Death at Dawn - Revisited
Written by:  Starlite

The black-haired young man stood alone at the base of the newly erected gallows located behind the jailhouse.  He would be the sole witness to the gruesome spectacle.  It was something that had to be done; the man had been tried and convicted of a cold-blooded murder.  It was sunrise, squinting he looked up at the man who stood on the wooden platform.  Though it was a cool crisp fall morning and Adam Cartwright wore his heavy winter coat, he still felt an indescribable chill creep through his bones as the man laughed at his imminent demise.

Glancing briefly to the man at the trap door, Adam gave a slight nod before returning his gaze to the laughing man once more.  The wooden door swung down sharply and the man dropped abruptly to swing back and forth before him.  The rising sun silhouetted the hanging figure that laughed no more.

Unable to bear witness to the hideous scene any longer, Adam Cartwright turned his head away and closed his eyes.

"You hung him!  You hung the farmer!"

Adam heard a shocked and startled young voice cry from the front of the jail.

"We told ya we was."

Adam heard his brother Hoss respond and ran through the jailhouse to join the throng of bystanders standing in the street in front of the jail.  Arriving moments later he found his brothers firmly grasping one of Sam Bryant's young ruffians.  Hoss was shaking the youth as the young man began a very sick cackle.

"Your Pa's gonna hang!"  The man giggled, bringing a violent response from Adam's youngest brother, who now grabbed the front of the other young man's coat threatening to pummel the demented youth in the face.

Hoss pulled Sam Bryant's young henchman from Joe's grasp to face him, the anger and rage plain on the middle Cartwright son's face.  The deranged giggling stopped abruptly as the younger man saw the unbridled fury on the big man's face.  

"Where?"  Hoss demanded as he shook the youth soundly.

Stunned momentarily the youth stared back in disbelief and found himself being jerked off his feet when Hoss shook him again.

"Where boy?"  

"Over to the old stable," the youth replied before starting to giggle once again, certain that old man Cartwright was dead.

Adam Cartwright took off at a dead run from the steps of the jailhouse, never looking back at the frightened faces of his younger siblings.  He had never run so hard or so fast in his life.  Reaching the alley he skidded around the corner to the big double wooden doors.  Not pausing to see if it was safe, he burst through the doors and froze.

Feeling all the life drain from his being; Adam sank to his knees at the sight above him.  There swinging from the rafters was the body of his father.

"Stop him!"

Adam heard someone yell as his mind reeled against the sight.

"Don't let the boy see this!"

Another voice declared; Adam vaguely recognized it as the town doctor as he sensed his body sway and fought the urge to pass out.

"PA!"  

Adam heard his baby brother scream, and felt as though someone had slammed a fist into his gut.

Shocked, the eldest Cartwright son was unable to tear his vision away from the horrifying sight above him.  Adam beheld the dark no longer seeing but accusing eyes of his father, staring down upon him, boring a hole through to his soul.  The horrifying visage that had him mesmerized was broken by laughter that floated down from above.  It was the mocking chortle of Sam Bryant.

"I warned ya boy.  You was told!"

Adam's head began to reel and he felt ill, without warning he found his body being jerked upwards to his feet.  His gaze, now torn away from his dead father's face to the enraged one of his brother Hoss.

"You was just so sure."  Hoss accused as he shook his older brother by the lapels of his winter coat.

Adam could offer no words of comfort; he was still too stunned to speak.  He had been so certain that Sam Bryant wouldn't kill his father.  How could he have been so wrong?

"Always so smart, ya ain't too smart now are ya."  Hoss ominously continued, shaking Adam violently.

Adam offered no resistance; he was to blame.  He'd gambled with his father's life and lost.  He neither cared nor felt the impact when his brother threw him into the nearest wall.  All he could see was his father's face, and those dark-brown accusing dead eyes staring down upon him.  Please forgive me Pa.



