The Test by Mary Stone


CHAPTER 1


The man sat his horse still as a statue as he looked out at
the lake that bordered his land. After all these years the view
could still take his breath away. It also gave him a sense of
peace and contentment, the years of hard work had payed off in a
big way. He and his sons owned the largest and most prosperous
ranch in the west. You could travel in any direction for several
hundred miles and people knew the name Cartwright and the
influence of the Ponderosa ranch.
Ben Cartwright turned up the collar of his coat, surprised
at the bite in the air. It was the middle of March and was
usually warmer by now. He took one last look and then turned his
buckskin north to head home. He'd spent the afternoon checking
out a stand of fir to confirm whether or not he had the resources
to fulfill a contract he wanted to bid on.
Now as he rode along he was thinking of his sons, they were
his real success. Ben was a widower, had been since his youngest
son was five. He'd basically raised the boys alone. They were
grown men now and yet at times Ben could still see the children
they had been.
Although their Chinese cook Hop Sing, kept the house in
perfect order, and served up the most wonderful meals, Ben still
would often imagine what his life could've been had things been
different. Would having a mother had made the boys turn out
differently?
In the case of Adam, his eldest, he thought the answer might
have been yes. Adam's mother had died shortly after his birth.
When Adam was five Ben had met and married Inger Borgstrom. He
met her in the process of traveling to the west from New England.
Her relationship with Adam seemed to transform him from a shy,
quiet, introverted child, to a bold, outgoing, adventuresome boy.
She'd been very good for him, and he was devoted to her.
During their journey, Ben's second son Erik was born. Soon
after, Inger's life was cut short by an Indian attack. Adam, who
had witnessed her death became even more withdrawn and silent,
the effect of her death was evident to Ben. He became anxious if
he was seperated from his father and brother, and his smile
became a rare sight. Unless he was playing with his little
brother, then he was truly happy.
Their journey ended in Nevada territory, and it was here
they settled and built their first home. Ben and his boys
learned as they grew. Ben had left behind a lifetime at sea and
he had never looked back.
He met his third wife Marie on a trip to New Orleans. Marie
had never lived anywhere else and it was a difficult adjustment
for her. Though it didn't take her long to fall in love with her
new stepsons and her new home. Erik true to his nature, loved
her instantly, but it had been a little more difficult breaking
through the wall Adam had put up.



Things changed all around them, their ranch holdings grew,
and a new home was in the process. Adam found the whole project
fascinating, and stayed close to observe it all.
When the house was near completion, Marie announced that
there would soon be another Cartwright. With that announcement
Adam seemed to change, he would fret over Marie, watching her
every move, making sure she did nothing to strain herself. From
that point on their relationship blossomed and grew stronger.
Marie gave him confidence by telling him what a great help to her
he was. She helped him with his schoolwork, always encouraging
and praising him when he did well. She would often put him in
charge of Erik, letting him know he was trusted with the
responsibilty. In time his resistance melted away and he learned
to trust her and to love again.
On a warm fall afternoon Ben and Marie welcomed their third
son. He was named Joseph, after Ben's father, and was instantly
surrounded by a loving family. The doctor had been a litte
concerned about the infant's small size but he thrived. Erik was
a litte put out at first but that changed the first time he got
to hold the baby.
" He's so little ain't he " he exclaimed as he watched the
tiny fingers grasp his own. He was enjoying it until the baby
started to wail, then he looked to Ben for help
" Don't you worry Erik, he'll grow and in no time he'll be
following you both all over" Marie told him as she watched Ben
gently lift the baby from his brother's arms. Erik jumped up on
the bed and threw his arms around her
" Thank you for my little brother" he said
Marie held him close and smiled at Ben, " You're quite
welcome Sweetie " she said. She watched Erik bounce out of the
room and head for the yard to look for some adventure.
Marie closed her eyes, she was feeling a contentment she'd
never known before. She opened her eyes to watch Ben gently
rocking the baby. He looked up at Marie and she made a subtle
indication with her eyes. Ben turned to see Adam leaning against
the wall.
" Do you want to hold him son?" Ben asked him
Adam gave a slight shrug, he wanted to but was a little
afraid.
" Here sit down here and I'll hand him to you okay?"
Adam looked at Marie, she smiled and nodded. Adam quietly sat
in the chair and Ben carefully placed the baby in his arms. He
stepped back and joined Marie, sitting next to her and taking her
hand in his. They smiled at each other and he leaned over and
kissed her cheek, she could clearly see the satisfaction in his
eyes.
Adam sat staring at the baby in awe, he toyed with the tiny
fingers which held on to his own. He stared down at the little
grey eyes that seemed to look into his soul.




