Barb L.

belauger@msn.com

 

Author’s Note: This is an Adam story, although the other Cartwrights are also present.  This is an NC-17 romance and contains some explicit sex language and scenes similar to what you might find in one of today’s romance novels, so be forewarned!  This story as well as my two other “Destiny” stories (one about Hoss and one about Joe) assume that the three Cartwright brothers find love, that the female leads don’t die as they did in most of the TV episodes, and they go on to lead happy lives.  All of the characters are based on those created by David Dortort for the Bonanza TV series.  Only Mary Lynn Nolan, Vance Nolan, and the children are my own creations.  Enjoy!

 

BLIZZARD OF DESTINY

Part I

Freezing rain and giant flakes of snow riding on a strong wind pelted the man riding through the densely wooded area.  He had known this early spring storm was coming, but he had been anxious to reach home following his successful three-day business trip, so he had pushed his horse forward, betting against the odds.  It was now almost dark and he knew he was in trouble.  Lapses in good judgment were unusual for him, and he silently cursed himself for getting into this mess.  The storm was rapidly worsening and very soon he would be lost in the dark, in blinding blizzard conditions.

 

He needed to find some shelter quickly, because it was becoming obvious that he’d have to hunker down somewhere for the night.  If he pressed on, he would surely lose his way and could easily freeze to death out in the storm.  He had been riding for hours, ever since the smallest snowflakes had begun to float to the ground, and long before the wind picked up to the gusts that now slammed against him. He had turned up the collar of his coat, pulled on heavy leather gloves and pulled the brim of his black hat down low on his forehead.  That had helped some, but enough time had passed that he was now pretty much wet through and through, and he was aware that ice was forming on his hat and coat.

 

He was contemplating the idea of stopping to build himself a shelter for the night, using from pine boughs and branches, when he realized he was probably somewhere in the vicinity of the Nolan Mountain line shack.  “Whoa, boy,” he spoke softly to his horse, patting his neck.  The large brown horse stopped, but kept snorting and throwing his head.  The weather was agitating him, and he was wet too.  The man looked around to get his bearings.  The mountain was on the north edge of his family’s ranch and the shack had to be only a couple of miles directly ahead, close to the property border, as many of the line shacks were.  He spurred the horse on, knowing that darkness and the thick, blowing snow were going to be his worst enemies in locating the shelter.

 

As the snow accumulated on the ground, travel was slow for the man and his horse.  It was now completely dark and he knew he had traveled far enough to be close to the line shack.  Although he could no longer see it, he knew he was in white-out conditions, which would make locating the shack almost impossible.  It consisted of a cabin and a small stable, but they wouldn’t be occupied by any of the hands at this time of year so there was no use in looking for any kind of light to guide him.  He knew that his best hope was to get lucky and ride smack into the building, and he also knew that hope was slim.  He got down from his horse and began to lead the animal, moving slowly, eyes darting in every direction, trying to get a glimpse of a structure.

 

At least a foot of snow stood on the ground now, and moving through it was difficult.  It didn’t take long for the wet to penetrate his thick leather boots, and his heavy corded pants were a lost cause; they had been soaked hours ago.  He could even feel that his shirt was wet through his coat, and he was more than cold.  Reminding himself not to panic and to keep thinking clearly, he sent up a quick prayer for help.  In return he only heard the wind roaring through the trees.  He kept moving, resorting to murmuring to the horse in a low, reassuring voice. He knew perfectly well he was trying to reassure himself as much as the horse.

 

Then without warning, he glimpsed a light a short distance ahead of him.  Good Lord, it couldn’t be.  There would be no light out here now.  He must be so chilled he was beginning to see things.  However, the light remained steady, and it was closer than he thought it was.  When he came up face to face with the flat wall of the shack he dropped his head to his chest.  There was such a thing as a guardian angel, and his had directed him here!  Keeping his hand on the wall he moved toward the stable, whose location he knew from the lighted window.  Someone else had also taken refuge in the line shack, and thank goodness that person or persons had already lit a fire.

 

As he pushed open the stable door he realized he was breathing heavily.  The hours out in the inclement weather had definitely taken a toll on him and he was winded.  In the dark he knew another horse was present.  Knowing his way around a stable from an early age, he quickly unsaddled his horse, rubbed him down, found a blanket to throw over him, and fed him some oats found in a nearby wooden trough.  Leaving the stable, he secured the door behind him and headed toward the lighted window which was dimming in the onslaught of snow.  After the relative sanctuary of the stable, the wind-slashed snow felt like needles against his face.  The few steps to the shack felt like miles.  With shaking hands he found the door, and threw it open, eyes moving directly to the fire in the hearth.  He had made it.  Fortune had smiled on him, and Adam Cartwright would now likely survive this deadly blizzard.

 

 

The young woman stoking the fire started violently when the cabin door flew open against the wall.  Her immediate thought was that the storm had worsened and the wind had forced the door open, but that thought was quickly replaced when she turned to see the man standing mutely in the doorway.  Normally she would have been frightened by the sight of him, but it was probably the storm that made her curious instead.  Strange weather did strange things to people.  He just stood in the doorway, not moving, leather saddlebags hanging over one shoulder.  That he was in a bad way was clear.  His clothing was plastered to his body, but covered with ice and snow.  His face was reddened raw from the weather.  His dark eyes were narrowed as they stared at the fire, as if trying to figure it out, and his mouth hung slightly open.  He was shaking fiercely.  When he still didn’t move after a few more seconds, she started again, feeling the bitter wind and drifting snow blow in through the open door.  She moved quickly toward him, grabbing one arm to pull him into the small, one-room cabin while shutting and latching the door at the same time.  Not sure how much longer he would remain on his feet, she grabbed a wooden chair from a rough wooden table in the middle of the room and shoved it near the fireplace.  She took him by the arm again and pushed him into the chair.  As he sat down, thin slices of ice broke off his coat and pants, falling in shards around him.  She took off his hat and started unbuttoning his coat.

 

“Good heavens, Mister, long how have you been out there?” she muttered as she worked quickly, pulling off his coat and throwing it onto the table.  When he didn’t respond, she stopped to look at his face.  Still staring at the fire, he seemed to be in shock.  His lips looked slightly blue.  He didn’t react when she pulled off his boots and started on his shirt and pants, all cold and wet, including a gun belt.  Shortly she had piles of wet clothing all over the floor and she was down to his long-johns, which were also wet.  She unbuttoned the first two buttons at his neck and reached inside to lay the palm of her hand against his chest.  It was cold.  Too cold for a human being whose body core was supposed to be warm.  A shock of realism hit her when she suddenly understood that she may be dealing with a life and death situation.  She had no idea how long he had been out in the storm, cold and wet, but it was clear that his body temperature had dropped.  She unbuttoned the sodden underwear to his waist and stripped it off him. His skin was very pale against heavy black chest hair.  Quickly she yanked a blanket off the bed in the corner of the room and wrapped it around his shoulders.  It was the first warm, dry piece of cloth that had touched his skin in more than six hours.

