The Test by Mary Stone


CHAPTER 1


The man sat his horse still as a statue as he looked out at
the lake that bordered his land. After all these years the view
could still take his breath away. It also gave him a sense of
peace and contentment, the years of hard work had payed off in a
big way. He and his sons owned the largest and most prosperous
ranch in the west. You could travel in any direction for several
hundred miles and people knew the name Cartwright and the
influence of the Ponderosa ranch.
Ben Cartwright turned up the collar of his coat, surprised
at the bite in the air. It was the middle of March and was
usually warmer by now. He took one last look and then turned his
buckskin north to head home. He'd spent the afternoon checking
out a stand of fir to confirm whether or not he had the resources
to fulfill a contract he wanted to bid on.
Now as he rode along he was thinking of his sons, they were
his real success. Ben was a widower, had been since his youngest
son was five. He'd basically raised the boys alone. They were
grown men now and yet at times Ben could still see the children
they had been.
Although their Chinese cook Hop Sing, kept the house in
perfect order, and served up the most wonderful meals, Ben still
would often imagine what his life could've been had things been
different. Would having a mother had made the boys turn out
differently?
In the case of Adam, his eldest, he thought the answer might
have been yes. Adam's mother had died shortly after his birth.
When Adam was five Ben had met and married Inger Borgstrom. He
met her in the process of traveling to the west from New England.
Her relationship with Adam seemed to transform him from a shy,
quiet, introverted child, to a bold, outgoing, adventuresome boy.
She'd been very good for him, and he was devoted to her.
During their journey, Ben's second son Erik was born. Soon
after, Inger's life was cut short by an Indian attack. Adam, who
had witnessed her death became even more withdrawn and silent,
the effect of her death was evident to Ben. He became anxious if
he was seperated from his father and brother, and his smile
became a rare sight. Unless he was playing with his little
brother, then he was truly happy.
Their journey ended in Nevada territory, and it was here
they settled and built their first home. Ben and his boys
learned as they grew. Ben had left behind a lifetime at sea and
he had never looked back.
He met his third wife Marie on a trip to New Orleans. Marie
had never lived anywhere else and it was a difficult adjustment
for her. Though it didn't take her long to fall in love with her
new stepsons and her new home. Erik true to his nature, loved
her instantly, but it had been a little more difficult breaking
through the wall Adam had put up.



Things changed all around them, their ranch holdings grew,
and a new home was in the process. Adam found the whole project
fascinating, and stayed close to observe it all.
When the house was near completion, Marie announced that
there would soon be another Cartwright. With that announcement
Adam seemed to change, he would fret over Marie, watching her
every move, making sure she did nothing to strain herself. From
that point on their relationship blossomed and grew stronger.
Marie gave him confidence by telling him what a great help to her
he was. She helped him with his schoolwork, always encouraging
and praising him when he did well. She would often put him in
charge of Erik, letting him know he was trusted with the
responsibilty. In time his resistance melted away and he learned
to trust her and to love again.
On a warm fall afternoon Ben and Marie welcomed their third
son. He was named Joseph, after Ben's father, and was instantly
surrounded by a loving family. The doctor had been a litte
concerned about the infant's small size but he thrived. Erik was
a litte put out at first but that changed the first time he got
to hold the baby.
" He's so little ain't he " he exclaimed as he watched the
tiny fingers grasp his own. He was enjoying it until the baby
started to wail, then he looked to Ben for help
" Don't you worry Erik, he'll grow and in no time he'll be
following you both all over" Marie told him as she watched Ben
gently lift the baby from his brother's arms. Erik jumped up on
the bed and threw his arms around her
" Thank you for my little brother" he said
Marie held him close and smiled at Ben, " You're quite
welcome Sweetie " she said. She watched Erik bounce out of the
room and head for the yard to look for some adventure.
Marie closed her eyes, she was feeling a contentment she'd
never known before. She opened her eyes to watch Ben gently
rocking the baby. He looked up at Marie and she made a subtle
indication with her eyes. Ben turned to see Adam leaning against
the wall.
" Do you want to hold him son?" Ben asked him
Adam gave a slight shrug, he wanted to but was a little
afraid.
" Here sit down here and I'll hand him to you okay?"
Adam looked at Marie, she smiled and nodded. Adam quietly sat
in the chair and Ben carefully placed the baby in his arms. He
stepped back and joined Marie, sitting next to her and taking her
hand in his. They smiled at each other and he leaned over and
kissed her cheek, she could clearly see the satisfaction in his
eyes.
Adam sat staring at the baby in awe, he toyed with the tiny
fingers which held on to his own. He stared down at the little
grey eyes that seemed to look into his soul.




" Hi Joseph, I'm your big brother Adam" he whispered He
started to hum a lullaby and rocked the baby ever so slightly.
To his amazement the baby started drifting off to sleep. He
started to hum again a little louder and watched with wonder as
the baby's eyes fluttered and closed. Adam looked up at his
parents.
" I put him to sleep with my song" he whispered, smiling
broadly. It was not his typical fleeting smile, this one seemed
to consume him.
" Do you think you could lay him down in the cradle?" Marie
asked softly. Ben turned to her with surprise but her eyes were
on Adam.
" Sure I can" he answered and he slowly stood up and moved to
the cradle with slow confidence. He kneeled down and layed the
baby in the cradle gentle as a feather. He pulled up the blanket
and touched the tiny cheek.
" Pleasant dreams little brother" he whispered. He stood up
and turned toward the bed. He was still smiling as he leaned
across his father and hugged Marie.
" He's great, I really like him" he said then added " You
just rest now, I'll look after Erik. I love you Ma"
Marie nearly gasped, he'd never called her mother before.
She held him tighter and Ben saw her eyes moisten. He sighed
deeply, they were really one now.
Adam straigtened up, looked at his father and suddenly hugged
him too. Ben held him close for several minutes and thought,
things will be different from now on.
And they were, and continued to get better as time went on.
Adam appointed himself mentor of his brothers, he took Erik
hunting for the first time and put Joseph on his first horse.
By the time Erik was ten, he was nearly as tall as his
teenaged brother. Adam started calling him Hoss, a nickname
suggested by Inger's brother Gunnar. It was a mountain term for
a big friendly man, and Erik promised to be just that. In time
the name Erik was no longer heard. Unless of course he was in
trouble.
And even Joseph had a nickname, he became known as Little Joe
and his existence was under the constant protection of his
family. He was a very happy and secure little boy.
Their lives seemed so complete, no one was prepared for the
tragedy that befell them that summer day. Marie had come
galloping up to the house, shouting to Ben as she rode. She had
just returned from inspecting the new foals, when her horse
stumbled. She fell to the ground and could not get out of the
way before her horse tumbled atop her.
She was buried in the very spot Ben now found himself. He
hadn't even realized he'd headed this way. Memories had brought
him here and it was the pain of memories that made him turn away.





He rode the rest of the way home slowly. He was achy and
tired to the core. He wondered if his recent bout with the flu
had something to do with the utter weariness he felt. He'd
thought about taking a trip to give himself a break, but there
was just too much to do, the timing was all wrong.
He nearly breathed a sigh of relief when he rode into the
clearing and the house was before him. He tied Buck to the
fence and quickly unsaddled him, then turned him loose in the
corral.
He could hear his son's voices coming from the open window
over his desk. To his dismay he realized they were arguing,
something they'd been doing a lot of lately. He hesitated on the
porch trying to hear what it was about this time.
" Well I didn't ask for your help in the first place" he
heard his youngest son shout.
" If I hadn't stepped in, those fellers would'a ripped you
apart" Hoss shouted back at him
Ben shook his head, Joe seemed to be drawn to fights like a
magnet.
" What were you doing in the saloon in the first place, you
were supposed to be picking up fencing material?" Adam queried
" The same thing goes for you, mind your business" Joe
snapped.
" You know if you don't change your attitude, I might have to
do it for you" Adam said almost in a monotone.
" Pa told you to pick up supplies and get back here" Hoss
added
" That's right Pa said, not you. So shut up"
Ben chose that moment to step inside, before things got out
of hand.
Having heard the click of the door each of the boys tried to
look occupied. Ben didn't say anything, he simply walked to his
desk and sat down.
Minutes later Hop Sing seemed to come out of hiding.
" Dinner ready Mr. Cartlight" he announced and padded off to
the kitchen.
The four men rose and took their places at the table. After
the blessing the dishes were silently passed from one to the
other. Ben frowned, he'd been hoping for some lively
conversation tonight to lift his spirits.
" So how did everyone make out today? Adam did you stop in
the mine office today?" Ben asked hoping to create conversation.
" Yeah, nothing new" Adam answered
" Hoss what about you, how much damage do we have from
winter?"
" Well sir, most of the fence in the north section will have
to be repaired or replaced. The cows didn't stray far though so
gathering em up shouldn't be a problem."
" Well you and Joe can get to that tomorrow, any calves yet?"
" No sir, I didn't see any, I reckon we better keep an eye
out, as cold as it's been them little critters wouldn't survive a
night out there" Hoss said between bites

Ben ate a few forkfuls of food before continuing.
" Well Joseph, did you pick up the supplies today without any
problems?"
Joe didn't miss the glance his older brothers exchanged, but
he simply nodded.
" Good starting tomorrow we can get down to some serious
spring cleanup. We have a lot to do this year to get things back
in order, Joseph pass me the water pitcher"
Joe reached for the pitcher but never really got his eye on
it and it slipped from his grasp and tumbled into Hoss' lap
before he could recover it. Everyone jumped up out of reflex,
Hoss exploded.
" You little pip squeek, you did that on purpose"
" I did not " he shouted in defense
" You did too, either that or you got your mind on that
Parson's girl again"
" Shut up " Joe hissed at him
" Boys that's enough" Ben warned
Adam got up and moved toward them knowing what was coming.
" If you had any brains at all you'd know she's just using
you " Hoss said attempting to dry himself off with a napkin.
Adam stepped in just as Joe grabbed for Hoss and in his
attempt to push Joe back, he accidently slapped him in the face.
" You wanna hit me Adam, do it like a man" Joe snarled and he
punched Adam in the face.
" I said that's enough" Ben boomed, smashing his palms on the
table. Joe faced his father as Hoss was helping Adam to his
feet. His left cheek was already turning bright red, as he and
Hoss looked at their father too. Ben looked like he was about to
erupt but he suddenly threw his napkin on the table and stormed
up the stairs.
" Nice going little brother" Hoss said angrily
" Shut up you big oaf" Joe snapped back and tromped into the
living room.
" Come on you two, cut it out" Adam said, his head was
spinning.
" You alright Adam" Hoss said noting the look on his face
" No " Adam said putting a hand to the back of his head
" Little Joe hit you that hard?" Hoss said incredulous
Adam stared at him like he'd lost his mind
" Of course not, I hit my head on the floor when I fell "
" Oh well you better go in the kitchen and get yourself a
steak for that eye " Hoss said slapping him on the back
Adam stood up and grumbled all the way to the kitchen. Hoss
shook his head, looked for a moment at Joe, and then sat back
down. Things were bad enough, he wasn't going to go hungry too.
Minutes later Adam returned from the kitchen and sat opposite
Hoss. He looked in the direction of the stairs
" Pa didn't come back down yet?" he asked, it was not typical
behavior of their father.
" No sir he didn't and if he don't pretty soon, I'm moving to
town for awhile" Hoss answered straight faced