" Hi Joseph, I'm your big brother Adam" he whispered He
started to hum a lullaby and rocked the baby ever so slightly.
To his amazement the baby started drifting off to sleep. He
started to hum again a little louder and watched with wonder as
the baby's eyes fluttered and closed. Adam looked up at his
parents.
" I put him to sleep with my song" he whispered, smiling
broadly. It was not his typical fleeting smile, this one seemed
to consume him.
" Do you think you could lay him down in the cradle?" Marie
asked softly. Ben turned to her with surprise but her eyes were
on Adam.
" Sure I can" he answered and he slowly stood up and moved to
the cradle with slow confidence. He kneeled down and layed the
baby in the cradle gentle as a feather. He pulled up the blanket
and touched the tiny cheek.
" Pleasant dreams little brother" he whispered. He stood up
and turned toward the bed. He was still smiling as he leaned
across his father and hugged Marie.
" He's great, I really like him" he said then added " You
just rest now, I'll look after Erik. I love you Ma"
Marie nearly gasped, he'd never called her mother before.
She held him tighter and Ben saw her eyes moisten. He sighed
deeply, they were really one now.
Adam straigtened up, looked at his father and suddenly hugged
him too. Ben held him close for several minutes and thought,
things will be different from now on.
And they were, and continued to get better as time went on.
Adam appointed himself mentor of his brothers, he took Erik
hunting for the first time and put Joseph on his first horse.
By the time Erik was ten, he was nearly as tall as his
teenaged brother. Adam started calling him Hoss, a nickname
suggested by Inger's brother Gunnar. It was a mountain term for
a big friendly man, and Erik promised to be just that. In time
the name Erik was no longer heard. Unless of course he was in
trouble.
And even Joseph had a nickname, he became known as Little Joe
and his existence was under the constant protection of his
family. He was a very happy and secure little boy.
Their lives seemed so complete, no one was prepared for the
tragedy that befell them that summer day. Marie had come
galloping up to the house, shouting to Ben as she rode. She had
just returned from inspecting the new foals, when her horse
stumbled. She fell to the ground and could not get out of the
way before her horse tumbled atop her.
She was buried in the very spot Ben now found himself. He
hadn't even realized he'd headed this way. Memories had brought
him here and it was the pain of memories that made him turn away.





He rode the rest of the way home slowly. He was achy and
tired to the core. He wondered if his recent bout with the flu
had something to do with the utter weariness he felt. He'd
thought about taking a trip to give himself a break, but there
was just too much to do, the timing was all wrong.
He nearly breathed a sigh of relief when he rode into the
clearing and the house was before him. He tied Buck to the
fence and quickly unsaddled him, then turned him loose in the
corral.
He could hear his son's voices coming from the open window
over his desk. To his dismay he realized they were arguing,
something they'd been doing a lot of lately. He hesitated on the
porch trying to hear what it was about this time.
" Well I didn't ask for your help in the first place" he
heard his youngest son shout.
" If I hadn't stepped in, those fellers would'a ripped you
apart" Hoss shouted back at him
Ben shook his head, Joe seemed to be drawn to fights like a
magnet.
" What were you doing in the saloon in the first place, you
were supposed to be picking up fencing material?" Adam queried
" The same thing goes for you, mind your business" Joe
snapped.
" You know if you don't change your attitude, I might have to
do it for you" Adam said almost in a monotone.
" Pa told you to pick up supplies and get back here" Hoss
added
" That's right Pa said, not you. So shut up"
Ben chose that moment to step inside, before things got out
of hand.
Having heard the click of the door each of the boys tried to
look occupied. Ben didn't say anything, he simply walked to his
desk and sat down.
Minutes later Hop Sing seemed to come out of hiding.
" Dinner ready Mr. Cartlight" he announced and padded off to
the kitchen.
The four men rose and took their places at the table. After
the blessing the dishes were silently passed from one to the
other. Ben frowned, he'd been hoping for some lively
conversation tonight to lift his spirits.
" So how did everyone make out today? Adam did you stop in
the mine office today?" Ben asked hoping to create conversation.
" Yeah, nothing new" Adam answered
" Hoss what about you, how much damage do we have from
winter?"
" Well sir, most of the fence in the north section will have
to be repaired or replaced. The cows didn't stray far though so
gathering em up shouldn't be a problem."
" Well you and Joe can get to that tomorrow, any calves yet?"
" No sir, I didn't see any, I reckon we better keep an eye
out, as cold as it's been them little critters wouldn't survive a
night out there" Hoss said between bites

Ben ate a few forkfuls of food before continuing.
" Well Joseph, did you pick up the supplies today without any
problems?"
Joe didn't miss the glance his older brothers exchanged, but
he simply nodded.
" Good starting tomorrow we can get down to some serious
spring cleanup. We have a lot to do this year to get things back
in order, Joseph pass me the water pitcher"
Joe reached for the pitcher but never really got his eye on
it and it slipped from his grasp and tumbled into Hoss' lap
before he could recover it. Everyone jumped up out of reflex,
Hoss exploded.
" You little pip squeek, you did that on purpose"
" I did not " he shouted in defense
" You did too, either that or you got your mind on that
Parson's girl again"
" Shut up " Joe hissed at him
" Boys that's enough" Ben warned
Adam got up and moved toward them knowing what was coming.
" If you had any brains at all you'd know she's just using
you " Hoss said attempting to dry himself off with a napkin.
Adam stepped in just as Joe grabbed for Hoss and in his
attempt to push Joe back, he accidently slapped him in the face.
" You wanna hit me Adam, do it like a man" Joe snarled and he
punched Adam in the face.
" I said that's enough" Ben boomed, smashing his palms on the
table. Joe faced his father as Hoss was helping Adam to his
feet. His left cheek was already turning bright red, as he and
Hoss looked at their father too. Ben looked like he was about to
erupt but he suddenly threw his napkin on the table and stormed
up the stairs.
" Nice going little brother" Hoss said angrily
" Shut up you big oaf" Joe snapped back and tromped into the
living room.
" Come on you two, cut it out" Adam said, his head was
spinning.
" You alright Adam" Hoss said noting the look on his face
" No " Adam said putting a hand to the back of his head
" Little Joe hit you that hard?" Hoss said incredulous
Adam stared at him like he'd lost his mind
" Of course not, I hit my head on the floor when I fell "
" Oh well you better go in the kitchen and get yourself a
steak for that eye " Hoss said slapping him on the back
Adam stood up and grumbled all the way to the kitchen. Hoss
shook his head, looked for a moment at Joe, and then sat back
down. Things were bad enough, he wasn't going to go hungry too.
Minutes later Adam returned from the kitchen and sat opposite
Hoss. He looked in the direction of the stairs
" Pa didn't come back down yet?" he asked, it was not typical
behavior of their father.
" No sir he didn't and if he don't pretty soon, I'm moving to
town for awhile" Hoss answered straight faced

