guys had no right to be swimming in our hole!" he yelled taking another step closer. They were almost face to face.

"Your hole? You own that river?" Patti yelled back, shoving him.

Mitch shoved her back a little harder, knocking her down. Patti jumped back up and shoved Mitch hard enough to knock him into the side of the stall. Mitch went to shove Patti back when he felt a restraining hand on his shoulder. Mitch began to pray earnestly that was not his father's hand.

"What is going on here?" Pete demanded. Mitch sighed with relief as he turned around. "She started it, Pete! She siced Ethel and Bethel on me!"

"He took all my clothes!" Patti yelled back.

"Enough! I don't care who started it. You better end it now before Pa catches ya." Pete said glaring at both of them.

"Too late." Pa said from the door of the barn. Patti and Mitch both slowly turned towards their father.

"Have you two been fighting?" He asked, his eyes narrowing.

"No sir." they both replied. They hadn't been fighting, technically.

"I would hope not, cause you both know what would happen if you were." He said crossing his arms.

"Yes Pa, we know." Patti replied for both of them taking a step closer to her brother.

"Mitch, Patti, I want this to end here. No more pranks. You are even now. You understand me?" he asked.

"Yes sir." Patti said quickly and meant it.

Mitch took longer to reply. "Mitch?" his father said taking another step towards him. Mitch didn't see how they were even, but when his father had that look in his eyes it was never wise to argue. "Yes sir, Pa."

"Good, now both of you get to your chores. Pete I need to see you about this contract." He said motioning for Pete to follow him.

Mitch glared at Patti and turned to his chores. He picked up the pitch fork only to have hay come flying down on him. Mitch threw the pitch fork in frustration. "Could my life get any worse?" he groaned as the pitch fork knocked over a can of nails that he had forgotten to put away.

"Yes it can, brother. Tomorrow Miss Jones announces who will play Romeo." Patti said laughing. Seconds later she took off running, screaming Pa's name, with Mitch right behind her.

Mitch squeezed his eyes shut. What on earth was she talking about? How can two negatives be a positive? "That just don't make no sense." he whispered to Joe. Joe shrugged his shoulders.

"Miss Jones? If you add negative three and negative three, you get negative six." Michael said, shaking his head.

"But Michael we aren't doing math!" Rachel Anne hissed at him.

"Rachel, I think I can teach the class." Miss Jones said, then turning towards Michael. "Rules for math do not apply in grammar." she said, "Now try this again. If I say 'I aint gonna do nothin'', what am I really saying?"

Seth quickly raised his hand, "You are saying you aint gonna do nothin'!"

"No, Seth. That is not what I am saying. I am saying I am going to do something." Miss Jones explained, rubbing her temples.

"Then why don't you just say that?" Seth asked.

"I am saying that Seth!" Miss Jones snapped. The whole class froze. Miss Jones rarely yelled at any of them. "One more time, now. If you use two negatives such as 'not' or 'no' in a sentence it really becomes positive. So, you are actually saying the opposite of what you mean."

"Huh?" Little Joe said turning to Mitch.

"Joseph, why don't you give it a shot. If I was to say 'I'm not going nowhere'. What am I really saying?" Miss Jones said evenly.

"Well, you are saying, um that you aren't going to go anywhere?" Joe asked meekly.

"NO! I aint saying I am not going nowhere! I mean...arg! Never mind class. Let's move on to something else." Miss Jones said stomping up towards her desk.

Little Joe looked once more at Mitch who just shrugged in return.

Miss Jones took a long breath, then turned around. "Boys and Girls. I will now announce who will be playing whom in our play."

The boys all moaned and lowered in their seats. Bethel turned around and winked at Mitch, as Ethel giggled.

"The part of Juliet goes to Sue." she said smiling at Sue. Sue beamed back. "The part of Romeo goes to Mitch." Miss Jones said smiling at Mitch. Mitch put his head down on his desk and groaned. Miss Jones frowned at him and cleared her throat. Mitch quickly sat up, a scowl clearly on his face. Little Joe smiled to himself relieved he would not have to wear tights or kiss any icky girls.