Adam smiled despite the atmosphere hanging over them. He
watched Hoss eating, amazed that he even had an appetite. He
shook his head and asked,
" What d'ya think he's gonna do?"
" I dunno, when's the last time you had a good tanning?"
They turned at the sound of their father's footsteps on the
stairs. Ben looked at Joe briefly then walked to the fireplace
and stood before it facing his youngest son. He turned toward
the other two and began what they knew was coming.
" I just have one thing to say to the three of you so listen
to me and listen good. Starting tomorrow things are going to be
different aound here. If you want to kill each other that's
fine, but you will fulfill your obligations to this ranch first
and foremost. If that's asking too much of anyone of you, you're
welcome to leave at any time. Is that understood?"
Each of them nodded miserably, the gloom deepened.
" That's all I have to say on the matter" Ben said and he
turned his attention to the table, " Adam I need to see you over
here a minute" he indicated his desk and Adam stood up to follow
him. As he did so Joe also got up and walked to the stairs.
" Joseph let's not complicate your problems with bad manners"
Ben said plainly
Joe gripped the railing and mumbled goodnight
" Is that all you have to say?" he demanded.
Adam cringed, he knew what his father was after and if it
were up to him he'd just as soon forget it. Joe turned to face
them and without looking up said,
" I'm sorry I hit you Adam " and he quickly climbed the
stairs.
Ben shook his head and turned his attention to Adam. He took
a good look at his cheek, by now swollen to the point that his
eye was closed.
" He poked you good didn't he?" Ben said matter of factly
Adam gingerly touched the sore spot and was sorry he did
" Yeah I guess he did. It's no big deal Pa, you know how he
is"
" Adam please don't make excuses for his behavior"
" Sorry" Adam stated and sat down, he just wished the day
would end. He looked to his father waiting for whatever Ben had
in mind. His head was throbbing and he needed something to get
his mind off it.
Ben pulled out some papers and handed them to Adam saying
" I want to bid on this Lawson contract and I wanted you to
look it over. I rode out this afternoon and I think we can
manage it alright. So what I'd like you to do is go over it and
come up with a bid for it"
Adam was trying to look it over but was having trouble
focusing.
" When do the bids have to be in?" he asked
" By noon on Monday, at the Washoe Club. They'll go over
them and make a decision by five o'clock"
Adam nodded and looked up at his father

" You want me to work this out tonight?" he asked afraid his
father would say yes.
Ben was looking at him but Adam got the impression his mind
was elsewhere. This time when he spoke it was softer than it had
been.
" You can do it on your own time but I would like to get our
bid in on time okay?"
" Don't worry about it Pa, it'll be there, I'll take care of
it" Adam said assuredly. Ben's silence was making him uneasy so
he added " Sorry about tonight"
Ben turned his chair to the window and stood up to close it.
Without turning back around he said,
" It's gotta stop Adam. You boys have got to find a way to
get beyond all that. You need to work as a team, this is a
business not a schoolyard game. It's never going to work with
this useless bickering all the time. You have to work together
for the same objective and that cannot happen until you have the
proper respect for each other"
He turned to face Adam now
" I know I shouldn't be unloading this on you alone, but
you're the oldest. I have to rely on you to handle things when I
can't"
" What does that mean?" Adam said his voice rising
Ben didn't answer right away, he did not feel good about what
he was planning to do. He looked up to see Hoss come up behind
Adam.
" Pa, I don't mean to interrupt you fellers, I just wanted to
aapologize for what happened earlier"
" Sit down Hoss " Ben said barely giving Hoss the chance to
finish his sentence. Hoss obliged, surprised at the tone of his
father's voice.
" Look boys, I'm not always going to be here to pick up the
pieces. It's absolutely imperative that you find a way to work
in tune with each other, each of you doing your part to obtain
success."
Hoss looked to Adam, he had an eerie feeling in his gut.
" Pa have you taken sick or something?" he asked
He looked at their anxious faces and managed to smile.
" No Hoss, I'm not sick I promise you it's nothing like that"
He assured them.
" What is it then Pa, what're you trying to tell us?"
Adam asked his voice betraying the fear he felt
Ben clenched his fists in frustration
" You're brothers, can't you just please try to get along.
If you want to fight amongst yourselves do it at the proper place
and time. I don't like to listen to it, that's all"
Hoss looked at Adam and then back at his father
" Don't worry about it Pa, we'll work things out"
" Good, now why don't you boys go on to bed"




Ben said and he sat down and busied himself at the desk.
Hoss said goodnight and stood up. Seeing Adam wasn't following
he turned and left. Adam didn't move, he sat studying his
father's face. Something wasn't right here and yet he couldn't
put his finger on it. Just then his father looked up at him.
" Well, are you still here?"
" I'm sorry, was that an order?" Adam said dryly
" What the part about going to bed? Of course not, but the
rest of what I said was " he said turning back to his work
Adam stood then and leaned across the desk
" Are you sure you're alright Pa?"
Ben smiled at him, touched by his son's concern.
" I'm fine really. Go on now and put something on that eye
it looks awful"
Adam hesitated, trying to read his father's face but it was
useless.
" Alright I have a nasty headache anyway, goodnight Pa"
" Goodnight son. I'll have Hop Sing bring you up some
headache powder in awhile "
Ben watched him wearily climb the stairs and he felt the pang
of guilt return. He vaguely wondered if he would hate himself
someday for what he planned to do.
*****************************
CHAPTER 2
Adam was dreaming he was on a stagecoach heading to parts
unknown. It was rough going as he was being tossed about over
the unsteady terrain. He had a headache from where he kept
hitting his head on the side of the coach.
" Adam wake up, what's the matter with him. Adam come on
wake up"
His youngest brother's voice seemed to come from far away and
it took him a minute to realize he was being shaken awake.
He sat up with some difficulty, the headache had been real.
He looked at Joe seated next to him and Hoss standing behind him.
" What's going on, what time is it?" he asked trying to clear
his head.
" It's after eight and we got a problem, a big one" Hoss
said.
" Wow look at that eye, did I do that?" Joe said, quite
impressed.
Adam ignored him and turned to Hoss
" What d'ya mean, what's wrong?"
" Here read this, see for yourself" Hoss said and heavily sat
in the chair next to the bed.
" What's this?"
" I found it on Pa's desk this morning, read it"
Adam unfolded it wishing he could see better out of his left
eye.
By the time you boys read this I'll be well away so don't
bother to come looking for me. I decided last night that it was
time I had a vacation of sorts and got away for awhile. I can't
tell you when I'll be back but I am telling you the ranch is in
your hands and I trust you will not let me down. I am not
leaving anyone in charge, you boys can work that out on your own.
Please remember what I told you last night. You will all be in
my thoughts and prayers, good luck.

Your Loving Father
" Is this some kind of joke?" Adam said looking to Hoss
" I don't think so Adam, I checked around. His rifle, his gear,
it's all gone"
Adam felt his heart drop, this could not be real. Then he
remembered how strange Ben had behaved the night before and he
knew it was true, that's what he'd been trying to tell them.
" This is all my fault " Joe said miserably.
Adam glanced at his youngest brother, he looked worse than
Adam felt.
" Forget it Joe, we're all to blame. We acted like children"
Adam said throwing the blankets back and walking to his
bureau.
" Look you fellas go on downstairs. I'll meet you down there
and we'll see if we can't make some sense of all this"


His brothers left the room and Adam quickly dressed and
shaved. He joined them at his father's desk, sitting in the
chair behind it. No one had said anything it just seemed natural
for Adam to assume the role of leader.
" Okay look I think this is nothing more than a test. Pa
wants to know if we could handle things without him. That's the
only reason I could figure he would do this."
" Yeah but why?" Hoss asked " I still say there's something
wrong with him"
" What oh my God!" Joe cried jumping to his feet.
Adam stood up and gripping Joe's shoulder, glared at Hoss
" Joe he's fine, he told us last night it was nothing like
that" he assured him
" You mean to tell me you two knew about this and no one told
me" he said accusingly
Adam sat back down, he couldn't believe he was thinking he
needed a drink at this hour.
" No, we didn't know he was going to do this. We just knew he
was very upset with us"
" Yeah and you know better'n any of us why" Hoss said.
" What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Adam rolled his eyes in exasperation
" Oh come on let's not go through this again" he groaned
" This is exactly what started the problem, all this
bickering. You two want to argue or you want to come up with a
plan for the day?"
Neither of them answered although Joe continued to glare at
Hoss.
" Okay, you two go out and bring the cows down to spring
pasture. I'm going to town to see about hiring our branding
crews that we're gonna need. Later today I'll bring up the
fencing supplies and we'll get to that. When you get down to the
pastures check the water supplies too. It shouldn't be a problem
though, we should have plenty of runoff this year. I'll also
check our feed supply, it hasn't been warm enough for the grass
to grow proper so we'll have to keep feeding them winter feed for
at least a couple more weeks"
" Sounds good to me " Hoss said standing " Come on Joe let's
get to it"
Joe obliged and followed Hoss out the door as Adam leaned back
in his father's chair, quite pleased with himself.
" So Pa thought we'd have difficulty, we'll just see about
that" he said feeling a little foolish for talking to himself.
He got up and headed to the barn to head for town.
He could get some breakfast in town while he tended to
business. He had to check out the mine too, his father had been
hearing rumors about one of the mines they had investments in and
he wanted to keep abreast of things in case they needed to pull
out. With that stop and hiring the men for branding Adam figured
he'd have a busy day.



Ben had left before daylight and was at the boundary of his
land by the time the sun was fully up. He'd hesitated than, not
sure if he wanted to go through with it. But he really did want
to get away for awhile and rest. The boys were old enough to
handle things now, and it was time to prove it. But he was still
sorry he had to prove it this way. Maybe it was something he'd
done, or hadn't done to prepare them for the responsibility but
he felt somehow he'd failed them.
He wasn't even sure where he was going but finally decided to
go to Sacramento to stay with his friend Jake Townsend and his
family. Jake was a successful attorney in California and he and
his wife Maggie had invited Ben for a visit many times. He'd
have to send a wire from the next town to let them know he was
coming, he thought.
He stopped to look back one more time at his own land. Then
with his mind made up, he turned his horse and rode away. He was
going to just go and have faith in himself and his sons. They
would be just fine without him, he would not worry about them
again.
It was near dinnertime when Adam packed up his table he'd set
up to hire a branding crew. He'd hoped to hire the men he'd need
in one day, but eleven men were not nearly enough. There'd been
times they'd had to turn men away, unfortunately this wasn't one
of them.
When he drove the wagon into the clearing he found Joe and
Hoss waiting on the porch.
" Well the lost returns, have a nice day?" Hoss said. Adam
heard something in his tone he didn't like
" What does that mean?"
" It means we waited for two hours for you to show up with the
wire and stuff" Joe retorted using quite the same tone Hoss had.
Adam dropped his head, it had completely slipped his mind.
" You were a big help to us today boy" Joe added
" Hold on Joe I ain't through yet. Do you realize big brother
that we wasted nearly four hours coming back here, loading the
supplies, and then going all the way back? That doesn't include
the time we wasted waiting for you to show up"
" I know, look I just forgot I'm sorry" Adam said trying to
apologize
" Well I hope you enjoyed your socializing while we were
busting our backs up there"
" Joe I was not socializing and you know it" Adam stated
" Sitting in a cushy little office discussing the market
shares is not what I call working " Joe challenged him.
Adam simply jumped from the wagon, he wasn't in the mood to
argue.
" Quit complaining and just do your job" he said
Joe angrily grabbed his arm " No, you know what? >From now on
I'll do things my way and you can pretend you're the big man
around here. I ain't taking orders from nobody, especially you"
With that he turned and went inside slamming the door behind him.

" Well we're off to a good start aren't we?" Adam said
sarcastically. Hoss didn't return his smile though
" Where were you Adam?"
" I told you this morning I was going to start hiring the men
we'll need for branding crews" Adam could feel himself getting
angry now. He didn't like the position he was in already.
" Yeah I reckon you did. Well how many men did you get?"
Adam gave a short laugh, almost embarrassed to admit it
" Eleven " he said flatly
" Eleven! How are we going to work some thousand head of
cattle with eleven men?"
" Look you two worry about the fences and branding pens, I'll
get the men we need in plenty of time. I'll go out again
tomorrow, I'll go to Carson City if I have to. Don't worry about
it, I'll take care of it, we'll have the men we need"
Hoss raised his big hands and waved them at Adam
" Sorry Adam, it wasn't a good day for any of us, and our
little brother ain't gonna make it any easier for us either"
Adam nodded, he certainly hoped Ben was having a good time.
" Forget it Adam, let's go eat" Hoss offered
They went inside and the three of them ate without a word.
They would occasionally glance at each other but nobody said
anything. As soon as Joe

Transfer interrupted!
d
went outside. Adam watched him go feeling more tired than ever.
" Adam don't pay him no mind, he'll come around"
" Yeah I know" he answered wearily. He rose from his chair
and went up to his room. He took his guitar from the side of the
bed and went out on the porch to play. He sat on one of the
chairs near the wall and played something slow and eventually
felt his worries float away. The creation of music had always
been able to relax him. A few minutes later Hoss joined him,
taking a chair and leaning it against the wall. He closed his
eyes and let the music envelope him. Hoss loved nothing better
than to listen to Adam play on an evening like this. He'd always
been awed by his big brother's many talents but had no desire to
learn this one himself. It was enough to just listen to him
play. It reminded him of his childhood, carefree and fun. And
on the lonely nights like this Adam would play in his room and
lull the household to sleep. It seemed as if the music had
always been there.
Joe had heard it too from the barn and somehow found himself
listening at the doorway. He too had grown up listening to Adam
play and to him it had always been a comforting thing. After
Joe's mother died Ben had plunged into a depression so deep, none
of them could reach him. In the weeks following it had been Adam
who tried to pick up the pieces. He sat with Joe and Hoss for
hours trying to help them understand something he could not
comprehend himself. He told them stories he'd learned from his
father, and he played and sang them songs to help them sleep. He
did whatever he could to ease the pain for his family.



