TO FACE THE PAST
Part III
By María Laura Gambero
ONE
The sun was beginning to hide behind the luxuriant ponderosa pines that
framed the Majestic Lake Tahoe. Its rays sprinkled calm orange light across
the green fields of the ranch announcing the end of a long strange day.
Although everything suggested that it was a peaceful evening, it was far
from being that way, as the atmosphere around the main house of the ranch
was silently tense.
Apart from the Sheriff’s horse and doctor Paul Martin’s buggy there was
not a single soul around the yard. Even the hands were clustered in the
bunkhouse talking with astonishment about the resent events that had taken
place at the Ponderosa ranch. All of them remembered Jeremy Wheeler as a
nice kind man; therefore it was hard to believe that he had treated Adam
Cartwright so brutally, but it was harder to accept that a sweet tender
lady like Molly could have shot him the way she did.
Inside the house, the climate was even more strained. In the main room,
Hoss and Joe Cartwright were telling Roy Coffee everything they knew, which
was not much. Hoss´s always smiling face was darkened by worry and
his bright blue eyes were shadowed. With a strained voice, he was mentioning
Coffee that that morning they had been looking for Adam, who had strangely
disappeared. They were near the road that led to Virginia City when some
shoots gasped their attention leading them towards the woods where Adam and
Molly were. Firstly they saw Adam tied to a tree. His chest was covered with
blood and he looked hardly beaten, and his appearance scared them. A few yards
from Adam, Wheeler’s body lied limply over a puddle of blood.
“ Molly was standing in front of Wheeler’s body carrying Adam’s rifle
in her shaking hands,” Joe added as he shook his head. He rose and walked
in front of the fireplace impatiently. “ When are they going to come down?”
he mumbled uneasy. “ Three hours have passed since Doctor Martin arrived.”
Hoss followed his brother with his eyes until Joe sat on the step of the
hearth. Hoss could not wipe Adam’s image from his mind and he wondered if
the same was happening to his younger brother. They had seen Adam injured
and bleeding before, but nothing compared to this and like Joe, he was loosing
his unlimited patience. Hoss moved his eyes to Roy Coffee who was playing
with his hat, apparently thinking over what he had heard and according to
his serious face the Sheriff was as lost as they were. Hoss raised
his eyes to the top of the staircase, wondering what could be happening upstairs.
In the upper floor, Ben Cartwright watched with concern how Paul Martin
worked on his eldest son’s beaten body. Ben’s face was a mask of bewilderment
as he struggled to understand that what he had seen was not part of a terrifying
nightmare. There had been no time for questions when he and the boys had
found them, as Adam fell unconsciousness only minutes after he had embraced
her, and Molly was trembling and crying hysterically, unaware of what was
happening around her. Ben shook his head. As much as he tried to analyze
the situation he could not arrive at any logical conclusion. He turned his
eyes to Adam’s twisted face when he heard his son groaning. There was dried
blood on his cheek and forehead that came from a significant bruise on the
right side of his face. Ben frowned while he pressed his lips together with
frustration, feeling himself a helpless witness of Adam’s sufferings. Expectantly,
he raised his eyes to Paul Martin, but briefly stopped his gaze at the doctor’s
shirt, which it had been clean, when he came into the house and at that moment
was mostly covered by Adam’s blood. Martin’s eyes were narrowly fixed on
Adam’s injuries and the frown on his face showed clearly that he was concentrating
fully on what he was doing. He had allowed Ben to stay by Adam’s side only
because he was aware of how concerned his friend was, but he made it clear
that he would tell him about Adam’s condition once he finished with his work.
Paul Martin straightened and turned to wash his hands with the water in
the vessel placed on the night table. While he dried up his hands, Paul
Martin studied Adam once more and slowly moved his eyes to Ben.
“ Well Ben, Adam is in very bad shape,” Paul Martin said while he took
his handkerchief from the back pocket of his trousers and wiped the sweat
from his forehead. “ That man Wheeler had a very sick mind. Adam has
more than twenty knife cuts along his chest and arms.” He paused lowering
his gaze back to Adam. “
Fortunately the bullet that hit his shoulder wasn’t too deep and
the cut in his neck was superficial, nothing to worry about. But we
have to take care of these two important injuries along his stomach,” Martin
followed saying while he pointed the injuries. “Although they weren’t deep
enough to hurt vital organs, I have to stitch them up.” He paused again and
watched Ben’s reaction. Ben sat on the chair next to Adam’s bed and his eyes
did not leave his eldest son’s face. “ To finish with, he has a significant
bruise in his head and two broken ribs on his left side.”
“ Is his life in danger?” Ben dared to ask after a long silence.
“ I don’t know yet, but the following forty-eight hours are vital,” Martin
answered. Ben frowned and rose suddenly alert. “ I won’t lie to you Ben.
Adam lost lot of blood and those injuries can get infected. It’s important
to take care that fever doesn’t rise,” Paul Martin said firmly. “ I left a
sedative powder and some medicine that would help him, over the night table.
Try to make him drink it. I want him to rest as much as he can. “ He looked
at his friend sympathetically. “He’s weak and needs rest. But Adam is a strong
healthy man, he’ll be fine, you’ll see.”
Ben nodded and took a deep breath while he gently caressed Adam’s hand.
He addressed the doctor once more and asked him about Molly.
“ She is something different Ben,” Paul Martin replied while he unrolled
the sleeves of his shirt. As long as Martin could tell, she had recovered
her memories or at least part of them, but there was not much to say. Four
years ago, he had told Ben that probably she had lost her memories after
going through a traumatic experience, and Martin realized that he had guessed
right.
“ It seems that she is facing it all over again,” Martin told him without
hiding his concern. “ There’s no physical injuries Ben, but we’ll have to
wait till she wakes up to know more, ” Martin finished saying and began to
gather his belongings. “ I gave her a sedative powder and like Adam
she will sleep at least until tomorrow morning.”
Ben and Doctor Martin appeared at the top of the staircase and came down
the stairs talking. Joe was the first one to rise and walked towards them,
with Hoss and Coffee following close behind.
“ How are they?” Joe asked eagerly, eyes fixed on his father.
Ben slapped Joe’s shoulder as he glanced at Hoss and Coffee that were
waiting speechlessly.
“ They are going to be fine,” he simply said with calm voice trying to
dispel the concern from his youngest son’s face. “ Adam needs rest and proper
attention,” he said and glanced at the doctor. “Paul said that if we follow
his instructions, Adam’ll be fine in a couple of days.”
“ What about Molly, Doc?” Hoss asked eagerly.
Martin nodded. “ It seem that Molly recovered her memories, but we have
to wait till she wakes up to learn more about her, ” Paul Martin added.
“ Did she say something about what happened?” Roy Coffee wanted to know.
“ About Wheeler I mean.”
Paul Martin shook his head. “ She only mentioned once something about
a father, then a man named Rafael and desperately called Adam,” Martin replied.
“ But Roy, you are not going to have a statement from none of them this
evening. I gave both of them a powerful sedative.”
Roy twisted his mouth but nodded, as he had expected as much as the contrary.
The doctor turned to address Ben once more. “ Ben, I’m coming tomorrow to
check them, but call on me if you need me.”
“ Thanks Doc,” Ben said while he led them towards the main entrance.
Ben remained on the porch watching as the doctor’s buggy moved away from
the yard. He was still tense but he knew that he would be calm once he could
talk with both Adam and Molly. Neither Ben nor Joe and Hoss could find a
link between Molly and Jeremy Wheeler, but Ben was fully aware that she had
the answers to all their questions they had. They would have to wait.
TWO
Constance Leod was her real name and she was battling against waves of
resistance to surface. Flashing images sprung from her mind incoherently
making her feel that she was swimming across a dark sea lit from time to
time by faces and voices of her past. First she saw a child; a huge stone
building; someone crying and someone dressed in black comforting her. Then
there were shouts and horses. She was in danger; she could feel the danger.
She tried to escape but she could not move. “ You Indians´s helpers.
You are worse than them” a man’s voice shouted madly and slapped her face;
“ Good morning Mss. Molly” a man greeted her gently. She knew his face; she
had seen him before; “ Shut up Sister. Not even the Lord could rescue
you this time.” He was laughing madly while he approached her.
“ Leave me alone… it hurts,” she mumbled with voice full of terror. “
Father, please help me…. Don’t…”
A scream broke the silence of the night. Ben awoke startled and recognized
her voice at once. He jumped out of his bed and grabbed his robe on his way
out of his room. In the hallway he found Joe and Hoss that had also
been awakened by her shouts. Ben was crossing the hallway when Matt
began to shout frightened, calling his father. Then, Adam began to
call Matt loudly. In a matter of seconds the house was awaken altogether.
Ben frowned with disbelief and looked over his shoulder at his sons.
“ Don’t worry about Adam, Pa” said Hoss and quickly moved towards
his brother’s room.
“ I´ll go with Matt,” Joe said as soon as his father looked at him.
Hoss found Adam trying to sit up. His face was a mask of pain as he struggled
to control his breathing. Hoss strode towards him and turned on the lamp.
In spite of the pain that he was obviously feeling, and full of determination
to leave his bed, Adam pulled out the blankets.
“ Lean back Adam,” Hoss said softly while he gently pushed him back to
bed. Adam offered lots of resistance and Hoss wondered from where he was
gathering all that strength. “ Come on big brother, you need to rest.”
“ Let me go Hoss,” Adam groaned and twisted his face in pain. “ Matt is
calling me.”
“ Joe is with him, don’t you worry,” Hoss replied while he gently placed
Adam back against the pillow. Adam screamed as he felt a deep spasm through
his stomach.” Sorry brother, I don’t mean to hurt you, ” commented Hoss feeling
guilty for causing Adam more pain than what he was already enduring.
Adam finally gave up the fight and took a deep breath as he closed his
eyes. “ Hoss…” he mumbled without opening his eyes. “ How is she?”
“ She’s fine and sleeping,” Hoss told him and covered Adam with his blankets.
“ Pa is taking care of her now. You’ll see her tomorrow, now
you have to sleep.”
Hoss grimaced while he studied Adam’s face. He could not stand to
see his older brother so harshly. As seconds passed, Adam’s breathing was
back to normal and slowly he fell a sleep again. Hoss dragged the chair
close to Adam’s bed, after he decided to spend the night there just in case
Adam awoke again.
Joe turned on the lamp and found Matt sat in his bed, crying sorrowfully
hugging to his pillow. He sat next to his nephew and took Matt in his arms.
The little boy clung to his uncle’s neck and went on crying and shivering
without control. “ Easy Matt, nothing happen.”
“ Where is daddy?” he asked sorrowfully. “ I want my daddy.”
“ He is sleeping, he had to do it so he’ll be fine to see you,” Joe told
his nephew continuing to rock him.
“ I heard him.” Matt muttered with a weak, broken voice.
“ Hoss is with him now,” Joe told him. “ Maybe he is rocking Adam the
way I’m rocking you.”
Abruptly Matt raised his face and looked at Joe puzzled.
“ Can Uncle Hoss rock daddy?”
The innocent question brought a smile to Joe’s lips. “ Perhaps he can.
Hoss is pretty strong.”
“ Daddy is too big,” Matt replied and shifted to face Joe. He was still
puzzled, as he could not imagine how his huge uncle could rock his father.
Joe studied his face with amusement and noticed that Matt had completely
forgotten what had awaked him. “ Uncle Joe, do you really think that
Uncle Hoss can rock daddy.”
Joe hid the amusement behind a cough. It was a funny picture to imagine.
He shrugged. “ Let’s do something,” Joe suggested while he laid Matt back
on his bed. “ We’ll asked him, first thing in the morning.”
Matt nodded and blinked several times ready to go back to sleep, while
Joe covered him with the blankets. Then he sat in the chair next to
the bed and remained by his nephew’s side. It was cute to watch him sleep.
Joe smiled thinking of his own childhood. He thought about the way that Hoss
and Adam that always protected him from everything that could possibly hurt
him.
“ I promise Matt, I´ll be always for you whenever you need me,”
he whispered as he wondered how many times his brother Adam watched him
sleep after a nightmare.
Joe sighed and rose. He leaned forward and kissing Matt´s forehead
he wished him good dreams.
“ Uncle Joe,” Matt said once Joe turned down the lamp.
“ I’m here baby,” Joe said and caressed Matt´s head. “ What is it?”
“ Can I sleep with you”
Joe smiled while he sat on Matt´s bed. The boy turned to his uncle
and touched Joe’s leg reassuring himself that his uncle was still there.
“ Can I? I don’t want to be alone.”
“ I’m staying with you,” replied Joe tenderly while he leaned next to
his nephew. Joe felt Matt´s arms surrounding his body and could not
control the smile. He embraced Matt. “ Let’s sleep, baby. It’s late for
both of us.”
Connie was fighting to push the image of Wheeler killing Rafael away from
her mind, but suddenly it was not Rafael the one that was lying in the ground
covered by blood. It was Jeremy Wheeler waving a sharp knife close to Adam’s
face. Frightened she opened her eyes as she remembered that Wheeler was planing
to kill Adam as he had done with Rafael. Connie began to shake while her
heart was pounding wildly as she struggled to remember if Wheeler had achieved
his purpose. She had no recollection of what happened to Adam, as all she
could remember were the shots that deafened her.
Connie sensed that someone was calling her, but the voice was coming from
afar, and it was another name that she was hearing. She blinked several times
until she could focus and Ben’s face appeared in front of her. She
threw herself against him with desperation and began to cry sorrowfully.
“ Calm down, ” Ben said softly as he took her in his arms. “ It
was a nightmare, Molly. It’s over now.”
“ Connie. My name is Connie, ” she said automatically. “Adam?”
she cried with terror in her voice while her eyes wandered around the room
seeking him. “ Where is Adam?” she asked amidst sobs and tried to move away
from Ben, as her sorrow grew, but he did not allow her to do it.
“ He’s sleeping,” he said rubbing her back. “ Take it easy.”
“ Let me go,” she cried and with all her strength she got rid of Ben’s
arm. Desperately, she jumped out of her bed, and ran out of her room, with
Ben following a few steps behind her.
