Lost Angel
by Lisa E. (3/02)

    “WHERE IS SHE?” bellowed Adam Cartwright as he threw open the door to his family’s home.  When did I turn into my father, he thought to himself, knowing full well that moment was now!
    
A startled Ben called, “Adam!  ADAM!”  As he lifted himself far enough out of his chair to peer around his desk at his eldest son, he was shocked at the look on Adam’s face.   He realized that today his angel of a granddaughter, Kady, had pushed things over the edge with her father.  She had been close a time or two, but never before had her halo been so tarnished.  Tonight after supper would be a first for both father and daughter, and Ben was glad he didn’t have to return to either position.
    
“Adam, she’s not here.  She took off right after school and rode out on Shiner to find those brothers of yours.”
    
“SCHOOL!  SCHOOL!  What do you mean, school?” Through clenched teeth, Adam continued.  “That child has not been to school since Tuesday, when she left early under the pretense of being sick.  She has been lying to us and Miss Jenkins all week.  Pretending to leave here in the morning and returning after school right on time.  Leaving fake homework for me to check over for her.  I WILL NOT HAVE THIS under this roof!  Pa, when did our angel turn into Joseph?”
  
 Both men had to hold back a chuckle at this thought.  Adam proceeded to tell his father what a devil of a daughter Adam had raised, with the help of his own Pa and brothers, what she had done and how he found out.

    After loading up supplies at the livery and the General Store, Adam noticed that time was getting close to school being let out, so he thought he would surprise his daughter.  He wanted to take her to the store for a present, maybe a new book or whatever she chose.  Kady had been good on her word to try harder in school, and as of yet, no notes from Miss Jenkins had come home for almost two weeks.  Adam believed he had finally gotten through to his daughter.
    
As he approached the school, the bell rang, releasing a rush of screaming children.  He figured with all the trouble she’d been in so far this year with the new teacher, she would be one of the first out of the building.  As the kids thinned out and still no sign of his Kady, he got down from the buckboard to go in and see what kind of trouble she had caused today to keep her after school.  The last child had left the door ajar, so as Adam pushed it open, it seemed Miss Jenkins was pulling from the other side, causing the door to open swiftly, throwing Adam’s full weight inward on to Miss Jenkins.  Adam murmured an apology as he caught her around the waist to keep her from falling.  As they got their feet under themselves, they also caught themselves staring a moment too long in that pose.  Miss Jenkins blushed slightly as she smoothed her hair, stepping back out of Adam’s embrace.
  
 “Ah, Mr. Cartwright, so glad to see you.  I was just going to make a run out by your place to deliver these.” She handed Adam some papers.  He glanced at them, looked around the room, then back at the papers again.
  
 “I don’t understand,” he said as he looked up at her.
  
 “They’re Kadence’s homework papers from this week.  I do hope she is feeling better and can return to school come Monday.”
    
Adam looked at her blankly.  “Return on Monday?  Do you mean she’s not here today?”
    
“No, Mr. Cartwright.  She has not been here since noonish on Tuesday.  She said she did not feel well and wanted to go home.  She was flushed and a little warm, so I let her.”  Finally catching on, Miss Jenkins stated, “She’s not been home sick I take it.”
  
 “No,” replied Adam, “but she will return on Monday, if I have to bring her myself.  But I’m not sure she will be able to sit by then!”
  
 “Mr. Cartwright, don’t be too hard on her.  Kadence’s records from last year indicate she is a bright young girl.  I have seen it myself, when she lets her guard down around the other children and thinks I don’t notice.  Even this episode proves it.  Most children are a lot older when they figure out how to skip school for a day and get away with it.  Your seven-year old has skipped for nearly a week with neither of us the wiser until now.  Had she returned to school on Monday by herself and you not stopped by unexpectedly, she would have gotten away with this week.  I must admit, I skipped school a time or two in my past, and you probably have too, if you think back on it.  We just need to get together and figure out why the sudden change in her.”
 
  Adam thanked her again and left, but her talk and the ride home did little for his temper.

    “Pa, what am I going to do?  I just don’t understand her right now.”
 
  Ben had to admit, “The last three months since school started, Kady doesn’t seem to be herself.”
 
  Now that Adam was feeling calmer, he was able to think things through and with the help of his Pa and Hop Sing, he devised a plan.

    A short time later, they heard the sounds of riders in the yard and as if nothing was wrong, they got up to go and meet them.
  
 “Hi Adam!  Hi Pa!” called Hoss and Joe.
  