"Joseph you will be playing Tybalt." Miss Jones said smiling excitedly at him.

"Aint Till-belt a girl?" Seth asked once again with out raising his hand.

"I aint playing no girl!" Little Joe yelled.

Miss Jones just closed her eyes and groaned.

"I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse." Mitch read aloud to Joe.

"What does that even mean?" Mitch muttered as he sat down on his bed again.

"Beats me Mitch. Let's practice our fight again!" Joe said jumping up and down on the bed.

Mitch grabbed his make shift sword and jumped off the bed. "Now, Tybalt, take the villain back again, That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul..ahhh....Is but a little way above our heads,
Staying for thine to keep him company: Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him."

Little Joe jumped off the bed as well. "Thou, wretched boy, that didst con..con..consort him here, shalt with him hence!" He made a stab at Mitch, but Mitch jumped back just in time.

"Take that you filthy scab!" Mitch yelled stabbing at Joe. Joe backed up knocking over the chair. He ran behind it. "Unguard you ugly Capulet!" he yelled. Mitch jumped over the chair crashing into Joe.

"What is a name??" he yelled again laughing. Mitch took Joe's sword then pretended to stab him with his own.

"Ohhh you got me!" Joe said shoving Mitch off. He fell across the overturned chair and hung his tongue out. Mitch began to laugh again when the door swung open.

"What on earth is going on in here? Ma sent me up to find out." Patti said hands on hips.

"Tybalt! It is that awful nurse!" Mitch yelled handing Joe his sword.

"Aye, Romeo it is." he said jumping up and edging towards Patti.

"AHHH No you don't, Scurvy knave!" Patti said dodging him and jumping on the bed. She grabbed the pillow. "Good sirs, I pray you let me go or I will be forced to beat you with my ah...rather large fan!"

"Anon!" Little Joe replied bowing to her.

Mitch snuck up behind her and stuck his sword to her back. "Good nurse, you have been captured."

"Have I? I think not!" She said turning and hitting him in the head with her pillow.

"Get her Joe!" Mitch yelled as she continued to beat him with her 'fan'.
Joe jumped on her back knocking her down on the bed and began to tickle her. "Ahhh stop!!" Patti screamed. Luke came running into the room to see what was going on and quickly joined in. Soon all four were laying on the floor giggling.

Mitch's mother stood in the doorway hands on hips, "What is going on in here?" she demanded.

All three turned to Mitch. "Play practice?" he said smiling at her.  That sent everyone into another fit of giggles and Martha left rolling her eyes and chuckling to herself.

"Now, if we could do this play that way. I wouldn't mind." Mitch said grabbing Luke and tickling him again.



"No Seth! You do not get a sword. You are a servant. Now once again from the top!" Miss Jones said clapping her hands.

"But Miss Jones, why are we biting our thumbs?" Michael asked throwing his hands in the air causing Seth to drop his, actually Joe's, sword.

It landed with a thump at Miss Jones' feet.

"Michael," she said bending to pick up the sword, "It is an insult. It is the same as if someone was to take your hat."

"What?" Seth asked, looking at Michael out of the corner of his eye. Michael just shrugged.

"Never mind! From the top!" Miss Jones replied, feeling a headache coming on.

"Do you bite your tongue at me sir?" Seth asked bowing slightly. Miss Jones was not sure where they picked up this bowing every time you said a line thing, but it was starting to get old.

"Seth! It is not 'tongue'!" Rachel Anne said, from her seat on the ground where she was diligently sewing on Juliet's dress that had originally been a bed sheet.

"But tongue makes more sense, then me sucking my thumb!" Michael retorted.

"Yeah, babies suck thumbs!" Seth added.