Connie broke into Adam’s room, being too confused to wonder what she expected
to find. At first she thanked God for finding him there, but Adam lying motionless,
so covered with bandages shook her. She moved near his bed where Hoss
was already standing, while her eyes traveled along the bandages that covered
his chest, his shoulder, his neck and his head. She fixed her eyes
on his face, which showed signs of bruises and scratches. Tears were
still rolling down her face uncontrollably and Connie covered her mouth with
both hands blaming herself for what happened to him.
“ Is he going to die?” she asked scared among sobs.
“ Oh, no. Adam will be fine soon,” Hoss said gently and placed one hand
over her shoulder and glanced at his father staring at her from the threshold.
“ Go back to sleep Sis. You’ll be able to see him tomorrow.”
Connie shook her head reluctantly and pressed her lips together seized
by anguish and guilt.
“ I want to stay with him,” she said adamantly.
“ But you need to rest too,” Ben said tenderly. “ You can see him
tomorrow.”
Connie blinked several times and caressed Adam’s cheek. Finally she nodded
and without offering resistance, she let Ben lead her out of the room.
Minutes later she was in her bed and as soon as she leaned her head against
the pillow, she closed her eyes. What the hell happened to you Constance
Leod? Ben wondered as he studied her face, so full of terror and anguish.
He shook his head and through the window he could see the first light of a
new day. He wondered what surprises it would bring. He hesitated but decided
that he did not want to go back to bed. He came out of her room and crossed
the hallway towards the staircase.
THREE
The midmorning sun that filled her room awoke her. Her mind had
been replaying scenes from different stages of her life, and when she opened
her eyes a wonderful feeling of comfort brought by memories of her childhood
seized her. Suddenly the comfort vanished and for a couple of seconds
past and present mixed inside. Disoriented as she was, Connie sat up. She
glanced around letting her eyes stop at each corner as well as every familiar
piece of furniture that dressed the room. Gradually the fear decreased
as she realized that she was in her room, the one she had taken for the past
four years.
Constance took a deep breath and leaned back against the wood bed. She
glanced at the window and stared at the blue sky that she could see from
her bed. Any other day she would have jumped out of bed, ashamed of
being there when she ought to be helping Hop Sing with the household, but
this morning she did not have any desire to do it. She was feeling
sick and she had a lot to think about. For years she had thought that she
could not remember because there was nothing good in her past life to do
it. But I was wrong, Connie thought, as her mind was filled with wonderful
moments of her childhood. I was very happy at the Orphanage with Mother
Margaret, she though remembering her warm smile and her soft charming way
of speaking. I need to explain to her what I did, she told herself
knowing that she had disappointed her beloved Mother. Apart from the Ponderosa,
the orphanage was the only placed that meant home to her and Connie´s
heart was filled with bitterness as she accepted the possibility that Mother
Margaret could not forgive her. Connie shifted among her blankets feeling
herself miserable and empty.
Voices coming from the yard brought her back to present time. Connie got
out of her bed and walked towards the window. She glimpsed outside
and smiled when she saw Hop Sing moving the wagon out of the yard, with Matt
seated by his side. She narrowed her eyes and noticed how serious and sad
the little boy looked like. Did they tell him about Adam, she wondered suddenly
seized by guilt. She turned her thoughts towards Ben and his sons. I need
to talk with them, she thought and moved to her cupboard. Once she was dressed,
Connie left her room, but she decided that before going downstairs she would
see how Adam was. Slowly she crossed the hallway and walked into Adam’s
room. Her eyes traveled his face, and she noticed that his cheeks were
reddish. Connie leaned forwards and gently kissed his cheek noticing that
he was a bit feverish. She frowned, as she could feel a cold sharp
rage growing inside against Wheeler for what he had done to Adam and Rafael.
Although she was aware that she was committing a sin by hating Rafael Wheeler,
she could not help it.
“ You’ll be fine, my love,” she whispered softly while she held his hand
among hers. “ I´ll take care of you.”
She kissed his lips and moved out of his room.
Connie came into the main room buried in her thoughts. She found Ben at
his desk surrounded by Joe and Hoss. The three of them were staring at her
with expectant eyes. Suddenly all that confusion that she felt turned into
embarrassment and she lowered her eyes avoiding their gazes.
Ben rose and walked towards her without hiding his concern. She looked
pale and lost and her eyes had a slight gloom that whispered how overwhelmed
she was.
“ You shouldn’t have left your bed,” Ben said softly. Connie raised her
eyes at him and grimaced. “ I’m serious, you don’t look good.”
“ It has nothing to do with my physical condition Ben,” she replied seriously.
“ I was with Adam…how is he?”
“ He will be fine,” Ben answered studying her face.
Connie nodded thoughtfully, and moved towards the settee. Once she was
seated, she placed her elbows over her knees and dropped her face into her
hands seized by a mixture of feelings that she could not sort out.
“ You must hate me for what happened to Adam.” The voice came
muffled and seemed that she was thinking out loud. “ Its all my fault.”
“That’s nonsense,” Ben said while he sat by her side, as Hoss and Joe
sat across the living room table facing her. “ You saved Adam’s life.”
Connie straightened as she looked at Ben with surprise and nodded, but
she could not see things the same way. She turned her deep green eyes to
Joe and Hoss wondering what they really thought about her after she had caused
so much pain to their beloved brother.
“ What did you tell Matt?” she wanted to know.
“ We told him that Adam is sick and that he needs to rest,” Ben said and
poured a cup of coffee for her. “ But he’s a smart boy, he knows that something
else is happening.”
Connie nodded. “ Tell me about Adam, Ben?” The fear in her voice did not
pass unnoticed by any of the Cartwright. “ Tell me the truth.”
Ben glanced at Hoss and Joe and saw that they were following the conversation.
He moved his eyes back to her and mentioned the cuts along Adam’s body, as
well as the injury in his head and the broken ribs.
“ He awoke an hour ago,” Ben said. “ He asked for water and fell asleep
immediately. But fortunately his fever did not rise.”
Ben studied her for a moment and noticed how pale and fragile she looked.
Her sore eyes wandered around the room as if she was seeking for something
that was not exactly there. He placed one hand over hers, trying to grasp
her attention.
“ Darling, we know that you remember your past,” Ben dared to say breaking
the tense silence. “ Yesterday you mentioned that your name is Constance
Leod.”
Connie turned her anxious green eyes at Ben. Years ago, he had taken care
of her without caring who she was; he had opened his heart to her, offering
his home and family without asking. Ben Cartwright gave wholehearted every
time she needed him and that gave him the right to at least ask about her
past.
“ After so many years of wondering, it finally happened,” she said with
weak trembling voice. “ You know when I came to live here, I allowed myself
to think that you three were filling the emptiness that my real family left,
as I could not remember them,” she said after a couple of minutes of silence.
“ But now it seems that you are the only family I ever had.”
Ben looked at her wistfully. It was a sad statement and he wanted to help
her take away all the grief she had inside.
“ Tell us Connie, you need to do it,” Ben said cautiously knowing
that he was pressing her a bit further. “ Let us help you.”
Connie lowered her eyes without knowing how to start. As overwhelmed as
she was, she knew that she had to tell them. Hesitantly, she played with
the skirt of her dress feeling that her past was burning inside, eager to
be free, as memories came to her like troubled water and there was no way
to stop them. Seeking the courage to start, Connie looked at the three of
them. Ben’s calm fatherly eyes were encouraging her. She smiled at him sadly
and turned her eyes to Hoss who was offering his best tender smile to her.
Unlike his father and brother, Joe’s face was a mask of concern and frustration
that he did not care to hide, while his restless eyes were full of questions.
Connie took a deep breath wondering if those questions were about what
happened to Adam. She leaned back and with soft trembling voice began
to tell them that her parents died when a Cholera epidemic swept through
New York and that she was carried into St. Joseph Orphanage. She also
talked about the wonderful moments she shared with the Superior Mother; Mother
Margaret.
“Mother Margaret was wonderful,” she said in a faraway tone. “ She meant
everything to me. She was my guiding star,” she followed pensively as she
realized how much she was missing her. “ You know, I was so fond of her,
that I wanted to be just like her. There was not another way of living for
me. In fact, I was sure that by that way I would show her my gratitude. ”
She paused and lost herself in her thoughts for a while without noticing the
effect of her words in the Cartwrights. “ So when I reached the proper age,
Mother Margaret made all the arrangements for me to enter the novitiate.”
Hoss and Joe exchanged glances full of astonishment as her words hit them
strongly and deeply, but they hid their emotions and continued listening
to her with caring expression. She was talking about her years at the Convent
and how she got to know about the Spanish Jesuit Missions.
Although she needed to share her memories with them, Connie made her story
as short as she could, as she understood that there was no need to tell everything.
There were facts that should remain in her past as if she would keep the
pain away if she refused to talk about it.
“ Darling, do you want to tell us how you came to the Ponderosa?” Ben
asked cautiously.
Connie nodded while she glanced around. She was expecting that question
and although she was aware that it would be hard to answer, she was ready
to do it. With broken voice she told them that she had been sent to live
among a group of Sisters to bring assistance to a small population near Denver
that was having a tough time. One of their missions was to open an
orphanage where many children could stay after they lost their parents under
a bloody attack of a group of rebel Indians. Once they settled in a
small precarious parish, the Sisters traveled along the surrounding areas
offering their assistance to those that needed it and gathered the children
who were left on their own. One day, when Connie was in Denver with
three other Sisters, she met a young handsome priest. He was staying at a
parish with other two Jesuit priests and they were heading towards Mission
San Carlos, which was located a few miles from Monterey in a couple of days.
He told her that they were going to stop and assist many towns as well as
Pacific Indians tribes that they had came to know through the years.
As soon as she knew about him Connie offered to join his group.
“ Was this man Rafael among that group?” Joe asked interrupting her. She
was shaken by the question and looked at him wondering how Joe could know
about Rafael.
“ You mentioned him many times yesterday,” Ben explained her, as he noticed
her astonishment.
“ What else did I mention?” she asked a bit afraid of the answer
“ Nothing else, you only mentioned your full name and repeated many times
that Wheeler killed Rafael.”
“ I see,” she said and glanced around. “ He was there too. He was
Father Rafael Montella,” she said with soft sorrow voice. “ He was the Spanish
Jesuit Priest that I met in Denver and told me about Mission San Carlos.
The other two priests were also Spanish but older than Rafael. Their names
were Father Fernando Soler and Francisco Oregon. Another man joined
the group, whose name was Marcus O´Brien. He was traveling to
San Francisco, and as he had run out of money, he asked Father Fernando
if he could help us in order to fund his trip to San Francisco.” She paused
and raised her eyes facing Ben. “The morning I first saw Wheeler we were
already in California near Lake Tahoe. Father Fernando and I were helping
a few Indians that were moving to upper lands, ” Connie followed saying with
strained tense voice. Suddenly she frowned.“ But if I’m not mistaken, his
name was not Wheeler then, he was called Steve, Steve Miller,” she added
realizing that it was the first time that she remembered his real name
“ They threatened us for been helping a group of Indians. Father Fernando
tried to explain to them that they were looking for water and that the Indians
were moving to upper lands. But they did not listen to him. They were outlaws
and enjoyed scaring us. They laughed at Father Fernando and one of them kicked
him without getting off his horse.” She paused and glanced around as her
mind forced her to watch it all over again. “
Meanwhile that man kicked Father Fernando, the man that you know as Wheeler
came after me, asking me where Carlos was. Scared as I was, I tried to tell
him that I did not know anybody by that name. Wheeler pushed me towards some
shrubs and called his partner who was threatening Father Fernando.
They mounted their horses, but before they left us, Wheeler addressed Father
Fernando pointedly and promised him that they would come back.”
Connie wiped the tears that were running down her face with her handkerchief
while she continued her story; that when they reached the camp, Father Fernando
told Father Francisco and Rafael about the ambush. Automatically, Rafael
moved towards the few Indians that were still there and persuade them to
follow the rest of the tribe. Her voice broke while her gaze got lost
in the empty fireplace.
“ It was the middle of the night when a soft murmur awoke me,” she began
saying after a couple of minutes of silence. “ Suddenly the voices began
to rise and I could hear two men arguing. In a matter of seconds’ two
men that awoke us by shouts and kicks surrounded us. Wheeler was one of them.
” She paused, lost in her memories.” It was madness.” Connie looked afar
as she was not there altogether and when she spoke, it was evident that she
did not see Ben, Joe nor Hoss anymore. “ One of them began to burn the
tents as soon as we were out and Father Francisco and Father Fernando tried
to stop them, but they were easily beaten.”
She lowered her eyes as sorrow and distress seized her. “ I don’t
know what happened to them because while that was happening, Wheeler came
after me, and Rafael tried to stop him. They began to fight and rolled down
around the burning tents. Rafael shouted at me, ordering me to run away,
but I couldn’t move. Rafael was saying things that I could not understand.
He seemed to be trying to persuade Wheeler, that they could settle everything
and that there been no need for violence. For an instant the time stopped,
and for a matter of seconds I got the feeling that something was about to
change forever.”
Connie dropped her face into her hands as she began to cry sorrowfully.
She did not want to remember it; it was too painful. She was weeping bitterly
as if she was witnessing the tragic scene at that exact moment feeling that
part of her life, her innocence and her illusion had died that awful night
with Rafael.
Ben moved closer to her and held her in his arms. She leaned against him
and hid her face in his chest, while Ben rubbed her back comforting her,
but letting her cry, as he understood that she needed to do it. A mourning
that delayed four years to surface, he thought bitterly.
Suddenly she went on talking, as the words sprung from her mouth uncontrollably.
“ Wheeler took a knife from his boot and laughing waved it close to Rafael´s
face.” She paused and closed her eyes briefly.” He cut Rafael´s throat
completely,” she finished saying with broken voice.
Connie moved away from Ben and hugged herself as she felt the impact of
her words. Her mind was filled with images of Rafael dying; his eyes opened
wide in horror; his hands covering the wound of his neck struggling to breathe
while he fell into the ground. He was punishing me then, as He did
yesterday with Adam, she thought with distress. It was entirely my fault.
This could not happen again.
“ Do you think that you can go on,” Ben asked softly, a bit concerned
at her condition. She nodded and sat in the blue chair facing him.