Adam smiled despite the atmosphere hanging over them. He
watched Hoss eating, amazed that he even had an appetite. He
shook his head and asked,
" What d'ya think he's gonna do?"
" I dunno, when's the last time you had a good tanning?"
They turned at the sound of their father's footsteps on the
stairs. Ben looked at Joe briefly then walked to the fireplace
and stood before it facing his youngest son. He turned toward
the other two and began what they knew was coming.
" I just have one thing to say to the three of you so listen
to me and listen good. Starting tomorrow things are going to be
different aound here. If you want to kill each other that's
fine, but you will fulfill your obligations to this ranch first
and foremost. If that's asking too much of anyone of you, you're
welcome to leave at any time. Is that understood?"
Each of them nodded miserably, the gloom deepened.
" That's all I have to say on the matter" Ben said and he
turned his attention to the table, " Adam I need to see you over
here a minute" he indicated his desk and Adam stood up to follow
him. As he did so Joe also got up and walked to the stairs.
" Joseph let's not complicate your problems with bad manners"
Ben said plainly
Joe gripped the railing and mumbled goodnight
" Is that all you have to say?" he demanded.
Adam cringed, he knew what his father was after and if it
were up to him he'd just as soon forget it. Joe turned to face
them and without looking up said,
" I'm sorry I hit you Adam " and he quickly climbed the
stairs.
Ben shook his head and turned his attention to Adam. He took
a good look at his cheek, by now swollen to the point that his
eye was closed.
" He poked you good didn't he?" Ben said matter of factly
Adam gingerly touched the sore spot and was sorry he did
" Yeah I guess he did. It's no big deal Pa, you know how he
is"
" Adam please don't make excuses for his behavior"
" Sorry" Adam stated and sat down, he just wished the day
would end. He looked to his father waiting for whatever Ben had
in mind. His head was throbbing and he needed something to get
his mind off it.
Ben pulled out some papers and handed them to Adam saying
" I want to bid on this Lawson contract and I wanted you to
look it over. I rode out this afternoon and I think we can
manage it alright. So what I'd like you to do is go over it and
come up with a bid for it"
Adam was trying to look it over but was having trouble
focusing.
" When do the bids have to be in?" he asked
" By noon on Monday, at the Washoe Club. They'll go over
them and make a decision by five o'clock"
Adam nodded and looked up at his father

" You want me to work this out tonight?" he asked afraid his
father would say yes.
Ben was looking at him but Adam got the impression his mind
was elsewhere. This time when he spoke it was softer than it had
been.
" You can do it on your own time but I would like to get our
bid in on time okay?"
" Don't worry about it Pa, it'll be there, I'll take care of
it" Adam said assuredly. Ben's silence was making him uneasy so
he added " Sorry about tonight"
Ben turned his chair to the window and stood up to close it.
Without turning back around he said,
" It's gotta stop Adam. You boys have got to find a way to
get beyond all that. You need to work as a team, this is a
business not a schoolyard game. It's never going to work with
this useless bickering all the time. You have to work together
for the same objective and that cannot happen until you have the
proper respect for each other"
He turned to face Adam now
" I know I shouldn't be unloading this on you alone, but
you're the oldest. I have to rely on you to handle things when I
can't"
" What does that mean?" Adam said his voice rising
Ben didn't answer right away, he did not feel good about what
he was planning to do. He looked up to see Hoss come up behind
Adam.
" Pa, I don't mean to interrupt you fellers, I just wanted to
aapologize for what happened earlier"
" Sit down Hoss " Ben said barely giving Hoss the chance to
finish his sentence. Hoss obliged, surprised at the tone of his
father's voice.
" Look boys, I'm not always going to be here to pick up the
pieces. It's absolutely imperative that you find a way to work
in tune with each other, each of you doing your part to obtain
success."
Hoss looked to Adam, he had an eerie feeling in his gut.
" Pa have you taken sick or something?" he asked
He looked at their anxious faces and managed to smile.
" No Hoss, I'm not sick I promise you it's nothing like that"
He assured them.
" What is it then Pa, what're you trying to tell us?"
Adam asked his voice betraying the fear he felt
Ben clenched his fists in frustration
" You're brothers, can't you just please try to get along.
If you want to fight amongst yourselves do it at the proper place
and time. I don't like to listen to it, that's all"
Hoss looked at Adam and then back at his father
" Don't worry about it Pa, we'll work things out"
" Good, now why don't you boys go on to bed"