 

Thinking and moving at a furious pace, she dragged the rumpled mattress off the bed and pulled it as close to the fireplace as she dared.  Hanging over the end of the rustic bed frame were two heavy old buffalo robes which she lugged over to the mattress.  One she spread over the mattress itself and then she turned back to the man.  “Mister, can you stand up?”  For the first time, he turned his head and looked up at her with a blank expression.  But he stood up, teeth chattering.  Without thinking about what she was doing, the young woman unbuttoned and removed the rest of his long-johns, kicked them aside, and guided him over to the bed by the fire.  He sank onto it, with a rush of air escaping his lungs as he did so.  He closed his eyes as she covered him with the remaining buffalo robe.  A few seconds later she tucked a pillow under his head.  His black hair was wet and blown every which way, and she smoothed it back where it was plastered across his forehead.

 

Hanging over the fire was a pot of water she had been warming to make herself a cup of tea before she went to bed.  Ignoring the tea, she filled a tin cup with some of the water, testing to make sure it wasn’t too hot.  She took it over to him, finding that he had curled up and now lay on his side, still shaking.  She was determined to get something warm down him; anything to help raise his body temperature.  She leaned over him and pulled gently on his shoulder, trying to get him on his back.  She eased an arm under his neck and raised his head slightly.  “Drink this, Mister.  It’s warm and it’ll help you.”  The first few drops dribbled down his chin, but when he realized what it was, his hand came up to grasp the side of the cup and he guzzled the water down completely.  So he was thirsty, too.  She realized he had been outside longer than she had originally thought.  Well, at least something warm had gotten down him.  She helped make him comfortable again and tucked the buffalo robe tightly around him.

 

Shaken, she sat down on the wooden chair he had earlier occupied.  She didn’t know much about anatomy or medicine, but she was pretty sure he was suffering from a dangerously low body temperature, and she knew that condition could be fatal.  For the moment she had done everything she could for him, but she was still worried.  Glancing over at him, he appeared to be sleeping, but it was hard to tell because he still shook from the cold. She looked down at herself and smiled grimly.  She was a sight too, wearing her coat over a long flannel nightgown and boots on her feet.  She had been on her way home to the top of Nolan Mountain, following a visit to a friend, when the storm caught her by surprise much earlier in the afternoon.  Having only lived in the area for two years with her grandfather, she wasn’t thoroughly familiar with all of the terrain, so she had stumbled on this empty line shack by accident when the snow began to fall heavily.  Finding it stocked with wood and some food supplies, she decided to wait out the storm here.  It had taken her a while to get her horse, April, settled in the stable, and to build the fire inside…but what would have happened to this near-frozen man if he hadn’t found the cabin, or even if he had been forced to take the time to start a fire himself in his wet and frozen clothing, with every passing moment dropping his temperature?

 

Shuddering, she rose and picked up the wet clothing, spreading it over chairs, table and bed frame so that it could eventually dry in this drafty, chilly shelter.  She walked over to the window.  Trying to peer out she saw very little, but the depth of snow on the outside window sill and the howl of the wind told her the blizzard was not abating.  She put one more log on the fire to keep it going through most of the night and then blew out the lantern on the table.  It was then she realized that there was no place for her to sleep except on the mattress with her cold, exhausted patient.  The bed in the corner was useless without its mattress.  She didn’t debate the issue for long, however, because the line shack was very cold, as the bitter wind forced itself through every crack and board.  In fact, combining body heat was probably the most sensible thing two people could do under the circumstances.  It was a matter of survival, especially for this man.

 

Having found a quilt near the bed, she added this atop the buffalo robe.  Then she took off her coat and boots and slid under the covers next to this man she did not know.  Now sleeping on his back, his breathing was shallow.  She moved aside the blanket she had earlier wrapped around his shoulders to once again lay her hand on his chest.  Not warm enough.  She moved it down to his stomach.  Same there, and his forehead was tepid although his red cheeks were hot.  He wasn’t shaking as badly, but there were tremors that ran through his body now and then and he shivered occasionally.  Resolutely, the young woman bundled up her coat to use as a pillow and placed it close to the man.  Then she put her arm around him, bringing herself as close to him as she could.  Finally she brought one leg up and slung it across his legs.  That was it.  She couldn’t think of anything more she could do to warm him up.  Feeling anything but relaxed, she closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep.

 

 

Adam awoke to the smell of brewing coffee.  He didn’t move immediately but just lay still, trying to gauge his surroundings.  He remembered the nightmare of being lost in the blizzard the day before, and he definitely knew now what it felt like to freeze to death.  At the present time, however, he wasn’t freezing.  He was, in fact, warm, even though he could still hear the blasted sound of the raging storm outside.  He furrowed his brow, vaguely remembering that he had found what he thought was the line shack he had been searching for.  He remembered stabling his horse, Sport, but couldn’t remember anything beyond that.  He shifted his body slightly under the covers and realized in an instant that he wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing.  Feeling the heat coming from the nearby hearth, he turned his head in that direction and saw a woman kneeling there, preparing the coffee.  He could only see her back, but she had long, straight blond hair that fell down her back over the coat she was wearing.

 

“Water?” he said, only it came out as a whisper and he had to clear his throat before that much was even audible.

 

“Oh! You’re awake!” the woman turned and jumped to her feet, with wide blue eyes and both hands clapped over her mouth.  She was very young, maybe only 20.  “Of course you want water.  Hold on here one second while I get it.”

 

He could hear water being poured and shortly she was kneeling at his side with a cup.  He leaned up on one elbow and took the cup with his other hand.  Taking a sip of nearly hot water, he made a face.  He was thirsty; he wanted cold water.  But she was shaking her head at him.  “Drink that down.  I’m still afraid to give you anything cold.”  So he slowly did as she instructed and handed the cup back.  As he did so, he realized the effort that simple act had cost him, and he lay back down again, looking up at her steadily.

 

Without warning she put both hands on either side of his face, pausing silently.  Then she felt his forehead and moved her hands down to feel his upper arms, and then his chest.

 

“Oh, thank goodness you feel warmer!  I wasn’t sure if you were going to live or die.  When you appeared last night, you were nearly frozen, and it was all I could do just to get you to stop shaking.  Your lips were blue and your teeth were chattering.  I made you this bed by the fireplace and I gave you some warm water, and then I practically slept on top of you just to...” she stopped abruptly and turned bright red, looking away from him.

 

“…keep me warm,” he finished for her, a slight smile curving his lips.

 

“That’s right!  I had to!  People can die if their bodies get too cold.  I can tell you, though, I didn’t sleep much at all with all the worrying about you.”  She paused to draw in a deep breath and then resumed.  “How are you feeling now?  Can you move your fingers and toes?  Is there any feeling in them? Are they tingling?  We should check to make sure they aren’t turning black, because that’s a sign of frostbite, which is very dangerous.”