“ There’s not much to tell Ben,” she began saying with soft voice.
“ After killing Rafael, Wheeler came after me. He was laughing madly
and there was a cold threatening look in his eyes. He took me in his arms
and began to tear my tunic.” She paused and rubbed her stomach unconsciously,
as she remembered the unpleasant moment. “ He was about to achieve it when
Marcus took him away from me. He fought wildly until Wheeler fell into
the ground limply. Without loosing time, Marcus dragged me towards a horse.
I was numb, unable to move or think by myself.” Connie shook her head,
thinking about the man that saved her life. “
Poor Marcus, he rode us out of that camp. I was crying hysterically, in
complete shock, therefore I have few recollections of what happened,” she
said. She narrowed her eyes struggling to remember. “ It was a close dark
night without moon to light our way. We were running across an open field.
The last thing I could remember was that the horse stumbled and we couldn’t
keep ourselves in the saddle. I fell and rolled down, I didn’t know
what hit me, but seemed that the pain would be endless.” She said as she
hugged herself, suddenly seized by nausea. She took a deep breath and
managed to calm down. Connie remained in complete silence for more than a
minute. In some ways, she realized she was just getting used to the memory
of what she had gone through as she was recalling the events. It was almost
as new to her as it was to the Cartwrights.
“ It’s odd how life can changed with a blink,” she said thoughtfully.
“ It seemed that that night I just walked out of my life and stepped into
someone else’s.” She looked lost in her thoughts while she was saying it,
as if she was still contemplating her words. At last she snorted.
“ Now that I think it over, it was a complete change of life.” She glanced
at Ben, Joe and Hoss. “ I lived all my life surrounded by women, now I’m
surrounded by men.” She smiled at them as if she had found something funny
in what she was thinking. “ I lived always locked at the Convent, with my
Mother Margaret and the other Sisters.” She watched them, her face full
of emotions. “ When I came to live here, I found freedom at the Ponderosa
as well as a terrific father and two wonderful brothers.” Joe leaned
forwards and touched by her comment he caressed her cheek. She lowered
her eyes briefly and her voice became a smooth murmur. “ For years I thought
that my soul as well as my entire life belong to the Lord. That He was my
family…. But after Adam…” She could not finish the sentence and closed her
eyes struggling to control the tears that were threatening to fall. “ It’s
so strange. I’m feeling lost. I want to see Mother Margaret, I need
to explain her what happened to me.” There was not a trace of the amusement
she had felt only seconds before. Her face was once again covered by a dark
shadow of confusion. “ Do you think that Adam will understand? What
if he doesn’t?” She looked at Ben with begging eyes. “I’m not quite
sure that I´ll be able to marry Adam now.”
“ Connie, don’t think about the wedding right now,” Joe said shaken by
her sad statement. “ I know my brother and he won’t force you to anything
against your will.”
“ But it’s not a matter of will. I love Adam but I committed so many sins,”
she added and avoided their gazes feeling embarrassed. She remembered having
been very happy as Sister Connie, and yet she could not stand to think about
loosing Adam. “ I’m so confused, ” she said hesitantly. ”As a matter of fact,
I’m not quite sure who I am,” she said sympathetically and she sounded as
if she meant every word. “ It might sound strange, but I have the feeling
that I jumped back in time and that I have lived two different lives for
a while,” she followed saying still unsure of so many things. “ I am Connie
and yet I’m also Molly.”
Another sad statement, Ben thought. But this one was sadder and deeper
than before. Ben stared at her worried, she seemed so vulnerable and fragile,
completely lost and struggling to appear self controlled, when her eyes shouted
with desperation that she wasn’t.”
“ Adam will listen to you and act according to what he thinks is better
for you,” Hoss reassured her trying to hide his own bewilderment. “ Everything
is going to be all right, you’ll see.”
“ I hope you’re right Hoss,” she said offering him a smile.
She wanted to be alone and face everything by herself. She rose and
moved away from them. “ I want to see Adam now.”
“ Connie,” Ben called her before she reached the staircase. She turned
and looked at him.“ Connie and Molly are only parts of the same person.”
Ben paused and gave her a fatherly smile. “ Seek for yourself inside. You
are the only one that know what you really want to be.”
“ Thanks Ben,” she said and smiled at the three of them, feeling herself
blessed for having them by her side. Afterwards without saying another word
she climbed the staircase and disappeared upstairs.
The three men followed her with their eyes struggling to assimilate what
they had heard. Ben was deeply concerned about Adam’s reaction.
Since the night that they forced Adam to face his past at the barn, there
was not a single day that Ben did not think about Adam’s happiness and feelings.
Ben was aware of how madly his son loved Molly. But what about Connie, he
wondered a bit afraid of the answer. Is she the same young lady, Ben wondered
on his way to his desk. Is she leaving Adam in spite of her love of him?
Too many questions and he did not have the answers to any of them.
“ What do you think Pa?” Hoss asked as Ben sat behind his desk.
“ I don’t know son,” Ben said as he leaned back. “ She needed to get in
touch with her life before The Ponderosa. That’s for sure.”
“ Do you think that she will leave Adam?” Joe asked with astonishment.
“ Do you think that she will settle in New York at the Convent.”
“ I’m not quite sure that she has the answer for that yet,” Ben
answered and turned to his youngest son. “ Joe, go to Virginia City and
send a telegram to the Superior Mother of St. Joseph’s Orphanage in New
York. “ Ben said while he rubbed his jaw with a pensive expression. “ Try
to find out if Mother Margaret’s still there. If so, tell her that Connie
is alive and invite her to come to the Ponderosa.” He paused and glanced
at his sons that were nodding with frowning serious faces. “ Perhaps if Connie
met her here it would help her. ” He lowered his eyes wondering if
he was forgetting something. “ One more thing Joe, tell Roy Coffee to come
as soon as possible.”
FOUR
It was midafternoon when Roy Coffee entered the yard of the Ponderosa
ranch. He had started a research about Jeremy Wheeler’s identity, but had
not achieved much. Nobody in the whole territory of Nevada had heard
about him, so he tried his luck in California and Arizona, but the results
were the same. It was a true mystery and the Sheriff was looking forward
to hearing Molly’s statement.
“ Hi Ben, I came as soon as I could,” Coffee said while he shook hands
with his friend. Ben nodded and asked him to come in. “ How is Adam?”
“ He woke up a couple of hours ago, but he’s sleeping again, ” commented
Ben and rubbed his jaw with one hand, as he remembered his condition.
Roy nodded and mentioned that Paul Martin told him that he would be at
the Ponderosa by evening. Ben thanked him while he passed one arm across
Roy´s shoulder leading him towards the living room. Once the Sheriff
seated in the settee, Ben reminded him that her name was Constance Leod, as
well as that she liked everybody to call her Connie. Coffee nodded in understanding,
but said nothing. After that was said, Ben told him that he was going
to see where Connie was.
“ I’m here Ben” Constance said as she came from the kitchen carrying a
tray with cups and a coffeepot.
“ Hi Moll… sorry Constance,” greeted Coffee with a warm friendly smile.
“ How are you feeling?”
“ Much better Roy, thanks for asking,” she said while she placed the tray
over the living room table. She straightened and faced the Sheriff, showing
him her best disposition.
“Are you ready to tell me what happened,” Roy said taking the cup she
offered in his hands.
Constance nodded silently. “ But I don’t know where to start Roy,” Constance
said while she delivered a cup to Ben.
“ Let me ask you something,” Coffee said before sipping his coffee. “
Did Wheeler have something to do with the fact that you came here.”
She nodded and crossed her legs leaning back. She sipped her tea and began
her statement. As she spoke about the ambush, her voice was firm and confident
and there were not a trace of tears or sorrow in her eyes. She was beginning
to get used of what she was saying and what she had witnessed. At first,
when she told it to the Cartwrights, she had felt that that terrible night
had taken place only days ago, but at that moment, sharing everything with
Coffee, she felt it distant, realizing that everything had already happened
four years ago.
Constance spoke for more than twenty minutes giving Coffee all the details
he needed for his investigation. Abruptly she paused, as her mind was filled
with images of Wheeler, kissing her like an animal, touching her body wildly.
She decided to keep that for herself, as those facts would not clarify anything
and would be too painful for her to share it with them.
“ That’s all I can tell you Roy,” she said abruptly and rose. They are
all dead, she thought, there’s no need to dig deep. She decided that she
would not tell Coffee more than that. “ Marcus O´Brien saved my life.
I don’t know what happened to Father Francisco and Father Fernando.”
“ I see,” Coffee said. “ Do you have any idea why Wheeler want to
kill Adam.”
She shook her head. “ No Roy, I seldom spoke with Jeremy,” she said sharply.
“ I have no idea.”
“ Well, don’t you worry about that, dear” Coffee said with gentle voice.
“ You were a great help for my investigation,“ he said while he rose. “ I
have to go back to Virginia City now.” He addressed Ben. “ Please let me
know when Adam is in condition to speak with me.” Ben nodded while Roy
looked at Connie. “ Good bye Connie. I´ll let you know if I have any
news.”
“ Thanks, Roy”
Ben followed Roy Coffee out of the house.
“ Well Ben, now we know what happened to her,” Roy mentioned while he
untied the reins of his horse. “ But yet, I’ve got the feeling that
she did not tell us everything.”
“ I know Roy, but I sense that it has nothing to do with your investigation,”
Ben said thinking about Adam.
“ Yes, I guess you are right,” Coffee agreed and mounted his horse. “Well,
I must leave, I have many telegrams to send.”
“ Please keep me informed,” Ben asked him and watched as Coffee moved
his horse. “ Bye Roy.”
FIVE
Adam wanted to open his eyes, but they were too heavy and the comfortable
sleepiness pulled him down. He had the feeling that he was dancing dizzily
between consciousness and unconsciousness and could not distinguish one from
the other. Most of his body ached with such intensity that he did not want
to move a single muscle, and added to that, a terrible headache made him
feel that his head would explode any minute. Wheeler’s voice hammered
his mind forcing him to remember the nightmare he had been through. That man
was real crazy, he thought. But it’s over, he reminded himself, as
he remembered her shooting Wheeler, so out of her mind, so lost in her own
deep unconscious pain. During those hours that Adam was kept captive, Wheeler
had been very talkative and shared with him many things he knew about Constance.
Constance, his mind repeated, while Wheeler’s voice reminded him that she
was a nun; that she lived among a group of Jesuits priests. A nun, Adam’s
mind repeated with astonishment as Wheeler’s laughter resounded in his head.
One day she will recovered her memories Cartwright and she will run back
to God because that day I´ll kill her. But don’t you worry; you’ll
be burning in hell by then, because I know what you two have been doing.
Adam was burning inside as his love for Molly mixed with his growing confusion
and uncertainty. What if he was right, Adam wondered sadly. Constance Leod;
Connie; Sister Connie, Adam thought. Did I made love to a nun, he wondered
suddenly feeling confused. No, I didn’t. Molly is not a nun, he told himself
answering his own question. I don’t care what she was or what she did,
Adam’s mind shouted with frustration. I want Molly with me. He sensed that
there were people around him. A soft smooth murmur altered the deep
silence that was wrapping him.
“ He is still sleeping Grandpa,” Matt said with disappointment. “ You
promised that I can see him if I behave myself.”
“ I know baby. But your daddy needs to sleep,” Ben answered wondering
how he could calm his grandson.
“ Why?” cried Matt. “ I want him to open his eyes.”
“ Shhhh. “ The sound came from Adam.
“ Daddy, are you awake?” Matt asked eagerly while he climbed to his father’s
bed. “ Look, I’m here daddy. Open your eyes.”
“ Please Matthew, don’t shout and stop jumping in my bed,” he groaned
without opening his eyes.
“ Sorry daddy,” Matt said a bit ashamed. He moved closer to his father
and after stretching his neck, he cautiously placed a kiss on Adam’s cheek.
“ Thank you. I like that,” Adam said and smiled. “ But I want one of those
bear hugs you used to give me.” Matt clung to his father, and Adam twisted
his face in pain while he pressed his lips together struggling not to groan,
knowing that a simple sound could scare his little son.” That’s wonderful
baby.”
Blinking Adam finally opened his eyes. He smiled at Matt, who was staring
at him expectantly and over his son’s shoulder Adam saw his father and Hoss
looking at him with a mixture of concerned and relief.
“ This room is real crowded,” he said sarcastically, with soft weak voice.
He turned to his father when he felt that he was caressing his forehead.
“ Although I’m nearly forty, you still look at me as if I were ten.”
“ I cannot help it son,” Ben replied as he passed one hand over Adam’s
thick hair.
Adam nodded with an understanding expression and moved his eyes to Hoss.
He arched one eyebrow as he noticed that he was looking at him sadly.
“ Change that face Hoss, I’m not dying,” Adam said trying to sound confident.
“But I have to admit that Wheeler did a pretty good job on me,” he added
ironically.
“You really scared us this time,” Hoss dared to say with loving smile.
“ How are you feeling?”
“ I feel as if a thousand horses had run over me.” He snorted while
he fixed his eyes on his son and caressed his temple. “ Baby, do me
a favor?” Adam asked softly while he caressed Matt´s face. Matt looked
at his father eagerly. “ Would you please ask Hop Sing to bring me a cup
of tea.”
Matt nodded and after jumping of his father’s bed, he ran out of the room.
On his way out he stumbled into his Uncle Joe who was coming to see his brother.
“ Hey you, don’t run that way,” shouted Joe from the threshold of Adam’s
room.” Be careful with the staircase.” Joe shook his head and walked into
the room with smiling face. “ Hi Sleeping Beauty,” Joe said with amusement
as he joined his father and brother Hoss by Adam’s side. “ How are you feeling
this morning?”
“ Morning?” asked Adam puzzled arching one eyebrow. He groaned while he
shifted among the blankets. “ I’ve the feeling that I’ve been sleeping for
a long time.”
“ Yeah you slept for almost two days,” Ben said tenderly. “ Paul Martin
gave you a powerful sedative.”
“ Two days,” Adam said with bewilderment. He shifted and groaned
as he managed to sit up.
“ Adam please, don’t try to sit up,” Ben said firmly. “ You could open
your injuries.”