 “Pa!” cried Kady as she slid off her horse and ran to hug him. Adam hugged her back, but rather stiffly.  His brothers noticed this as their smiles faded and they saw a look in Adam’s eyes.  Kady felt something in the hug exchange also and thought to herself she best be extra careful this weekend and consider the possibility of missing Sunday’s Church picnic.  She’d miss seeing her friends but knew if she did go, she might run into that horrible old teacher of hers.  She could just stay home on Sunday, make class on Monday, and then she’d be scott free.
  
 Choosing his tone of voice carefully, Adam told her to go take care of Shiner, her horse, and then wash up for supper.  Supper would be ready soon and he did not want her to be late.
  
 Obedient as always, Kady called, “Okay, Pa.”
  
 Hoss and Joe looked at each other, then at Pa and Adam, knowing they were missing some piece to this puzzle.
  
 “Hurry up,” Ben said to them.  “You just heard your brother.  Supper’s almost ready and I don’t want you two late either.”

 At the table that night, Kady did not miss the fact that her milk was in a tin cup, not her usual wine glass.  Kady could not remember the last time she drank in a tin cup in the house.  On the trail, yes, but in the house?  She tried to remain calm and join in the family conversations, hoping she could escape before it came around to her and her day.  She was starting to feel a little guilty for lying to everyone this week, except her teacher.
    
As if on cue, Hop Sing brought in coffee for the men.  Kady took this opportunity to thank Hop Sing for dinner and asked to be excused to her room.  Hop Sing glanced at Adam and said, “Missie Kady, no go yet.  Hop Sing have surprise. He bake you apple pie for dessert.  It just come out of oven, hot and fresh, like you like.  I go get now.”
  
“Oh Hop Sing, you shouldn’t have,” she said, and in her little mind, she thought the same thing for real.
  
 As Hop Sing was finishing serving the pie, Adam told Kady that as soon as she finished her pie and milk, she could be excused.  Adam and Ben tried hard not to laugh as she forked in bite after bite.  Joe and Hoss just looked at each other, confused again.  
 
  “Slow down, child,” Ben said, “before you choke.”  
  
 Little did she know that by now her squirming was showing even to her two uncles, who still had no idea why but were waiting to find out.
 
  “Yes, sir,” Kady mumbled with her mouth full as she scooped in the last bite and reached for her milk to finish it off also.  

As her hand lifted her cup to her mouth, Adam played his ace and spoke.  “How was your day at school, honey?  I stopped by to pick you up, but you had already left for the day, LAST TUESDAY!”

Before his sentence was done, Kady lost her grip on her cup and it went clanging to the floor, as if to punctuate her father’s words.
Joe and Hoss looked first at Kady then to her father, knowing full well that look on his face.  Ben spoke, “Joe, Hoss, I need your help outside.  Would you come now?”

They both scrambled out of their chairs and proceeded out the door before their father.

“Clean up your mess, young lady, and meet me upstairs.  I will be in your room and don’t keep me waiting long, understand?”

Kady had heard this tone in her father’s voice before but never had it been directed towards her as far as she could remember.  With her grandfather and uncles gone, she knew she’d lost whatever protection they would have afforded her, so she just answered her father, “Yes, sir.”

As Kady cleaned up her spill, her thoughts traveled up to her room and what was waiting for her there.  She had never feared her father before but…she had never pulled a stunt like this before.  She had heard her friends talk of tannings but had never experienced one before.  As she climbed the stairs, she had the feeling that soon she’d have first hand experience.

Adam’s mind wandered as he waited for his daughter and up to now had always doubted that line that his father preceded all tannings with, “This is gonna hurt me as much as it will hurt you.”  But now he knew it to be true.  Would he turn into his father once more today and use this line on Kady?

As she slowly opened the door to her room, Kady looked up shyly to meet her father’s eyes and noticed they had not softened much, if at all.

“Kadence Elizabeth Cartwright, what were you thinking?”  Adam could not ever remember using her full given name in this tone and hoped but doubted this would be the last time.  “Well?”

“I…I…I don’t know, Pa.  I just did not want to be around her anymore.”

“Her?  Who exactly is her?” asked Adam.

“Miss Jenkins,” replied Kady.

“Why, is she mean to you?”

“No, sir…”

“Then I’ll ask you again, why?”

Kady just stood there silently.

“Well, if you don’t have a better answer than that, are you ready for your punishment?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Come here then…”

He found himself turning into his father again as he recited those words to his daughter as she walked slowly to him.  “This will hurt me as much as it will hurt you, honey.”  Kady suspected but did not know what to expect, but she found no comfort in his words.  