 

He moved his hands out from under the bedcovers and held them up, flexing his fingers.  She grabbed each hand and inspected it.  They were pink.  She let out a breath.

 

“My feet tingle a little, but I have feeling in my toes,” he reported.

 

She dove to the far end of the mattress and pulled the covers up to look at his feet.  His toes looked a bit purple to her, but they weren’t black by any means, and he was moving them.  “I think you’re OK,” she said with relief, tucking the covers back where they belonged.

 

She sat back on her heels and looked at him.  He was really a handsome man, she thought, with that black wavy hair, dark eyes and beautifully curved lips.  She remembered, too, somewhere in the back of her mind, that when she undressed him last night he was all sinew and muscle.  He was, of course, quite a bit older that she.  Embarrassed again, she remembered the coffee.  She moved to the fireplace and poured two cups, kneeling back down carefully next to him and waiting until he could position himself to take the cup she held forth.  It would be hot, and hot was good for him right now.

 

“Who are you, and how did you get into the condition you were in last night?” she queried, taking a sip of hot, strong coffee.

 

“Cartwright.  Adam Cartwright.  I was trying to reach home before dark.  It was a long shot, and I lost.  If it weren’t for the fact that I stumbled on this line shack, I’d probably be frozen dead somewhere out there now.  If you didn’t have a lantern and a fire burning, I would never have found it,” he was very matter-of-fact.

 

“Where’s home?”  She watched him over the rim of her cup.

 

“A ranch outside of Virginia City, just a ways beyond the bottom of the mountain.”

 

“Virginia City’s not that far away.  You almost made it.  Almost.”

 

“Yes, almost.  And thank you,” this last was spoken very quietly.

 

“Thank you?” She tilted her head, puzzled.

 

“Yes, for saving my life.  You did, you know.  I wouldn’t have made it if you hadn’t done everything you did for me last night…including taking away every last stitch of clothing I had on,” one side of his mouth tilted up slightly as he eyed her directly.

 

She knew she was red again, and she hated herself for it.  “Well I had to! You were soaked through and there was even ice on your coat!  You didn’t think I would try to warm you up while you were all wet, did you?”

 

“Not at all.  You behaved appropriately, and I am deeply grateful.  Now may I ask what your name is, my dear heroine?”

 

She paused momentarily to see if he was making fun of her.  His face, with its heavy black whisker stubble, was solemn.  “I’m Mary Lynn Nolan.  I live with my grandfather on the top of the mountain.”

 

Adam frowned.  “Vance Nolan?  My father knows him.  We don’t see him very often; I didn’t know he had a family.”

 

“My father was his son.  My parents died two years ago, so I came to live with Grandpa.”

 

“I’m sorry about your parents.  Why haven’t I heard about you before if you’ve been here for two years?”

 

“I don’t know.  I could ask you the same question.”

 

“Well, we must not travel in the same circles,” he said mildly.

 

“What circles?” she practically snorted.  “Grandpa hardly ever comes down from the mountain, and I only have one friend here, and it’s her house I was returning from when the storm caught me yesterday.  I didn’t even know about this cabin, but I decided to stay here when I saw it because I know that traveling up the mountain on horseback in the snow can be treacherous.”

 

“You made a good decision in more ways than one,” and then he chuckled.  “And you’re probably right about our ‘circles.’  Vance Nolan is known in these parts as a bit of a recluse, and a grump at that.”

 

“He is,” she agreed, “but he’s been good to me.  In fact, he’s probably worried sick about me right now.  Isn’t your family worried about you, too?”

 

“Probably not too worried.  They know I would turn back or find shelter somewhere.  I’ve lived in this area for many years.  I know the terrain…and fortunately where we built all the line shacks.”

 

“Well, then, you have a very understanding wife…and you mean this cabin belongs to your family?  I’m sorry I just took it over, then.  I didn’t know,” she was embarrassed again.

 

“You did the right thing to stop here.  It probably saved your life too.  And there’s no wife; just a father and two brothers and our ranch.”

 

There was an ensuing silence during which Adam drained his coffee cup and then started to sit up.  “I’ve got to check on my horse.  I may not have taken the best care of him last night.”

 

Mary Lynn hopped to her feet immediately.  “I’ve already done that, Mr. Cartwright, and at least for today you’re not leaving that bed.  After your misadventure last night, a day’s rest can’t hurt you one bit.  Besides, it’s so cold in here your clothes haven’t dried yet.  Lie back down,” she pushed against his shoulder.

 

“Look, Miss Nolan,” he started.

 

“Mary Lynn.”

 

“Mary Lynn, I really think…”

 

“…that you need something to eat.  Stay put.  You don’t have anything to wear anyway, Mr. Cartwright.  I’m going to see what I can find for us to eat.”

 

“Adam,” he said, knowing he was losing this argument.  Tiredness overtook him again and he dozed off almost before his eyes closed.

 

 

Adam slept on and off for most of that day.  Mary Lynn made cornbread along with salted ham and dried applies, which they ate for breakfast and again for supper.  She found that Adam was inordinately thirsty from his ordeal and she finally let him drink unheated water.  He never developed a fever, which she had been halfway expecting, and she was grateful she didn’t have to nurse him through the unknowns that could bring to this situation.  His clothes were drying slowly, mostly because the cabin wasn’t very warm at all, except close to the fire.  Those things closest to the hearth dried faster and the rest seemed to stay damp for a very long time.  His coat, the heaviest and wettest of what he had worn, looked as though it may never be dry again, so it was eventually moved close to the fireplace, hung over a chair back.  As daylight was beginning to fade, Mary Lynn prepared to go out to the stable again to check on the animals, even though snow was drifting and blowing everywhere the eye could see.

 

“You strung a rope between the cabin and the stable, didn’t you?” Adam asked as he watched her button up her coat.

 

“No, why?”

 

Alarmed, he felt a sudden rush of anger.  “The minute you take two steps out that door, you can’t see a thing!  You could start walking in the wrong direction, and walk until you freeze to death!  Blizzards are famous for killing people that way.  You have to string a rope so you can hold onto it, knowing that it will lead you straight to the stable and back.  I’ll see to the horses myself,” he was sitting up now and grabbed his now dry shirt, beginning to button it down the front.

 

Mary Lynn felt stupid as she realized the logic of what he said, but she felt a rising anger as well.  “Well what’s to keep you from wandering off away from the stable?  If no rope is a problem for me, it’s a problem for you, too!”

 

“Turn around,” he commanded as he stood up suddenly and wrapped the blanket he’d used earlier around his waist.  He stepped off the mattress and took two steps toward his pants when the room began to spin and he walked straight into the table.  Muttering an oath, he put one hand on the table to steady himself, and the other hand over his eyes, letting the blanket fall to the floor.  Mary Lynn spun around when she heard him hit the table and gasped to see him leaning heavily over it.  She was also seeing a man naked from the waist down for the first time in her life as she hurried toward him, admitting to herself that it was an impressive sight.  She grabbed the blanket and quickly put it back around his waist while she grabbed one of the wooden chair rungs with her foot and dragged the chair over.  Soon he was sitting, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

 

“Adam, you scared me.  Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

He shook his head.  “I’m fine.  I just stood up too fast after being in bed all day.”  He sat back in the chair and raised his head, looking around him as if to make sure the room had stopped moving. 

