Eat Hardy, But Feed No Fool

By:  Tessa

 

Work on the Ponderosa was as usual.  The family had a good breakfast and then rode out onto the range to physically do the chores that made the ranch a success.  However, today was different.  Hop Sing was off on a trip for Ben that left the family relying on each other for their meals.  A week didn’t seem too long until the first day passed.  Hop Sing was always missed on the ranch, but when the family sat down at the table for the meal to be served, he was dreadfully missed.  In fact, the Cartwrights began to think it should be a crime when Hop Sing was not around to cook for them.

 

¯

 

“Joe, I don’t want to hear another word.”  Ben said, stopping the argument from Joe on this issue.  “It’s your turn to cook our dinner and you will fulfill your commitment to this family.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Joe answered.  He hung his head down in defeat.

 

“Joe, I did it yesterday.  I prefer someone cooking for me, but I think I did all right.  No one seemed to complain.  If I can do it, so can you,” Adam declared, a little triumph in his voice.

 

“It was good, Adam,” Hoss cheered.  “You did good with that bear steak.”

 

Joe gave his supportive brothers a sheepish smile.  But that didn’t mean they were going to be happy having him a part of the family when suppertime came.  He couldn’t wait until Friday.  The week would be over and they were planning a big meal in Virginia City.  Even that thought didn’t make him feel better.  He still had a problem.  He had to cook the family their meal for tonight.  And he had to do it all by himself.

 

Ben stood up and clapped his hands together.  “Let’s go boys.  Let’s go get those cattle where they belong.”

 

Ben slapped Joe on the back of his shoulder as he passed his son to head for the door.  Hoss and Adam were right behind him.  Joe just sat in his chair looking at the table.  Cooking wasn’t something men were supposed to do unless they were on the trail.  And that wasn’t really cooking.  At least most of the time, he’d warm up beans, eat jerky, or sometimes throw a caught fish into a pan.  Easy stuff.  But cooking for the family that will be as hungry as bears was another thing.  He took a deep breath and began to clean the table.

 

In the kitchen, Joe washed and put away the dishes.  Another chore that Hop Sing always took care of that Joe didn’t want to do.  But doing the dishes meant he could put planning supper off that much longer.  After all, who can concentrate on getting the dishes clean and think about supper at the same time? 

 

Joe was disappointed.  It only took thirty minutes to do the dishes and put them away.  Now, he had to plan for supper.  What in the world could he make? 

 

Joe leaned forward on the countertop and stared outside at the chickens still pecking at the grain that Hoss threw on the ground this morning. 

 

H,m, chicken’s,’ he thought.  ‘Fried chicken, baked chicken, just chicken!’  A big smile took the place of his down turned mouth.  But it didn’t last.  ‘No…I’d have to kill it, then pluck it, then take the guts out, and then prepare it for cooking.  No…too much work.’

 

Joe turned around where he was now leaning his behind against the same counter.  His thoughts continued. ‘Hey!  Fish.  Why not?  Sure I’d have to catch it and clean it, but that’s not as much work and I’d have to go fishing to get it.’ 

 

Joe sighed a deep breath as he headed for the door.  He had the answer and was pleased with himself.  Timber Lake was small, but it was close to the house and should have plenty of trout in it.

 

It only took Joe twenty minutes to retrieve his fishing gear and get to the lake.  He threw in his line and laid back against a tree to wait for his much anticipated meal.  Time passed and soon Joe fell asleep.

 

Joe jumped as he woke up.  He wondered how long he had been asleep.  He looked up at the sun and it was in the position that said it was approaching Noon.  Joe looked at his line and there was nothing tugging on it.  He pulled his line in and found the hook and bait weren’t disturbed.  He threw his line in again and sat next to the edge of the water and waited.  He waited and waited.  Another half hour passed and nothing tried for his bait.  Even the surface of the water was still.  Joe just couldn’t imagine why a fish hadn’t tried for his line. 