Ben said and he sat down and busied himself at the desk.
Hoss said goodnight and stood up. Seeing Adam wasn't following
he turned and left. Adam didn't move, he sat studying his
father's face. Something wasn't right here and yet he couldn't
put his finger on it. Just then his father looked up at him.
" Well, are you still here?"
" I'm sorry, was that an order?" Adam said dryly
" What the part about going to bed? Of course not, but the
rest of what I said was " he said turning back to his work
Adam stood then and leaned across the desk
" Are you sure you're alright Pa?"
Ben smiled at him, touched by his son's concern.
" I'm fine really. Go on now and put something on that eye
it looks awful"
Adam hesitated, trying to read his father's face but it was
useless.
" Alright I have a nasty headache anyway, goodnight Pa"
" Goodnight son. I'll have Hop Sing bring you up some
headache powder in awhile "
Ben watched him wearily climb the stairs and he felt the pang
of guilt return. He vaguely wondered if he would hate himself
someday for what he planned to do.
*****************************
CHAPTER 2
Adam was dreaming he was on a stagecoach heading to parts
unknown. It was rough going as he was being tossed about over
the unsteady terrain. He had a headache from where he kept
hitting his head on the side of the coach.
" Adam wake up, what's the matter with him. Adam come on
wake up"
His youngest brother's voice seemed to come from far away and
it took him a minute to realize he was being shaken awake.
He sat up with some difficulty, the headache had been real.
He looked at Joe seated next to him and Hoss standing behind him.
" What's going on, what time is it?" he asked trying to clear
his head.
" It's after eight and we got a problem, a big one" Hoss
said.
" Wow look at that eye, did I do that?" Joe said, quite
impressed.
Adam ignored him and turned to Hoss
" What d'ya mean, what's wrong?"
" Here read this, see for yourself" Hoss said and heavily sat
in the chair next to the bed.
" What's this?"
" I found it on Pa's desk this morning, read it"
Adam unfolded it wishing he could see better out of his left
eye.
By the time you boys read this I'll be well away so don't
bother to come looking for me. I decided last night that it was
time I had a vacation of sorts and got away for awhile. I can't
tell you when I'll be back but I am telling you the ranch is in
your hands and I trust you will not let me down. I am not
leaving anyone in charge, you boys can work that out on your own.
Please remember what I told you last night. You will all be in
my thoughts and prayers, good luck.

Your Loving Father
" Is this some kind of joke?" Adam said looking to Hoss
" I don't think so Adam, I checked around. His rifle, his gear,
it's all gone"
Adam felt his heart drop, this could not be real. Then he
remembered how strange Ben had behaved the night before and he
knew it was true, that's what he'd been trying to tell them.
" This is all my fault " Joe said miserably.
Adam glanced at his youngest brother, he looked worse than
Adam felt.
" Forget it Joe, we're all to blame. We acted like children"
Adam said throwing the blankets back and walking to his
bureau.
" Look you fellas go on downstairs. I'll meet you down there
and we'll see if we can't make some sense of all this"


His brothers left the room and Adam quickly dressed and
shaved. He joined them at his father's desk, sitting in the
chair behind it. No one had said anything it just seemed natural
for Adam to assume the role of leader.
" Okay look I think this is nothing more than a test. Pa
wants to know if we could handle things without him. That's the
only reason I could figure he would do this."
" Yeah but why?" Hoss asked " I still say there's something
wrong with him"
" What oh my God!" Joe cried jumping to his feet.
Adam stood up and gripping Joe's shoulder, glared at Hoss
" Joe he's fine, he told us last night it was nothing like
that" he assured him
" You mean to tell me you two knew about this and no one told
me" he said accusingly
Adam sat back down, he couldn't believe he was thinking he
needed a drink at this hour.
" No, we didn't know he was going to do this. We just knew he
was very upset with us"
" Yeah and you know better'n any of us why" Hoss said.
" What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Adam rolled his eyes in exasperation
" Oh come on let's not go through this again" he groaned
" This is exactly what started the problem, all this
bickering. You two want to argue or you want to come up with a
plan for the day?"
Neither of them answered although Joe continued to glare at
Hoss.
" Okay, you two go out and bring the cows down to spring
pasture. I'm going to town to see about hiring our branding
crews that we're gonna need. Later today I'll bring up the
fencing supplies and we'll get to that. When you get down to the
pastures check the water supplies too. It shouldn't be a problem
though, we should have plenty of runoff this year. I'll also
check our feed supply, it hasn't been warm enough for the grass
to grow proper so we'll have to keep feeding them winter feed for
at least a couple more weeks"
" Sounds good to me " Hoss said standing " Come on Joe let's
get to it"
Joe obliged and followed Hoss out the door as Adam leaned back
in his father's chair, quite pleased with himself.
" So Pa thought we'd have difficulty, we'll just see about
that" he said feeling a little foolish for talking to himself.
He got up and headed to the barn to head for town.
He could get some breakfast in town while he tended to
business. He had to check out the mine too, his father had been
hearing rumors about one of the mines they had investments in and
he wanted to keep abreast of things in case they needed to pull
out. With that stop and hiring the men for branding Adam figured
he'd have a busy day.