In the still of the night as Ben was explaining to Joe and Hoss exactly what Kady had done and what Adam wanted tonight from his brothers, they heard from above Kady cry out once and the echo of Adam’s hand a few more times.  As they looked to each other for comfort in the knowledge of what was going on upstairs, they found none, except realization that this hurt the three of them almost as much as the two upstairs.

When the noise stopped and a reasonable amount of time had passed, they went back inside.  A short time later, they heard the familiar noise of a door opening and then another opening and shutting, and knew Adam had gone to check on his child, just had their Pa had always done after one of these episodes.

The three remained silent as Adam came down the stairs, looking to each of them - Joe, Hoss and Pa - and silently thanked God he had them to help raise his angel.  As he sank wearily into his favorite blue chair and absentmindedly rubbed the well-worn arms as he recalled how many good times he and Kady had had here reading to each other and the others in front of the great fire.

“How is she?” asked Ben, breaking the silence.

“Her face is a little tear stained, but she seems to be sleeping.  Pa, was it always that hard on you, disciplining us that way?”

“It never got easier from time to time or child to child…but I did what needed to be done, just as you did tonight.  She will forgive you, Adam.  You boys did me and probably a lot faster for that than for what’s to come later tonight,” replied Ben.

“Pa filled you in?” Adam asked his brothers.  If he knew his daughter like he thought he did, the next step would be equally as hard on all of them as the first was.

“Yes,” they replied.

Later that night, as the house slept, Kady crept silently into her father’s room.  “Pa…Pa…PA,” she said as she shook him gently.

Adam awoke and rolled over to look at his daughter.  “Yes,” he replied, knowing what was coming next.  In the moonlight of his room, he could see her worried look.

“I…I heard a noise and I’m scared.  Can I sleep with you?”

Adam’s heart broke as he answered, “No, honey, you are too big for that now.  Go on back to your room now.  I will see you in the morning, you’ll see.”

“But Pa,” Kady replied, but his refusal had her stumped and she had seen a side of him tonight she did not want to see again any time soon, so she changed her mind and left.  Adam sat up and listened in the distance as he heard the faintest of clicks – there is it was.  She did exactly as he predicted.  A few minutes later, click again.  Good, he thought, Pa had not caved in.  He heard the familiar creak of the floorboards between Hoss and Joe’s rooms. He had called her next move also.  Squeak – that was Joe’s door.  That’s my smart girl, she was going to play her Hoss card last, just as he would if he’d been in her shoes.  Squeak – Joe’s door again.  Please, Adam prayed, Hoss, don’t cave in – stick to the plan.  Adam heard click and then a sob as little feet ran down the hall and his heart was breaking again until he heard the next noise.

SLAM!!!!!!!!!!

That made Adam jump and the rest of the house too, he suspected.  None of them had expected that, he thought to himself as he climbed out of bed.  As he crossed the hall, his brothers and father looked at him and he shrugged.

He opened her door without knocking and asked, “Problems?”

Kady turned as her father swiftly crossed the room and for a moment, Adam saw himself as a child in her face.

“NO!” she replied angrily, turning her back to her father in hopes of returning to what she was doing.

“I think you do!” Adam said as he reached for her arm, lifting her slightly off balance and swatting her already sore and sorry behind.  “That’s for slamming your door and waking the whole house in the middle of the night.”

“They were already awake,” she replied, rubbing her bottom and scowling at her father.

It was at that moment Adam noticed the new hand she was playing.  Fingering his father’s packed old carpetbag she had pulled from under the bed, he questioned her, “Are you taking a trip?”

“Thinking about it,” she replied.

“Well, you best go ask Grandpa if you can take this.  After all, it is his.  I know he lets you use it when we travel, but it is still his.”

“FINE!” she said, stomping out to the hallway.  It was all Adam could do to keep from laughing.

“Grandpa?”

“Yes.”

“You know the carpetbag you let me use when we travel?  Well, can I have it to take with me?”

“Are you leaving us?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Okay then, angel, you may have it because I love you!”

Returning to her room she said, “He said I could have it.”

Clearing his throat, Adam said, “I see you packed a lot of the clothes I have bought for you,” as he carefully unpacked them.  “I bought these new school clothes with the idea I would get to see you in them.  I’m not sure I want them scattered about.”

“Pa, may I take some of the clothes you bought me when I leave?” She asked, thinking this line worked on her Grandpa, why not her Pa.

“Yes, angel, you may take some but only because I love you!”

“NO! NO! YOU DON’T LOVE ME NO MORE, I was bad, very, very bad and you don’t love me no more!” she cried as the tears and frustrations of the last three months of her life burst forth.