                ****************


Adam vaguely remembered someone instructing that his father's body be taken down and moved to the undertaker's.  He had no idea how long he sat leaning against the wall that he'd been thrown against.  His world was in turmoil, the one solid constant that had always been there in his existence was gone, and he was the cause for the loss.

Finally gathering up the last of his strength, Adam got to his feet.  Shakily and with all the courage that he could muster, Adam went in search of his younger brothers.

Walking through the town toward the mortuary, Adam pointedly ignored the snide comments and whispers.  Reaching the front door of the undertaker's, he had to push and force his way through the gawking onlookers to enter the establishment.  He was too numb to even notice the manhandling and shoving that he endured as people taunted him with catcalls and shouts of 'Father Killer', 'Murderer' and 'Bet your Pa ain't too proud of ya now'.

Adam found his brothers in one of the back rooms of the mortuary.  They were sitting in a darkened parlor room and Adam noticed that Hoss had his arm around his little brother.  Hearing someone enter the room, Little Joe raised his head from his bigger brother's shoulder.  The pain and anguish that Adam saw upon his baby brother's face was almost unbearable.  He was not surprised when he saw Little Joe's grief turn to hatred.  Adam offered no defense when Joe charged towards him with fists flying.

"You killed him!  You killed my Pa!"  Joe hollered, knocking Adam to the floor and pummeling him with his fists.

He was my Pa too... Adam closed his eyes tightly, trying vainly to blot out the memory of the last 24 hours.  Suddenly, Joe's body was lifted from his and once again Adam found himself staring into the irate face of his brother Hoss.

"You best be getting out of here Adam.  We don't need the likes of you no more."

Nodding, Adam silently rose to his feet and turned to exit the room, absently dabbing at the blood from his split lip upon the back of his right hand.  He pushed he way back through the crowd who continued to harass him with taunts and jeers while making his way to the livery stable.


Adam retrieved his horse from the stable, mounting, he rode out of town.  He wasn't sure at first where to go, his father was gone and his brothers no longer wanted him around.  Still in a daze of shock and disbelief, he rode back to the Ponderosa.

Reaching the ranch house, Adam slowly dismounted and ignored the protests of his now aching body.  He felt he deserved every one of those bruises and more for what he'd done.  Half stumbling and still disoriented from his own grief, he made his way into the house.

The quiet he found there was disturbing, and he once again fell to his knees when he realized he would never again hear the sound of his brothers' laughter or the booming voice of their father as it rattled the window panes.  This place that was once his home, was his home no longer.  It was clear that he didn't belong here anymore.

Rising slowly to his feet, Adam ascended the stairs to his room to retrieve some of his belongings.  Once his packing was complete Adam headed down the stairs and was met by a very small and a very dejected Hop Sing.  

Hop Sing shook his head in distaste at Adam Cartwright.

"Dishonorable oldest son, kill honorable father."  Hop Sing lamented before resolutely turning his back to the eldest Cartwright son.

Nodding, Adam accepted the Chinaman's words.  He was indeed responsible for the death of his father and as such was a man without honor.  Grabbing his saddlebags, Adam practically ran from the house.  Jumping onto Sport he spurred the animal into a run fleeing from the place that was once his father's home; and never looked back.

Adam rode his mount hard. He foolishly reasoned if he could run fast enough, that maybe he could outrun the memory which now haunted his every thought.  He had no idea where he was running to, only what he was running from.  When Sport stumbled slightly from exhaustion with the sweat foaming from the animal's flanks, Adam finally realized he wouldn't be able to run away from this nightmare.

Slowing the animal to a walk, he found himself at the lake not far from his stepmother's grave.  Dismounting, he led the animal over to the crystal blue water.  Glancing over his shoulder to where Little Joe's mother lay in slumber, he wondered if she would curse him too.

Once his horse had drunk its fill, Adam led the tired animal up the slope and made camp.  After relieving the animal of the burden of its saddle, Adam built a small campfire.  Staring into the flames, Adam found that it gave him no warmth and wondered if he would ever feel warm again.