Ben had left before daylight and was at the boundary of his
land by the time the sun was fully up. He'd hesitated than, not
sure if he wanted to go through with it. But he really did want
to get away for awhile and rest. The boys were old enough to
handle things now, and it was time to prove it. But he was still
sorry he had to prove it this way. Maybe it was something he'd
done, or hadn't done to prepare them for the responsibility but
he felt somehow he'd failed them.
He wasn't even sure where he was going but finally decided to
go to Sacramento to stay with his friend Jake Townsend and his
family. Jake was a successful attorney in California and he and
his wife Maggie had invited Ben for a visit many times. He'd
have to send a wire from the next town to let them know he was
coming, he thought.
He stopped to look back one more time at his own land. Then
with his mind made up, he turned his horse and rode away. He was
going to just go and have faith in himself and his sons. They
would be just fine without him, he would not worry about them
again.
It was near dinnertime when Adam packed up his table he'd set
up to hire a branding crew. He'd hoped to hire the men he'd need
in one day, but eleven men were not nearly enough. There'd been
times they'd had to turn men away, unfortunately this wasn't one
of them.
When he drove the wagon into the clearing he found Joe and
Hoss waiting on the porch.
" Well the lost returns, have a nice day?" Hoss said. Adam
heard something in his tone he didn't like
" What does that mean?"
" It means we waited for two hours for you to show up with the
wire and stuff" Joe retorted using quite the same tone Hoss had.
Adam dropped his head, it had completely slipped his mind.
" You were a big help to us today boy" Joe added
" Hold on Joe I ain't through yet. Do you realize big brother
that we wasted nearly four hours coming back here, loading the
supplies, and then going all the way back? That doesn't include
the time we wasted waiting for you to show up"
" I know, look I just forgot I'm sorry" Adam said trying to
apologize
" Well I hope you enjoyed your socializing while we were
busting our backs up there"
" Joe I was not socializing and you know it" Adam stated
" Sitting in a cushy little office discussing the market
shares is not what I call working " Joe challenged him.
Adam simply jumped from the wagon, he wasn't in the mood to
argue.
" Quit complaining and just do your job" he said
Joe angrily grabbed his arm " No, you know what? >From now on
I'll do things my way and you can pretend you're the big man
around here. I ain't taking orders from nobody, especially you"
With that he turned and went inside slamming the door behind him.

" Well we're off to a good start aren't we?" Adam said
sarcastically. Hoss didn't return his smile though
" Where were you Adam?"
" I told you this morning I was going to start hiring the men
we'll need for branding crews" Adam could feel himself getting
angry now. He didn't like the position he was in already.
" Yeah I reckon you did. Well how many men did you get?"
Adam gave a short laugh, almost embarrassed to admit it
" Eleven " he said flatly
" Eleven! How are we going to work some thousand head of
cattle with eleven men?"
" Look you two worry about the fences and branding pens, I'll
get the men we need in plenty of time. I'll go out again
tomorrow, I'll go to Carson City if I have to. Don't worry about
it, I'll take care of it, we'll have the men we need"
Hoss raised his big hands and waved them at Adam
" Sorry Adam, it wasn't a good day for any of us, and our
little brother ain't gonna make it any easier for us either"
Adam nodded, he certainly hoped Ben was having a good time.
" Forget it Adam, let's go eat" Hoss offered
They went inside and the three of them ate without a word.
They would occasionally glance at each other but nobody said
anything. As soon as Joe

Transfer interrupted!
d
went outside. Adam watched him go feeling more tired than ever.
" Adam don't pay him no mind, he'll come around"
" Yeah I know" he answered wearily. He rose from his chair
and went up to his room. He took his guitar from the side of the
bed and went out on the porch to play. He sat on one of the
chairs near the wall and played something slow and eventually
felt his worries float away. The creation of music had always
been able to relax him. A few minutes later Hoss joined him,
taking a chair and leaning it against the wall. He closed his
eyes and let the music envelope him. Hoss loved nothing better
than to listen to Adam play on an evening like this. He'd always
been awed by his big brother's many talents but had no desire to
learn this one himself. It was enough to just listen to him
play. It reminded him of his childhood, carefree and fun. And
on the lonely nights like this Adam would play in his room and
lull the household to sleep. It seemed as if the music had
always been there.
Joe had heard it too from the barn and somehow found himself
listening at the doorway. He too had grown up listening to Adam
play and to him it had always been a comforting thing. After
Joe's mother died Ben had plunged into a depression so deep, none
of them could reach him. In the weeks following it had been Adam
who tried to pick up the pieces. He sat with Joe and Hoss for
hours trying to help them understand something he could not
comprehend himself. He told them stories he'd learned from his
father, and he played and sang them songs to help them sleep. He
did whatever he could to ease the pain for his family.



As Joe thought of these things he looked at Adam and suddenly
saw him differently. Adam really didn't have things so easy, and
he was suddenly aware of how lucky he was to have been born the
youngest. He would not want to trade places with either of his
brothers for anything in the world.
He turned to finish his work,remembering how it was Adam who
had gotten them through that terrible time. Although Joe hadn't
seen his mother fall, he was tortured by nightmares for weeks
after. He would wake up in terror and call out to his father,
but it was always Adam who came then. And it was the familiar
sound of his brother's voice that made him feel safe. Often he
didn't even know what he was saying or singing, he just knew he
was there and that was enough.
Eventually Ben came around, but Joe and Hoss would still seek
Adam out when they couldn't sleep. There was a particular song
that Adam used to sing to him that made him think of his mother
and he would ask Adam to sing it for him whenever he missed her.
He had asked for it so often that it had gotten to the point
where he would simply say, " Sing me that song Adam" and Adam
would automatically know which one he meant. He was wishing now
that he knew the name of the song, he had not heard it in a long
time and was in just the right mood for it now.
A smile suddenly dawned on his face and he quickly blew out he
lantern and went to join his brothers. He sat next to Adam who
was so engrossed in his music he hadn't noticed. When he did he
stopped playing, to his surprise Joe smiled at him and said hi.
" Hi yourself " Adam said raising an eyebrow
They turned when they heard Hoss' chair drop to all four legs
" What'd ya stop for?" he exclaimed.
Adam resumed the song he'd been playing, now studying his
youngest brother. He knew Joe wanted to say something but wasn't
sure what caused the apparent change
" I'm sorry for being so difficult Adam" Joe said suddenly.
Hoss opened one eye. Joe was fidgeting with a piece of hay he'd
brought from the barn " And I really am sorry I hit you " he
added.
" That's okay Buddy, forget about it" Adam said grateful his
legs were braced on the chair or he might've fallen out of it.
Hoss closed both eyes and soon felt himself blissfully falling
asleep. Adam leaned back in his chair, he was starting to feel a
whole lot better.
" Sing me that song Adam" Joe said so quietly Adam wasn't sure
he'd really heard it.
At first Adam's face was a mask but then he remembered and he
smiled. Very smoothly he switched chords and started to sing the
very song Joe remembered. It was a song about pine trees and
lost love and Joe felt the sadness wash over him. He could
almost feel his mother's presence again, it was as if she touched
him. He pushed himself back against the chair and pensively layed
his head on Adam's shoulder. He had a terrible urge to bury his
face there and sob, but he simply closed his eyes and let the
memories come.