Little Joe looked at Mitch and smiled. Mitch smiled back. The two were hiding safely from their teacher's view behind the wood stove. Miss Jones was quite upset when she had discovered the boys knew only three of their lines and had sent them to memorize all of them.

"Little Joe, you think your Pa will let you come over for a third Saturday in a row? If we tell him it is to memorize lines?" Mitch asked.

"I don't know Mitch. He hasn't been in such a good mood lately." Joe replied wrinkling his forehead, "don't know what is wrong either."

"Joe you gotta come. My Pa says I have to stay to help Pete do some chore and you know Patti is having that stinkin' tea party! You can't leave me alone with all those girls!" Mitch whispered back.

"I will try." Joe replied, smiling at his friend. Suddenly Joe jumped up, knocking the book out of Mitch’s hand.

"What? " Mitch asked confused, looking up. Then he saw them. Ethel and Bethel were making their way towards them.

"Run!" Little Joe whispered as Mitch stood up too.

"Hello boys!" Ethel said successfully blocking Joe's escape route.

"I've missed you." she said placing her hand on Joe's shoulder. Joe shrugged her hand off. "Um okay.” he replied. Ethel placed her hand back on his shoulder and squeezed a little harder.

"Mitch, I was just telling Ethel here about how you invited us to tea at your house." she said giggling and coming around to the other side of the stove blocking Mitch's way out.

"It's not my party! It is Patti's!" Mitch yelled trying to get past her. He had enough of this girl and her sister.

"You don't have to pretend, sugar! There is nothing to hide between lovers." Ethel replied smiling at her sister.

"LOVERS?" Little Joe and Mitch yelled at the same time, successfully getting their teacher's attention.

"Boys, I am assuming you have memorized your lines? Come up here and let's practice." Miss Jones said.

Little Joe made his way around Ethel. "Mitch I am coming to your house and we are going to take care of this once and for all." he said, marching determinedly to the front.

Mitch smiled in return and quickly followed. This would be good.



Pete wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Finally! That was the last one." he said smiling at Mitch.

"I am so tired." Mitch said plopping down on the ground.

"Me too." Pete agreed plopping down beside him. "Let's just lay here forever."

"Okay." Mitch agreed closing his eyes.

"Hmmm....I see how hard my two sons work. Now I know why they complain every night at dinner." George said standing over them.

"Hey Pa!" Pete said jumping up.

"How was your morning?" Mitch asked also getting up.

"Fine, thank you. See you guys finished." he said raising his eyebrows.

"Just now, Pa. Honest." Pete said smiling slightly at his father.
His Pa smiled back. "Pete go get cleaned up, we have to leave right away to take care of some business with the Baileys."

Mitch smiled. This was perfect. With his father gone it would be easier to pull off whatever it was Joe had come up with.

"Sure thing, Pa. Anything wrong?" Pete asked.
"No, nothing serious, just got to go over those contracts." George noticed Mitch's smile, "Mitch, whatever you are planning don't."

"Pa, I don't have anything planned." Mitch said honestly, trying to look offended.

"Uh huh. Well, you best be on your best behavior. Your sister and Ma have worked very hard all morning putting this together." he replied sternly.

"Pa, don't worry. Mitch here is too tired to be up to anything." Pete said ruffling Mitch's hair.
"Stop Pete!" Mitch said pulling away but smiling at his brother gratefully.

"Don't worry Pa. I don't want to be anywhere near those girls!"

"Alright. See you later tonight, son. Come along, Pete." George said heading towards the house. Pete winked at Mitch and followed his father.
Mitch plopped back down and closed his eyes. Muscles he didn't even know he had ached. It seemed to him his eyes had just closed when someone kicked him awake.

"MITCH! What you doing? I have been looking everywhere for you." Little Joe yelled kicking him again.

"If you don't stop kicking me everyone is gonna be looking for you!" Mitch grumbled sitting up.

Little Joe sat down beside him. "The girls are all already here. I had to run from Ethel. And Mitch they are both wearing a dress again."