 

“Look, that settles it.  You can’t go out to the stable today.  I have to do it,” Mary Lynn pointed out.

 

“You still need the rope,” he said wearily, rubbing his eyes.  “Without it you’ll face the same odds I faced last night, and I’m only here now by the grace of God.”

 

“Fine, we’ll string a rope, but we’ll have to work together and you’re staying inside, agreed?”

 

Adam nodded and gestured for his pants.  She handed them to him along with his boots and socks, both of which were still damp.  Then she obediently turned around while he dressed, mostly sitting as he did so.  A suitable rope was found in a wooden chest against the wall.  Adam tied one end securely around Mary Lynn’s waist, and they walked together to the cabin door, moving slowly to make sure his dizziness didn’t return.  Mary Lynn had dragged the chair with her and made him sit on it by the door.  He tied the other end of the rope to the outside door latch, hunching over against the wicked wind that whipped in the moment the door was cracked open.  When he was finished he looked up at her.

 

“Okay, head out to your left.  The stable isn’t more than 50 paces from here.  When you get there, untie the rope from your waist, pull it mostly tight and tie it to the outside latch of the stable door.  If you go more than 50 paces and haven’t reached the barn, you may be off course.  If that happens, just pull on the rope and follow it back here.  Either way you’ll be safe.  When you get to the barn, call out to me.  I may be able to hear you over the wind.  I’ll stay right here,” he couldn’t think of anything else to tell her.  The rope would guide her back one way or another.

 

She nodded and stepped outside.  In a second or two he could no longer see her, but he felt the slack rope moving through his hands.  She had tucked her flannel nightgown into a split riding skirt, buttoned up her coat and tied a scarf over her head.  She had on some knitted gloves that he considered only slightly better than nothing.  He was counting off paces to himself, but he had no idea how deep the snow had become or how long it would take her to move through it.  Time passed in an agony of slowness until the rope stopped moving.  He sat up straight and strained to listen.

 

“Adam!”  It was a shout.

 

“Mary Lynn!” Shout returned.

 

“Found the barn!”

 

At that announcement, Adam let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, and shouted back, “Good girl!”  He stayed at the cabin door, keeping it cracked open until he could feel her pulling on the rope, making her way back.  When the cabin door pushed open, she stood in front of him covered with snow from head to foot.  He pulled her inside the same way she had done for him the night before, and started removing her scarf and coat.  She was gasping from the cold and the strength of the wind.

 

“The drifts reached my hips.  My boots are full of snow and there’s snow all the way up my skirt!  The snow feels like pin pricks.  I don’t know how long this can last, but you were right about the rope.  And to think I went to feed the animals alone this morning!”  She was sucking in air in between every few words.

 

Adam stood and latched the cabin door.  He wasn’t dizzy, so he let her sit while she removed her boots and dumped snow out of them.  When she started slaking snow from the inside of her riding skirt, he discreetly moved toward the hearth.  He put more wood on the fire and this time he fixed her a cup of tea.

 

“Do you have a change of clothes?” he asked her, seeing that the bottom of her nightgown was damp from the snow that had wet her skirt.

 

She nodded and twirled her finger at him, which he correctly interpreted as an instruction to turn his back to her.  He did so as she took a small satchel from the corner.  He could hear her rustling inside it and waited patiently.  Listening to the sounds of the fire, he was beginning to relax and so was startled to hear something slam loudly against the cabin’s only window.  Mary Lynn yelped in surprise, and he spun around, heading directly toward the window.  She had frozen momentarily at the noise and as he passed her his gaze caught her in the act of pulling a fresh nightgown over her head.  He also caught a close-up view of her full, pink-tipped breasts, barely disguised under a gauzy camisole, and he was surprised at the jolt that sight gave him.  Without pausing he moved quickly to the window.  There was nothing to be seen since full darkness had now settled in.  The window, at least, was fully intact.  He moved to the door and opened it in a futile attempt to see much of anything at all except snowflakes swirling immediately in front of his face.

 

When he turned back, Mary Lynn was fully covered again and looking at him questioningly.  He shrugged his shoulders.  “I don’t know what that was, but we’re extremely fortunate that the window didn’t break.  If it had, we would have had to move into the fireplace to keep warm, it would be so cold in here.  That noise could have been a bird or a limb torn loose by the wind, even a large pine cone, but I couldn’t see anything at all out there.”

 

“Do you think someone is out there?” she seemed tentative and concerned.

 

“If there is someone out there, we’ll know soon enough, but I don’t see how anyone could have survived in this storm for this amount of time.”  Nevertheless, Adam had taken his holster and set it near the bed.  He held her tea out to her and they both settled into the bed, not only for the evening, but mostly for the warmth.  This time Mary Lynn was shivering from her excursion to the stable.  As soon as the tea was gone, Adam pulled the quilt and the buffalo robe securely over them, and then he pulled Mary Lynn close to him, her head on his shoulder.  He could feel her snow damp hair through his shirt.

 

“We’re going to have to get used to sleeping this way to get through this storm with any degree of comfort,” he was addressing the ceiling.  “It’s a little awkward, but it conserves heat.”

 

“I agree, so we’ll just both have to do the best we can.”  There was a long silence.  “Adam, how old are you?”

 

“Thirty.  Old enough to be your big brother, I bet.”

 

“I’m twenty-one.”  More silence.  One last time she reached up her hand to feel his face and forehead.  “Normal,” she sighed, except of course, for the black stubble of his beard.

 

He took her hand and placed it on his chest.  “Good?” he asked in the dark.  She could feel the warmth through the fabric of his shirt.  “Good,” she answered.  Time passed and sooner or later they both slept while the wind whirled outside.

 

 

With dark blue light appearing through the window, Mary Lynn opened her eyes.  It was early morning, and she had slept soundly, to her surprise.  She was comfortably warm, and realized that her back was right up against Adam’s front, spoon style.  From his breathing, she could tell that he was asleep.  It was true; shared body heat did help a person stay warm.  She didn’t need to rise yet, so she simply lay still, enjoying the comfort.  She could still hear the wind, but it didn’t seem as strong as it had been the previous day.  Shifting slightly, she became aware that Adam’s arm was around her, holding her to him, and his hand was almost underneath her, fully cupping one breast.  She didn’t know what to make of the situation.  He wasn’t holding her tightly; he was relaxed in his sleep.  Was this just a simple accident?  She relived briefly in her mind all the unconventional things that had occurred in the past 36 hours or so.  Never had she experienced a blizzard like this, being stranded the way she was, or a man like Adam Cartwright.  Truth be told, she had minimal experience with men at all.  She had certainly had her share of boyfriends growing up, and she had been thoroughly kissed, but nothing had ever been truly serious.  Since arriving in Nevada Territory to live with her grandfather, she had barely met any men at all, much less had a relationship with one.