Adam held his hands out to the flames in a futile attempt to warm them.  He noticed absently that his hands were trembling and felt the sensation travel up his arms to engulf his entire body.  The full shock and horror of the day was finally catching up with him.  Raising his hands to his face, Adam covered his eyes trying to blot out the visage of his father as tears streamed down his own cheeks.

If only.  If only, I could undo today.  If only, I listened.  If only, I could tell him how sorry I am!  Please forgive me Pa.


                    *************


On a cliff overlooking the lake, Adam Cartwright watched the silent procession as it wound its' way down the dirt road.  It was truly an impressive sight; but then again, his father had been a very respected and well-liked man.

Adam had stayed by the lake.  He was certain that when the time came, Hoss and Joe would bury their father next to Marie.  Although he knew he wouldn't be welcome at the ceremony, he still wanted to be nearby to say his good-byes.

The oldest Cartwright son stood in respect to his father, head bowed, hat held in his hands and dressed in black.  His face was somber and distant.  He found he had no tears left to shed and felt quite hollow, almost dead inside as he gazed upon the faces of his distraught brothers.  He wanted desperately to go and join them, to console them and offer his support, but knew his presence was not welcome.  

Adam continued to view the scene below him as his father's body was lowered into the ground, in a grave just a few hours old.  He could barely make out the words that the minister spoke over his father's coffin.  He observed Hoss going to the fresh mound for a hand full of dirt before proceeding to throw it onto the polished mahogany coffin.  Adam's heart lurched as Little Joe stumbled when it was his turn to say good-bye.

Near the end of the gathering, Adam saw Hoss glance up in his direction.  He felt his heart stop when he saw the look of disdain upon the big man's face.  He knew then, it was time to go.  Hoss would take care of Little Joe as he always had.  Life would go on, without their father and without him.

Adam waited until all the mourners had departed before slowly descending the cliff to the new grave.  Walking up to the fresh mound of dirt, he absently grabbed a handful from what was left of the pile and let it trickle from his hand to land on the recently turned earth that now entombed his father.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, dirt to dirt."  Adam whispered as the dirt slowly descended. "Rest in Peace Pa."

Lowering his body to his knees, he bowed his head and silently began to pray.  He begged his father for forgiveness that he knew would not be forthcoming.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his father's tombstone.  In a moment of childish hope, he thought if he didn't read the inscription it wouldn't make it so.  Realizing that hoping and pretending the world away wouldn't alter reality, he glanced over to read the chiseled words.

"Here lies the body of
Benjamin Cartwright,
Beloved Husband and
Father of Hoss and Joe"

How fitting, Adam ruefully realized.  He was no longer Ben Cartwright's son.  He was; afterall, Ben Cartwright's executioner.

Bowing his head once more, Adam said one last final good-bye before standing.  Looking at the sun that was beginning to descend into the horizon, he placed his hat firmly upon his head.

Reaching his horse, Adam took the reins into his hand and pulled himself slowly into the saddle.  He fought the urge to look back at his father's grave and glanced briefly towards the direction of the Cartwright family home.  Turning his mount, he began his journey towards Virginia City and wherever the road would take him from there.


                *************


Adam Cartwright rode into the noisy sprawling mining town.  He thought the town seemed even more loud and boisterous then before, but dismissed the notion due to his current depressed mood.  Sport smartly danced and quickly sidestepped a miner that rolled into the dusty street after being flung through the doors of a nearby saloon.

Adam avoided eye contact with any of the townspeople who glanced in his direction.  His only intentions were to find a room at the hotel for the night, then a quick trip to the bank in the morning before leaving this part of the world behind.

Adam was so intent and deep in his thoughts, that he never noticed the approach of Sam Bryant's men. He was startled when hands roughly grabbed him and pulled him from his horse, throwing him to the hard ground.

He'd no sooner reached the ground when he found hands hauling him back to a standing position.  He struggled, but to no avail, trying in vain to gain release from the hands that held his arms firmly to his sides.