Adam grimaced but nodded. However, as much as he hated to be in bed, this
time he had no intention of arguing with his father. He was feeling dizzy
and weak, and he was not sure that he would be comfortable in a sitting position.
“ Where is she?” Adam asked soft but firmly.
“ She went for a walk,” Joe answered and glanced at his father. “
She said that she needed to be alone.”
Adam nodded and glanced around the room avoiding their eyes. “ You should
have seen her face when she shot Wheeler,” Adam said while he rubbed his
eyes with two fingers. “ It was so strange to watched her; she was not altogether
herself.” Adam paused briefly remembering the strange events of that morning.
“Wheeler mentioned many things about her while he was playing with that knife
against my body,” he said and however funny he tried to sound, they all
noticed the sharp edge of cold fury. “ He told me that he was planning to
marry her.”
“ That’s why he tried to kill you?” Hoss asked with wide-open eyes.
Adam nodded. “ He thought that I had spoiled his plans,” he said, as his
voice became a powerful angry whisper. He fixed his eyes at his father. “
Wheeler thought that you would give her part of the Ponderosa once they got
married.” Adam paused and blinked several times struggling to tolerate his
headache. “ He was planning to kill all of you and convince Molly to adopt
my son. With all of you dead, Matt would inherit the ranch. After
that he was planning to kill her, just in case she remembered what he had
done.” He paused again struggling to control his breathing over the pain
in his ribs. “Did she said anything about her past?” Adam asked while
he glanced at the three of them. “ Did she mention how she appeared at the
Ponderosa?”
Ben dragged the chair next to Adam’s bed wondering if it was a good moment
to tell him, as he noticed that Adam was disturbed and agitated, battling
to keep his eyes opened while he struggled to keep his temper under control.
“ Adam, you need to rest now son,” Ben said trying to calm him down. ”We
can talk about it later.“
“ Now Pa,” he demanded raising his voice with exasperation. He rolled
his tired eyes and fixed them on the ceiling. Whatever his father was going
to say, he needed to know it as soon as possible, as the uncertainty was
killing him. Adam narrowed his eyes and swallowed trying to help the knot
disappear from his throat. “ What did she tell you? I need to know it now.”
Before answering, Ben looked at Joe and Hoss. Both of them nodded
showing their father that it would be useless to try to convince Adam to
talk later.
“ Well son, she told us that she was raised at an Orphanage. She has no
family,” Ben began saying softly. “ After that she entered into a Convent.”
He paused and glanced at Joe and Hoss who were following the conversation.
He moved his eyes back to Adam wondering what his reaction would be, but
his eldest´s face was unreadable. “ She is or she was a nun.
She was called Connie, ” Ben said softly. “ She was traveling among
a group of Jesuits when they were ambushed.”
As the confirmation hit his heart, Adam was seized by bitterness but slowly
it turned into a sharp deep pain that made him forget his injuries. Before
Adam’s tormented mind, Molly was dying and was being replaced by Constance
Leod, a nun, and a complete stranger. He wanted to run away from them and
forced his mind to pretend that she never really existed. Don’t let that
happened, Adam. You have to fight, man, his inner voice shouted.
“ She needs to get used to her past, Adam,” Ben followed saying bringing
him back to reality. “ She needs some time for her own, that’s all.”
“ She’ll be the same lady that we all love,” Hoss said hopefully.
Adam fixed his gaze in his brothers. He did not like noticing that
they were struggling not to show that they were thinking about what had happened
at the barn many months ago. Arching one eyebrow, Adam moved his eyes to
his father and with annoyance, he realized that he was thinking the same.
“ Don’t look at me that way, will you?” he growled angrily, while he blinked
several times, as his eyelids were suddenly very heavy.
“ Adam, listen to me,” Ben said cautiously trying to reach Adam before
he buried himself in his conclusions. “ She’s confused, but you know that
she loves you, son.”
Adam scowled and turned angry eyes to his father but did not speak immediately.
He pressed the bridge of his nose struggling to suppress the mix of feelings
that were growing inside. “ Don’t try to make me feel better, cause you can’t.”
His words showed clearly how frustrated and embittered he was. Ben
exchanged glances with Hoss, begging for his intervention. As long as he
knew his sons, Ben was fully aware that his huge middle son had the art to
calm down Adam’s temper more easily than anybody at the house did. Answering
to his father-unspoken request, Hoss placed his huge hand on Adam’s shoulder.
“ Oh come on big brother,” he said softly and his velvet voice made Adam
turned at him. Hoss smiled fixing his gentle blue eyes on his brother’s burning
ones. “ Pa’s not trying to make you feel better, he wants you to see the whole
picture.”
“ The whole picture, Hoss?” Adam said and snorted with annoyance.
“ The whole picture would involve an Orphanage led by Sisters of Charity
and many years living as a Sister at that Convent. After that, many months
working among Jesuit priests and then only four years living here. “ He closed
his eyes briefly and with lot of effort opened them again. “I’m not quite
sure that Molly would exist framed in the whole picture.” Adam paused while
he closed his eyes and took a deep breath suddenly feeling exhausted. “ At
least not the Molly I love,” he mumbled almost in a murmur, as if he was
thinking out loud. “ I want to see her. I need to hear everything from her
lips.”
“ Sleep Adam,” Ben said in a fatherly way, as he caressed his head.
Adam battled against the sleepiness but he lost the fight and fell asleep
before his father and brothers walked out of his room.
SIX
It was almost evening time when Adam opened his eyes again. He was feeling
much better but yet he was not in any condition to move without pain.
As soon as he was fully awakened, he recognized her soft sweet perfume. With
less effort than before he managed to glance around seeking for her. He
smiled when he saw her standing next to the window, but he did not call her
immediately. He simply stared at her tracing her silhouette, wondering
what would happen in the next few minutes. As long as he remembered, Molly
always wore fine elegant dresses, favoring yellow, green, blue and white.
But at that moment she was wearing a brown dark one and Adam wondered if
that was the color of her tunic at the Convent. Many months ago when he came
back to the family ranch, Adam had been almost buried in life, practically
dying from despair. But Molly with her fresh caring nature, her kind
manners and her sweet smile tore down the wall he had built around his heart
and brought new sense to his life. And at that moment, Adam wanted to hold
her in his arms without letting her move away from him and make her promise
that nothing would change between them. But it was only a wish, as
he was not that confident after what his father told him about her. Let’s
see what she has to say, Adam thought without knowing what to expect.
With great difficulties he tried to sit up, but his body ached too much
and his groans caught her attention.
“ What are you doing?” she said as she moved towards him. “ Please
Adam, lay down.”
“ I need to sit up,” he replied while he closed his eyes struggling to
suppress the pain. “ My back is killing me.”
“ You are impossible,” she mumbled, as she touched his forehead reassuring
herself that there was not fever. “ You cannot sit yet, Adam”
A shooting pain traveled down from his shoulder to his stomach and he
gave up his idea to sit up. Once he managed to control his breathing, he
opened his eyes and found her sitting at the edge of his bed. Although
she was smiling at him, Adam was saddened to realize that in spite of her
wonderful smile, it was not Molly the one that was staring at him.
There was a minimal change in the brightness of her eyes and as much as she
tried to cover her feelings, her eyes showed him how tormented she was.
“ You look very handsome with all these bandages,” she said trying to
sound funny. He snorted but said nothing. “ How are you feeling?”
“ Better,” he said and managed to outline a smile beyond the flood of
feeling that wrapped him. “ What about you? Pa told me something, but I
want you to tell me.”
Connie nodded wondering if she could be able to sound confident, as she
felt that Adam’s dangerous eyes were scanning her. She straightened and
studied his face. Adam looked strange, his eyes looked suspicious and distant.
He knows more than what he’s showing, Connie thought.
“ Wheeler told you something?” she asked hesitantly.
“ Nonsense” was his short quick answer.
Connie was shaken by his answer, as she understood the huge variety of
meanings that that word could involve. Her body got tense and a knot began
to shape in her stomach. She moved her eyes away from him wondering what
Wheeler could have said. She had been wondering what to mention and what
to keep for herself since the day before, but at that moment her whole life
was running in her mind. Although those memories about Rafael that she wanted
to keep for herself were flashing in her head, forcing her to remember, she
had already decided that she would tell Adam about his existence, but she
would not give him further explanations. With a soft mellow voice she
began to talk and once again, she made her story as short as she could summarizing
twenty years of life in fifteen minutes.
Adam was listening to her but although he was trying not to remember what
Wheeler had said, he couldn’t. It was obvious to Adam that although she had
previous mentioned a man called Rafael before; she did not do it while she
was telling him her life story. She was talking about her trip to California
and it was easy to notice how strained she was, while she was fighting to
keep her emotions under control. Connie paused and let her gaze wander around
the room as if she was struggling to make up her mind about something that
she was not sure how to say.
“ You must be wondering who Rafael was” she mumbled with constricted voice.
“ I have to confess that I am” Adam answered, as the question took him
by surprise. “As a matter of fact, I think that you shot Wheeler because
of him instead of me.”
“ You sound disappointed,” she said quietly without being able to deny
it.
“ No, I’m not,” he answered instinctively and studied the expression of
her face, noticing that he had hit a vulnerable point. “I guess that
he was one of the priests that Wheeler killed, but it seems that he was
important to you,” he ventured.
“ Yes, he was my friend,” she said softly. “ He was a Spanish Jesuit priest
that I met in Denver.” Connie paused seized again by Rafael´s memories.
She had thought a lot about him that morning, therefore she was still sensitive
regarding those memories.” When he mentioned me that he was heading towards
one of the Spanish Missions, I told him that I always wanted to be part of
those Missions, he offered me to work by his side. We traveled together since
then. I was very fond of him,” she answered without looking at Adam. “Wheeler
murdered him in front of my eyes”
“ Do you want to talk about him?” Adam asked wondering if he was being
insensitive pressing her when it’s so obvious that she did not want to a
talk about him. But he decided that it would help her to talk.
She shook her head and moved towards the window avoiding his eyes, as
if Adam could sense that her mind was filled with conflicting thoughts.
Please Adam, stop-asking questions, she begged.
“ Look at me Connie,” Adam said as he deliberately called her by her name.
She turned at him tormented. “ Connie many months ago you told me that you
want me to be happy,” he managed to say over the fall of emotions that were
seizing him. She frowned and fixed her sore eyes on him. “ That morning you
also said that if my happiness was away from you, you’ll be happy because
of me. Do you remember?” She nodded and lowered her eyes sadly. “ Well,
I´ll tell you the same now.” He paused again struggling to hide the
distress that his own words were causing him. “ Connie you are the only one
that knows where your life is. I´ll be by your side whatever you decide
to do.”
“ I love you beyond everything Adam,” she said and her voice broke because
of the emotions while one tear slowly fell down her cheek. Adam noticed that
suddenly she looked lost. “ But I need time. There’s so much I need to think
about.” She paused and sat in the chair by his side and nervously rubbed
her hands together. “ I cannot think about the wedding right now Adam.”
“ Hey take it easy, ” Adam said softly and stretched his hand to her.
She held his hand and smiled at him sadly. “ You don’t have to think about
that. I only want you to be fine.”
She nodded and looked at him with emotion. “ You know how much I love
you, don’t you?” she said softly. He nodded and managed to smile, while
he sensed that he would not like what she was about to say. “ What if I
tell you that I need to move away from the Ponderosa?” she said almost in
a whisper. Adam felt a shiver crossed his spine. However tormented she looked,
she sounded as if she had already make up her mind about it. “ Maybe I´ll
travel to San Carlos Mission. I need to realize that I’m not part of that
life anymore.”
“ If that’s what you need, I´ll back you,” Adam said and managed
to soften his voice over the desperation that was seizing him. “What if you
discover that Constance is still part of that life?”
“ I don’t know, Adam” she confessed with sincerity, and her eyes filled
with tears as if she was afraid to discover that. “ I only know that I have
to go back and face my past. I need to discover who I am, Adam.”
A knock in the door interrupted the conversation and Ben appeared after
Adam told him to come in. Connie turned to the window hiding the tears that
once again were running down her face.
“ Adam, Paul Martin is here,” Ben said as he glanced at Connie and moved
his eyes back to Adam. “ We are having a cup of coffee, but he doesn’t have
much time.”
“ Tell him to come,” Connie said turning to face Ben. “ I have to help
Hop Sing with dinner.”
Ben nodded without hiding his concern and after glancing at the two of
them, he moved away from Adam’s room.
“ Are you planning to leave soon?” Adam asked once Ben closed the door.
She shrugged. “ I don’t know,” she answered hesitantly. “ As soon as you
are fully recovered, I guess,” she added without hiding her distress.
“ I’m fine Connie,” he said knowing that his support would help her. “
This house is full of people and I´ll be out of this room in a couple
of days.” Paul Martin
knocked the door and this time, Adam waited to ask him to come in.
“ Take it easy,” Adam said caressing her face with tenderness. “ Now you
are lost and confused, but you’ll see that everything will come clear to you.
One way or the other, the answers will come to you.”
“ Perhaps,” she said while she turned to open the door in order to ask
Doctor Martin to come in.
Doctor Martin greeted them while he moved towards his patient’s bed.
“ Connie, I want to check you after I finish with Adam,” Martin said while
he placed his bag over the night table. “ Ben told me that you are not all
right.”
“ I´ll be in my room doctor,” she simply said and walked out of
the room without looking back at Adam.
SEVEN
During the following days the house began to settle to its normal routine.
While Ben and his youngest sons took care of the activities regarding the
Ponderosa ranch, Connie stayed at home taking care of Adam and dealing with
conflicting thoughts. As she spent most of the day alone with Adam,
he had the chance to study her a bit further. She seemed to be accepting
what had happened to her, and slowly the nice moments sprung in her mind,
bringing discreet smiles to her lips, while a romantic idealistic look covered
her face. She told Adam funny stories about her days at the orphanage
as well as daring and temerarious adventures on her way west. With
amazement Adam discovered that while she talked her sparkling eyes were alive
again and he understood that the trip to California made her feel a different
kind of freedom than the one she was used to. There was a kind of audacity
in her way of speaking, and soon Adam discovered that she had more courage
than the one he had previous thought she had as well as an adventurous spirit
which had led her to discover new horizons. But she did not mention
Rafael or the ambush when he was killed. Much far less her intentions
to leave the Ponderosa and Adam tormented himself wondering if she was still
thinking about that possibility.
