I stand here and I watch you, brother. I see the desperation in your eyes, and the guilt you feel because again you couldn´t save the world, couldn´t change what was happening, no matter how hard you tried. It doesn´t matter that we tell you you don´t have to care – you always do.
I can see Hoss next to me, hands in his pockets, as always when he tries to hide his concern, and the love he has for you, knowing that it would stop you would he speak.
I see Pa in front of me, trying to hold you, to make you stay; I see his hand on your wrist, and for a tiny second I feel that perhaps it is the last bond you have to this family, and I´m scared.
Thoughts rush through my mind. ´Don´t go, brother´, I want to cry out to you, but I know it won´t make a difference, because I know that look in your eyes. You will go, and you will fight your demons and come back to us, but you will do it on your own, and you will leave us here to worry about you until you come back.
Go then, brother.
Go and fight, but come back to us.
And remember one thing, no matter how hard you try to punish yourself for what was never your fault:
Out of sight you will be; but not out of mind.
Go and fight, brother.
And come back.