As Joe thought of these things he looked at Adam and suddenly
saw him differently. Adam really didn't have things so easy, and
he was suddenly aware of how lucky he was to have been born the
youngest. He would not want to trade places with either of his
brothers for anything in the world.
He turned to finish his work,remembering how it was Adam who
had gotten them through that terrible time. Although Joe hadn't
seen his mother fall, he was tortured by nightmares for weeks
after. He would wake up in terror and call out to his father,
but it was always Adam who came then. And it was the familiar
sound of his brother's voice that made him feel safe. Often he
didn't even know what he was saying or singing, he just knew he
was there and that was enough.
Eventually Ben came around, but Joe and Hoss would still seek
Adam out when they couldn't sleep. There was a particular song
that Adam used to sing to him that made him think of his mother
and he would ask Adam to sing it for him whenever he missed her.
He had asked for it so often that it had gotten to the point
where he would simply say, " Sing me that song Adam" and Adam
would automatically know which one he meant. He was wishing now
that he knew the name of the song, he had not heard it in a long
time and was in just the right mood for it now.
A smile suddenly dawned on his face and he quickly blew out he
lantern and went to join his brothers. He sat next to Adam who
was so engrossed in his music he hadn't noticed. When he did he
stopped playing, to his surprise Joe smiled at him and said hi.
" Hi yourself " Adam said raising an eyebrow
They turned when they heard Hoss' chair drop to all four legs
" What'd ya stop for?" he exclaimed.
Adam resumed the song he'd been playing, now studying his
youngest brother. He knew Joe wanted to say something but wasn't
sure what caused the apparent change
" I'm sorry for being so difficult Adam" Joe said suddenly.
Hoss opened one eye. Joe was fidgeting with a piece of hay he'd
brought from the barn " And I really am sorry I hit you " he
added.
" That's okay Buddy, forget about it" Adam said grateful his
legs were braced on the chair or he might've fallen out of it.
Hoss closed both eyes and soon felt himself blissfully falling
asleep. Adam leaned back in his chair, he was starting to feel a
whole lot better.
" Sing me that song Adam" Joe said so quietly Adam wasn't sure
he'd really heard it.
At first Adam's face was a mask but then he remembered and he
smiled. Very smoothly he switched chords and started to sing the
very song Joe remembered. It was a song about pine trees and
lost love and Joe felt the sadness wash over him. He could
almost feel his mother's presence again, it was as if she touched
him. He pushed himself back against the chair and pensively layed
his head on Adam's shoulder. He had a terrible urge to bury his
face there and sob, but he simply closed his eyes and let the
memories come.

Adam often wondered why that song affected him so much but he
would never ask. He finished the song and continued absently
strumming the guitar. He was wishing he could make time stand
still, and at the same time he was thinking " I wish Pa could see
us now"
************************
CHAPTER 3
As the weeks went by things seemed to go from bad to worse
on the Ponderosa. For Adam it was overwhelming and he was
quickly gaining a new respect for his father. He'd always
assumed Ben handled the paperwork end of things because it was
easy, it was in fact anything but. The responsibility of keeping
track of their many ventures was tremendous and all consuming.
Coming up with the branding crews had been a nightmare. Most
of the available men were employed at the mines and making good
money. It had taken almost a week of traveling from town to town
to find the necessary help.
Adam had spent so much time on that particular project that
he very nearly missed getting the Lawson contract done and in on
time. They were awarded the contract in the end but that meant
more responsibility, logging crews had to be hired, camps had to
be readied to accommodate them, more men meant another payroll
book which in turn meant more paperwork. Before the work could
start Adam had to go and do the tree marking. That was something
he wanted to do right because Ben was very particular about how
it was done.
Most of his days were spent traveling from one project to the
other. He went to the logging camp daily to check in with the
straw boss to make sure everything was on schedule. From there
he would check in with the fencing and branding crews, trying to
keep track of every man and animal on the place. And as often as
possible he would travel to town to check the stock dial at the
brokerage office. The stocks in a mine in which they had heavy
investments, seemed to be on a slow decline, that might mean he
would have to make a decision about selling their stocks or
pulling out if it went too far. Adam's very existence became one
decision after another and it was costing him sleep.
Ben on the other hand was, for the first time in many years
free of decision making. He was enjoying this new freedom and
the company of his old friends. As soon as he would start to
worry about his sons, he would quickly find something to do to
distract himself. He had to let go, it was long overdue.
Despite his best efforts, at night when he lay within the strange
walls, he would think about them. The pain of missing them was
so strong he could swear it was an actual physical pain.
He knew without being there that Adam was probably pretty
angry with him and attempting to hold things together on his own.
And Hoss as usual was more than likely cooperating and at the
same time trying to act as peacemaker between Adam and the ever
uncooperative Little Joe. The thought of his youngest son
brought a smile to Ben's face. Joseph, bound and determined to
do things his own way. The only thing wrong with Joe was his age
and inexperience. Adam had been very much like him at that age
and he'd turned out just fine.





He tried to imagine what each of them might be doing at that
very moment. With concentration he could almost see Hoss in the
kitchen helping himself to one last bite to eat and a cup of
coffee to wash it down. It was Hoss' favorite time to visit the
kitchen because he knew Hop Sing would have long since retired to
his room and Hoss was free to help himself. How many times had
Ben seen Hop Sing chase Hoss from the kitchen so as not to spoil
his appetite. There was little danger of that though he could
not remember a time where Hoss ever refused a meal. And Hoss had
a great appreciation of any kind of cooking, he was always
willing to try something new. He remembered how when Hoss was
younger he'd become self conscious about his size. He'd thought
himself awkward, someone who didn't fit in with regular boys.
He'd endured a lot of teasing from other children but then the
teasing turned to challenging as he grew and Hoss had to learn to
control his temper to keep from unwittingly hurting anyone. Hoss
was sensitive about his size and strength because he knew he
could do some real damage if he ever lost control. But he was
comforted by the fact that his size could be a positive thing
too. Sometimes he had only to be seen to be respected and that
was not something most people could do. He was able to defend
his brothers with his fists when he had to, of that he was very
proud.
By now Ben knew Joe would be fast asleep. When he was awake
he had boundless energy and could go on all day. But only as
long as he was in motion, if he stopped to rest he could be
asleep in minutes. He'd always seemed to need sleep more than
his brothers which was probably because he didn't reserve any
emotions or energy if he could help it. The boy was like a lit
fuse at times and you never knew what would set him off. And the
way that boy could switch moods was an amazing thing to see.
And Adam, his eternal worrier, was more than likely off on an
evening ride or reading in his room. Ben had lost count long ago
of how many times he'd found Adam asleep, open book on his chest
and lantern burning. Once he had gained the ability to read he
seemed to absorb books and read everything he could get his hands
on. What he couldn't read he made his father read to him until
he knew the book by heart. His curiosity as a child never seemed
to be satisfied, he wanted to know more, why, why not? He nearly
drove his family to distraction with the constant questions.
Adam had learned he could go anywhere he wanted through a book
and promised himself that when he was able he would see as many
far away places as he could. Now he seemed to read to just to
relax and help himself sleep.
The more Ben thought about his sons, the more depressed he
felt. He rolled over on his side and closed his eyes. He prayed
for sleep to free him of the guilt and loneliness he felt. He
tried again and again to convince himself his actions would be
for the best, but his heart was telling him it was time to go
home.
***********************
CHAPTER 4
The real trouble began with the cattle after they were moved
to the branding pens. They started coming down sick in droves
and the men had to scramble to separate the sick from the healthy
ones. They had to be ever watchful for ones that even looked
sick to be sure they were moved away from the others. Despite
their best efforts they still lost more than a hundred head.
This fact was one of many weighing on Adam's mind as he
looked out over the herd below him. He'd just rode in from town
when the foreman gave him the report. After the foreman rode off
Adam had remained in the very spot he'd been in when he got the
news. He was so lost in thought he didn't hear Hoss ride up
alongside him. Hoss sat watching his older brother a moment
before speaking up.
" Adam we lose some every dadburn year, it ain't your fault"
" Yeah I know " Adam said, still feeling responsible "
Where's Joe?" he asked Hoss as he sat back in the saddle.
" He's moving the sale cows "
" Well this certainly won't be a good year for us at the
sale" Adam said his voice touched with anger.
" Wouldn't be the first time " Hoss said watching the cattle
and wishing he knew how to lift his brother's spirits. Once Adam
got himself into a mood it was nearly impossible to get him out
of it.
Adam took a deep breath and sat up straighter, " Ya know Hoss
I'm starting to think you may have been right about Pa"
" What d'ya mean " Hoss asked him
" Think about it, it isn't like Pa to put us out on a limb
like that. By walking out on us he put everything he's ever
worked for at risk, why would he do that? If we fail, he loses
everything, he put his whole life work in our hands without any
preparation or anything, why?" He was looking right at Hoss as if
demanding an explanation.
" Adam please don't do this to yourself. You heard him say it
wasn't anything like that. Pa just reached his limit I guess,
you might say we drove him to it"
" And how come we haven't heard anything from him, nothing?"
" I don't know but I'm sure he'll explain it when he gets
back" Hoss said firmly not wanting to discuss the issue any
further.
" Yeah, if he gets back " Adam said dryly
" Now Adam that's enough of that talk. You keep talking like
that and Little Joe'll get wind of it. And if he does he'll get
all upset and go searching the countryside looking for him. And
you know as well as I do there won't be a dadblame thing we can
do to stop him"
Adam nodded absently petting his horses neck. Hoss wasn't
sure if he'd gotten through to him so he added
" Besides we can't spare him or anyone else right now"
Adam looked up now and noticed the sun setting, it was a
beautiful sight to see.
" You know I got half a mind to go looking for him myself"

" Oh yeah, well where would you start looking?" Hoss
challenged.
" Oh come on I know where he is, he's in San Francisco.
That's where he always goes when he wants to get away for awhile"
" Well that's all very clever big brother but where would he
go if he didn't want to be found" Hoss remarked with the sound of
authority.
Adam hadn't thought about that and it was true. Their father
could be just about anywhere. Lately when he had thought about
his father he had been somewhat comforted by the fact that he
could always find Ben if he needed him. But now he had a sudden
feeling of dread, what if he never saw him again. Hoss didn't
miss the look that came across his brother's face
" Adam if Pa was in any real trouble, he'd be here with us,
not off by himself somewhere"
Adam figured that was probably true too. Ben had always
reminded them that they didn't have to face their problems alone.
They always had each other and the strength of four was always
better than one alone. Hoss suddenly broke into his thoughts,
" Ya know something Adam, I just got a sneaking hunch that Pa
is right here on this ranch. He's just hiding out somewhere
waiting for us to holler help"
Hoss was rewarded with a faint smile,so he tried for more
" Remember how Pa told us he used to follow a ways behind us
the first few times he let us go to town alone?"
Adam nodded and the smile deepened so Hoss kept going
" And remember he told us how one time he was so busy watching
us he got himself knocked off his horse by a tree limb?"
Now Adam laughed and added " And he had to walk all the way
back to the house"
At that they both laughed for some time. When it was quiet
again Hoss said, " If I find out he's been here all along, I'll
be mad enough to bite a porcupine"
That made Adam laugh harder and he said, " I'd pay good money
to see that"
It grew quiet again and the brothers watched the sun disappear
together. It was something they'd done as children and it
brought them both a little peace.
" We best be getting on home Adam" Hoss suggested
" Yeah we better or Joe will send a posse out after us" Adam
said and neckreined his horse off the hill and down the slope.
Hoss fell in behind him and they rode along listening to the
sound of their horses hooves. By the time they got home and got
their horse bedded down it was near nine o'clock.
" Boy I sure am hungry " Hoss stated as they walked to the
house.
" When aren't you? " Adam said, having regained his sense of
humor. They walked in the big front door and stripped themselves
of the heavy gear necessary for working stock.
" Let's see what's in the kitchen " Hoss said throwing his hat
towards the hatrack.
" You go ahead, I'm not really hungry "