One morning, Ben Cartwright came down to breakfast earlier than usual.
The main room was still deserted and Ben was grateful that it was that way,
as he would be able to plan his day before Connie and the boys joined him.
He moved straight into the kitchen and after greeting Hop Sing he came back
to the dinning room carrying the coffeepot. He wanted an early start, as he
had many meetings to attend in town and he needed Joe and Hoss to take care
of different chores at the ranch.
Connie seemed to be immersed in her thoughts, as if she was battling
against her own uncertainty, while Adam was slowly recovering and began to
show signs of annoyance for being locked in his room.
By the time Joe and Hoss appeared he had mentally distributed the activities
of the day for each one of the boys. Hoss would check the cattle in the north
field; Joe would go to visit a neighbor that had a couple of horses that
Ben wanted to purchase. He also told his sons that he would ask Adam to work
on the books, as he knew that that kind of work would help Adam to keep his
mind busy. The three of them agreed that it was a good idea, and were talking
about the different matters that they needed to do, when Connie appeared
at the bottom of the staircase.
“ Good morning” she said with a weak voice while she approached the dinning
room.
“ Good morning,” the three Cartwrights greeted her simultaneously.
Ben was about to fill her cup with coffee but she stopped him. “ Thanks
Ben, but I would prefer to have a cup of tea,” Connie said tiredly while
she walked towards the hallway that led to the kitchen. She came back minutes
later and silently sat in her place next to Ben.
“ Are you all right, Sis?” Hoss asked as he filled his plate with eggs
and bacon and looked with disgust at her tea.
“ I’m fine,” she answered while she sipped her tea.
“ Not you are not, Connie,” Ben said firmly. “ You look sick and weak.
And Doctor Martin told you that you need to rest.”
“ But I’m resting, ” she complained while she placed the cup on the table.
“ I’m sleeping like a log. I cannot remember sleeping that way before.”
“ But you are not eating at all,” Ben said showing her his authority,
while he filled her plate with eggs. “ And now you are going to do it. I’m
not going to see to it that you don’t also get ill.”
Connie shook her head with disgust. “ I don’t want eggs,” she said with
twisted face. “ A toast will be just fine.”
While she was having her precarious breakfast, Connie thought about her
plans to leave the ranch. She had been thinking about it for days,
but yet she could find neither the courage to tell Ben about it nor the determination
to do it.
“ You are very quiet this morning,” Joe said intrigued. “ Are you sure
that you are all right.”
Connie nodded and bit her toast, but did not look at them.
“ Don’t you think that it’s time to tell us what’s going on?” Ben asked
with serious expression.
Connie sipped her tea and after placing the cup on the table, she fixed
her gaze in the table hesitantly. “ I’ve been thinking a lot, and I think
that I need to move away from the Ponderosa," she said once she made up
her mind. She paused and slowly raised her eyes at them wondering if they
could understand. “ I’m not sure where to go, but I need to be alone for
a while”
“ But, what’s the problem with being here?” Joe gasped with astonishment.
He could not understand her decision.
“ It’s too hard for me to be here with Adam,” she said lowering her yes.”
Watching him so injured when I know that it was my fault.”
Ben had his eyes fixed on her. Although he sensed how difficult the decision
was for her, he could understand what she was seeking. He placed one hand
over her forearm and Connie raised her eyes on him.
“ It’s OK Connie,” he said softly offering her a fatherly smile. “ But
are you sure that that’s what you need?”
She nodded and rose. The expression of her face showed the Cartwrights,
how sensible and overwhelmed she was as well that she did not want them
notice how vulnerable she was at that moment. “ I must go to Church now,”
she said and moved to the sideboard where her hat and bag was. “ See
you later.” She said and turned to the main entrance.
Ben took a deep breath and wearily he leaned back in his chair.
“ I cannot believe that she is leaving,” Joe said anxiously. “ Do you
think that she is going back to that Convent?”
“ I don’t know son,” he answered with a thoughtful expression. “ I think
that she is in the middle of something. A sort of the process, maybe.”
“What process Pa?” Hoss asked.
“ Connie needs to find her equilibrium; clarify her mind and feelings,”
Ben said while he filled an empty cup with coffee. “ I’m sure that having
Adam so close makes her feel guilty of many things.” He twisted his face
thinking over his own words. He rose. “ I´ll see if Adam is awake,
I want to speak with him before I ride to Virginia City.”
Ben headed upstairs wondering if Adam knew about Connie´s plan to
leave the Ponderosa, and if so what would happen to him.
“ Good morning son,” Ben said when he stepped into the room. He smiled
with tenderness when he saw Matt sleeping by his father’s side, while Adam
caressed his head with melancholy expression. “ I had no idea that he was
sleeping here,” Ben said while he placed the cup of coffee on the night table.
Adam snorted and nodded. “ He came in the middle of the night,” Adam said
with a tender voice. “ I’m glad he did it. I needed his company.” Adam
raised his eyes to his father. “ Although he was sleepy, he mentioned that
he was completely sure that Molly was leaving him.” Adam lowered his eyes
back to Matt. “ I try to make him understand that her name was Connie, but
Matt refused to call her anything but Molly.”
“ I’m sure that it doesn’t matter to her,” Ben commented while he studied
Adam and the expression of his son’s face told him that she had already talked
with him about a possible departure. But Ben decided to ask anyway. He placed
one hand over Adam’s shoulder and moved to the bottom of the bed. “
Did she said
something about it to you?”
“ Many days ago, she said something about moving back to San Carlos
Mission, but she never mentioned that again,” Adam said sadly. “ But who
knows if she is still thinking about it.”
Matt shifted mumbling and the conversation they were having about Connie
was momentarily forgotten.
“ Baby, it’s time to wake up,” Adam called him softly. “ Come on Matt.”
Matt opened his eyes slowly and blinked several times before he was fully
awake. He smiled at his father as soon as he saw him and sat up rubbing his
eyes.
“ Good morning daddy,” Matt mumbled and yawned. He turned to look
at his grandfather. “ Good morning grandpa.”
“ Good morning Matt,” Ben said reaching towards his grandson with a smile.
“ Seem that we are having a sleepwalker in this house,” Ben said with a teasing
tone.
Matt frowned and looked up at his father. “ What is a sleepwalker?” he
asked puzzled.
“ Someone that walks while he is sleeping,” Adam answered tenderly while
he caressed Matt´s face.
Matt laughed with amusement and knelt facing his father. Abruptly
he frowned, “ Daddy, are you sad or sulky?”
Adam snorted and glanced around, wondering why he always forgot that there
were two people that could get his mood with a blink; his father and his
son. At almost four, Matthew Cartwright was very quick reading his father’s
features and often the one that made Adam realize what he did not want to
accept.
“ Fifty-fifty,” Adam answered with resignation.
“ That means a bit of each, isn’t it?” asked Matt smartly.
“ That means a half of each,” replied Adam lovingly. Matt bit his lower
lip thoughtfully and nodded.
“ Baby, your Uncle Hoss is going to check some cattle this morning,” Ben
said addressing his grandson with a smile. “ Do you want to go with him?”
Matt nodded eagerly. “ Then, go and dress yourself, Hoss is having breakfast
downstairs,” Ben suggested with tenderness. “ I´ll be with you in a
minute.”
Matt looked up at his father, who smiled at him. “ Give me a hug before
you leave,” Adam said tenderly. “ And come back to say good bye to me.”
Matt knelt and hugged his father. After that, Ben lifted him and placed
him on the ground. But as soon as Matt left his father’s room, Adam’s
countenance was covered by a dark shadow.
“ Adam, I was delaying this conversation because I was expecting you to
talk with me,” Ben said directly. Adam shifted among the blankets and grimaced
while avoiding his father’s look, he took the coffee that his father had
left over the night table. Ben shook his head wondering how he could break
his son’s resistance. “
When are you going to thrust us.” The disappointment as well as the tiredness
of his father’s voice gasped Adam’s attention. Father and son studied each
other for a couple of seconds and both of them knew that the other were thinking
about the scene at the barn. Adam lowered his eyes wondering how long it
would take him to erase that image from his father’s and brother’s mind.
“ I won’t insist this time, Adam.”
“ Oh stop with that, Pa. It’s not a matter of thrust,” Adam said irked
before Ben walked out of his room. Ben looked at him and noticed that
Adam rubbing his eyes with his fingers was struggling to find the words of
what he was about to say. “ I think that she will leave any time. I got he
feeling that she is hiding something. She is so reluctant to talk about both
Rafael and the ambush.”
“ Well, son something quite difficult happened to her,” Ben said
with concern. “ It won’t be easy for her to talk about it.”
“ I know, but, there’s something that she did not tell us,” Adam said
pensively. ” She was or she is a nun, but I could not figure what she’s
keeping for herself.” Adam paused and watched his father closed the door
and moved back to his side. “ She only mentioned that Father Rafael was her
friend, but there’s so much emotion and tension in her voice each time she
talk about him that I have the feeling that there’s much more than simple
friendship.” Adam paused and shook his head while he rubbed his jaw thoughtfully.
“There’s something in her story that simply doesn’t match.”
“ Well son, it’s not a simple situation.” Ben said cautiously. “ There’s
much more than her memories to what she has to deal with.” Ben said wisely.
Adam frowned puzzled and fixed his eyes on his father. “ Don’t you think
that now that she knows that she was a nun, she might be troubled for all
she shared with you,” Ben dared to say. Adam moved his eyes away from
his father suddenly uncomfortable.
Adam took a deep breath and leaned back against the pillow. “ Maybe you
are right Pa,” he mumbled with soft voice while he place the empty cup over
the night table. “As much as I love her, and although I know that she still
loves me, I don’t want her by my side if she has doubts about it.” Adam
paused and looked at his father. “ I don’t want Matt to suffer because of
her uncertainty. I don’t want an unhappy life for my son.”
The sadness and bitterness of Adam’s voice touched Ben’s heart deeply.
As much as he knew his eldest son, Ben could bet that in spite of his love
for her and the distress he was obviously undergoing at the thought of losing
her, Adam would think about Matt in first place.
“ Adam there’s something that you should know,” Ben said while he sat
at the bottom of Adam’s bed. Ben told him about the telegram that Joe had
sent to New York trying to find out if Mother Margaret was still the Superior
Mother of St. Joseph’s Orphanage. Adam narrowed his eyes puzzled wondering
what his father had in mind. “ Look, I thought that if she met Mother
Margaret here at the Ponderosa, it would be a good way to help her join her
two lives,” Ben said cautiously.
“ Two lives?” Adam asked with confusion, interrupting his father. “Are
you going to manipulate her by bringing the Superior Mother to the Ponderosa?”
“ Of course not Adam,” Ben said with annoyance. “ I have no doubts that
she loves you and that she doesn’t want to leave neither you and Matt nor
the rest of us. Remember that we are the only family she ever had, as she
told us.” Ben paused pensively and fixed his eyes in Adam. “It’s pretty
obvious that she’s seeking her identity. But there’s no need to move away
from the ranch, she is Connie but also Molly.”
“ Now it’s pretty obvious for me that she had already told you something
about leaving the Ponderosa,” Adam mumbled sarcastically, as one of his eyebrows
began to rise showing sings of loosing his temper. Ben glared at Adam, showing
his son that he did not like the tone he was using. Full of exasperation,
Adam removed the blankets from his legs and managed to sit up
“ What are you doing now?” Ben asked with strong firm voice and rose angrily,
while he wondered why Adam never used his pyjamas.
“ I’m leaving this bed,” Adam answered sharply and managed to sit at the
edge of his bed. “ It’s pretty obvious that a lot is happening behind my
back,” he added without dropping the sarcastic tone. “ Where is she?” Adam
wanted to know.
Ben shook his head and rolled his eyes with annoyance. “ She went to Virginia
City, she wants to see Reverend Joe,” Ben told him hiding his concern about
her health, while he moved to Adam’s cupboard and sought for a pair of clean
black trousers and a red shirt. “ Let me help you with this,” he said
while he faced Adam.
“I don’t want you to wander around the house in that condition.”
Adam grinned and let his father helped him with his trousers, while he
thought over his father’s words. He had to agree that what he was saying
made sense, but some how he could not be that confident.
Hoss knocked on the doorframe interrupting the conversation.
“ Hi brother, how are you feeling this morning?” he asked with an open
smile. “ Oh you are fully dress. Are you planning to go somewhere?”
“ Of course not, Hoss,” Adam answered with a grin, while he leaned back
in bed and glanced at his father who was giving him a hard glance. “ Where’s
Joe?”
“ He left a few minutes ago,” Hoss answered and grinned. “ Are you missing
that little devil?” Adam snorted a laugh unable to deny it. “ I will tell
Joe how much you are missing him. ” Hoss told him while he walked towards
Adam. “By the way, Matt is brushing his teeth, and I thought that you will
like to have breakfast with him.”
“ I would love that,” Adam said happily. “ Thanks Hoss.”
Hoss nodded with emotion and turned to his father. “ I´ll leave
once Matt finished his breakfast,” he commented.
“ OK. Hoss I must leave boys,” Ben said slapping his huge son’s shoulder.
He turned back to Adam. “ Take care of yourself and remember that you are
not strong enough. We’ll go on talking later.”
“ I´ll be right here,” Adam mumbled sarcastically and winked at
Hoss.
EIGHT
Connie moved the buggy across the Ponderosa. It had always helped her
to ride when she needed to organize her feelings and clarify her mind. Her
thought were filled with Adam’s face, while a deep sharp pain seized her
chest because of the anguish. The more she thought about it, the more sure
she became that the Lord was punishing her because of her terrible sins.
She loved Adam as much as she was able to love, and she felt blessed for
being able to discover that powerful feeling. After that she would never
be the same and she would carry with her the sensations that seized her only
by thinking of him. She stopped the buggy for a moment and glanced around
keeping in her mind every inch of the majestic Ponderosa. She frowned with
distress, as she knew that that was one of the motives that pushed her to
leave. She needed to be sure, once and for all, where her place was. Her
thoughts were interrupted as a wave of nausea wrapped her. She remembered
that Doctor Martin told her that if she went on feeling sick she had to lay
down and tell him in his next visit to Adam, but she could not go back to
the ranch yet.