 

Becoming uncomfortable with the situation, she turned carefully onto her back.  This caused Adam to shift as well, and he moved onto his back, the hand in question now resting on his stomach as he slept.  Mary Lynn felt relieved, but she could very much still feel where his hand had been.  She also felt a curious excitement.  Why?  She barely knew this man, and all their interactions so far had been incidental to staying alive.  Pondering the situation, she closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.

 

She woke again a couple of hours later, to the feeling that she was being watched.  Opening her eyes she discovered that her senses were indeed accurate.  Adam was awake, reclining on one elbow, his head resting in his hand, and he was watching her intently.  He had actually been watching her for some time now, really looking at her perhaps for the first time.  As urbane as he considered himself to be (and in fact was) he found her quite lovely.  Her long straight hair was a sunny shade of blonde which she seemed to like to braid in the front on each side and then tie the two braids behind her head.  She had a straight nose and high cheekbones and a chin that looked as though it could be defiant if she so chose.  Her skin, pink from sleep, was freckled across her nose and cheeks.  He vaguely remembered that her eyes were blue, and now that she had opened them, he saw that he had been correct.  They were in fact a slightly startling shade of periwinkle blue.  Her eyelashes were light to match her hair, but they were long and nicely curved.  He seemed to recall that she was on the lean side, but then he remembered her full breasts and felt a quick heat start in his body.  Adam Cartwright was the scion of the great Ponderosa ranch.  He was worldly, educated, and had had a few serious love relationships in his past, all of which had ended, to his disappointment and disillusionment.  At his age, he wondered why this 21-year-old girl had so captured his interest this morning.  Perhaps it was because she had saved his life.  That could certainly be a valid reason.  But something more pulled at him, and he couldn’t identify it.  He wanted to keep looking at her.  Her mouth was hard to figure.  Her lips looked full, but he couldn’t really remember if he had ever seen her smile yet.  Then again, there hadn’t been much opportunity for smiling since he had burst into her life like a frozen wild man.

 

“Good morning, Miss Nolan.  And may I inquire as to whether you slept well?” he used his very most correct manners.

 

“Good morning, Mr. Cartwright.  You may so inquire, and in fact I did indeed sleep well,” she returned in kind, remembering his early morning embrace.  Then she giggled, given the absurdity of their situation in their shared makeshift bed on the floor by the fireplace.

 

Ah.  There was her smile, quick and bright, revealing straight white teeth.  She reached out to touch his growing beard stubble.  It was jet black like his hair and anyone seeing him for the first time would no doubt assume he was an outlaw of the worst kind.

 

He fingered his chin, still feeling her hand on his face even though she had removed it seconds before.  “Feels like I could use a shave.  I have a razor in my saddlebags.  I’ll take care of it today as soon as I work up the courage to leave this warm bed,” he said ruefully and gave her a lopsided grin.

 

“You’re better today, aren’t you?”  She was appraising him carefully.  “You’re going to be all right.  Lord, but you gave me a scare.  I didn’t know what I would do with a dead man on my hands!”

 

“And I’m glad you didn’t have to find out,” he shook his head.  “I really misjudged that storm, and I’ve been watching them for years now.  I can read the signs and I know better than to try to outride one.  I just really wanted to get home.”

 

“Home must be pretty special to you.”

 

“It is.  The Ponderosa is a beautiful ranch.  It’s big and we all work it together, along with a lot of hired help.  I designed the ranch house myself and when the weather’s nasty, it’s just a good feeling to be in the great room, sitting by the fireplace with my family.  I had been gone three days on a business trip before this storm kicked up, and I was ready to be back there again.”

 

“I think I’ve heard Grandpa mention the Ponderosa.  It sounds wonderful.”

 

“It really is.  It’s got mountains and lakes and meadows and pastures and trees for as far as the eye can see.  You can ride for days and still be on Cartwright land.”

 

“As I guess I am right now since I appropriated your line shack.”

 

He looked up from where he was running a finger across the buffalo robe.  “You are, but like I said, I’m glad you were smart enough to stop here.  My family would want anyone in need to take refuge here.  We usually keep the line shacks stocked for the hands when they use them during round-ups and cattle drives and foaling season.  We’re lucky to have enough wood and food on hand now to help weather this storm.  It sounds to me as though the wind has died down some,” he pushed himself up and picked up his boots as he walked to the window.  “Well, there’s a lot of snow, but it’s not blowing anywhere near what it was doing yesterday.  We’ve probably seen the worst of it.  Now we just need to wait for the snow to go down some.  The horses will never be able to get down the mountain through this snow.  It’s going to be a while.”

 

“Down the mountain?  But I need to go up the mountain to get home,” Mary Lynn’s voice was plaintive.

 

He turned to look at her, tucking his black shirt into his pants.  “Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, Mary Lynn, but it’ll take longer to get up the mountain than to get down it.  Going up is rougher riding, and with heavy snow on the ground, a horse can’t get proper footing and it’s almost sure to falter.  It could be very dangerous for both you and your mount.  I’ll tell you what we should do.  As soon as the snow clears enough to get out of here, we’ll both ride down to the Ponderosa where you can stay until we can get you get you safely up the mountain to your grandfather.”

 

Mary Lynn didn’t look happy.  “Adam, I’d be imposing on your family, and we don’t even know for how long.  And besides, Grandpa is going to be beside himself wondering what’s happened to me.”

 

He walked back to her and put a finger under her chin, lifting her face until she was looking at him.  “Mary Lynn, you would be more than welcome at the Ponderosa for as long as you need to stay.  We almost never get a woman staying in the house and it’s a treat when it happens.  My brothers go all googly-eyed, and Hop Sing, our cook, uses the best china and linen.  My Pa even serves his best wine every night.  I realize that your grandfather is going to be worried, but there’s nothing to be done for it right now.  I promise you that as soon as travel is safe, we’ll take you home immediately.  Deal?”  He felt bad about her obvious disappointment.

 

She sighed deeply.  “It doesn’t sound as though there’s much of a choice, does it?  Okay, you’ve got a deal. How long do you think it’ll be before we can leave here?”

 

He couldn’t sugar-coat matters for her.  “I don’t know for sure, but from what I just saw, it could be a week, maybe more.”

 

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she didn’t say anything.  She simply got up, shrugged into her coat and moved over to the hearth to start breakfast.  Adam was pulling on his boots and reaching for his coat, which was by now reasonably dry.  She knew he was heading to the stable to tend to the horses.

 

The food had been ready for some time before Adam returned and Mary Lynn had been starting to worry.  He explained that as long as he was outside, he set some snares to see if he could catch any rabbits or squirrels for dinner.  He wasn’t sure he would in snow this deep.  He had also piled more firewood near the door and now started stacking it inside. Visibility was much better now, but the sky was still overcast and the temperature was bitter.  Although his coat had remained dry, his pants and boots were wet again.  The snow had reached his mid-thigh in some areas.