" How about a cup of coffee then?" Hoss offered
" Okay that would be great" Adam said and walked to his
father's desk. There seemed to be no end to the bookkeeping that
had to be done.
Fifteen minutes later Hoss returned with two steaming cups
" Just the way you like it Adam, hot"
Adam gave him a grateful smile and took one of the cups
"Thanks I could use it" he said sitting back to savor the taste.
Hoss sat himself down next to the desk and set his cup down.
He looked at the pile of papers and books and shook his head
" I don't know how you have the patience for that stuff"
" What makes you think I do?" Adam quipped as he placed the
cup down and looked up " I wonder where Joe is?"
" Now Adam don't go fretting about him, he'll be along"
Hoss no sooner got the words out when they heard the sound of
a horse approaching the house. Adam got up to look out the
window.
" Is it him?" Hoss asked
" Yeah it's him and it don't look good"
Within minutes the door clicked open and slammed shut. Joe
took off his hat and gunbelt and soon joined them, throwing an
envelope on the desk as he approached.
" Well how'd we do?" Adam asked already knowing the answer
" We'd been better off butchering them and selling the meat"
Joe said bitterly.
" Oh come on you two, why do you always have to look at things
that way. We could've been a lot worse off if we'd lost them
along with the others" Hoss admonished them.
" Yeah I suppose you're right " Adam agreed
" And those new calves we got out there are the sturdiest
little critters this place has ever seen. Just think what we'll
have next year. So we're having a bad year so what, we'll have a
better one next year." Hoss said exasperated with their pessimism
Nobody said anything for several minutes until Joe said,
"Did you notice anymore that looked sick?"
" No we didn't and the ones we separated are looking better.
I think I'll wait another week or so and then put them back with
the others" Hoss was right things were looking up a little.
" Anyone heard anything about Pa yet?" Joe asked
Adam and Hoss looked at each other, and both wished they had
something to tell him.
" He'll be back any day now" Hoss said trying to sound
convincing.
" Well I'm gonna go put Cochise to bed and get myself some
coffee" Joe announced and left for the barn. His brothers waited
until they heard his footsteps fading
" I sure hope he comes home soon " Adam said quietly as if Joe
could still hear them.
" Me too, what d'ya suppose he's doing?" Hoss asked



" I don't know maybe he's courting some rich old widow woman
and it's taken him this long to talk her into marrying him. Just
think Hoss he may not come home alone"
" Oh Lordie, don't even say that, I don't want to be having
that on my mind too" Hoss warned
Adam was rather enjoying the expression on his brother's face
as he said, " He may come home with a big old woman who wants Pa
all to herself "
Hoss pushed himself out of the chair, thoroughly disgusted by
the whole idea " Well I'll tell ya, if he does that I reckon
she's welcome to him cause I certainly won't have any use for
him" and he turned to head up the stairs. He mumbled goodnight
and left Adam laughing softly.
************************
CHAPTER 5

Ben found himself in a very awkward position and was
desperately trying to think of a way to leave the room
inconspicuously. His host, Mr. Townsend, was having a serious
confrontation with his oldest son and Ben did not care to be
caught in the middle of it. This was a private matter and he
need not be a witness.
" What were you thinking?" his friend Jake demanded of the
boy
" I don't understand what you're yelling about, you paid the
fine so let's forget it" the boy shouted back
Ben groaned inwardly, not any one of his sons would be so
irresponsible.
" Haven't you been listening to me, I'm not talking about a
fine here John"
John stared at his father, he was getting annoyed
"Don't you have any remorse at all for what you did?"
" Come on Father, you're an attorney you'll take care of it"
Jake Townsend had enough "That's it John, you will not join
your friends tonight, you will remain at home"
" The hell I will " John sneered and headed for the door.
Jake grabbed his arm and Ben was horrified to see the boy take a
swing at his father. Jake was able to avoid the impact but not
able to stop his son from walking out the door. He turned to Ben
and shook his head, " Can you believe that boy?"
Ben didn't know what to say, no he could not. He'd never
seen such a display of disrespect. Jake sat down and sighed
" Well you have boys you know how it is" Jake stated
" Well Jake I'm no expert believe me" Ben said trying to
think of something else they could talk about.
" What did you do when your boys started thinking they knew
better?" Jake asked him seriously
" Oh Jake, I don't think it's matter of who knows better, I
think it's more about a level of acceptance"
Jake looked thoughtful a moment and than sat back scratching
his head " All I know is I've reached my limit with John. I'm
almost looking forward to his leaving for school in the fall"
And what then? Ben thought to himself, some day he will find
himself in trouble that you can't fix for him. But he said
nothing. Jake saw the look of sadness on Ben's face and said,
" I know that sounds cruel Ben, it's not that I don't love my
son, I do. It's just that I can't talk to him anymore because he
doesn't listen. He does exactly the opposite of what I ask of
him. Then he gets himself into trouble knowing I'll get him out"
" Then don't " Ben said before he could stop himself
Jake's eyebrows shot up " Don't, what d'ya mean Ben?"
" Jake what I'm trying to say is maybe John needs to learn to
take responsibility for his actions"





" I guess you're right but I'm afraid it's too late with
John, hopefully I have a chance with Matthew" he said sadly. He
stood up wearily " Well Ben I'll see if Maggie is ready to leave
for the Anderson's "
Ben was rather relieved when he left the room. He'd never
seen a man so unconcerned with his children's behavior. When he
thought about it, even the other two children seemed to be
lacking in the courtesy department.
He recalled the afternoon their daughter Martha brought a
friend home and didn't bother to introduce the young lady to Ben
until her parents reminded her that he was there.
And then there was the evening the youngest boy Matthew came
to the table for dinner and tore into his meal without waiting
for his father to give proper thanks. He frowned remembering how
Maggie and Jake had smiled and commented on how cute the boy was.
And now tonight John had actually tried to strike his father.
The whole idea of a boy doing that was incomprehensible to Ben.
He could not imagine one of his sons doing such a thing.
Later that night Ben watched the Townsend children closer.
He did not believe in judging people but he wondered why what was
obvious to him, was not obvious to them. He then wondered how
people on the outside might have seen his family. He knew he was
far from the perfect parent and he would not have appreciated
someone trying to tell him how to raise his boys.
All the years the boys were growing up there were countless
woman trying to tell him that he had to get married again because
the boys needed a mother. One of them even had the gall to
suggest that he order a wife from a mail order service.
Shortly after Marie's death Hop Sing had come to stay with
them. At the time Joseph was big enough not to need a full time
nursemaid, and somehow they had all managed just fine. There had
been times that Ben went without sleep worrying about the fact
that the boys needed a woman's touch and his responsibility to
provide that to them. He smiled remembering the times even his
sons seemed to get into the act of matchmaking. At those times
he was never sure if they had his best interest in mind or
theirs. The smile faded from his face as the familiar ache of
homesickness hit him. He was quite surprised when he thought
about the fact that he'd been at the Townsends for over a month,
he hadn't even realized it had been that long. " It's time to go
home Ben" he said to himself and this time he really wanted to,
the time had come.
He made the announcement to his hosts the following evening
after they had retreated to the parlor.
" Oh Ben you aren't thinking of leaving right away are you?"
Maggie cried in protest
" But Maggie surely I've worn out my welcome by now. I
hadn't realized it myself but it's been more than a month. I
really should get home, I was hoping to leave in the morning"



" Oh but Ben you can't, we must have a farewell dinner for
you, and we will have to have the Andersons over to say goodbye.
And surely you haven't forgotten the play we planned to attend?"
" Oh no Maggie you and Jake have done way too much already,
it's over due" Ben said persistently
" Nonsense Ben you will honor us by at least staying until
after the play, you can leave the following morning" Jake
insisted
Ben was torn, he'd already set his heart on leaving in the
morning. The Townsends had been so gracious he hated to hurt
their feelings. He knew it would probably be a long time before
he got out this way again.
" Alright but I must leave first thing the following morning
and I'm afraid I will have to impose on you one last favor. I
will need the loan of a buggy so I might send my sons a wire to
let them know when I'll be home"
" No imposition at all Ben, you can go with me tomorrow to the
office and we'll spend the day together. You haven't as yet
tried the steak at my friend Dave's, best steak in the territory.
Think about it Ben it may have come from your own ranch"
" Yes he does have a fine place there, Jake and I do try to go
once a month with the children" Maggie agreed
" It's settled then Ben, you will stay until Thursday" Jake
announced.
He leaned forward in his chair and lit his pipe inhaling
deeply for a puff or two.
" I must insist then that you, Maggie and the children give us
equal time out at the Ponderosa very soon" Ben offered
Maggie thoughtfully lowered her sewing to her lap " Oh Jacob
that would be refreshing wouldn't it?"
" Now Maggie you know I can't leave my office for that length
of time, think of the business I would lose" Jake admonished her
not seeing the disappointment in her eyes
" Oh Jake surely it wouldn't hurt to close the office up for a
long vacation. It does wonders for you believe me. And I owe
you at least that much" Ben said
" I appreciate the gesture Ben but I just don't think I could
get away"
" I understand Jake " Ben said but he was disappointed. He'd
been thinking a few weeks away from this city of confusion might
be the very thing they needed to get in touch with each other.
" Perhaps the children and I could go " Maggies suggested,
then turning to her husband added " That is if you wouldn't
object Jacob"
" No of course not Dear, I might rather enjoy having the house
to myself for a spell. That reminds me I have some paperwork I
must attend to before tomorrow's inquest, excuse me Dear, Ben"
Just as Jake was leaving the room their daughter Martha came
floating down the stairs. Her mother reached out to take her
hand as she passed.