Mitch groaned. "What are we going to go, Joe?" he asked.

"Well, I haven't come up with a plan to get rid of the Grizzly sisters yet. But I do know how to get back at the girls for their prank." Joe replied pulling something from his pocket.

"What is that, Joe?" Mitch asked taking it from him. He slowly unwrapped the bundle. "Ink? What are we going to do with....Joe no! My Pa would kill me."

"It's perfect, Mitch. Adam read it to me last night. It only takes a drop and their teeth will be black forever." Little Joe said excitedly.

"But Joe you don't understand. My parents will notice Patti has black teeth! They might be old but they aren't that old!" Mitch said plucking a blade of grass. "It wont work, Joe."

"Yes it will! Mitch, we have to get them back!" Little Joe pleaded.

"It's not your butt, Joe." Mitch replied throwing down the blade angrily.

"Yes it is! How long you known my Pa? If you get in trouble so do I and it will be worse cuz I was a guest." he shot back.

"I don't know, Joe." Mitch replied, "let me think about it."

"Well you better think fast cuz here comes Bethel!" Joe said standing up quickly about to run.

"MITCHIE-POO! Come on inside. We are playing drop the basket. “she said making her way up the hill.

"RUN!" Mitch yelled to Joe. The boys took off. When they were sure that they had lost Bethel, Mitch turned to Joe. "Okay I'll do it!"


"Would you like sugar with that?" Patti asked, daintily pouring some tea in Rachel Anne's cup.

"Yes, please." Rachel Anne replied pushing her rather large pink bow back in place.

Patti nodded. "Has everyone been served?" she asked. All the girls nodded primly except Ethel and Bethel who shouted a rather hardy "yes".

"Cheers." Patti said holding up her cup. All the girls raised their tea cups as well. "Cheers" they replied, then all took a daintily sip.

Mitch slapped his hand over his mouth and refused to meet Joe's eyes. The two were hiding behind the sofa that had been scooted over to make room for the extra table, watching everything.

"This is some lovely tea, Miss Patti." Rachel said smiling at her and taking another sip. Patti smiled at her in return and Rachel gasped.

"What?" Patti asked, then she noticed Rachel's teeth. "What is going on?" Sue asked.

"Your teeth are all black!" Sarah said pointing. "So are yours!" Ethel replied. No one mentioned the fact that Ethel's were usually black anyway.
That was the last straw. Mitch started laughing so hard he fell over. Little Joe beside him.
"MITCH!!" Patti yelled coming around the sofa all the girls following. "I'll kill you!!"

Mitch took one look at her and started laughing all over again. Her lips were outlined in black as well. Little Joe joined in the laughter.
Martha and Mary came into the parlor to see what all the commotion was about.

"What on earth?" Then she noticed the girl's teeth. She turned angry eyes on her son and his friend. Mitch and Joe quickly stopped laughing.

"What is the meaning of this, Mitchell?" Martha asked, eyes flashing.

"Yes what is the meaning?" Mitch's Pa asked from the door. Mitch's face lost all color as he turned towards the door. There stood his father and Mr. Bailey, Pete not far behind him.

"This is not good." Little Joe whispered behind him. Mitch just nodded.

Mitch took Sue's hand and bowed. He smiled out at his parents and Luke who was whistling as loudly as he could, a new habit he had just picked up. The rest of the students joined them on stage and bowed as well. Miss Jones smiled out at the crowd. The play had turned out better than she could have ever hoped, other than Seth still insisting they were biting their tongues not thumbs and Little Timmy tripping and falling into the crowd. She smiled again and if anyone noticed that Juliet and her nurse had slightly black teeth or that her Romeo and Tybalt walked rather stiffly they didn't mention it. She bowed again with her kids and smiled at them all. Mitch returned her smile, maybe Romeo and Juliet wasn't so bad after all, he thought.

The End

RETURN TO LIBRARY