 

Mary Lynn handed him his long-johns.  “These are mostly dry now.  You better put them on and let your pants dry.  Didn’t you bring a change of clothes on a business trip?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“I did, but I lost my pack riding in the storm.  You were luckier than I was,” he sounded a bit sheepish.

 

She set out coffee and a repeat of yesterday’s food while he changed.  They took their plates and cups and sat on the mattress where it was warmest while they ate. 

 

“I told you about me; you tell me about you,” Adam was ravenous, but he was making an effort to eat slowly.

 

“What do you want to know?”  Mary Lynn was chewing slowly, pushing pieces of ham around on her plate, suddenly self-conscious with him.

 

“Well, for starters, where did you live before you came to Nolan Mountain?”

 

 “I grew up in St. Louis and lived there all my life until my parents were killed in a steamboat accident.  That’s when I came here to live with Grandpa Nolan.”

 

“You didn’t have any other family?  No siblings?  No aunts or uncles?”

 

“My mother had some family, but they were killed six years ago traveling west in a wagon train.  I’m an only child.  It’s a pretty dismal story, really.  I have school friends back in St. Louis, but none that I could move in with after my parents died.”

 

“I’m sorry you’ve had so much tragedy in your life.  My mother died when I was born, and my pa’s two other wives also died.  Each one had a son—my brothers.  It was hard seeing three mothers die and watching my pa live through it,” his voice was low and somber.

 

She put her hand on his arm.  “Oh, Adam, I’m so sorry about that.  It seems we both know more than we want to about death.”

 

“And blizzards,” he looked at her over his coffee cup and this time there was a sparkle in his eyes that made him look distinctly roguish. 

 

“And blizzards,” she agreed, getting up to pour more coffee and give him the last of the dried apples.

 

Later Adam sat with his coffee staring into the fire.  His knees were pulled up and his arms rested on top of them.  Mary Lynn had cleaned up after the meal and turned back toward him when she was through.  She was thoroughly surprised to see how much of him was clearly outlined through his form fitting long-johns.  He seemed unaware of this and she averted her eyes as she moved back to the bed where it was clear they would be spending most of their time unless the temperature outside rose suddenly and considerably.  Her cheeks began to burn as she realized she would have preferred to stand and stare at him much longer than would have been appropriate by any standards.

 

 

Later on he got up to shave.  There was a small mirror hanging on the wall which he used along with a towel and some heated water.  He had a cake of soap in his saddlebags and painstakingly worked up shaving lather with it.  As he rummaged through his saddle bags, he pulled out a thin book and tossed it to Mary Lynn.

 

“Here, this’ll give you something to do while you lounge around all day.”

 

“Hmphh!” was her indignant retort, but she picked up the slim volume.  “Shakespeare’s sonnets.  How wonderful, I love Shakespeare,” she began turning the pages.

 

“Read one to me.  I could shave in my sleep.”

 

She began to read aloud the artistry of words as only the bard himself could write them.  When she finished one, she read a second.

 

“Is Shakespeare your favorite?” She asked him as he wiped spots of lather from his face and neck.

 

He hung the towel around his neck and turned to her, “Shakespeare, Milton, Homer, Tennyson, Byron, I like them all.”

 

She looked up from the book.  Good Lord he was a beautiful man, she thought.  Without the growth of beard she could clearly see his features, every one of which was just about perfect.  His shoulders were also wide and his hips were narrow.  He had long legs and long, tapered fingers that belied the hard work a rancher undoubtedly did on a daily basis.  He strode back to the bed and slid back under the covers, shivering briefly from his exposure in the cold room.  He took the book from her and flipped onto his stomach, reading aloud to her.  His voice was deep and melodious and the words he read were clearly familiar to him.  Eventually he closed the book and put it aside.  He turned onto his back and put his hands behind his head, continuing to recite the sonnets from memory.  Mary Lynn was captivated.  Miss Henderson’s School for Girls in St. Louis had given her a good female education, but she was going to have to dig deeper into the classics to match him; that much was clear.

 

They napped briefly in the afternoon, and then Adam went back outside to tend the animals and check his traps.  While he was gone, Mary Lynn washed up as best she could.  The cabin was very cold and drafty despite the continuous fire, so she hurried with her bathing and added another log before scurrying back to the bed.

 

Adam returned victorious, with a squirrel and a rabbit in hand.  He had skinned the rabbit in the stable, and with Mary Lynn’s help they made a stew using onions, potatoes and salt that were found in a vegetable bin and on a supply shelf near the hearth.  By the time dark fell, there was a meal they both felt was like manna from heaven.  There was even leftover stew for the following day.  They both drank tea brewed from Mary Lynn’s private supply, choosing to ration the coffee for the mornings.  Then they did the only remaining thing they could: they turned off the lantern and tucked themselves under the warm covers for the night.

 

They were both silent for a long time, facing each other, but just listening to the fire snap in the hearth.  Adam was looking directly into her eyes, and she watched him back, for once not bothered by his direct scrutiny.  Time passed.  Outside there was only the stillness of the snow which blanketed everything. 

 

“What are you thinking about?”  Mary Lynn asked. 

 

He didn’t answer.  He was thinking that she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.  Why had he not noticed that before now?  She was fresh and honest and beautiful. He reached out a hand and placed it on the back of her neck, pulling her toward him.  He slowly leaned toward her and gently placed his lips on hers, kissing her softly.  He leaned back slightly to gauge her reaction, but her eyes were only searching his.  He leaned in again and kissed her once, twice, three times, very gently.  She made a soft sound in her throat.  He parted his lips and kissed her again, this time longer, much longer, drawing her lower lip into his mouth and sucking on it lightly.  Her hands grabbed his arms tightly, but she was kissing him back.  He teased her with his tongue and she fell back, breathing heavily.  They still held each other’s gaze, and he moved over her to wrap his arms tightly around her.  She grabbed his head and pulled it down to hers, initiating her own series of kisses.  They continued this way for a long time until he pulled away.

 

“We have to stop.  I can’t… You’re not… I shouldn’t have…” his forehead was touching hers as he struggled to catch his breath.  She had never been with a man before, but she could feel what their actions had done to him.  Her own heart was pounding and her body felt strangely hot.  Her stomach was doing flip-flops that were oddly exciting.

 

He lay back.  “I’m sorry, Mary Lynn.  I took advantage of you.  I’m sorry.”

 

Now she was leaning on her elbow, facing him.  “What are you sorry for? How did you take advantage of me? Don’t I have a say in this?”

 

He turned his head to look at her.  “Have you ever been with a man before?”

 

“No…but…”

 

“That’s just it.  I can’t do what I might have done to you just because we’re stuck here together like this.”

 

“What were you going to do?”

 

“Love you.  I would have made love to you.”

 

“What if I wanted you to?”

 

“Do you even know what you’re asking for? Do you even know what you’re talking about?”