" Oh Martha darling isn't it wonderful? Mr. Cartwright has
invited us to stay out at his ranch for a few weeks. We could
leave when you start your vacation"
" What?" the girl nearly shouted
" Father wouldn't be able to accompany us of course but you
and I and the boys could go. We'd have a wonderful time darling"
Martha abruptly pulled her hand from her mother's grasp and
looking at Ben and with nothing short of contempt said, " I'm
sorry Mother, but the idea of spending my summer on a farm does
not appeal to me at all" with that she lifted her chin and left
Ben watched her saunter off and he then understood her aloof
treatment towards him. She considered Ben nothing more than a
common farmer, someone beneath her dignity. The realization
brought a sad smile to Ben's face.
" I'm sorry Ben" Maggie said softly
" That's alright Maggie, I know perfectly well our children's
idea of fun doesn't always coincide with our own. I'm sure John
has other plans as well. But you and Matthew are more than
welcome for as long as you want" Ben said seeing in her the very
weariness he himself had felt only a few weeks earlier. He
wanted so much to do something for her.
" I do thank you Ben but I couldn't leave Jake with the
responsibility of the other two children, it wouldn't be right.
Maybe we'll come for a weekend some time if things ever slow down
for Jake"
" Well regardless you are welcome any time, remember that.
And I do want to thank you again for being so very kind to me
these long weeks that I've been here"
" Oh no Ben, it is I who is indebted to you. It's been so
nice to have someone to talk to in the evenings like this. Jake
is always so busy we just never seem to have the time to just sit
and enjoy each others company anymore"
Ben was touched by the deep, sad loneliness in her eyes
" Maybe you should insist he get away with you for a holiday.
I'm sure the children would be able to fend for themselves for a
short time"
Maggie was looking out the window by her shoulder " Perhaps
but it isn't likely. It's funny, but Jacob has managed to
accomplish all the things he set out to do. He's a successful
lawyer, we have a wonderful home, beautiful children, and yet I
can't help feeling that something is missing"
She looked at Ben sadly, but quickly recovered her smile
" Oh listen to me go on, I apologize Ben. You must be
excited about going home, I know you miss your sons. The last
time I saw them was just after Marie died. Adam and Hoss were
nearly as tall as you then and Joseph was just a baby, how old is
he now?" she asked thoughtfully
" He'll be twenty three this fall" Ben said trying to picture
his son's face.
" Twenty three, I can't believe it. He was such a sweet
little boy and I shall never forget those big green eyes of his.
Oh I would love to see them again Ben"

" You will Maggie, if not at the ranch, I will have to bring
them with me the next time I come this way"
She smiled gratefully at Ben but it was as if they both knew
it would be a long time if ever that she would see them again.
" I do wish you had a picture of them " she said
Ben had wished the same thing each time they talked about
them
" You know Maggie that is something I must get done when I get
back home" Ben declared smiling broadly
" Well you be sure if you do, that you have two taken so that
you can send me one" Marie said brightly, she knew it was the
probably the only way she would see them.
Later that night Ben wished again that he had a picture, he
missed them worse then ever and longed for a reunion. He
imagined what that would be like to try and cheer himself. He
could not wait to see them and hug them again. He vaguely
wondered if they would be angry with him, at least with Adam he
knew the answer was yes.
*****************************


Part 2

CHAPTER 6

Things seemed to be running smoother as the days grew longer
and warmer. The branding was finished and the crews paid off,
with Adam keeping some of the men on to handle the day to day
work.
The fresh and dry cows had to be separated for breeding
purposes and Adam made a visit to their neighbor Mr. Bishop
seeking the use of his new Hereford bull for the second year.
Hoss had been right about the sturdiness of the new white face
babies. Adam was hoping for a bigger crop of these calves for
the following year, to make up for the losses of the current one.
They would still have to utilize their own bull knowing that
people would be hesitant to purchase the little red critters with
the white faces, simply because they were different. Adam found
them quite appealing and he imagined having a whole herd of then
in the future.
On his trips to town he found the stocks seemed to have
leveled off too, so he could relax a little about that. Even
progress at the logging camp was steady and just about on
schedule. And best of all Hoss and Joe were cooperating and
holding up their part of the work. Ben had been right things did
seem to run smoother when they worked together. But the truth be
known they were all so busy there wasn't time for disagreements
and such. They didn't see each other until they came home at the
end of the day to eat and it was usually dark by then. And if he
really admitted it to himself Adam could see that Joe was only
cooperating because he was depressed, worried sick about his
father and his whereabouts. That was something Adam knew without
asking him. Whenever he thought about it Adam would get angry
with his father and as usual the anger would quickly be replaced
with guilt. What if Hoss had been right all along? Maybe their
father had gone off seeking medical help, or worse maybe he'd
gone off to die. But he knew that couldn't be the case Ben would
never allow himself to be buried anywhere but here on the ranch.
Realizing that fatigue was interfering with his thinking he
decided to give himself a break from the paperwork. He rose from
the chair and stretched at length, before heading out to the
barn. His brothers were out there going over the gear they would
need for the horse breaking they'd be doing for the next few
weeks. He decided he'd rather have some company for awhile.
Hoss and Joe looked up when he walked in but didn't say
anything. Adam found himself a seat on an old trunk that no one
could even remember the contents of.
"Well how we doing?" Adam asked
" Just fine big brother if you like sewing leather" Hoss said
" Now Hoss if you do a good job I can bring you some mending
from the house " Adam said mocking him
" Very funny, here you go " Hoss said as he laid a handful of
tack in his brother's lap " You can fix these here halters"
" What" Adam exclaimed " I came out here to take a break"
" Well you are, this is better than paperwork any day"

Adam smiled at him enjoying the jocularity. He sorted out
the leather and started in on one of the halters. He glanced at
Joe, who appeared engrossed in his work. He hadn't spoken a word
since Adam's entrance, and Adam noticed dark circles under his
eyes. He silently cursed his father for his brother's pain.
" Hey Joe we missed you at dinner earlier, where were you?"
Adam asked lightly.
Joe picked his head up looking as if someone had just woken
him.
" I just had something to do that's all" he said quietly
Adam could tell he wasn't going to willingly give out any
information. He looked to Hoss who indistinctly shrugged, "Who's
gonna break the record this year for riding them broncs to a
standstill " Hoss said trying to get Joe talking
" As tired as I've been Hop Sing could probably outride me"
Adam said flatly
Hoss gave a short laugh and said, " Let's tell Hop Sing we'll
give him a bonus for every bronc he rides to a stop"
" Just my luck he'd be able to do it" Adam said with a smile
" Yeah than he'd wanna change his job and move into the
bunkhouse" Hoss said laughing now " Let's see ya explain that one
to Pa"
Joe suddenly jumped up, threw his work on the ground and
rushed out of the barn.
" I guess I shouldn't have said that " Hoss said sheepishly
Adam set his jaw angrily, " I swear Hoss, I'm never gonna
forgive Pa for doing this to him. He could at least send word
that he's alright. Didn't he think we'd be worried?"
" It sure seems like he would'a let us know something by now"
Hoss agreed.
" You think I should go to San Francisco and see if he's
there? Adam asked but a frown soon creased his face " What am I
talking about, I can't leave"
Hoss fumbled with the leather in his hands feeling as
helpless as his brothers. The stress was getting to all of them
and for perhaps the first time in his life Hoss found himself
disappointed with his father.
" Tell ya what Adam, we'll give him until the end of the week
and if we don't hear something one way or the other, I'll set out
looking for him"
Adam looked at him absently then said, " What do you think
now Hoss? You think something happened to him?"
"Adam I told you before he wouldn't do something like that"
Adam shook his head and put a hand to Hoss' shoulder to get
his attention
" No no, that's not what I mean. What if he left with every
intention of just getting away for a little while. Something
could've happened to him coming or going"
" Like what?" Hoss asked ignoring the obvious answers




" You gotta be kidding me, any number of things, he could've
been bushwhacked, attacked by renegade Paiutes, his horse
could've stumbled and broke a leg and left him stranded
somewhere, you want me to go on?"
" No I reckon you don't need to, I been sitting here trying
not to think about that possibility"
Adam saw the expression on his brother's face and he suddenly
felt sick himself. If something had happened this nightmare
would never end. And if Ben was in fact dead, if would be up to
him to pick up the pieces. The news would be devastating enough
for Hoss, but to have to tell Joe. He quickly shook the thought
from his head.
" What d'ya say we go look for our little brother?" Adam
suggested
" Yeah we might have a long night ahead of us " Hoss said
getting to his feet.
They didn't have to go far, as soon as they walked out of the
barn they could see him sitting on the porch. Adam and Hoss
looked at each other with relief. Joe saw them coming and
hastily wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt trying to
compose himself before they reached him.
Adam and Hoss stepped up on the porch and each pulled up a
chair beside him and sat down. They sat close to him trying to
come up with something to say, Adam spoke first
" How ya doing Kid?" he said feeling an uncomfortable
tightness in his chest.
Joe winced and furiously bit his bottom lip struggling for
control. Any other time that statement would have made him
angry. But at that moment he wished fervently that he was a kid
again.
Seeing his reaction his brothers simultaneously put an arm
around his shoulders and looked at each other. Joe wanted to say
something but at the same time he didn't want to cry in front of
them. He was vigorously wringing his hands when he said,
" You know where I was tonight?" He quickly covered his eyes
and took a deep breath before continuing " I went up by the lake"
Neither brother had to ask him where, they already knew. Joe
continued with difficulty " I was looking for a spot for Pa's
headstone, near my mother's"
Hoss squeezed his shoulder and felt his own resolve giving
out. " Joe don't" he pleaded
Adam knelt in front of him with a hand on each knee and
looked into his eyes
" Joe listen to me, Pa is not dead. I promise you that, he's
not dead"
" How do you know that?" Joe demanded
" Because if he was dead I would know it, I would feel it.
Remember how he used to tell us he could feel us even when he was
away from us? It's true Joe, I know it is because I can feel it
and so can you"


Joe stared at him suspiciously, so Adam grabbed his hand and
placed it against his chest.
Close your eyes and concentrate and I promise you you'll feel
it"
Joe did and for several seconds nobody moved. Hoss was
staring at Adam trying to figure out if he was simply trying to
placate their brother, or if he was telling the truth. He
thought about closing his own eyes because he desperately wanted
to feel it too.
Joe opened his eyes and looked at Adam searchingly
" You really believe he's okay?"
" Yes I do" Adam said without any hesitation " I know he is,
don't you?"
Joe wiped his eyes on his arm again and took a deep breath
" Well I hope he gets his butt home soon cuz I'm tired of
this and need some time off"
The three of them laughed and Joe found himself encircled in
his brothers' arms. He was at least thankful that no matter what
happened he had them. When they separated Joe managed a small
grin
" You suppose we could take enough time off tomorrow to go to
church Boss?"
Adam smiled and cupping a hand behind Joe's neck said,
" You bet we could"
Joe took another long shaky breath, " Well I'm gonna get to
bed then, goodnight"
Adam and Hoss said goodnight as he walked away. When he was
gone Adam stood up and plopped himself into the chair Joe had
vacated. He too let out a long breath of relief
" I sure am glad you told him that story Adam. For a minute
there I felt like the world had come to an end"
Adam was staring straight ahead and in a hushed tone said,
" It wasn't a story Hoss, I meant every word of it"
*****************************
CHAPTER 7

Adam sat in the pew next to his brothers and fidgeted,
trying to concentrate on what the Reverend was saying. It wasn't
that Adam didn't believe in God or what the Reverend had to say.
It was just that this was not his preference for worship. He
preferred to be out in the very atmosphere He created, like by
the lake or the solitude of the pine trees. He found the Church
somehow confining and stuffy.
He glanced around the packed room and noticed Hoss and Joe
were listening intently. Hoss threw him a glance when the good
Reverend said something about forgiveness. Finally the last hymn
was sung and they walked out into the fresh air.
" I want to go by the brokerage office while we're in town"
Adam said as they walked up the street. One look at the stock
dial made him wish he hadn't come, the stocks had plunged. At
first he felt devastated, but slowly anger crept in and he
convinced himself he didn't care anymore. He couldn't come to
town every day, it hadn't been possible, so he would just let Ben
worry about it when he got back, if he got back. Frustrated he
started walking back to where he'd left his brothers waiting.
" Home Adam?" Hoss said surprised at the sudden change in
him.
" Yeah let's go" Adam answered without a break in stride.
Hoss and Joe fell in behind him, nearly having to run to keep up.
They turned when they heard someone shouting at them and found
the telegrapher running toward them. He stopped a moment upon
reaching them to catch his breath.
" I been waiting for one of you fellas to come to town,
never thought I'd get all three of ya. I got this here telegram
a couple days ago, you might be real interested in this one"
Joe snatched it from him before he finished, quickly scanned
it and suddenly let out a war whoop. Hoss tried to grab it from
him as he was dancing around them. He finally succeeded and
after reading it himself, he grabbed Joe in a bear hug and
continued the celebration.
The telegrapher turned his attention to Adam, " Well I'm
glad I finally caught up with you fellas, I was fixing to bring
it out to the ranch if you didn't come in soon. Take care now"
and he walked away.
Adam was frowning at his brothers who were by now attracting
attention. Hoss suddenly thrust the telegram in his hand
shouting, " He's coming home Adam, he's on his way, he'll be home
before we know it"
Adam looked at it briefly then abruptly crushed it in his
hand and threw it on the ground and walked away.
Hoss stood dumbfounded as Joe ran after him and grabbed his
arm. " Adam didn't you read it, he's coming home" Joe cried his
eyes bright.
" Big deal" Adam growled and kept walking. Joe angered now
stopped in front of him " What's the matter with you?" he
demanded