Adam often wondered why that song affected him so much but he
would never ask. He finished the song and continued absently
strumming the guitar. He was wishing he could make time stand
still, and at the same time he was thinking " I wish Pa could see
us now"
************************
CHAPTER 3
As the weeks went by things seemed to go from bad to worse
on the Ponderosa. For Adam it was overwhelming and he was
quickly gaining a new respect for his father. He'd always
assumed Ben handled the paperwork end of things because it was
easy, it was in fact anything but. The responsibility of keeping
track of their many ventures was tremendous and all consuming.
Coming up with the branding crews had been a nightmare. Most
of the available men were employed at the mines and making good
money. It had taken almost a week of traveling from town to town
to find the necessary help.
Adam had spent so much time on that particular project that
he very nearly missed getting the Lawson contract done and in on
time. They were awarded the contract in the end but that meant
more responsibility, logging crews had to be hired, camps had to
be readied to accommodate them, more men meant another payroll
book which in turn meant more paperwork. Before the work could
start Adam had to go and do the tree marking. That was something
he wanted to do right because Ben was very particular about how
it was done.
Most of his days were spent traveling from one project to the
other. He went to the logging camp daily to check in with the
straw boss to make sure everything was on schedule. From there
he would check in with the fencing and branding crews, trying to
keep track of every man and animal on the place. And as often as
possible he would travel to town to check the stock dial at the
brokerage office. The stocks in a mine in which they had heavy
investments, seemed to be on a slow decline, that might mean he
would have to make a decision about selling their stocks or
pulling out if it went too far. Adam's very existence became one
decision after another and it was costing him sleep.
Ben on the other hand was, for the first time in many years
free of decision making. He was enjoying this new freedom and
the company of his old friends. As soon as he would start to
worry about his sons, he would quickly find something to do to
distract himself. He had to let go, it was long overdue.
Despite his best efforts, at night when he lay within the strange
walls, he would think about them. The pain of missing them was
so strong he could swear it was an actual physical pain.
He knew without being there that Adam was probably pretty
angry with him and attempting to hold things together on his own.
And Hoss as usual was more than likely cooperating and at the
same time trying to act as peacemaker between Adam and the ever
uncooperative Little Joe. The thought of his youngest son
brought a smile to Ben's face. Joseph, bound and determined to
do things his own way. The only thing wrong with Joe was his age
and inexperience. Adam had been very much like him at that age
and he'd turned out just fine.