 

She was quiet.  “Maybe.  I’m not sure.  I know I wanted you to keep doing what you were doing.”

 

He grabbed her hand almost angrily and put it over his aroused penis, holding her there to let the implications sink in.  “Are you prepared for this?  Do you know what happens with this?”  He let go of her, but she didn’t snatch her hand back.  She was fascinated by the hugeness of him, the hardness she felt.  Did she want this?  She thought she did.

 

“Look,” he began, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.  “I started this, but it was a mistake.  We’ve only known each other for 2 days, and most of that time was under duress.  I behaved badly.  Let’s just go to sleep.  Please.”  And with that, he turned his back to her and let his head sink into the pillow.

 

With her hand back in her own possession, she sat and stared at his back for a few minutes.  She didn’t know what to think or feel.  Hurt.  She knew she felt hurt, but she wasn’t sure exactly why.  Silently she burrowed herself under the covers with her back to him, and stared straight ahead.  She didn’t think sleep would be claiming her any time soon.

 

 

Mary Lynn awoke to full daylight the next morning, and this time it was actual sunshine for the first time in days.  Adam was gone, and she momentarily feared he had taken his leave until she noticed his saddlebags and gun belt slung over the bed frame.  He was probably in the stable.  Memories of the night before came flooding back to her, and she groaned inwardly.  She didn’t know how she was going to face him, and right now she didn’t want to.  The hurt she felt was still present, now accompanied by anger.  He had been so gentle, and then so rejecting.  Was he playing a game with her?  She didn’t know.  She only knew she was inexperienced enough not to know how to play the same game with him.

 

She rose, used the necessities, and moved over to the mirror where she unbraided her hair.  Adam had already stoked the fire, and the temperature in the room had improved slightly.  Still, she shivered as she deftly fixed her hair in a long French braid down her back.  She was splashing water on her face when the door opened and Adam returned, stamping snow off his boots.  She glanced at him quickly through the mirror, but he kept his head down as he headed toward the fireplace.  He began to make coffee and warm the rabbit stew leftover from the night before.  She made no move to help him.

 

There was no change in the depth of the snow, and the wind was blowing deep drifts in various places.  He had set more snares for small wild game, but he mentioned none of this to Mary Lynn.  He didn’t know what to say to her.  He had watched her sleep again this morning.  God, she was beautiful.  He wanted her, there was no question in his mind.  The problem was he had been raised by a strict father with high moral standards.  He knew she was a virgin and that their present circumstances created an artificial environment that would never exist in the real world.  There, he might never have met her, and if he had, she might have dismissed him as an uninteresting, older man.  But then again, nine years wasn’t such a big difference.   People had married with much greater age differences before this.

 

He was fighting with his conscience, he knew.  Last night he could easily have taken her, and he knew she had been willing.  But he also knew that any relationship they had here might not carry over into a post-blizzard world.  And if he took her virginity, she might have trouble finding a man to accept her.  She could even become pregnant and then her reputation would be ruined forever.  Cartwright men did not take advantage of unmarried girls that way.  He would have to marry her.  Was he prepared to do that?  Was she willing to marry him?  Was their relationship based on enough to sustain a marriage?  Characteristically, he tried to lay out his feelings under a thoughtful microscope to examine them in depth.  He lost himself in thought.

 

“You’re burning the stew,” her comment was tight, and yet she made no move to assist him.

 

His reverie lifted and he quickly grabbed the pot from the fire and ladled out two plates, along with coffee.  Without comment, he handed over her plate and cup.  They ate in silence.

 

During the long day that followed, Mary Lynn read and re-read the Shakespeare sonnets, ignoring Adam.  He shaved again and skinned the squirrel for that night’s meal, not speaking to her when she visited the stable to check on her horse, April, and where he was working on the squirrel.  She spent a long time with the horse, murmuring to her and stroking her nose and neck.  She noted that Adam’s brown mount, Sport, was a fine, large animal and had probably been very expensive.  Big ranch, good horse, she thought to herself.  April was significantly smaller, but she was the right size for Mary Lynn, and her disposition was sweet.  The two of them were a good match for each other…unlike herself and Adam, Mary Lynn thought wistfully.

 

The evening meal was roast squirrel and potatoes baked on the hearth, along with some boiled carrots.  They each helped cook the food, but no words passed between them.  Following the silent meal, Mary Lynn sat herself in a chair in front of the fire, once again reading the sonnets.  Adam stood by the window for a long time, staring out at nothing but darkness, wrestling with his thoughts.  He stood legs apart, his arms crossed over his chest.  He didn’t move, and Mary Lynn, by now just staring at words blurred on a page, wondered if he would sleep all night standing up that way.

 

Finally he turned away from the window, but stayed put.  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “I just don’t know,” he sighed to himself in a low tone.

 

She turned to look at him but didn’t respond to his comment in any way. She didn’t know what to say.  He looked over at her, the first direct eye contact they’d had all day.  Even in the dimming light of the cabin she saw the question in his eyes.

 

“Why don’t you want me?”  It was a soft, tenuous question.

 

Then he moved.  He walked across the room in three strides, grabbed her upper arms and lifted her to a standing position directly in front of him.  His jaw was clenched. 

 

“I want you.  How could I not want you?” He said it harshly.  “But you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.  You’re a virgin.  You could get pregnant.  No other man would have you after that.  Who knows what will happen to us when we leave here?  I can’t ruin your life!”

 

“I want you, too,” it was a whisper.

 

“How do you know that?  I could hurt you.  It hurts, you know, the first time.”

 

“I don’t think you would hurt me.  You didn’t yesterday.”

 

“That was only kissing.  When a man sleeps with a woman for the first time, it hurts for her, but only once and only for a few moments.”

 

“All right.”

 

“All right, what?”

 

“All right, I accept that.”

 

“Why?  Why?   You don’t know me.”

 

“I knew enough last night.  You did too.”

 

Defeated, he threw his head back and let out an inarticulate sound of defeat.  Then in a quick move, he grabbed her head and pulled her to him.  His lips were on hers again, pressing, crushing, demanding, and then suddenly gentling.  There was a moan deep in his throat, yearning for more.  His arms wrapped around her, holding her so close to his body that she couldn’t have moved if she wanted to, but she didn’t want to.  Her arms reached up around his neck and he kissed her with deep, open-mouthed kisses that sent molten blood spiraling through her body. 

 

He took a step back and unbuttoned his black shirt, shrugging it off to the floor.  He kicked his boots off and then moved back to her, unbuttoning the row of buttons down the front of her cream colored flannel nightgown.  As he did so, she looked at his torso.  He had a chest of black hair, broad shoulders, muscled arms and a flat stomach.  She wanted to touch him but he was drawing her gown up over her head.  As it floated to the floor she stood before him in her thin camisole and her pantalets.  He drew in his breath as he gazed at her breasts, rising and falling with her breathing.  He moved behind her and let his hands slide up her sides until he reached her breasts, which he held in each hand.  He began to caress them and let his thumbs slide across each nipple, hearing her swift intake of breath at the same time he felt them harden beneath his fingers.  Her head rested against his chest, and he heard her moan when he lightly rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger.  He slid the camisole over her head and then his thumbs jerked down her pantalets.  She stepped out of them and he turned her to face him.  She was breathtaking, he thought.  Her legs were slim, her bottom rounded and her belly was flat.  Within a second he swept her over to the bed and under the covers.