"Welcome to Virginia City boy.  Sure am surprised to see ya back in these parts."  Sam Bryant sneered, his malicious eyes twinkling and his breath smelling of cheap whiskey.

Adam glared at the rotund man before him.  He had nothing to say to the man who Adam felt liable in the kidnapping and hanging of his father.

"Whatsa matter boy?  Cat gotcha tongue?"  Sam Bryant reached out and slapped Adam softy on the cheek a couple of times while Adam continued to burn a hole through the despised man with his steely stare.

"Well, no matter.  Bring him along boys."  Bryant instructed his hired goons as he turned his back and headed down the roadway.

Adam found himself being escorted down the street towards the jail, and wondered what was in store for him there.  He noticed as the respectable townspeople gathered about the walks, watching while he was taken to the front of the jailhouse.

"Take him out back boys."  The mining strong arm ordered and the men holding Adam flung him towards the side yard.

Caught off guard, Adam fell to his knees in front of the scaffolding that had been used to hang Farmer Perkins.  With sudden dread, Adam threw a knowing glance towards the sound of laughter that rang overhead and the much-hated face of the source of that merriment.  

"All killers will be hanged."  Sam Bryant sobered momentarily, then mockingly stated.  Smirking he looked down upon the shocked face of Adam Cartwright.

"That's right Adam, it was your proclamation."

Adam's head flew around to the sound of the sheriff's voice.

"You killed your father, now you have to hang."

Adam's head turned back and he saw the town's doctor shaking his head in disgust in return.  He found his body being lifted from the ground once more and thrust in the direction of the steps to the gallows.  As chants of 'Hang the killer' filled his ears, he was forced up the stairs and partially carried over to the noose that hung down.

He wasn't sure when the rough rope was placed over his head or his arms secured to his sides.  His next awareness was of the sensation of strangling and being unable to do anything about it.

            
                *******************


"HOSS!  Help me hold him down!"  Ben ordered wrestling to keep Adam from thrashing about on the bed.

Hoss placed his large hands onto his older brother's upper arms in an attempt to restrain Adam's movements.

"Dear God, he's choking!"  Ben exclaimed.  Realizing that Adam's nightshirt and bedding were wrapped tightly around his first born son's neck, cutting off his oxygen supply.

Ben glanced up momentarily to see his youngest, with his hair tousled from sleep and staring in shock at the scene before him.

"Joseph, come here and help us."

"How?"  Joe squeaked watching his father and brother's futile attempts to hold his eldest brother still.

"I don't care.  Sit on him if you have to."  Ben thundered, becoming agitated with having to waste time instructing Little Joe on what to do.  

He turned his attention back to his struggling son.  Adam was not prone to nightmares, but when they came they were violent terrifying things.  Ben was somewhat surprised, but eternally grateful that Adam didn't have more of them, given the way he usually internalized his feelings.  

Ben suspected that something was horribly wrong today in the street, when he had approached his sons after Sam Bryant had set him free.  Though Hoss and Joe looked like children on Christmas morning, Adam looked slightly frightened.  Ben had also noticed the slight trembling of his eldest son when he put his arm around the older boy's shoulders.

Ben looked to Adam's red and puffy face when he heard his son take a large gasp of air.  Hoss had managed to rip the buttons off of his older brother's nightshirt and loosen the binding bedclothes from his brother's neck.

"Adam, Adam.  Wake up now, do ya hear me?"  Hoss ordered shaking his older brother firmly by his shoulders.

Adam opened his eyes slowly and scanned the faces that hovered over him.  Ben noticed that Adam's expression was like that of a frightened and trapped animal.  Adam closed his eyes once more.  He took a deep refreshing breath to try and calm his nerves.  Hearing his father whisper something to Hoss, he glanced up to see his brother depart his room.

"Joseph, leave us please."  Ben commanded over his shoulder to the young man sitting upon his brother, never looking into his youngest son's face.

Smiling, Little Joe jumped off of his brother's upper legs.  He swatted Adam once in the ribs with the back of his hand, before climbing down from the bed and departing the room.