He tried to imagine what each of them might be doing at that
very moment. With concentration he could almost see Hoss in the
kitchen helping himself to one last bite to eat and a cup of
coffee to wash it down. It was Hoss' favorite time to visit the
kitchen because he knew Hop Sing would have long since retired to
his room and Hoss was free to help himself. How many times had
Ben seen Hop Sing chase Hoss from the kitchen so as not to spoil
his appetite. There was little danger of that though he could
not remember a time where Hoss ever refused a meal. And Hoss had
a great appreciation of any kind of cooking, he was always
willing to try something new. He remembered how when Hoss was
younger he'd become self conscious about his size. He'd thought
himself awkward, someone who didn't fit in with regular boys.
He'd endured a lot of teasing from other children but then the
teasing turned to challenging as he grew and Hoss had to learn to
control his temper to keep from unwittingly hurting anyone. Hoss
was sensitive about his size and strength because he knew he
could do some real damage if he ever lost control. But he was
comforted by the fact that his size could be a positive thing
too. Sometimes he had only to be seen to be respected and that
was not something most people could do. He was able to defend
his brothers with his fists when he had to, of that he was very
proud.
By now Ben knew Joe would be fast asleep. When he was awake
he had boundless energy and could go on all day. But only as
long as he was in motion, if he stopped to rest he could be
asleep in minutes. He'd always seemed to need sleep more than
his brothers which was probably because he didn't reserve any
emotions or energy if he could help it. The boy was like a lit
fuse at times and you never knew what would set him off. And the
way that boy could switch moods was an amazing thing to see.
And Adam, his eternal worrier, was more than likely off on an
evening ride or reading in his room. Ben had lost count long ago
of how many times he'd found Adam asleep, open book on his chest
and lantern burning. Once he had gained the ability to read he
seemed to absorb books and read everything he could get his hands
on. What he couldn't read he made his father read to him until
he knew the book by heart. His curiosity as a child never seemed
to be satisfied, he wanted to know more, why, why not? He nearly
drove his family to distraction with the constant questions.
Adam had learned he could go anywhere he wanted through a book
and promised himself that when he was able he would see as many
far away places as he could. Now he seemed to read to just to
relax and help himself sleep.
The more Ben thought about his sons, the more depressed he
felt. He rolled over on his side and closed his eyes. He prayed
for sleep to free him of the guilt and loneliness he felt. He
tried again and again to convince himself his actions would be
for the best, but his heart was telling him it was time to go
home.
***********************
CHAPTER 4
The real trouble began with the cattle after they were moved
to the branding pens. They started coming down sick in droves
and the men had to scramble to separate the sick from the healthy
ones. They had to be ever watchful for ones that even looked
sick to be sure they were moved away from the others. Despite
their best efforts they still lost more than a hundred head.
This fact was one of many weighing on Adam's mind as he
looked out over the herd below him. He'd just rode in from town
when the foreman gave him the report. After the foreman rode off
Adam had remained in the very spot he'd been in when he got the
news. He was so lost in thought he didn't hear Hoss ride up
alongside him. Hoss sat watching his older brother a moment
before speaking up.
" Adam we lose some every dadburn year, it ain't your fault"
" Yeah I know " Adam said, still feeling responsible "
Where's Joe?" he asked Hoss as he sat back in the saddle.
" He's moving the sale cows "
" Well this certainly won't be a good year for us at the
sale" Adam said his voice touched with anger.
" Wouldn't be the first time " Hoss said watching the cattle
and wishing he knew how to lift his brother's spirits. Once Adam
got himself into a mood it was nearly impossible to get him out
of it.
Adam took a deep breath and sat up straighter, " Ya know Hoss
I'm starting to think you may have been right about Pa"
" What d'ya mean " Hoss asked him
" Think about it, it isn't like Pa to put us out on a limb
like that. By walking out on us he put everything he's ever
worked for at risk, why would he do that? If we fail, he loses
everything, he put his whole life work in our hands without any
preparation or anything, why?" He was looking right at Hoss as if
demanding an explanation.
" Adam please don't do this to yourself. You heard him say it
wasn't anything like that. Pa just reached his limit I guess,
you might say we drove him to it"
" And how come we haven't heard anything from him, nothing?"
" I don't know but I'm sure he'll explain it when he gets
back" Hoss said firmly not wanting to discuss the issue any
further.
" Yeah, if he gets back " Adam said dryly
" Now Adam that's enough of that talk. You keep talking like
that and Little Joe'll get wind of it. And if he does he'll get
all upset and go searching the countryside looking for him. And
you know as well as I do there won't be a dadblame thing we can
do to stop him"
Adam nodded absently petting his horses neck. Hoss wasn't
sure if he'd gotten through to him so he added
" Besides we can't spare him or anyone else right now"
Adam looked up now and noticed the sun setting, it was a
beautiful sight to see.
" You know I got half a mind to go looking for him myself"

" Oh yeah, well where would you start looking?" Hoss
challenged.
" Oh come on I know where he is, he's in San Francisco.
That's where he always goes when he wants to get away for awhile"
" Well that's all very clever big brother but where would he
go if he didn't want to be found" Hoss remarked with the sound of
authority.
Adam hadn't thought about that and it was true. Their father
could be just about anywhere. Lately when he had thought about
his father he had been somewhat comforted by the fact that he
could always find Ben if he needed him. But now he had a sudden
feeling of dread, what if he never saw him again. Hoss didn't
miss the look that came across his brother's face
" Adam if Pa was in any real trouble, he'd be here with us,
not off by himself somewhere"
Adam figured that was probably true too. Ben had always
reminded them that they didn't have to face their problems alone.
They always had each other and the strength of four was always
better than one alone. Hoss suddenly broke into his thoughts,
" Ya know something Adam, I just got a sneaking hunch that Pa
is right here on this ranch. He's just hiding out somewhere
waiting for us to holler help"
Hoss was rewarded with a faint smile,so he tried for more
" Remember how Pa told us he used to follow a ways behind us
the first few times he let us go to town alone?"
Adam nodded and the smile deepened so Hoss kept going
" And remember he told us how one time he was so busy watching
us he got himself knocked off his horse by a tree limb?"
Now Adam laughed and added " And he had to walk all the way
back to the house"
At that they both laughed for some time. When it was quiet
again Hoss said, " If I find out he's been here all along, I'll
be mad enough to bite a porcupine"
That made Adam laugh harder and he said, " I'd pay good money
to see that"
It grew quiet again and the brothers watched the sun disappear
together. It was something they'd done as children and it
brought them both a little peace.
" We best be getting on home Adam" Hoss suggested
" Yeah we better or Joe will send a posse out after us" Adam
said and neckreined his horse off the hill and down the slope.
Hoss fell in behind him and they rode along listening to the
sound of their horses hooves. By the time they got home and got
their horse bedded down it was near nine o'clock.
" Boy I sure am hungry " Hoss stated as they walked to the
house.
" When aren't you? " Adam said, having regained his sense of
humor. They walked in the big front door and stripped themselves
of the heavy gear necessary for working stock.
" Let's see what's in the kitchen " Hoss said throwing his hat
towards the hatrack.
" You go ahead, I'm not really hungry "