 

‘Conspiracy.  That’s what it was.  Conspiracy,’ Joe thought.  The fish knew he had a dilemma and was probably all gathered under the surface of the water laughing at him.  Puzzled at the entire matter, Joe stood up and walked over to Cochise who seemed to be unbothered by the entire event.  His oats would be in the barn, as usual.

 

“Well, Cochise.  This was a great idea that just didn’t work.  You didn’t by chance come here yesterday and eat all the fish from the lake?” Joe teased.  Cochise sniffed and shook his head as if he was responding to Joe. 

 

Joe returned home and put Cochise in the corral so he could get a little exercise in.  After all, Joe planned on being in the house for the rest of the day.

 

Joe sipped on some coffee as he sat in his father leather chair.  He looked up at the grandfather clock that was ticking away his precious time.  To fix something decent for dinner, he would need time.  What was he going to do?  His father wouldn’t be too bad if supper wasn’t as adequate as he would like, but his brothers.  And when Adam is tired and hungry, he can be worst than Hoss.  Joe rubbed his chin.  He had a real dilemma.

 

Then Joe came alive.  His eyes widened and sparkled.  An idea came to him that he hoped would work out.  It was cheating a little, but the family was expecting supper.  Period.  He jumped up as he knew just want to do.

 

Cochise was content in the corral.  But when he heard fast footsteps coming at him, his head came up from the trough and looked.  As if Cochise could think, he looked at Joe as if he was about to say, ‘uh-oh!’  Cochise knew his human and when his human wanted to get somewhere fast, it usually meant a lot of running for him.

 

Joe grabbed the saddle blanket and saddle.  He jumped on Cochise and both road off as fast as they could.  He was gone from the house for about three hours, but returned happy.  His idea was the best he could come up with.

 

Ben, Hoss, and Adam returned home just before the descending sun darkened the sky.  They were all dirty and hungry.  As they walked into the door, they found Joe sitting in Ben‘s chair reading a book.  He looked at them.

 

“Have a good day?” Joe asked in a relaxed voice. 

 

Ben was first into the room and answered.  “Yeah, I’d say we had a pretty good day.  At least, we found the thirty head of cattle we couldn’t find the other day.” 

 

Joe stood up to face his family.  “Well, I guess you will all clean up before coming to the table.  I’ll get supper while you three get ready.”

 

Ben, Hoss, and Adam all looked at Joe puzzled.  Joe’s entire demeanor was completely different than this morning.  But they were hungry and supper was ready. 

 

As Joe disappeared the great room, Hoss commented in a low voice.  “Sure smells good in here, Pa.  You think Joe was able to cook something?”

 

Ben answered, “I don’t know, son.  I have to admit that it does smell delicious.”  Ben turned to Hoss and Adam.  “I don’t care what it tastes like or what it is.  You boys be grateful to your brother for your supper.”

 

“Sure, Pa.  I’m so hungry I don’t think I care if I eat a boiled shoe,” Hoss proclaimed.

 

Adam had the perfect answer.  “Well, if it’s not good and we don’t want to eat much of it, then we can always meet in the kitchen when Joe’s asleep and have something tonight.”

 

“Good thinking, Adam,” Ben agreed.

 

The three went upstairs and when they arrived in the dining room, their looks showed surprise.  Joe stood at Ben’s end of the table wearing an apron that he dirtied up on purpose for the occasion.

“Gentlemen, if you would take your places at the table.  Supper is served,” Joe grinned, all his front teeth showing.

 

As the three sat down, they gazed over the steaming, hot food that sat on the table.  There were two juicy looking baked chickens, green beans, corn on the cob, hot biscuits, and mashed potatoes and gravy.  Enough food for more than one helping each.  The three looked amazed.

 

Hoss spoke up, “Boy, Joe, you sure went all out.  I thought you couldn’t cook?”

 

“Well, I got to thinking about what Pa said this morning about my commitment to the family and doing my part.  I figure this was the only time I’d be doing supper, so I wanted all of you to get my best efforts.”