" Me? What about you? Last night you were practically
suicidal and now look at you."
Hoss had joined them by now and said, " Adam he's alive, he's
okay. Don't you see, he's coming home and everything's okay"
Adam turned on him so suddenly and savagely that Hoss stepped
back.
" Are you crazy? He goes off and leaves us to drown for
almost two months, puts us through sheer hell, and you're gonna
forgive him just like that? Well I'm sorry I can't and I won't,
you two go ahead and have your little party, count me out"
They watched him walk away both of them torn about what to
do. As happy as they were about their father's return, Adam's
obvious pain was something neither of them could ignore.
" What should we do?" Joe asked
" First let's find him, then we'll see if we can get him to
come home with us"
They found him the first place they looked, in the saloon.
He stood by the bar with a drink before him. Hoss could see what
was coming, he had to get him out of there.
" Little early for that isn't it?" he said but he got no
response.
" Adam let's go home where we can talk about this " Joe
suggested. Adam didn't move and Joe looked to Hoss for help.
Hoss shook his head and motioned for Joe to follow as they went
to a table by the wall and sat down.
" What now?" Joe asked him looking at his brother's back.
" Just let him be for awhile, he'll cool down"
They sat back and watched him, occasionally turning to watch
the other people milling about. They didn't see Pete Abbott come
in and stand next to Adam. He was an old friend and owner of the
feed store. Adam didn't take any notice of him either, his mind
was elsewhere. That is until the man spoke
" Hey Adam, seen the stock dial lately? You should'a pulled
out when you had the chance. Your father will be lucky to keep
the clothes on his back now"
It was a simple, harmless statement, mostly said in jest. But
to Adam it was the last straw and he exploded. He shoved Pete off
the bar and was on him. Pete rewarded him with a punch to the
face. Adam's brothers leaped to their feet but not before Adam
returned the favor.
Pete backed off as soon as Hoss jumped between them but Adam
was out of control. Hoss was forced to physically remove him
from the building, pinning him against the wall outside. Adam
didn't even seem aware that it was Hoss who was holding him,
" Adam you cool down, it ain't Pete you're mad at. You quit
it right now. Now I mean it stop" Hoss shouted at him.
It was several minutes before Hoss felt safe releasing him
and even then he held his shoulders. He could feel Adam
trembling with rage.
" It's over take it easy, you okay now?" Hoss asked noticing
that Adam was looking at him.


Adam nodded and shook his shoulders free, he touched his
cheek and winced.
" Yep you got yourself another one big brother" Hoss said and
stopped to look around them, " Let's get on home Adam, what dya
say?"
Without answering Adam started walking in the direction
they'd left their buggy. He climbed in the front without
bothering to pick up the reins. Hoss took that to mean he had to
take over so he climbed in next to him. He waited for Joe to
climb aboard and slapped the horses into motion. Joe slumped
down in the seat and silently prayed Hoss would be able to calm
him down. When he was like this Joe was afraid of him and stayed
out of the way. It always amazed him that Hoss could reach him
and get results most of the time. It was a part of their
relationship that had nothing to do with him.
" Look Adam I know you're angry with Pa and you have every
right to be. When he gets home you're more than welcome to let
him have it, but you make sure you save it for him. You can't go
around taking it out on the people around you, that ain't like
you" Hoss told him, keeping his eyes on the trail ahead of him.
He watched Adam out of the corner of his eye. He was sitting
with his arms folded across his chest staring at his boots. But
he had calmed down considerably. He spoke up barely loud enough
for Hoss to hear him, " It hurts Hoss, it hurts bad, he had no
right to do this to us."
" I know Adam and you're right, just because me and Little Joe
are happy don't mean we ain't hurt too."
" I know that" Adam said bitterly
" Good, I just don't want you thinking we're taking sides here
cause we ain't. We're here for you just like always"
Adam didn't respond to that but Hoss knew he understood what
it meant. He knew Adam and he knew he needed the silence to get
himself together again. If he wanted to say something he would
but in his own time.
After sometime Adam scooted down in the seat and put his head
back. He closed his eyes but Hoss knew he wasn't sleeping
although he wouldn't blame him if he did. Hoss turned to look at
Joe, he was stretched out the length of the seat and sound
asleep.
" I guess we lost one " Hoss said to Adam
" Well you can carry him in the house, I'm too tired" Adam
said dryly.
" We could drop him in the trough when we get home" Hoss
suggested giving Adam his elfish grin. As expected Adam smiled
just a little,an accomplishment Hoss was proud of. He thought
himself the only person around who could make Adam laugh, even
when he didn't feel like it.
" I sure am getting hungry, how about you?"
Adam nodded and pulled his hat down over his eyes.
" I sure hope Hop Sing has lunch ready, I sure enough could
go for some of his roast beef" he added " What about you?"


Adam tipped his hat up and looked at his brother, " A cold
steak would sure hit the spot" he said and to Hoss' relief he was
smiling.
*************************
CHAPTER 8

When Adam woke he could not remember ever feeling any worse
than he did at that moment. He dragged himself to the mirror and
examined his right eye, it looked bad. And just when his left
eye had gotten back to normal.
He half heartedly dressed and shaved and went down to
breakfast. His brothers were already there eating and talking
enthusiastically about the day ahead. Adam wasn't sure he'd be
able to eat, his stomach had been unsteady since the day before.
Hop Sing brought him a plate with steaming food.
" Thanks Hop Sing" he said quietly
" You eat this time Mr. Adam, you no eat last night"
" Okay I will" he promised and Hop Sing went back to the
kitchen.
He sampled his food without any interest in joining his
brothers' lively conversation.
" You just get that bull down here first and then you can
ride all the colts you want" Hoss said shaking a fork at Joe
" Why do I have to do it?" Joe protested
" It ain't that hard little brother, just open the gate and
fall in behind him,he knows where to go"
" Yeah if he wants to" Joe said frowning " Sometimes he has a
mind of his own"
" Don't you fret about it Joe, we'll be sure and save you the
rankest colts"
They glanced at Adam who was picking at his breakfast. He
sat with one elbow on the table and his head resting on his hand.
They knew it would be best to leave him be until he was feeling
better.
They looked up at the sound of someone at the door. Adam
rose to answer it, opening the door to find the camp foreman
Mick.
"Morning Adam, sorry to bother you so early but we got a
problem up at camp and think you better come up there"
" What kind of problem Mick?" Adam asked him
" Well sir it's that Oliver fella Adam, he's complaining
about the way we're cutting and the other men are listening to
him. They say they either cut their way or not at all. I left
them sitting there Adam to come fetch you, but we're losing
valuable time as we speak"
" Alright Mick, let's see if we can straighten this out" Adam
said grabbing his hat off the rack.
Arriving at camp they found the men sitting around just as
Mick said. Adam dismounted his horse, took a deep breath and
turned to face the men.
" Alright boys what seems to be the holdup here?"






Nobody looked at him or spoke, but Adam saw one man coming
toward him out of the corner of his eye. He knew it was Oliver
without turning, he'd seen him the first day. He was built not
unlike Hoss and was nearly as tall, but the resemblance ended
there. He was a typical bully, used his size to intimate people
and to get what he wanted. He walked up to Adam and stood within
inches of him.
" We don't like the way things are being run here big man.
The marking was done by a fool, we're wasting time cutting a
little here and a little there. Anyone knows you find a stand
and you clear it"
Adam didn't flinch, he'd dealt with men like him before. Big
mouth, little brain, he thought.
" That's not how we do it here, we use controlled cutting for
preservation purposes. As far as wasting time Mr. Oliver, we
were right on schedule until this morning"
" Well you could be ahead of schedule if you do it my way and
that's what I say we do. Get rid of him, he's worthless" Oliver
said indicating Mick.
" Mick is foreman here and if you want to work you'll do so
to our specifications. If not you're free to pick up your wages,
pack your gear and leave" He spoke without taking his eyes off
the man before him.
Oliver suddenly pulled a knife and put the tip to Adam's
chin. " Is that so. How'd you get that black eye boy?" he
whispered savagely.
Adam felt his blood run cold with fear. Little more than a
year before he had nearly died in a knifing accident. He was
stricken with a sudden flashback and started trembling.
" What seems to be the trouble here Adam?"
Adam froze, had he imagined it? Oliver withdrew the knife
and turned to the voice
" Who the hell are you?" he sneered
" The name's Cartwright, most folks call me Hoss, but you
can call me boss" Hoss said snatching the knife before he had
time to react. He handed it off to Mick and stole a quick glance
at Adam.
" Now you gonna do things our way or am I going to help you
on your horse?" Hoss said evenly
" I'd like to see you try" Oliver hissed and swung at him.
Hoss had anticipated it and easily avoided him. He quickly
delivered a punch to his face and stomach. The man staggered and
charged.
Adam sat on a pile of fallen trees, his legs no longer able
to hold him. He was trying to keep an eye on his brother but his
stomach flip flopped and he moved away to be sick. When he got
back Oliver was on the ground and not moving. Hoss threw water
on him, he came to slowly and struggled to his feet. When he was
halfway up Hoss grabbed him and pulled him the rest of the way
up. He pulled Oliver's collar tight around his neck and through
gritted teeth said, " If you ever touch one of my brother's
again, I'll tear you limb from limb" Then turning to Mick he said

" Mick work out what we owe him he's leaving. If any of you
fellers have any question as to who the bull of the woods is here
I'll be happy to clear that up. If not I suggest you get back to
work right now" The men looked at each other and then silently
dispersed in different directions.
Hoss went to Adam's side, his face etched with concern
" You alright Adam?" he asked
Adam felt far from calm, but didn't want to worry Hoss
" Yeah I'm fine, just a little shook up"
" I'll say, you should see your face, white as a ghost."
Adam looked at his brother "You don't look much better "
The result of the fight now becoming evident on his face. Hoss
rubbed his jaw " Yeah I reckon I don't, but I'll tell ya Adam,
beating a loudmouth like him is worth every ounce of pain"
" That reminds me what're you doing here?" Adam said
" Oh when I heard Mick telling you what the problem was I
kind've figured it was a guy like him. There's usually one in
every camp trying to throw his weight around. I just thought a
little wiry guy like you could use some help"
Adam eyed him and a smile played on his face, " You followed
me?"
" Yeah I reckon I did, here take this your chin's bleeding a
little" Hoss said taking a kerchief from his pocket
Adam dabbed at his chin wishing he knew how to quell the
trembling that seemed to affect his whole body.
The woods suddenly filled with the sound of a galloping
horse, they looked up to see one of the ranch hands approaching.
His horse was in a lather as he pulled up in front of them.
" Mr. Cartwright, there's been an accident, Little Joe's
hurt"
" What happened?" Hoss exclaimed his mouth gone dry
" That danged bull done tried to run off and your brother was
trying to persuade him back on the trail, but I reckon that ole'
bull had other ideas"
" How bad is it?" Adam asked trying to swallow the lump in
his throat.
" It ain't nothing serious, just got his hand tangled in the
rope is all. But he's gonna need ole Doc to stitch him up a bit.
That boy wanted to high tail after that critter but we sent him
back to the house and we got men trying to trail the beast back."
" You go on Adam, I'll straighten things out here" Hoss said
putting a hand on his shoulder.
Adam nodded and turned to the ranch hand " Charlie you an the
men do what you can to get that bull back here, we can't have him
running all over the territory. But don't risk anyone else
getting hurt. If he gets dangerous you do what you have to to
stop him"
Charlie nodded and strode back to his horse, he didn't have
to ask what that meant.