Embarrassed and ashamed, yet quite relieved that his father was still alive, Adam looked away to the far wall.  He found it unbearable to meet his father's face.

"Adam, talk to me son."  Ben instructed gently, waiting for Adam to face him.

Strengthening his reserve and willing his body to stop trembling, Adam glanced up to the silver haired man before him.  Looking deeply into the older man's dark brown eyes, he found no reproach, no accusation, no hate, Adam found his breath catch in his throat, his father wasn't dead.  He had gambled and won, but somehow that knowledge brought him no relief.

"I'm sorry Pa."  Adam offered; he still needed his father's forgiveness for his conduct.  He could have easily been so wrong and this horrible nightmare his reality.

"There's nothing to be sorry for son, it was just a nightmare."  Ben tried to soothe Adam's unease.

Adam closed his eyes and shook his head in response.  He could tell his father didn't understand.  He needed his father to understand and accept his apology.  He needed forgiveness for what he had done.

"For what son, there is nothing to forgive."  Watching his son's actions, Ben was beginning to suspect he knew what Adam was referring to.  

On the ride home, Adam had ridden out to check the herd before joining his family at dinner.  During that time, Ben's younger sons had confessed their lack of support for their older brother during the ordeal.  Ben understood Hoss and Joe's hesitation, and was quite pleased with Adam's courage despite his brothers' objections.  In the long run, Adam had acted according to his wishes and Ben Cartwright was not disappointed by any of his sons.

"I gambled with your life."  Adam muttered as visions from his recent nightmare filled his mind.

"And you won."  Ben responded with a slight smile, thankful for once that he wasn't going to have to wait for days for Adam to finally talk this one through.

"I could have just as easily lost."  Adam angrily retorted.

"Yes, yes you could have."  Ben acknowledged with a slight nod of his head, and realized an uneasy silence suddenly envelope the room.  He was brought out of the deafening quiet by the return of his middle son.

"Pa, here ya go."  Hoss stated as he handed a glass to his father.  

Ben reached out and took the glass of clear liquid from his son and quietly thanked him.  With a slight shy smile, Hoss placed his big hand upon Adam's shoulder and gave a slight squeeze before leaving the room.

"Here son, drink this.  It will help your throat."  Ben patiently directed, handing the glass to his son.  He could tell by the sound of Adam's voice that his throat was probably hurting.

Obediently, Adam took the proffered glass and downed the contents, thankful for the liquid that helped to soothe his sore throat.  Once done, he handed the glass back to his father, he was fairly certain his father had Hoss put something into the fluid that would probably help him sleep.  Adam was brought out of his musings on what his drink had been laced by when he heard his father's deep voice once more.

"Adam, I can't say I know what you're going through right now.  Your brothers have told me what happened in town, and I know this couldn't have been easy for you.  But know this, you did exactly what I expected you to do."  Ben raised a hand to stop Adam's attempt to object, then continued.

"Regardless of whatever the outcome could have been - you made the right decision.  I have always and will always trust you implicitly with my life."

Heartened by his father's statement, Adam looked up into his father's dark eyes and found the unconditional love that he'd always found there.  Nodding, Adam accepted his father's words.

Ben patted Adam's thigh before rising from where he sat next to his son on the bed.  He could see Adam's eyes begin to droop.  He had just reached the door when he heard Adam call out to him, stopping he turned to face his son.

"Pa, I am sorry, please forgive me."  It was the one and only thing that Adam had wished for in his nightmare; that no matter what, he wanted and needed his father's forgiveness.

Smiling in understanding and over Adam's stubbornness on the issue, Ben looked intently into Adam's face and replied.

"I forgive you son."

Feeling groggy, Adam sank back into the bed finally grateful for sleep that overtook him.  Ben waited and watched from the doorway as Adam drifted off into a deep slumber.  His heart was filled with love and pride as he began to depart his son's room, turning back he offered one small prayer,

"Pleasant dreams."

The End


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