" How about a cup of coffee then?" Hoss offered
" Okay that would be great" Adam said and walked to his
father's desk. There seemed to be no end to the bookkeeping that
had to be done.
Fifteen minutes later Hoss returned with two steaming cups
" Just the way you like it Adam, hot"
Adam gave him a grateful smile and took one of the cups
"Thanks I could use it" he said sitting back to savor the taste.
Hoss sat himself down next to the desk and set his cup down.
He looked at the pile of papers and books and shook his head
" I don't know how you have the patience for that stuff"
" What makes you think I do?" Adam quipped as he placed the
cup down and looked up " I wonder where Joe is?"
" Now Adam don't go fretting about him, he'll be along"
Hoss no sooner got the words out when they heard the sound of
a horse approaching the house. Adam got up to look out the
window.
" Is it him?" Hoss asked
" Yeah it's him and it don't look good"
Within minutes the door clicked open and slammed shut. Joe
took off his hat and gunbelt and soon joined them, throwing an
envelope on the desk as he approached.
" Well how'd we do?" Adam asked already knowing the answer
" We'd been better off butchering them and selling the meat"
Joe said bitterly.
" Oh come on you two, why do you always have to look at things
that way. We could've been a lot worse off if we'd lost them
along with the others" Hoss admonished them.
" Yeah I suppose you're right " Adam agreed
" And those new calves we got out there are the sturdiest
little critters this place has ever seen. Just think what we'll
have next year. So we're having a bad year so what, we'll have a
better one next year." Hoss said exasperated with their pessimism
Nobody said anything for several minutes until Joe said,
"Did you notice anymore that looked sick?"
" No we didn't and the ones we separated are looking better.
I think I'll wait another week or so and then put them back with
the others" Hoss was right things were looking up a little.
" Anyone heard anything about Pa yet?" Joe asked
Adam and Hoss looked at each other, and both wished they had
something to tell him.
" He'll be back any day now" Hoss said trying to sound
convincing.
" Well I'm gonna go put Cochise to bed and get myself some
coffee" Joe announced and left for the barn. His brothers waited
until they heard his footsteps fading
" I sure hope he comes home soon " Adam said quietly as if Joe
could still hear them.
" Me too, what d'ya suppose he's doing?" Hoss asked



" I don't know maybe he's courting some rich old widow woman
and it's taken him this long to talk her into marrying him. Just
think Hoss he may not come home alone"
" Oh Lordie, don't even say that, I don't want to be having
that on my mind too" Hoss warned
Adam was rather enjoying the expression on his brother's face
as he said, " He may come home with a big old woman who wants Pa
all to herself "
Hoss pushed himself out of the chair, thoroughly disgusted by
the whole idea " Well I'll tell ya, if he does that I reckon
she's welcome to him cause I certainly won't have any use for
him" and he turned to head up the stairs. He mumbled goodnight
and left Adam laughing softly.
************************
CHAPTER 5

Ben found himself in a very awkward position and was
desperately trying to think of a way to leave the room
inconspicuously. His host, Mr. Townsend, was having a serious
confrontation with his oldest son and Ben did not care to be
caught in the middle of it. This was a private matter and he
need not be a witness.
" What were you thinking?" his friend Jake demanded of the
boy
" I don't understand what you're yelling about, you paid the
fine so let's forget it" the boy shouted back
Ben groaned inwardly, not any one of his sons would be so
irresponsible.
" Haven't you been listening to me, I'm not talking about a
fine here John"
John stared at his father, he was getting annoyed
"Don't you have any remorse at all for what you did?"
" Come on Father, you're an attorney you'll take care of it"
Jake Townsend had enough "That's it John, you will not join
your friends tonight, you will remain at home"
" The hell I will " John sneered and headed for the door.
Jake grabbed his arm and Ben was horrified to see the boy take a
swing at his father. Jake was able to avoid the impact but not
able to stop his son from walking out the door. He turned to Ben
and shook his head, " Can you believe that boy?"
Ben didn't know what to say, no he could not. He'd never
seen such a display of disrespect. Jake sat down and sighed
" Well you have boys you know how it is" Jake stated
" Well Jake I'm no expert believe me" Ben said trying to
think of something else they could talk about.
" What did you do when your boys started thinking they knew
better?" Jake asked him seriously
" Oh Jake, I don't think it's matter of who knows better, I
think it's more about a level of acceptance"
Jake looked thoughtful a moment and than sat back scratching
his head " All I know is I've reached my limit with John. I'm
almost looking forward to his leaving for school in the fall"
And what then? Ben thought to himself, some day he will find
himself in trouble that you can't fix for him. But he said
nothing. Jake saw the look of sadness on Ben's face and said,
" I know that sounds cruel Ben, it's not that I don't love my
son, I do. It's just that I can't talk to him anymore because he
doesn't listen. He does exactly the opposite of what I ask of
him. Then he gets himself into trouble knowing I'll get him out"
" Then don't " Ben said before he could stop himself
Jake's eyebrows shot up " Don't, what d'ya mean Ben?"
" Jake what I'm trying to say is maybe John needs to learn to
take responsibility for his actions"





" I guess you're right but I'm afraid it's too late with
John, hopefully I have a chance with Matthew" he said sadly. He
stood up wearily " Well Ben I'll see if Maggie is ready to leave
for the Anderson's "
Ben was rather relieved when he left the room. He'd never
seen a man so unconcerned with his children's behavior. When he
thought about it, even the other two children seemed to be
lacking in the courtesy department.
He recalled the afternoon their daughter Martha brought a
friend home and didn't bother to introduce the young lady to Ben
until her parents reminded her that he was there.
And then there was the evening the youngest boy Matthew came
to the table for dinner and tore into his meal without waiting
for his father to give proper thanks. He frowned remembering how
Maggie and Jake had smiled and commented on how cute the boy was.
And now tonight John had actually tried to strike his father.
The whole idea of a boy doing that was incomprehensible to Ben.
He could not imagine one of his sons doing such a thing.
Later that night Ben watched the Townsend children closer.
He did not believe in judging people but he wondered why what was
obvious to him, was not obvious to them. He then wondered how
people on the outside might have seen his family. He knew he was
far from the perfect parent and he would not have appreciated
someone trying to tell him how to raise his boys.
All the years the boys were growing up there were