Adam quickly mounted his horse and throwing Hoss a worried
glance turned and galloped off. When he got back to the house he
rushed in without tying his horse. He found Joe in the kitchen
with Hop Sing, who was unsuccessfully trying to doctor the
injured hand. He looked relieved to see Adam, " Mr. Adam, Little
Joe say fix hand, Hop Sing no can do, you tell him he need to go
town see doctor"
Adam moved alongside his brother and examined his hand,
wincing at the sight of it as he turned it over. " What
happened?" Adam asked him.
" Oh that stupid bull was trailing along nice and quiet,
when all of a sudden he decides to go running off in the opposite
direction. I didn't want him running loose so I threw a loop on
him, I was just about to dally up on him and he starts fighting
the rope. I had no choice I had to let him go, I'm sorry Adam"
" That's okay don't worry about it. Come on let's get you to
town and have the doc take a look at that hand" Adam said taking
his arm.
" Adam we ain't got time for that we gotta go after that
bull" Joe protested.
" Now hold on Joe, I got men out now rounding him up, don't
worry about it. You gotta have that hand taken care of, so let's
go"
Joe knew it was useless to argue so he followed his brother
or of the kitchen.
Sometime later Adam sat in Doctor Martin's office watching
him examine Joe's hand. " Well you certainly did a job of it Joe,
you're gonna need at least six stitches"
Joe grimaced and looked at his brother, he'd been hoping to
avoid it.
" I'll get my instruments " the doctor said and left the
room.
Adam went to stand next to Joe, " You gonna be okay? You
want me to stay?" Adam asked him empathetically
" Of course not I'm okay. I've had stitches before"
" Yeah me too, it's not the most pleasant experience in the
world" he reminded him.
" I'll be okay, you go on" Joe insisted
Adam watched him clenching his jaw and knew he was just
trying to make light of the situation. " Okay tell you what,
I'll run a few errands while I'm here and then I'll come back
here to pick you up"
" Okay that's fine with me" Joe said simply
It'll be over before you know it" Adam said squeezing his
shoulder " I'll be back in a little while"
He left the room feeling a little guilty, he would've gladly
traded places with him just to spare him the whole ordeal.
Once outside he looked up and down the street trying to
decide where to go. He really didn't have anything to do so he
crossed the street and decided to go to the mercantile to kill
some time and get his mind off of other things.


He wandered around the store for some time until the store
owner said " Anything I can help you with Adam?"
Adam smiled and shaking his head answered " No not really Mr.
Cass, I'm sort've waiting for my kid brother, he's over to the
Doc's"
" Oh, he ain't sick is he?" Mr. Cass asked
" No he hurt his hand, got it caught in a rope, the doc is
stitching it up now" Adam explained not really wanting to talk
about it. He could almost feel the prick of the needle going in
and out and again chided himself for not staying with his
brother. He remembered the time he'd had to have a gash in his
head sewn up. Ben had stayed with him even though he had
insisted it wasn't necessary.
" Why don't you buy him a nickel's worth of peppermint
sticks, he loves them. It might cheer him up" the storekeeper
suggested.
" That sounds like a sales pitch to me Mr. Cass" Adam said
good naturedly
" Oh Adam it is not , here take 'em, on the house " the man
said holding them out to him. Adam took it and flipped him a
nickel anyway. Smiling Mr. Cass took it
" How's your Pa Adam, he back yet?" he asked
Adam's face clouded and the smile faded away
" No not yet, we're expecting him back by the end of the week
though"
" Boy I sure have missed seeing him, you boys gonna have a
welcome home party for him? He has been gone quite a spell"
Adam frowned and stuffed the candy in his vest pocket
" I don't know Mr. Cass we hadn't really talked about it.
Listen I better be getting back. I'll give Joe the peppermint
and tell him you send your regards"
" You do that Adam, and be sure and let us know if you're
gonia celebrate your Pa's homecoming okay?" Cass said to Adam's
departing back.
" Sure Mr. Cass, we'll do that, bye now" Adam called and
escaped out the door. He stood outside for a moment to take a
breath and then headed back to the doctor's office.
The doctor looked up as he entered
" How is he?" Adam asked pushing the door closed
" Well he's gonna have a sore hand for awhile, fortunately
it's his right hand so he won't be at much of a disadvantage.
He's got to change the dressing regularly and keep it clean and
dry. Watch for infection, if it looks red around the wound, any
swelling, discharge, or anything like that, get him back here.
He may run a low grade fever tonight so keep an eye on that and
send for me if it gets too high"
Adam nodded, anxious to get to Joe. The doctor stood up and
held some medicine out to him
" What's this?" he asked reaching out to take it from him
" For pain, wait until you get him home though. This stuff
makes you sleep like a baby"



Adam put the medicine in his pocket, " Can I take him home
now?"
" He's all yours Adam. He's putting his shirt back on, he
should be out in a minute"
They shook hands and Adam went to find his brother. He was
sitting where Adam had left him earlier, fumbling with the
buttons on his shirt sleeve.
" Need some help?" Adam asked him
" Just with these stupid cuffs, I was going to roll them up
but I can't do that either"
Adam took a hold of his left hand, braced it against his
chest and started rolling up the sleeve. He studied Joe's face
as he did, he looked almost gray. Adam looked away and
concentrated on the other arm. " Hurt much?" he asked
" Like the devil, I'm not gonna be much help for awhile"
" Yeah, how will we know the difference?" Adam said teasing
Joe gave him his 'very funny' look and pulled his arm away.
" You ready to get out'a here?" Adam said and winked
" You know it, let's go" Joe said and hopped down. Adam fell
in behind him as they walked to the buckboard. Once they were
seated Adam picked up the reins, he suddenly remembered his visit
to the store and looked at Joe " Hey, you hungry?"
Joe's face lit up " Starving, what have you got in mind?"
At that Adam pulled out a candy stick and handed it to him.
While Joe stared at him with his mouth open, he pulled out
another one and put it between his lips and smiled at his stunned
brother.
" You're crazy" Joe stated, the corners of his mouth turning
up ever so slightly.
" Where do you think you inherited it from little brother"
Adam declared, and slapped the reins sending the horses toward
home.
******************************
CHAPTER 9

Doctor Martin had not exaggerated the effect of the pain
killer. Joe was sound asleep within an hour of taking the
medicine.
It was nearly ten o'clock and Adam had just come down the
stairs from checking on him. He tried to relax but he found
himself pacing, everything seemed to be falling apart just as
they received news of their father's return. He'd worn a path in
the front of the fireplace when he heard the sound of hoofbeats.
By the time he got to the door and opened it, Hoss was already on
his way in.
" How's Little Joe?" he asked before he got inside
Adam closed the door behind him, " He's okay, he's sleeping
now, actually unconscious would be more accurate"
" Do I smell peppermint?" Hoss asked sniffing the air
Adam ignored the question and sat down on the sofa and waited
for Hoss to join him.
" So what happened up there?" he asked while Hoss took off
his hat and gunbelt.
" Well Oliver's long gone but a lot of the men went with him.
We're way behind schedule now and we gotta do some mighty fancy
scrambling to get some more men to replace them."
Hoss sat down and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl in
front of him. He took a hearty bite and said, " You reckon we
can get some extra teams somewhere? It would sure help some."
Adam didn't answer but sat staring at the fire before him.
" By the way we got the bull back " Hoss said trying to
attract his attention. Adam looked at him " You did? Where is
he?"
" Right here in the main corral all nice and cozy"
" Good, how'd you get him?"
" Well it ain't all good Adam. He managed to have himself a
little fun and did some damage before we caught up with him. But
you should'a seen it. I roped me one of the shecows he had his
eye on and led her back here and he followed along behind just as
pretty as you please"
" Good thinking" Adam said " At least I hope it was one of
our cows"
"Well it is now" Hoss said " I had to buy her from a hopping
mad Mr. Bishop"
Adam suddenly stood up and threw his hands in the air
shouting, " This is just great, I can't believe this.
Everything's falling apart just in time for Pa's grand return" He
stopped in front of the fireplace and rested his foot on the
stone. " You know I always thought I'd be able to handle it, at
least now I know I was wrong"
" You weren't wrong Adam, we were all wrong" Hoss said
quietly





" What's that supposed to mean?" Adam said sitting down to
face him. Hoss studied his brother's face a moment before
answering. He was trying to organize what he'd been thinking
about most of the day. " Pa said we needed to work together,
that's the one thing we didn't do"
" We didn't?" Adam said wondering what he meant.
" No we didn't Adam. You made the plans and organized
everything and me and Joe followed orders. Don't you see, it was
too much for anyone all at once. We should'a been sharing all
the responsibility not leaving it all up to you. Even Pa doesn't
do that, you didn't need to handle it all on your own Adam"
Adam reached to pick a piece of firewood off the floor and
tossed it into the fire, he thought about what his brother was
saying. Maybe Hoss was right he had been trying to do it on his
own. He didn't let them assume any of the responsibility but
merely directed them on what to do or what needed to be done.
" Starting tomorrow we gotta change the way we're doing
things around here. That means when you wake up tomorrow the
Lawson contract will be my responsibility. I'll make sure you're
kept up to date on the numbers but that's all you need to know,
I'll handle everything else" Hoss said hoping he wasn't offending
Adam, he sincerely did not want to insult him or the job he'd
been doing. But he had been worried about him for some time now
and wanted to take some of the pressure off.
" You'll have to take care of all the stock with Joe's help,
I'm sure you can find something for him to do. First thing in
the morning you better get on over to Mr. Bishop's place, he's
pretty upset about the bull, but I'm sure he'll simmer down by
then"
Adam was watching his brother, amused by his new take charge
attitude. Hoss was far from finished, " Just cause you're the
oldest don't mean you gotta carry the whole load by yourself. Me
and Joe were so used to you handling things we just didn't think
about what was happening. Not anymore, from now on we tackle
everything together, any objections?"
" Are you kidding me?" Adam exclaimed
" Good you wait and see Adam, we'll have this place running
smooth as cream by the time Pa gets back"
Adam wanted to tell him that that wasn't the reason he wanted
to straighten things out but he decided to let it go.
" Thanks Hoss, I appreciate that"
" Well, I'm gonna head up to camp first thing in the morning
so I'll check on Joe and get on to bed" Hoss announced " You best
try and get some sleep tonight too Adam"
" Okay mother I will, goodnight" Adam said, Hoss smiled at
him and waved goodnight as he went up the stairs






About an hour later Adam followed stopping to check on Joe
too. He lit the lantern and adjusted it to give off as little
light as possible. Joe looked like he was resting comfortable
but Adam felt his forehead to be sure. Confident that he was
okay Adam blew the lantern out and headed for the door. When he
was almost there he heard Joe call his name.
" Did I wake you up?" he asked Joe when he got back to the
bed.
" No I was awake, actually Hoss woke me up a while ago"
" How do you feel, how's the hand?"
" It only hurts when I breath" Joe kidded him
Adam didn't bother with the lantern again, he waited for his
eyes to adjust to the dark. He could see the silhouette of his
brother sitting up now. He looked to where the chair usually was
and finding it with his hand he sat down.
" You think if I show you how, you can do some book keeping?"
Adam asked him.
" I won't like it but I guess I can do it" Joe said wearily "
Hoss already told me about the new plan"
" Yeah he kind've took over on me before I knew what
happened" Adam said with a short laugh
" Don't think about it that way Adam, we just want to help"
Adam yawned and ran his fingers through his hair, he was more
tired than he could remember, it had been a long day
" I know" he said " Listen I better let you go back to sleep"
" Adam there was something I wanted to ask you" Joe said
seeing he was preparing to leave.
" Yeah what's that? " Adam said now standing and stretching
his arms
" Are you happy that Pa's coming home?"
Adam suddenly stopped moving, dropping his arms to his side
he sank back in the chair. Joe had expected his reaction and was
saddened by it.
Adam leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes " Look Joe
part of me is real happy he's coming home, I'm sure I miss him
just as much as you and Hoss. But another part of me is very
angry with him too. Not just because of how I feel I was hurt but
you and Hoss too. I don't know how I'll feel when I see him,
maybe I'll forget all the things that went wrong"
" But Adam everything is straightened out and he won't find
anything wrong when he gets here" Joe said brightly
Adam picked his head up from the chair, " Joe do me a favor in
the morning, take a good look at the three of us. One look at
your hand and mine and Hoss' face will tell him everything he
needs to know"
Joe had nothing to say to that but he did want desperately for
Adam to feel as he and Hoss did about the homecoming. He was
almost afraid to push the issue any further but he also didn't
want to do anything without Adam's consent.