“ Before heading back to the ranch I´ll see if the doctor is in
his office,” she said out loud while she urged the horses to move.
Connie stopped the buggy in front of the church and stared at the building
pensively. She came down from the buggy wondering if Reverend Joe would
understand what she had to say. Connie came into the church silently
and found Reverend Joe cleaning the altar. He was a middle-aged man, with
white tidy hair, a warm tender gaze and a friendly smile. Since she had
come to live at the Ponderosa, Connie attempted to attend to Church each
Sunday, but she did not have a close relationship with him and at that moment
she was embarrassed for not visiting the Church more often.
“ Good morning Father,” she said shyly while she walked along the aisle.
“ Oh Good morning Molly,” he greeted her with warm friendly smile. “ How
nice to see you.” He stared at her for a moment and nodded with amusement.
“ You are coming to tell me the date of your wedding with Adam.”
“ Not exactly Father,” she answered lowering her eyes. “After so many
years, I know who I am.”
Reverend Joe frowned and looked at her sympathetically while he passed
an arm around her shoulders and led her to the first bench. He helped
her sit and sat down by her side holding her hand among his.
“ I’m feeling so lost Father,” she said bitterly while she wiped the tears
from her face. “ I’m guilty of so many sins.”
“ It’s OK my dear, ” he told her with firm but caring voice. “I’m here
to help you.”
Connie faltered avoiding his eyes, as she was wrapped by an intense desire
to cry. She needed to open her soul to the Lord and face whatever was going
to happen. She could not go on living with all the guilt that was eating
her; all that anguish that refused to leave her soul. She found herself
telling him everything, even those things she had kept away from Ben and
the boys. She talked about her feelings about Rafael as well as how she ran
away in the middle of the night following him without caring about her vows
or her mission in Denver. She also told him that however madly in love with
Adam she felt she was determinate to leave him soon. She spoke for more than
an hour and when she finished she felt exhausted.
Reverend Joe thought over everything that she had told him before speaking.
However he realized that it was not a simple situation and she could not
be a sister of the Lord anymore. Not only because of what she did while
she was a Sister or what she did when she did not remember her past, but
because at that moment she felt the most powerful love for man.
“ Why do you insist on leaving Adam when it’s so obvious that you are
deeply in love with him,” Reverend Joe asked directly. She looked
at him with astonishment, as she did not understand his questions. “ Don’t
misunderstand me Connie, but don’t you think that perhaps the Lord has other
plans for you than keeping you for Himself.”
“ But Father, I must be punished for all the sins I committed,” Connie
replied covering her eyes with shame. She began to cry, as she could
not control her anguish anymore. “ I’m a sinner, Adam deserves a better wife
than me. I promised Mother Margaret that I would be a Sister like her, but
I betrayed her,” she mumbled among sobs. “ I also fall in love with a priest
and ran away in the middle of the night without caring about my vows.” She
paused struggling to control the anguish that was seizing her. Suddenly
she began to shake and for a couple of seconds she remained in silence,
but Reverend Joe did not say a word understanding that she was fighting
to free herself from what was torturing her. “ I made love with Adam and
he is not even my husband. I also killed a man.” She was crying bitterly
and her feelings took complete control of her. “ I don’t think that the
Lord would ever forgive me for what I did.”
“ He always understand, Connie. He always forgive,” Reverend Joe whispered
wisely and taking her chin, he raised her face until their eyes met. “ A
powerful love like the one you feel for Adam cannot be denied, cannot be left
apart.” Connie looked at him sadly, and Reverend Joe gently caressed her
hand while he smiled at her. “ Talk with Him,” he said glancing at
the image of Jesus behind the altar. “He will help you to find your
way again, to recognize the signals that He sends to you.”
After that Reverend Joe rose and left her alone. Connie knelt and
faced the huge cross behind the white altar, from where Jesus was looking
at her. She could feel his eyes scanning her soul, seeking her sins.
She lowered her eyes suddenly seized by shame and began to pray. She
spoke with the Lord, as she had not done for years. Connie prayed for His
forgiveness as well as His blessing for Adam and all the Cartwrights.
Slowly, as she shared her deepest fears and wishes with Him, peace, hope
and comfort seized her.
Ben Cartwright stopped his horse in front of the bank. He had been wondering
if Connie was truly going to see Reverend Joe and his worry lessened after
seeing the buggy that she was riding in the yard of the Church. Once
he was on the sidewalk he took his watch from his pocket and noticed that
he had more than twenty minutes before the meeting with his lawyer. He put
his watch back in his pocket while he crossed the street towards the post
office, eager to know if there was a telegram from New York waiting for him.
Two blocks away from the post office, Sheriff Roy Coffee walked out of
his office. After the conversation he had with Constance, he had fill in
many of the holes in the investigation he was running. Based on her statement,
Roy Coffee sent telegrams to San Carlos Mission and the authorities of the
Mission answered those telegrams back. They confirmed that four years ago
they were expecting the arrival of two religious men; Father Francisco Oregon
and Father Fernando Soler. They know nothing about a Spanish priest, member
of their congregation, called Rafael Montella, far less about a Sister of
Charity called Constance Leod. Coffee took a deep breath wondering who this
man Rafael was.
The Sheriff mounted his horse and slowly rode it across the street, still
thinking about Rafael Montella. There was something about him that
was bothering him. He had a hunch about him, but he could not determine what
it was.
He frowned when he saw Ben Cartwright walking into the post office and
he decided to stop and have a word with him, before heading to the Ponderosa.
“ Hi Ben,” Coffee greeted him when he walked into the post office.
“ Oh, good morning Roy,” Ben greeted him with a huge smile while he moved
closer to the Sheriff.
“ According to your face you are reading good news,” Coffee said with
amusement.
“ Indeed they are. It’s a telegram form the orphanage where Connie spent
her childhood. They answered the telegram I sent a couple of days ago,” Ben
commented.
“ It seems that after Connie´s disappearance, Mother Margaret moved
to Denver. She is heading an orphanage there,” Ben said with satisfaction
and putted the telegram in the inner pocket of his vest. “ The actual Superior
Mother of St. Joseph’s sent a telegram to Mother Margaret telling her the
news about Connie. I also sent another telegram to Mother Margaret inviting
her to the Ponderosa.”
“ Well Connie would be real happy to know that,” Coffee commented with
a smile. Ben nodded and both of them walked out of the post office. Once
in the sidewalk, Coffee addressed his friend, but his expression was serious.
“ Ben, may I have a word with you? I have some information that you should
know.”
Ben frowned and nodded while he suggested having a cup of coffee at the
International House while they talked,
They crossed the street towards the International House and greeted many
acquaintances that passed their way. Once inside, Sheriff Coffee walked
towards a table that was place on the far corner of the place, while Ben
asked for two cups of coffee.
“ Well Roy, what news do you have?” he asked while he sat next to his
friend.
Coffee waited till the waitress had moved away from them. As soon
as they were alone, he began to tell him about the progress of the investigation
he was running. From one pocket of his shirt, the Sheriff took the telegrams
he had received that same morning and handled them to Ben. Ben read them
with concentration while Roy followed with his explanation.
“ For a long time they tried to find out what had happened to those priests,
but they did not achieve much,” Roy was saying with strong firm voice. “
But as time had gone by, the search decreased. Until they decided that it
was useless to go on searching.”
“ We cannot blame them. We did the same,” Ben commented while he was finishing
the second telegram. He left the telegrams next to his cup. “ It’s quite
odd that they know nothing about Father Rafael. Maybe the authorities
of the Mission did not know about Connie because she joined the group later,
but according to her words, they had to be expecting Father Rafael.”
“ That’s what I thought,” answered Coffee. “ I was wondering about this
man Carlos that Connie told us that Wheeler or Miller was seeking the first
time she met him.” The Sheriff finished his coffee while he decided
to share his suppositions with his friend. “ Ben, as far as I know
up to now, Wheeler or Miller, whatever you want to call him, was wanted for
five different murders in Nevada,” Coffee told Ben while he leaned back and
finished his coffee. He paused and placed the cup over the table. “ He came
to be a famous outlaw. He was also wanted for a big bank robbery in Colorado.”
He paused and narrowed his eyes. “ I was trying to discover if he had a partner
called Carlos and if his description fit with the one that Connie gave as
from Rafael.”
Ben nodded and took a deep breath with thoughtfully expression.
“ If you are guessing right, I don’t think that Connie will be pleased to
know about it,” Ben said while he rose. “ I don’t mean to be rude, Roy,
but my lawyer is waiting for me in his office.”
Coffee rose too. “ Sure Ben,” Coffee said while he put the telegrams back
in his pocket “ Ben, do you think that Adam would be able to speak with me.”
“ I’m sure of that Roy,” Ben said as the two of them walked out of the
International House. “ In fact, I’m sure that he’ll be glad to see you.”
“ Why?” Coffee asked puzzled.
Ben grimaced and looked at his friend from the corner of his eyes. “ He’s
bored from being in bed always seeing the same faces around him,” Ben commented.
“ See you Roy.”
Connie rose while she crossed herself after two hours of been praying
and asking for the Lord’s guidance. Although she was still overwhelmed she
was feeling much better, but yet she was not in any condition to ride back
to the ranch. Slowly walked out of the Church buried in her thoughts. Still
battling against her growing embarrassment. She crossed the street and headed
to the doctor’s Office.
“ Good morning, Connie” he greeted her when he saw her standing in the
middle of the porch. Paul frowned as he scanned her face and did not like
what he saw.
She was too thin and looked pale as well as drawn and haggard. “ Please
come in.”
“ Good morning Paul,” she said with a tired tense smile while she
stepped into the parlor.
“ You don’t look well at all,” he ventured seriously. She shook
her head and lowered her eyes. “ Come in,” he said moving one of the
curtains that divided his office with the parlor.
More than half an hour later the doctor sat behind his desk. He
watched Connie and waited until she got dressed before following with further
instructions.
“ You need to rest Connie,” Paul Martin said seriously. “ I don’t
want you to ride a horse or in a wagon for a while.”
“ OK. Paul,” she said lowering her eyes. “ I guess that that includes
a trip to Monterey.”
“ What? That’s unthinkable, ” Paul Martin said firmly. “ Now, go back
to the ranch and lay down.”
Connie nodded in understanding as a mixture of feelings seized her. She
looked at him with pleading eyes. “Paul, promise me that this will be our
secret,” she said with begging voice. The doctor took her hands among
his and frowned puzzled. “ Please Paul, I need to assimilate this. If you
are going to visit Adam this evening, please don’t mention this to them.”
“ If that’s what you wish, I will keep my mouth shut,” Martin said with
complicity and managed to make her smile. “ Now go back to the Ponderosa
and please Connie, you must rest.”
“ Thanks Paul,” she said with relief.
What will Adam think about this? This changes everything I was planing
to do. That was what Connie was thinking when she stepped out of the doctor’s
Office. She was overwhelmed by what the doctor had told her, as she
did not dare to believe it until the doctor put the word pregnant into the
air. She walked towards her buggy that was still at the church’s yard.
She was about to climb in, when she stopped to glance at the huge cross at
the top of the building. What will Reverend Joe think about my
actual state, she thought confused, Could this be a sign. She decided to
visit Reverend Joe again after moving back to the ranch.
NINE
After the Sheriff left the house, Adam was left alone to deal with his
thoughts and with sadness he accepted that everything that Wheeler had said
was true. In his statement, Adam told Coffee that Wheeler, revealing
all his rage, mentioned that he was waiting the group of religious men that
was coming from Denver, who although they were not aware of it, were carrying
a precious jewel that Wheeler was going to sell at Monterey. He had
a partner among the priests, who was bringing the jewel to the west coast.
But the facts did not develop as he had planned and when he met the group,
his partner denied giving the jewel to him because he had other things in
mind for it. Wheeler did not accept his partner’s suggestions and tired of
waiting he decided that it was time to take the situation in his hands.
He did not regret the murder of the priests, that was a minor detail for him,
but he destroyed the camp and could not find the jewel among their belongings.
Then after many years of wandering around different territories, Wheeler saw
Connie and something about her caught his attention. Although he did
not remember her at first, he followed his instinct and remained close to
her. Then when the realization of her identity came to him, Wheeler
thought that he had a second chance for his revenge. Soon he realized
that she was very important to the Cartwrights and a new plan shaped in his
mind. He wanted to be the owner of the Ponderosa and thought that he could
achieve it using her. It was strange connection, but it was all that Coffee
needed to join the two investigations and to suppose that the impostor priest,
was the partner that Wheeler was expecting.
Before Coffee left his room, Adam asked him not to say a word to Connie
of anything they had discussed. He wanted to be the one that told her everything.
Adam was uneasy. His mind was working fast analyzing everything
Connie told him about her trip from Denver to California. Suddenly tired
of being trapped in his bed, he decided that he needed to move. He cautiously
sat at the edge of his bed and twisted his face surprised at how stiff his
legs were as well as the variety of aches he felt along his body. Easy
Adam, he encouraged himself. Slowly the pain of his body decreased and he
managed to stand up. He waited a couple of seconds until his weak legs got
used to the weight and then one step at a time he managed to reach the window.
He looked through and saw Doctor Paul Martin coming into the yard. I wonder
if he will object to see me out of bed, he thought and decided to sit in the
chair next to his bed and awaited the doctor.
Adam was grateful for the doctor’s visit because it disrupted his
thinking for a while, about what he had to tell Connie once she arrived
home. But as much as he tried to concentrate on what Paul Martin was
saying, he could not. Adam could not stop fearing that he would hurt her
more deeply by making her face the awful facts of that terrible night, as
well as the news that the wonderful Father Rafael that she loved so much
was an impostor, an outlaw who had shamelessly used them. He knew
that it would not be easy to make her understand. But she has to know the
truth and perhaps it will help us to have a chance, Adam thought while Paul
Martin finished checking his injuries.
