The Red Head

By DebbieB



"Come on Hoss, what will it hurt to have a peek?  The fellas said she is as fine a dog as they ever seen...lets see for our selves," Joe said, trying to convince his brother to go along with him.

"It just don't seem right, them ole boys calling a lady, a dog.  And 'sides, if Pa caught us peeping...he'll tan our hides."

"Pa ain't gonna know, now bend down."

"What for?"

Joe rolled his eyes, "So I can climb on your back."

"Why ya gotta...okay, okay," Hoss conceded.  He got down on his hands and knees, allowing Joe to climb on his back and then onto the top of the door frame where he perched himself.

"Oh Hoss....whew...you should see this one!" clamored Joe in a low whisper.  "She sure is fine!"

"Aw, dad burn it Joe, get down and let me have a peek!" whined Hoss as he tried peeking though the key hole.  "I can't see a dang thing from down here!"

"Well, I sure can...and I'm telling you brother, she is one fine speciman!  Long red hair, slender legs, sharp pointed nose...she even has the perfect little ears!"

"Dang it Joe, let me have a look!" grumbled Hoss.  "Hey, I hear something...what's going on?"

"Shh...be quiet Hoss, she's...oh my...she just layed down on the bed!" whispered Joe, excitedly.  "Man, she's a beauty."

Joe glanced down at his brother.  "Wanna see?"

"Yep, get down, I'll try climbing up there..."

"You can't climb up here, you're too dang big..."

"But Joe, I wanna see Miss Red, everyone's been telling me what a beauty she is...why can't I see?"

"Hoss, you'll just have to trust me on this, she is a beauty, just about the purtiest I've ever seen..."

"Joe, it ain't fair..."

"Well Hoss, I can't help what's fair and what ain't.  If ya wanna see her so bad, knock on the door..."

"What? Are you crazy?"

Joe put his hand over Hoss' mouth, giving him a stern look.  "Shh...be quiet you big ox, you want her to start barking?"

Hoss' eyes got wide and he pulled Little Joe's hand away from his mouth.

"What'cha mean barkin'?" Hoss asked.  His face wore a puzzled expression.  "Why would Miss Red be barkin'?"

Little Joe rolled his eyes upward in frustration at his brothers lack of understanding.

"Hoss, she's a dog...that's why!" proclaimed Joe.

Hoss' confused expression change to one of anger and he grabbed Joe by the front of his shirt, and hauled Joe up until only his toes touched the ground.

"That ain't nice, Jospeh, calling Miss Red a dog.  You just said, she was fine...now take it back afore I pound ya good!" growled.

Joe swallowed and tried to wrench the big hands from his shirt.

"I ain't taking it back, Hoss, she is fine, for a dog...ouch!  Put me down, or I'll tell, Pa...ouch...stop that!" squealed Little Joe.

Hoss shook Joe again, this time pumping Joe's head against the door.

"Ya ain't gonna tell Pa nothin', or I'll tell him you were spying on a naked lady..."

"Naked...lady...What in blazes are you talking about?" stammered Joe.

"Miss Red ya low down, scrawny, little peeping Tom!  That's who...and she ain't no dog!"

Joe finally managed to break free of the hands that held him.  He backed up, against the door and slipped his hand behind his back, turning the knob and shoving open the door.

Miss Red bounced from the bed, growling and began barking.

"What do you call that?" demanded Joe with a look of satisfaction on his face.  "If that ain't a dog...then....I'm a cat!"

Hoss stood in opened mouth shock.  Before him, Miss Red charged.  Joe managed to step to the side just as the Irish Setter leapt at Hoss.  Hoss was knocked backwards, landing on his backside.  Miss Red, tail wagging to and fro, licked Hoss' face.  Hoss laughed, and laughed...

"Miss Red sure 'nough is a dog!" he hehawed.  "And all this time, I thought she was a lady!"

Joe pulled Miss Red off Hoss' chest and helped his brother up.  He shook his head, disgustedly.  "That's what I've been trying to tell you!  And you really thought I was peeping at some naked lady?"

"I'm sorry, Shortshanks, I should of known, ya weren't really a peeping Tom..."

"Excuse me," a dainty voice from behind said.

Joe and Hoss turned around, stunned into silence by the bushy hair red head with the big ears and long nose, standing behind them.

Joe glanced at Hoss, who swallowed deeply.  Neither could say a word.  Miss Red was looking up at the woman as well, and when she tucked her tail between her legs and took off, Joe and Hoss followed suit.  The dog, Miss Red, was never seen again, and as for the Cartwright boys, well...the story got all twisted the wrong way, and once their father learned that his two youngest sons had been caught being peeping Toms, they had some tall explaining to do.

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