“Honey, if you’re talking about your spanking, I assure you that…”

With these words, the spectators in the hall crowded around her door.

“No, it’s not that.  Lots of kids get those and their parents still love them.  I know you don’t love me anymore ‘cause you wouldn’t let me come into your bed.  No one here loves me ‘cause no one would, not you, not Grandpa, not Joe, not even Hoss.”

Adam knelt down and pulled Kady into his embrace, glancing to his family as she continued, “And besides,” she sobbed, “if you really loved me, you’d make Miss Jenkins stop calling me by my special name.”

“Special name?” Adam repeated as he held her with one hand and pinched the bridge of his nose with the other.

“Special name?” came the echo from the doorway.

“Yes,” she wailed as she pulled from her father’s embrace to turn and face her family in the doorway, tears streaming down her cheeks. “My special name…Kadence!” She turned and pushed her face back towards her father’s chest.  “Kadence this, Kadence that!” At that moment, all their minds clicked in to her way of thinking as she continued, her explanation pouring from her mouth.  “You all told me Kadence was part of my special name my Ma gave me ‘fore she left to go live with my Grandma Beverly and Grandma Lizabeth in heaven and help them be my Guardian Angels.  Ya know, like Hoss’s special name is Eric and Joe’s is Joseph.  It’s okay for Pa to use ‘em now and then, so their angels in heaven can find ‘em iffen they lose ‘em, but not strangers!”  Adam felt her sigh with relief and her body go slack as she was pulled tighter into his embrace, and his heart began to piece itself back together as he now knew the source of his child’s pain and confusion these past months.

Ben came over to his son and granddaughter.  Kneeling down, he reached one arm around each and pulled them both to him.  Not to be outdone, Hoss and Joe came and knelt down, completing the family circle of love and support.

Adam pulled back a little and with eyes moist with tears looked from his Pa to his brothers.  No one said a word, but in their eyes he found the strength to go on, knowing that even without Melissa by his side, he was NOT raising their child alone.  For that, he thanked God and Kady’s Guardian Angels!

He kissed his daughter’s dark wavy hair and lifted her chin gently with his fingers so that she was looking into his eyes.  Kady smiled a little as she noticed the storm clouds were gone from his eyes and listened intently as her father spoke.

“It’s okay that Miss Jenkins calls you Kadence.  It’s your name, honey, and well, your Ma liked it enough to give it to you to answer to proudly.”  He hoped this was enough of an explanation for her.  

“Yes,” agreed the three other men in her life, as her eyes brightened with the new knowledge she had acquired.

As her sniffles lessened, the men around her began to stand up.  Adam was the last and when he did, he grabbed Kady’s hand and started to lead her from her room.  She planted her feet firmly, leaning backwards as she did, and asked shyly, “Where are we going?”

“Why, to bed, sleepyhead,” Adam said, picking her up and carrying her out the door, stopping in the hallway.  “Unless you want to sleep ALONE for the rest of the night?” He questioned.

“IN YOUR ROOM?” she said, eyes bright for the first time tonight since she greeted her father outside before dinner.  “YOU DO STILL LOVE ME!” she cried, flinging her little arms tightly around his neck, nearly choking him as she planted a kiss on his stubbly cheek.

He looked her deep into her brown eyes and said, “Sometimes I may be disappointed and even really, really mad, like tonight, but know that I will always LOVE YOU no matter how mad I am.  And you can come to me with any problem you have.  We will work it out together – it’s the Cartwright way!” he said, with a wink and a kiss.

Ben and the boys had heard that line before.  Joe and Hoss looked from Adam to Pa and wondered how long it would be before they turned into their father too and knew that moment was now as Adam’s last words were echoed in the hallway.  “WE WILL ALL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!”

“And your father’s right, angel.  You can come to any of us with a problem you need help solving,” Ben added.  “We’re all here for you.”

The sound of laughter coming from Adam’s room was heard in the silence of the night as everyone drifted back to sleep, but no one really minded.

As Kady lay in her father’s bed, head upon his chest, listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat, his arm holding her tight to his side, she got the nerve to ask,

“Does this mean we can go to the Church picnic Sunday after church?”

“Well, I’ll have to think on that.  Yard restrictions and missing the picnic were part of your punishment, remember?”

“Yes, I know, but I was thinking that…well, if we went, then you could help me find Miss Jenkins and we could apologize…I…I meant I could apologize to her.  You will come with me, wontcha Pa?”

Adam answered his angel with a kiss, a hug and a goodnight tickle.

The End


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