“ Well Adam, I will come to see you in a couple of days,” Paul Martin
said while he put his instruments back in his bag. “
“ Thanks Paul,” Adam said quietly and gave him a discreet polite smile.
Adam did not pay much attention when the doctor was examining him but
suddenly he realized that there was a hint of amusement in Martin’s face
as he tried to avert it from Adam’s gaze. “ Is there something that I should
know?” Adam asked arching his eyebrow with intrigue.
Paul Martin shook his head and evasively he told him that he was remembering
something that had happened that morning. After that he shook hands
with Adam and reminding him to take care of himself he left the room.
For a couple of seconds Adam wondered what the doctor was remembering,
but soon he turned his thought back to Connie.
TEN
It was almost evening time when Connie drove the buggy into yard of the
Ponderosa. Her mind was filled with Reverend Joe’s encouraging tender words.
When Connie had told him about her new state, Reverend Joe did not speak
immediately. He remained in a pensive mood for a couple of seconds,
as if he was seeking the rights words. Finally he smiled at her and
gently told her that even though he did not approve of her sin, he could
understand that the Lord was sending her a sign as well as His blessing through
this baby. And with his words, Connie felt that she was forgiven and
that she had her second chance. This time I’m not going to spoil it, she
told herself while her whole body was seized by sweet happiness that made
her forget the anguish and the distress of the past days.
Connie was amazed to discover what a wonderful day it had been.
She had not realized it when she headed to Virginia City, as her mind was
too cloudy, too overwhelmed thinking that she was about to leave the Cartwrights.
But everything before her eyes seemed different at that moment. She
took a deep breath letting the fresh spring breeze filled her lungs and stared
at the tall ponderosa pines that seemed more tall and stoic than ever, they
were waving with the wind as if they were greeting her. The green fields
were covered by wild flowers, which displayed a huge variety of colors.
Somehow, being in that wonderful place, so full of dreams, laughter and spoken
promises, Sisterhood seemed distant in time and unsuitable for her. A huge
happy smile lightened Connie´s face. The landscape suggested power,
richness, but above all it meant home for her. Connie urged the horses eagerly
to reach the house and tell everything to Adam.
Connie entered the yard dreaming about a little Cartwright running around
that yard. She glanced at the front door and smilingly wondered what they
would think. I’m sure that Ben will be thrilled, she thought while she crossed
the porch and opened the door abruptly. She found Ben playing with Matt,
who was seated on his lap, while Hoss and Joe were immersed in a checkers
match.
“ What a wonderful Cartwright meeting,” she said in good spirits while
she walked in to join them.
“ Where have you been?” snapped Ben without hiding his worry. She
frowned and fixed her eyes on him. “ It’s almost supper time.”
Connie did not answer but looked at him with emotion. “ I know, Ben. I’m
sorry.” She smiled shyly and moved towards Matt who was smiling at her happily.
“ Hey Molly, we are planning my birthday,” Matt told her with eyes full
of joy. “ We are going to have a big party. Grandpa will ask Hop Sing to
make a big cake for me, and Daddy’s favorite pie.”
“ That sounds terrific,” Connie said with emotion and taking Matt´s
face in her hand she kissed his cheek. “ You are going to have a great party.”
“ Are you going to give me a present?” Matt asked her, his eyes flashing
with mischief.
“ Of course, but you’ll have to wait a couple of weeks for that,” she
answered with a smile and caressed his cheek lovingly. Matt twisted
his face not too happy with her answer. “ But I have an idea, this evening
we are going to have a special supper and we are going to start planing your
birthday party. What do you think about that?”
Matt nodded happily and raised his gaze to his grandpa. “ Daddy is coming
to have dinner with us, isn’t he Grandpa?”
Ben smiled at him and nodded. Then he raised his eyes at Connie.
“ Doc. Martin allowed him to leave his bed,” he told her without hiding his
concern about her. “ He’s waiting for you upstairs.”
“ Are you all right?” Joe asked puzzled, while he studied her face, which
had been so troubled that morning and now was radiant. “ There is a sort
of change in you. What’s up?”
“Call it happiness,” she said with wet eyes and a happy smile dancing
in her lips. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here with all of you.”
“ But this morning you said…” Hoss commented with astonishment.
“ I know Hoss, but I changed my mind,” she replied as she unconsciously
hugged herself. “ I´ll explain it to you later, I need to see Adam
now.”
Connie headed upstairs to see Adam thinking about their baby and how she
could tell Adam. Not too direct, Connie, she told herself. She
came into Adam’s room and found him reading at the chair next to his bed.
She watched him with emotion and walked into the room.
“ Hi,” she said softly.
“ Hi, you finally arrived,” he said eagerly and closed the book that he
was trying to read but could not concentrate.
“ We need to talk Adam,” she said gently and closed the door behind her.
With smiling face, she walked closer to him and lovingly kissed his cheek.
“ I made up my mind Adam,” she started saying while she sat at the edge of
his bed facing him. “ I’m staying here with you forever.”
Adam frowned and studied her for a moment. He had a lot to say, but the
way she was looking at him stopped him. There was a slight brightness in
her eyes that had not been there in the past days that disturbed Adam.
“ What happened?” was the question that sprung from his lips as if he
was thinking out loud. “I mean, I thought that you are going to travel to
Monterey. You said that you needed to discover if you’re still part of that
life.” Connie moved away from him and walked towards the window avoiding
his eyes momentarily. “ What made you change your mind?”
“ I’m pretty sure that I belong here by your side,” she charmingly and
turned to face him again.
“There’s so much that you are hiding from me that I’m not sure if you
are the same,” Adam said looking at her suspiciously.
“ But I’m the same,” she said softly understanding his doubts and fears.
Although she had to tell him about the baby they were expecting, she understood
that in first place she had to erase the ghosts of her past between them.
She leaned back against Adam’s desk and looked at him. “Let me tell you what
I could not do before.”
“ About Rafael,” he ventured after he decided that he would hear her speech
before telling her about Coffee’s investigation. “ It seemed that there’s
something about him that you were not able to tell me,” he added knowing
that he was pressing her.
Connie shook her head. “ Sometimes I have got the feeling that you can
read my mind,” she mumbled and Adam perceived the edge of annoyance in her
voice.” And it’s frustrating to realize that I don’t have that ability.”
Adam frowned wondering if she was turning the conversation to some other
subject.
“ Well, I cannot do that,” he answered puzzled. “ But you are so reluctant
to talk about him that it’s obvious that you are hiding something.”
Connie nodded but could not raise her eyes to his.
“ I think that I fell in love with him Adam,” she said with soft voice
but the tone she used, showed Adam how embarrassed she was to say it. “ After
living all my life among Sisters, and being utterly sure that I had chosen
the life I wanted to have, it was very disturbing to discover my real feelings
to a man.” She paused and took a deep breath, which helped her straightened
and looked at Adam. “ I don’t know how it happened,” she finally said as
she began to walk around the room. “ I just could not resist it. I
wanted to be by his side. He was such an incredible man; he was so full of
life and enthusiasm.” She paused and swallowed to clear the thorn disappeared
from her throat. “ On our way to California, he confessed to me that he was
not going to San Carlos Mission, and that he was planning to settle somewhere
in California.” A sad smiled began to play on her lips, as she was seized
by her memories. “ Although Rafael never showed me any kind of feelings
but friendship and partnership, there was a sort of bond that I could not
resist.“ She paused again and smiled at Adam, feeling better for telling
him. “He wanted to build an orphanage in California, somewhere where the
Jesuits Missions were not already offering assistance and I wanted to be
with him in his project. But I never dared to show him my feelings. He never
knew.” She paused again and this time she smiled at Adam with relief.
“ Well, Adam that was what I could not tell you before.”
Adam rubbed his face with one hand. This is going to be more difficult
than I guessed, Adam thought. He looked at her with intensity, knowing that
he could not delay what he had to tell her. He was fully aware that with
his words he could possibly break the image of the man she had once love
into pieces and he was not proud of that. But in spite of the pain that hurting
her would cause him, Adam knew that she deserved to know the truth. “ Connie,
there’s something you should know.”
Connie frowned. There was something in Adam’s voice that told her that
he was about to say something important that she might not like to hear.
She leaned back a bit adopting a defensive disposition, while Adam began
to tell her that the Sheriff had come to the ranch and he had given Coffee
his statement. Connie felt a shiver cross her spine as she sensed that
he was about to talk about Wheeler and the ambush.
“ Why do you want to talk about it again?” she interrupted him without
hiding how much the subject disturbed her. “ We already talked about it.
Why are you insisting?”
“ There are a lot of things that Coffee discovered and many things that
Wheeler told me, that maybe you don’t know,” Adam answered with a firm voice.
She frowned, puzzled. He repeated the same thing he had told Coffee
regarding Wheeler, and noticed the surprise in her face that showed Adam
that she knew nothing about a jewel. “ He had a partner among the priests.”
“ A partner?” she asked confused.
Adam nodded. “ On the other hand, Roy received a telegram from the authorities
of San Carlos Mission,” he followed saying. “ They know nothing about a priest
called Father Rafael Montella. They never heard about him, nor did they
know that you were traveling with Father Francisco and Father Fernando.”
“ What is that supposed to mean?” Connie snapped.
“ Coffee, thinks that … perhaps this man Carlos was Wheeler’s partner.”
Adam paused letting her assimilate his words. “ And that Carlos was
Rafael Montella.”
He watched her face and noticed how the confusion turned slowly into cold
fury. Connie straightened and looked at him with hate.
“ Don’t you dare say that,” she yelled coldly with indignation. “
He was a nice caring man. He understood what people needed and he only wanted
to help. He did not deserve you to judge him.” Adam looked at her with astonishment.
The brightness in her eyes showed him how deeply the accusation had touched
her and she would not allow anyone to destroy the image she had of Rafael.
“ He was not a thief, I’m utterly sure of it,” she was saying with sorrow
while tears began to gather in her eyes. “ On the other hand, it was not
his voice that I heard that night arguing with Wheeler.”
“ Do you know who was speaking with Wheeler?” Adam asked softly wondering
why she did not mention that before.
She nodded and fixed her eyes in the ground. “ I did not think about it
before, but it had to be Marcus,” she said thinking it over. “He was not
in the camp when Wheeler attacked us. And the next time I saw him was
when he appeared to take Wheeler away from me.”
Connie fell into a deep strange silence as if she was seized again by
those terrible memories. Adam studied her very carefully and noticed that
she looked tormented.
He took her chin and raised her head until their eyes met. Connie smiled
at him sadly and wiped the tears from her eyes. “ Why don’t you tell me what
really happened that night.”
As soon as she heard Adam’s suggestion, she got even tenser than before.
Her eyes became distant. She took a deep breath pressing her lips tight and
her breast raised filled with a mixture of rage and distress. Once again
she was seized by an uncontrollable desire to cry, but with all the strength
she found inside, she struggled not to do it in front of Adam.
“ I told you everything Adam,” she mumbled with annoyance. She walked
to the window giving her back to him. “ I don’t understand why you are asking
so many questions,” she said with sharp dry voice. “ Why do you think that
you should know everything?”
“ It’s not that,” Adam answered while he rose and walked to her.
Gently he surrounded her slim body with his arms and pulled her against his
body. Adam felt her body tense and some how he sensed a distance, as
if she was not there altogether. But he did not give up. “ It would help
you to talk about it.”
Firmly Connie moved apart from him. She folded her arms shut with determination
and with challenging look she studied Adam’s face wondering where all this
conversation would lead them.
“ I know perfectly well what happened that night Adam,” she said with
the strong conviction that there was no need to go on talking about that
awful experience. “
You also know, and it’s not going to make me feel neither better nor relieve
to share it with you.” She paused and traced his serious face while she chose
her next words. “ They are all dead, Adam. It changes nothing if Wheeler’s
partner was Marcus or Rafael. Leave them in peace. Coffee has the answers
he was seeking for his investigation and you…“ Her voice broke because of
the lump that was pressing her throat. “ You… you already knew Adam,
I’m sure that Wheeler told you everything and those facts are what you did
not dare to believe.”
Adam placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her against him. He
needed to have her closer to him, as he dealt with the confirmation that
what had been eating him for the past days was true. Wheeler had told him
through mad laughers that he had raped her minutes after Marcus O´Brien
appeared from the woods.
“ I’m sorry,” he murmured in her ear and pressed her tightly against him.
Gently he pressed is lips to her forehead. “ I thought that if you talked
about it you’ll feel much better.”
“ I know,” Connie said softly knowing that it was important for him to
know that she understood that he was trying to help her. She clung to him
and let her head rest on his chest. “ It’s time to bury my past, Adam.
Let’s start together again and leave the past behind. I have to forget
everything.”
“That won’t help you,” Adam said pensively. “ Many months ago, three people
showed me that it’s important to face our past and accepted it as it was.
It cannot be denied.”
“ You are talking about that meeting with your family at the barn.” Adam
got tense but nodded suddenly ashamed, sensing that the conversation had
turned in to his direction. “ I know that you changed after that.”
He nodded again remembering the first time that they kissed each other.
“ Whether we like it or not it’s part of our lives,” Adam said while he
caressed her face, knowing that he had to say something else. “ I was able
to love you once I faced it and accepted it."
“ Do you want to tell me?” she asked with bright eyes.
Adam hesitated as he felt a tickling at the back of his neck while he
decided what to say next. Connie caressed his face making him look at her.
He drowned in her bright green eyes and let an easy smile form on his lips.
He wanted to share everything with her and that also included his fears
and weakness. Slowly he began to talk and found himself talking about things
that he had never shared with anyone apart from his own family. Not even
Karen knew my feelings about it, he thought and the realization made him
feel a bit guilty for keeping them from his wife. But it was easy to open
himself to Connie. She watched him with a sad expression, knowing that it
meant a great deal to him. In a caring protective way, she embraced him
and they fell into a comfortable silence.
“ You know Connie,” Adam said breaking the silence. She raised her eyes
at him. “ There was only one thing that I would thanked the Lord for all
my life,” he commented with a grin.
“ And what’s that?”
“ That He led you to the Ponderosa,” he answered with a smile while he
traced her face with one finger. “ I love you,” he mumbled and kissed her.
“ Can we get marry as soon as possible?” she asked softly among kisses.