 

“Ha! Ha!”  Hoss couldn’t help but laugh.  It was real food and he was eating it and it was good.  But Joe cooking even had him confused.  Just wasn’t making sense.

 

Joe looked over at Adam who suddenly froze after he put the spoon into the mashed potatoes to serve himself.  Joe got a little nervous.  He figure his father and Hoss were just so hungry they wouldn’t care.  They would just eat and that would be it.  But that logical-minded brother of his was capable of upseting the cart.

 

“Joe,” Adam began to question.  “I’m very grateful for a wonderful dinner, but…uh…you seem to have talents undiscovered by this family.”

 

Ben jumped in and looked directly at Adam, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Adam.  Just eat your dinner.”

 

Adam kept his mouth shut and continued his meal.  No matter what the real answer was, he knew Joe wouldn’t rob a restaurant or do something that would cause Roy to show up.

 

After that exchange, the men just ate.  Towards the end of the meal, the bowls and the platter were almost empty.  The men talked briefly about the cattle, but the subject of food seemed to go away. 

 

A knock was heard at the door.  Adam was the closest to the door, so he got up to see who their visit was at this hour.

 

Ben, Hoss, and Joe stayed seated, but looked in the direction of the door.  They could hear Adam’s voice and then a pause as if someone was answering him in a low voice where they couldn’t hear it.   

 

Normally, Adam would allow their guests to enter the house and go to the dining room first.  But this time was different, as he wanted to announce their guest. 

Adam stopped at the corner of the great room and dining room and leaned against it.  He had his arms crossed over his chest and a sarcastic smirk was on his face.  He looked right at Joe.

 

“Joe.  You have a visitor.  Seems like you forgot something.”

 

Ben and Hoss looked at Joe and then back at Adam.

 

Joe answered, “Forgot what?”

 

At this time, Mrs. Thackery came around Adam’s right side.  She had a big apple pie in her hands.  “Joe, I couldn’t catch you in time.  When you left my house, you were in such a hurry.”  Mrs. Thackery continued to the table and set the apple pie down near Hoss.  “You forgot your pie, dear.  I couldn’t get it here any earlier, but I wanted you to have your pie.”

 

Hoss put his chin down onto his chest as he began to chuckle.  ‘No wonder this was so good.” He thought.

 

Ben’s eyebrows rose as he watched Mrs. Thackery look at him.  She asked, “Ben, did you enjoy the chicken?  I cooked it a little different than I normally do, but it’s a recipe given to me by the Alma Carter.”

 

“Oh, Mrs. Thackery, it was absolutely delicious.  And I want to thank you for helping my son out with the food.”

 

Joe said nothing, but his face was beet red.  He wound up being the only fish hooked that day.  

 

Mrs. Thackery blushed a little.  “Oh, it was no trouble Ben.  When Joe offered to pay me for cooking, I just couldn’t resist.  I will use the money to make my daughter a new dress that she really needs.”

 

“Well, I’m glad it all worked out in all of our favor.”  Ben beamed to see her pleased, but was still in a state of surprise.            

                            

“Well, I have to go.  It sure looks like you enjoy it.”  Mrs. Thackery turned and headed for the front door.  Adam graciously saw her to her carriage and then returned to the table.

 

Everyone was quiet for a moment.  Joe was speechless.  Then Ben started to laugh causing the boys to join in with him.

 

Joe finally offered a comment.  “Well, Pa.  It was my turn to get supper.  Was it necessary that I had to cook it?  I mean, I did have to warm it up a little.”

 

“No, son.  We only took turns so one didn’t have the burden of the chore to himself.”

 

Adam was in his chair scooping out the first piece of pie.  “Joe.  You did a good job and I’m grateful.  But I think next time you could tell us.”

 

“Are you kiddin’, Adam, and miss the expressions I got from all of you?”  Joe responded.

 

Hardy male laughter was heard again in the Cartwright house.

 

THE END

 

 

RETURN TO LIBRARY