" Adam, Pa said he should be home sometime Saturday night
and Hoss and I were thinking about maybe having a party for him
on Sunday afternoon. We want to invite some of our friends, and
Hop Sing already said he could do all the cooking and stuff. And
Hoss and I know how to make Pa's famous punch."
" And you expect me to drink it?" Adam said, he could hear
the excitement in Joe's voice and really didn't want to damper
his spirit.
Joe smiled, maybe he was getting somewhere after all " Well
you have to be there to drink it, you will be there won't you?
It's real important" he said and held his breath
" Why's it so important that I be there?" Adam asked
Joe blew his breath out in frustration " Because dummy, it's
a family celebration and you happen to be one of us"
" Who you calling dummy, shorty?" Adam demanded, Joe could
tell by his voice he wasn't really mad.
" Come on Adam just say you'll be there with us"
" Boy oh boy you are a persistent little thing aren't you?
Adam teased him, he was touched by the fact that they wanted him
there so badly though " Alright I'll be there as long as I don't
have to drink the punch"
" It's a deal" Joe said pleased with his accomplishment
Adam stood up to leave, secretly hoping he'd be able to keep
that promise when the time came
" Well you got what you wanted from me, you think you can go
to sleep now?"
Joe smiled happily as he wiggled back down to his pillows.
" Sure I can especially since I just won ten bucks. Hoss bet
me I'd never talk you into it. Goodnight Adam"
" Goodnight " Adam said quietly as he left the room shaking
his head.
****************************
Chapter 10

Joe sat atop the corral fence with a registry book resting on his
legs. His brother Adam moved among the horses calling our descriptions
for him to enter in the book.
" Chestnut colt, out of Daisy May, two white stockings on the back,
one white sock left foreleg, and a star on the forehead" Adam called as he
examined the foal's markings
" Hey Adam see what Belle's got over there if that's a filly I may
claim it for my own" Joe shouted to him, he noticed the foal earlier when
they brought them in.
Adam moved through the herd looking for the particular mare Joe had
mentioned. Finding her he drove her to middle of the pen to get a better
look at the baby. He realized why Joe had his eye on it as soon as he saw
it. The foal was jet black without a single white marking anywhere. Adam
ran his hands over the foal while he examined it, and then hollered back to
Joe.
" Looks like you got yourself a horse Joe, it's a filly. You want me
to break the news to Cochise?"
Joe smiled as he wrote in the book, " Don't worry about Cochise, she
understands" he said then looked up at the sound to his left, " Hey Adam,
here comes Hoss"
Adam strode to the fence and climbed up alongside his brother. Hoss
galloped up to the fence and pulled up in front of them.
" Well you fellers sure enough got your work cut our for you" he
commented as his horse tossed his head and snorted with exhilaration.
" Yeah we do, what are doing goofing off?" Joe asked him
" Actually no little brother, I just thought you'd like to know things
are back on schedule up at camp and it looks like we'll finish up in great
shape. Thanks to my great organizing skills I might add" Hoss boasted
sticking out his chest.
Adam and Joe smiled at each other and back at Hoss
" That's great news Hoss, maybe now we can get you a real job" Adam said
" Very funny, I think you two are just jealous of my managerial
talents" Hoss challenged
" Yeah that's it" Adam said sarcastically " Who's that?" he said
climbing higher on the fence to get a better look at the approaching
dustcloud.
Hoss and Joe turned in the direction Adam was looking, the three of
them trying to get a better look at the rider. Joe suddenly leaped from
the fence shouting, " It's Pa!"
Hoss watched not daring to believe it was true until he saw the
familiar buckskin getting closer. He climbed off his own horse to stand
beside Joe, and held his breath as the horse got closer and closer. Both
of them were fighting the urge to start running, the anticipation was agony.
Ben spotted them and thought his chest would burst, he had a feeling
at that moment that he could outrun his horse. When he was less than a
hundred feet away he pulled his horse up and jumped off. Hiss and Joe were
running now and in moments they were in his arms. The joy was almost too
much for all of them
and Joe didn't even seem to mind the accidental bumps to his injured hand.
Ben held them each at arm's length and looked them over. He took notice of
Hiss' face first, " Well son who did you tangle with?"
" Oh Pa it ain't nothing, I'm just glad you're finally home"
Ben smiled his appreciation, then turned to his youngest son, " And
whetted you do to your hand Joseph, or does that have something to do with
Hiss' face?"
" I just got it tangled in a rope Pa, it's fine don't worry"
Ben smiled broadly " I can't tell you how good you boys look to me" he
said and hugged them again.
Over their shoulders he saw Adam slowly walking toward them. He felt
his heart swell at the sight of him, and a small stab of anxiety. Hiss and
Joe moved to either side of their father and looked at each other with
concern.
Ben moved forward unsure of what to do, then considering Adam's way,
he stopped and waited. Adam stood still just before him and regarded his
father with a look Ben could not read. He saw the black eye and wondered
how he could still have it after all this time, not realizing it had been
the other eye when he left. When he looked into Adam's eyes he saw a look
he'd seen many times before. But it was a look he thought he would never
see directed at him. When Adam spoke it was a voice he didn't recognize,
cold and empty
" You know someone once told me you can't throw someone in the water
and not wait around to see if they can swim. I took that as gospel because
I loved and respected the man who said it to me. I've found that things
can change" He turned and walked away leaving his father with a pain he'd
never known before.

CHAPTER 11

The Ponderosa ranch house was alive with people, music, and
laughter. The celebration atmosphere filled the house and
affected everyone present. Neighbors were gathered around Ben to
hear stories of his travels and they filled him in on what he'd
missed while he was away.
Although Ben was enjoying himself he could not help perking
up each time the door opened. He was looking for the one who was
missing, the one who could fill the void in his heart. Ben had
expected Adam to be angry with, but hadn't realized to what
extent. Joe too was watching for him, hoping he would come.
When the band took a break, Hoss joined Joe by the stairs
" Any sign of him?" Joe asked scanning the crowd.
" Nope, but he'll be here you can bet on that, Adam ain't one
to overlook a promise"
As if on cue the door opened and Adam entered. Ben stopped
mid sentence and quickly excused himself. He met Adam inside the
door as he took off his hat and looked around.
" Adam, I'm glad you decided to come, I was hoping you would"
Adam didn't look at his father when he answered, " I came
because Joe asked me to, no other reason"
Ben sighed, he wasn't going to make things easy for him
" Well nonetheless I'm glad you're here" he said, then tried
to think of something to say to let him know he understood his
anger, but he couldn't think of anything. An uncomfortable
silence grew between them as Adam shifted his weight from one
foot to the other.
" Well come on in and join us, get yourself something to eat"
Ben said putting a hand on his shoulder. Adam shrugged him off
and moved toward the punch bowl.
Ben watched him go and turned in the opposite direction. It
was useless to try to talk to him now. Perhaps after the guests
left later on he'd have a better chance of reaching him.
Adam found his brothers by the many platters of food Hop Sing
had painstakingly prepared. They both smiled at him as he
approached and it made him feel a little better.
" Thanks for coming Adam" Joe said his eyes showed his
gratitude.
Adam winked at him, " I told you I would, didn't I?"
" It means a lot to Pa, he's been watching for you" Hoss said
between bites.
Adam frowned and poured himself a drink, quickly drank it
down and said, " Well I'm gonna see if I can persuade one of
these young ladies to honor me with a dance" and he walked into
the crowd. Hoss and Joe exchanged a glance, he was here that was
a start.
It was close to midnight when the last of the guests rode
away. Hoss and Joe insisted on helping Hop Sing clean up and
wouldn't let their father do any of the work since it was his
party.


Ben was disturbed to find Adam was missing, he was nowhere in
the house so Ben assumed he'd gone back to town. He decided he
needed some air and went out on to the porch and lit his pipe.
While standing there something off to his left caught his
attention. It was Adam sitting on the table with his feet
resting on the bench. Ben allowed himself a small smile and a
sigh of relief. He moved toward him and stood by the table.
Adam acknowledged him with a quick look and then turned away.
" Mind if I join you?" Ben asked. Adam gave a relenting shrug
and moved over. The same tense silence from earlier in the
evening threatened to overtake them again.
" Look Adam, you have every right to be angry with me but I'd
at least like a chance to apologize. I really don't have a
legitimate reason for not sending word about my welfare or
whereabouts. All I can say is the day I left here I was feeling
very depleted and overwhelmed. I was uncertain about where I was
going or why. Maybe I was just overtired I don't know" Ben
looked at Adam but he showed no sign of leaning one way or the
other, so Ben went on " Once I got away the time just slipped by
before I knew it. I should've let you know what was happening
and I meant to, I really did. I didn't and I'm truly sorry, I
understand how you must feel, it's okay to be angry with me or
even hate me if you want to"
Adam regarded him with an angry stare " Do you have any idea
what it was like for me ?"
Ben raised an eyebrow and looked at him sideways with a half
grin. Realizing what he'd said, Adam grinned and looked away
before his father saw it.
" Well I guess you do, but you still should've sent word, Hoss
and Joe were worried sick"
" Yes I know son, you're right. How can I make it up to you?"
Ben asked, he didn't have to ask him if he'd been worried. He
already knew it was probably the main motivation for his anger.
Adam was looking at him searchingly, not sure if he was ready
to forgive him. But after reflecting a bit on the last few weeks
events he decided it would be for the best
" Well actually I didn't do a very good job of things anyway so
you might want to save that thought" Adam said suddenly seeming
interested in the condition of his boots as he wiped them off
with concentration.
" What do you mean by that, I haven't seen a thing not being as
it should be. You did everything as I would have done, maybe
better."
Adam looked up at him, he almost hated to fill him in but he
might as well know the truth, "Looks can be deceiving, seen the
stock dial lately?" he said flatly
" Yes I did, the first afternoon I was home, their paying two
sixty five a share, why?" Ben asked wondering what he was getting
at.
" You sure?" Adam asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
" Of course I'm sure, why?"



Adam shook his head and looked at his feet again, he hadn't
had a chance to check himself, had actually been afraid to look
after the last time.
" Well I have no complaints, so I'd still like to know how I
can make it up to you" Ben said, wondering why he wouldn't take
credit for what he'd done. He stretched his feet out in front of
him and leaned back a bit.
Adam yawned feeling suddenly drained, after he said, " All I
ask is next time you decide you need to go and take a break,you
at least let us know before you leave"
Ben smiled and held out his hand, " It's a deal, you have my
word, it'll never happen again"
Adam looked at his smiling face and hesitated a moment before
taking his hand. Ben felt the tension leave him and his heart
was much lighter.
They sat in silence for a while,both of them tired, but not
wanting to end this moment of kinship.
Ben put his arm around his son knowing it was okay now and
said quietly, " Just so you know, I'm very proud of the job you
did"
Adam met his glance and smiled, realizing at that moment how
much he had missed him. " Well just so you know, I really am glad
you're home" and with that Ben embraced him, now he was truly
home.
The following morning Ben sat at his desk going over the
books. Hoss and Adam had left earlier, Joe was still fast
asleep. He went over all the paperwork with a fine tooth comb.
Everything was up to date and in perfect order. In his rides
around the ranch he found everything in the same condition.
Everything just as it should be, as if he'd never been gone.
Ben sat back, the impact of that idea hitting him hard. They
had done just what he'd hoped, he knew now they could handle it.
They could manage things just fine without him, they didn't need
him anymore. The acceptance of that brought a wave of sadness
that washed over him and left him feeling as empty and lost as he
had the day he left.
He looked up at the sound of Little Joe descending the
stairs. He'd obviously just woken up, his hair was disheveled
and his shirt hung open. He carried his boots in his good hand
and plopped into the chair by the staircase. He sat back and
pulled his boots on with some difficulty.
" Morning Pa" he said, his voice hoarse from sleep " Hoss and
Adam gone?"
" Yeah about an hour ago, they gave up on you" Ben said
smiling. He watched Joe attempt to comb his hair with his
fingers and scratch his head.
" Well I'll be out there in a minute" he said. He stood and
joined his father, sitting on the edge of the desk. He was
fumbling with his shirt, growing frustrated with the cumbersome
bandaged hand. Exasperated he turned to his father,

" Can you give me hand here Pa, I can't roll the sleeves up?"
Ben got up and stood before him and rolled each of the
sleeves up for him. He was smiling to himself as he appreciated
the fact that he'd been wrong. The ranch may very well run
without him, but each of his sons, at different times in their
lives, would always need him. He finished rolling the sleeves
and unexpectedly hugged his youngest son.
" What was that for?" Joe asked
" Because I needed that, now off to work with you young man"
Ben said trying to sound stern, although inside his heart was
singing.
***************************
The End

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