Adam was thrilled, as there was nothing he wanted more than that. He caressed
her face and kissed her long and passionately. “ But you didn’t tell me yet,
what made you change your mind?”
“ It’s not just a matter of a change of mind,” she said and her eyes flashed.
“ It’s that suddenly everything came clear to me and I don’t want to loose
a single minute, I want to marry you as soon as possible.
“ But what about the house?” Adam asked amazed. “ I’m not able to work
and I won’t be for a couple of weeks.”
Connie shrugged and twisted her mouth. She felt stupid for not being able
to tell him directly. Connie stepped back and taking Adam’s hand among hers,
she led him to the chair.
“ What’s the matter?” he asked puzzled while he sat.
“ There’s something that I have to tell you,” she said with a huge smile
and eyes full of emotions. Adam frowned fixing his eyes in her face. “ Are
you ready to hear the best surprise I have for you,” she asked with mischief
while her eyes sparkled with emotion Adam smiled and nodded. “I’m pregnant,”
she mumbled softly.
The words came out of her mouth and slapped Adam so abruptly that he was
speechless. He was shocked and stared at her trying to assimilate her words.
Connie smiled and with amusement watched the changes of his face. His
smile vanished from his face, while he dropped his jaw and his mouth remained
open for a couple of seconds. His whole countenance was a mask of bewilderment.
She meant life for him and at that moment he was completely sure that he
never felt that way before.
“ You are pregnant?” he asked thrilled, as he could not believe what he
had heard. He smiled at her and Connie kissed him tenderly. “ We are going
to have a baby?”
She nodded again happily and laughed out loud while she watched the wonderful
smile that was growing on his lips. She moved closer to him and tenderly
pressed her lips against his. “ We are not going to wait till the house
is ready, that’s for sure,” he said confidentially while he surrounded her
with his arms. He pulled her against him and kissed her. “ We have to
tell everybody. Pa will be thrilled.”
“ Wait Adam, wait,” she said uncomfortably. “I would prefer to wait until
we are married.”
“ OK. But I don’t know how we are going to cover this,” he said with amusement
while he caressed her belly.
“ That’s why I want to get married as soon as possible,” she said with
loving eyes while she sat over his lap and encircled his neck with her arms.
“ Do you still want to be my husband, Mr. Cartwright?”
Adam laughed out loud and helped her sat on his lap. “ What do you think
my dear Connie?” he answered and pulling her against him, he kissed her long
and passionately, freeing all the feelings that he had kept under control
for the past few days.
ELEVEN
Connie was standing next to the window. She had to start dressing up for
the special occasion, but before that she wanted to have a look at the yard
and make sure that everything was ready. She glimpsed outside and saw
Joe and Hoss placing small bouquets of her favorites white flowers on the
back of the chairs the skirted the aisle. Matt was standing by their
side, carrying a basket full of flowers. Connie took a deep breath, her
gaze becoming cloudy, as tears dampened her eyes. Seems that everything
makes me cry these days, she thought and moved away from the window.
Connie took off the robe she was wearing and stared at her image in the
mirror and she smiled with emotion as she noticed how her body was changing
its shape. Gently she caressed her belly with dreamy look and swallowed
as she felt the lump growing in her throat because of the emotion. She was
so seized by happiness that there were times that she was afraid that everything
could vanish in the air. But deep inside Connie knew that nothing would
happen and that in a couple of hours she would become Mrs. Adam Cartwright.
She winked at her image and sighed, still rubbing her hands softly against
her stomach. Over her shoulder she glanced at her bed where her wedding dress
was placed. The day has finally arrived, she thought and moved to sit at the
edge of the bed without moving her eyes from the dress. She caressed
the fine lace and the soft silk with dreamy expression.
A knock in the door broke her thoughts. She put on the robe that she had
left over the chair wondering if Adam had decided to visit her before the
wedding.
“ Come in,” she finally said while she wiped the trace of tears from her
eyes.
Matt appeared behind the door carrying a small bouquet of flowers in his
little hand. Connie smiled and walked to him.
“ Uncle Joe, is waiting to help me get dressed for the wedding,” he began
saying hesitantly. Connie frowned as she noticed that little Matt looked
disturbed and troubled. “ But I want to bring this for you before that. Daddy
says that you’ll be very busy later.”
“ Thanks Baby, they are lovely,” Connie said and knelt to face Matt. “
What’s the problem Baby? You never have secrets with me.”
Matt twisted his mouth and slowly an eyebrow began to raise. Connie pressed
her lips together hiding her amusement, as she realized that Matt´s
face was showing her a typical Adam expression.
“ Can you tell me?” she insisted while she lifted him and sat on her bed
placing Matt on her lap. “ Are you angry because of the wedding?”
Matt shook his head negatively and looked at her as if Connie was asking
something ridiculous.
“ After you marry daddy, do I have to call you Mamma?” he asked a bit
ashamed of the question. Connie had the feeling that Matt did not want to
call her by that name and she hid the disappointment.
“If you don’t want to do it nobody will force you,” she answered and embraced
him. “ You can call me by my name if you wish.”
Matt shook his head again and Connie fixed her eyes in his face puzzled.
“ Everybody calls you Connie,” he mumbled still troubled. “ But I want to
call you Molly.
Not even Daddy calls you that.” Matt paused and looked at her. He grinned
while his dark brown eyes flashed with satisfaction. “ And if I have a brother,
he will not call you that. You are Molly only for me.”
Connie laughed with emotion. She had been so scared thinking that Matt
had changed his mind about her, but as soon as she understood the purpose
of his question, she was overcome by emotion.
“ Oh Matt, of course you can call me Molly. I love that,” she answered
and pressed him tight against her body. “ I love you so much Baby.”
“ I love you too,” Matt said and strengthened his neck to kiss her cheek.
A knock in the door caught their attention and Connie without moving apart
from Matt invited the guest in. This time Ben was the one that appeared.
He looked radiated, as happiness sprung from each one of the pores of his
skin. Through the years, Connie had discovered how badly he wanted
to see his sons married and happy with their own family and one of his main
dreams was about to come true in a couple of hours.
“ Oh you are hiding here,” he said teasing his little grandson. Matt nodded
and curled up against Connie smiling at Ben childishly. “ Come on Baby, Connie
has to dress up as well as you do.” Ben lifted his grandson and kissed his
cheek lovingly. Holding Matt in his arms, he addressed Connie. “ There’s
a letter for you, darling,” he said and handled it to her.
“ Thanks Ben,” she answered studying the envelope with puzzled expression.
“ Come on young man, we have to leave the bride in peace, she has a lot
to do,” Ben said looking at Matt. The boy nodded and smiled at her. “ Give
her a kiss.”
“ See you Molly,” Matt said after he kissed Connie´s cheek.
Once she was alone, Connie sat on the chair next to the window and opened
the envelope. Slowly she unfolded the fine yellow paper wondering who could
send her a letter. Suddenly her eyes were filled with tears, as she
recognized the neat clear handwriting. Mother, her mind shouted and eagerly
as her gazed traveled along the letter.
My dear Connie,
My heart jumps with joy knowing that you are fine and good. Since the
date of your disappearance I’ve been praying for you and your well being,
and I always knew that the Lord would take care of you.
Ben Cartwright seems to be a fine gentle man. He wrote me telling me about
your life at the Ponderosa. It’s easy to tell that he loves you very
much. He also mentioned that you are about to marry his first son.
Oh, my dear little girl, I was so thrilled to know that. I have always felt
that you deserve to have your own family. You are so full of life, so full
of love, and so eager to discover new horizons. You always told me that you
sensed that your destiny was in the West part of the country, and you were
not wrong about it.
Mr. Cartwright has kindly invited me to the Ponderosa for the wedding,
but unfortunately I cannot leave the orphanage right now, as we have half
of the children ill. The Lord knows that I want to be by your side on
such an important date, but you can understand that it’s impossible for me
to do. But you know that my spirit will be there by your side each step of
the aisle. Receive my blessing for your union with Mr. Adam Cartwright, I´ll
be by your side as soon as possible.
God bless you my dear girl.
Yours,
Mother Margaret.
Connie wiped the tears from her face and took a deep breath as she was
seized by so much emotion that she found it hard to breathe. She leaned back
in the chair remembering her. Of course Mother Margaret might be older than
the memories that Connie had of her, but the clean beautiful face could not
have changed. Connie remembered her bright blue eyes, so full of life
and tenderness and her sweet voice that was like music to Connie´s ear.
She snorted a laugh remembering that when she was at the orphanage she had
always wondered about the color of her hair but she had never asked. And
I still wonder that, she thought mischievously and decided that she would
ask her when Mother Margaret came to the Ponderosa. For Connie, Mother Margaret’s
approval was as important as Ben’s understanding was, and that letter arrived
on time.
Someone knocked the door, but Connie did not answer immediately. She folded
the letter and placed it back to the envelope. She rose and put the letter
in the first drawer of her dresser, where she kept all her most valuable
belongings.
“ Please come in,” she said at last. A fine elegant lady opened
the door and smiled at her happily. “ Good morning Mrs. Hawking.”
“
Good morning Connie,” the lady said and closed the door of the room.
“ It’s time to start, we have a lot to do.” Mrs. Hawking left two boxes in
the floor next to the bed and looked at the wedding dress. “ You are going
to be a wonderful bride.”
Epilogue
Adam Cartwright walked around the main room like a lion in a jail.
Occasionally he sat at the blue chair and dropped his face in his hands struggling
to control himself. He blew a deep breath trying to push the tension
out of his body but it did not work. Connie had awakened him in the middle
of the night, telling him that baby was coming. Since then, the whole family
had been awakened. Joe rode to Virginia City bringing back the doctor with
him.
Adam walked towards the window behind his father’s desk and glimpsed outside.
“ The sun is rising,” he told his father who was having coffee with his
brothers. Wearily he sat behind his father’s desk. “ This waiting is killing
me.”
Ben poured a cup of coffee and rose carrying it to Adam. “ It takes a
while sometimes,” Ben said, as he placed the cup in front of Adam. He was
about to say something about his first born´s birth but he preferred
not to mention it and chose another example. “ Marie had a tough time bringing
Joe into this word.”
Adam sipped his coffee and glanced at his brother Joe who was smiling
at him with sparkling eyes. He snorted. “ I know, I remember that
night,” Adam finally said.
“ Have you thought of a name for him, Adam” Hoss asked while he
rose and walked to join his father who was still standing next to the desk.
“ Him?” Adam said with amusement. “ Connie insists that it’s a girl.”
They fell silence once more, which suddenly was broken by the anguish
cry of a baby. Although Adam was not smiling, his face was radiant while
his dark eyes flashed with happiness. Ben slid an arm around Adam’s shoulders
and glanced at Joe and Hoss who were also smiling with eyes full of emotion.
They heard footsteps and seconds later. Mother Margaret appeared at
the top of the staircase. In her smiling beautiful face there was not a trace
of a sleepless night, and all that she showed were happiness and joy. Adam
rose but could not move, waiting the woman’s words.
“ Congratulations Adam,” she said delighted. “ Come to meet your daughters.”
“ Daughters?” Joe asked with bewilderment. “ You mean plural Mother.”
“ Yes, Joe. You have two beautiful nieces,” Mother Margaret answered with
a smile. She moved her gentle eyes to Adam. “ Come on boy. Your three
ladies want to see you.”
Adam was speechless and it took him a couple of seconds to assimilate
the news. He smiled and without thinking about it twice he ran upstairs,
followed a few steps behind by the rest of the family.
“ Hi Big Daddy,” Connie said softly.
“ Hi my love, “ he said and moved closer to her. “ How are you feeling?”
“ Very happy,” she answered with a smile and lowered her eyes to the baby.
Despite the signs of tiredness of her pale face, she looked radiant. She
was holding one baby in her arms. Adam caressed her cheek and leaned
to kiss his wife.
Then he fixed his eyes in the baby she had and softly kissed her head.
He raised his eyes and glanced at Mother Margaret who was bringing the other
baby for him.
“ I hope you don’t mind, but I already chose their names,” Connie said
tenderly while Adam took his daughter in his arms.
“ Elizabeth is in your arms,” she said and smiled at him. Adam looked
at her with emotion. “ And this little star is Margaret.”
“ They are beautiful my love,” he said with hypnotic voice and kissed
Elizabeth’s head. “ You could not have selected better names for them.”
Connie raised her eyes and looked at Mother Margaret who was looking at
them with damp eyes. Behind her, Connie saw Ben and the boys standing at
the threshold. She jerked her head asking them to come in. While Hoss
moved to Connie´s side, Joe took Margaret from Connie´s arms
and Ben joined Adam.
“ They are cute, Adam,” Ben said with emotion. “ Hi Liz,” he said and
caressed her face with one finger. He looked at his son. “ You have a wonderful
family, son.”
Adam nodded and glanced around. Connie smiled at him.
A few seconds later, Mother Margaret came from the hallway holding Matt´s
hand. The little boy watched the scene with wide-open eyes and ran to his
father.
“ They are so small,” he said with amazement. “ What are their names,
Daddy?”
“ This is Elizabeth,” Adam told him tenderly. “ And Uncle Joe is holding
Margaret.”
“ I like it,” Matt said moving towards Joe.
“ Why don’t you come here by my side and hold one of your sisters,” Connie
suggested.
“ May I Molly?” Matt asked eagerly. “ I can hold both of them. I’m big
and strong enough.”
Hoss lifted Matt and sat him beside Connie. Carefully, Adam placed
Elizabeth in his brother’s arm.
“ Welcome Elizabeth,” he murmured closed to her sister’s ear.” He smiled
at his father thrilled and looked at the other baby that was sleeping back
in her mother’s arms. “ Welcome to you too Margaret. You’ll like it
here.”
Adam dragged the chair next to the bed and stared at his family with delight.
“ Well big brother, you did it” Joe said and although he used a teasing
tone, Adam noticed the pride in his voice. “ You have two daughters.
First time in the Cartwright family.”
Adam laughed happily and Connie joined him. She stretched her hand to
him and he held it, while they drowned in each other. None of them
noticed when Ben, Mother Margaret, Joe and Hoss left the room leaving the
family to share the wonderful moment.
The End
September 2002.
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