 

He kissed her neck and her breasts, stopping to suckle gently there.  His hands moved over her belly and across her breasts, down her sides and along the inside of her thighs.  She was moaning softly, feeling things she had never even imagined before.   She said his name and he bent to kiss her again, continuing as his hand moved between her legs.  He probed and touched her where no one had ever touched her before, and his touch was like fire.  Without thinking she moved her legs apart, and one of his legs moved over hers.  He began to stroke her rhythmically in a place and in a way she had never felt before.  She began to feel the building of a pent-up energy that felt like white-hot fire and she was unconscious of her writhing hips as his movements continued in rapid strokes.  She was breathing heavily, and just when she thought she could bear no more of what he was doing, he pushed her over the edge and her back arched as spasm after spasm of electric pulses cascaded through her core. 

 

Then suddenly he left her and as she lay back, spent and panting, he was back just as quickly, moving over her, having stripped off his pants.  He was as huge and hard as she remembered from the night before and she felt him probing between her legs.  With a jolt she remembered him telling her that she didn’t know what she was asking for, and she felt a stab of panic.  It must have shown as her eyes flew open because he was right there with reassurance.

 

“It’s all right, Mary Lynn.  I’ll be gentle.  You’re wet and you’re ready,” His low voice was soothing.  He moved himself up and down between her legs and when he found his place he began to nudge himself inside her.  She felt she would explode from the size of him, but she didn’t and he kept moving, kissing her neck as he went.  Then he stopped pushing in and held himself in place.  “This is the place where it hurts,” he told her.  “It will be quick.”  He pulled back slightly and then sent his entire length driving inside her all at once.  She felt a sharp stab like a knife tip.  She gasped, and he stopped, waiting.  “Are you all right?”  She nodded, her face hidden against his neck.

 

He resumed his movement, stroking in and out of her.  Suddenly she realized that he fit inside her and he was moving easily.  Her arms reached up and curled around his shoulders; her hands rubbed his back.  She felt his muscles moving.  Soon her hips were rising to meet his down strokes and a rhythm was established. She felt the spirals of excitement start in her stomach again as he kept on.  Presently he began moving faster and his breathing quickened.  His thrusts became more urgent, demanding and suddenly there was a low growl deep in his throat, as he sent his full length within her deeply and urgently.  Then he collapsed on top of her, his face buried in the side of her neck, catching his breath.  As her hands moved over his back she found he was damp from perspiration.  Shortly he pushed himself up and she felt him pull out of her.  He rolled onto his back next to her, pulling her to him so that her head rested on his shoulder.

 

He was still trying to catch his breath, but he was talking to her.  “Never… never like that…before.  So tight…so wet…never before.”  He turned his head and kissed her forehead.  She didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t, but she thought what he was saying was good.  They were quiet for a time, drugged by their lovemaking, holding each other.  Mary Lynn moved slightly and felt something wet and sticky between her legs.  It felt like blood.  Alarmed, she reached quickly down to feel it and brought some up on her fingers.  Adam noticed her movement, and touched her hand.

 

“Ah, don’t worry,” he said knowingly.  “That’s just a small part of me that I left with you.  I gave you more than you can hold.”  He stretched an arm out and reached for his shaving towel which was draped over a chair, pulled it off and handed it to her.  “Use this to wipe it off.”

 

She knew she sounded stupid, “What is it?” 

 

“It’s semen—a man’s seed.  I told you that you could get pregnant, remember?”

 

She nodded dumbly.  Pregnant.   With Adam’s baby.  The girls at Miss Henderson’s had talked about sex and men and babies, and her own mother had explained to her the birds and the bees, but suddenly Mary Lynn’s mind was blank.  “How soon?”

 

Adam smiled.  It was the first time she had actually seen him smile and it was magnificent.  He had dimples.  “Well, that depends.  Right away if it’s the right time of the month for you…and not at all if it isn’t.”

 

“Oh,” in her mind she was frantically trying to calculate time, but failing miserably.

 

“Look, Mary Lynn,” Adam reached out and took her hand.  “I would never leave you stranded.  If you become pregnant, I’ll take care of you.  You won’t be on your own.  I would want my baby anyway.”

 

For a moment she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly.  What was he thinking?  What had he just said to her?  That she would accept money from him?  That she would be his Geisha girl?  His baby’s wet nurse?  Of all the pompous, arrogant statements coming from a high and mighty big-ranch snob! She knew her mouth had fallen open and she snapped it shut, but she also raised her hand quickly and connected her palm with the side of his face.  She watched it turn with the force of the slap and then she stood, grabbing the quilt off the bed to cover herself.

 

“Get out!” She was pointing at the door.  “Leave now, Mister Cartwright.  Maybe you can find yourself a floozy to accept your generous charity in your wonderful Virginia City. Go.”

 

Adam’s eyes had narrowed and his hand was on his cheek.  He tilted his head back to look at her.  What had he said to warrant this fury?

 

“Mary Lynn, all I said was…”

 

She interrupted him.  “I heard exactly what you said, and you heard what I said.  Leave now and take what you need with you.  I don’t ever want to see you again.”  She sat down on one of the chairs and put her feet up on the rungs.

 

He had pulled his pants on and now stood in front of her, buttoning them.  “Look, I think you misunderstood me.  I never meant to insult you, and you are obviously insulted.  You know as well as I do that there’s nowhere to go in this mess right now.  Even if I wanted to do as you request, I couldn’t!”  His voice was rising impressively as the result of frustration and impatience.

 

“That is not a matter of concern to me.  You were right in the first place.  We should have stopped like you said.  I should have gotten to know you a LOT better first.  Now get out so I don’t have to look at you anymore.”

 

He turned toward the fire, hands on his hips.  “I was right about the rope; I was right about the sex.  So why am I wrong now??”

 

“Because you are a boor.” 

 

Exasperated, he exploded, “Lady, you must be crazy!  You leave if you want to.  I’m going to bed!”  And he did.

 

Seething, Mary Lynn pulled her nightgown over her head, stuffed her feet into her boots and shrugged into her coat.  With the quilt around her shoulders, she headed for the door.  She would sleep in the stable.  Anything would be better than being with that insufferable man.  He had turned onto his side in bed, and as she passed him, she gave him a swift kick in the rump, gratified by the sound of his muffled curse.  She opened the front door and slammed it behind her, knowing he would have to get up to latch it shut.  As she plowed her way through the snow drifts toward the stable she heard him at the door, “And watch out for the wild coyotes!”

 

Damn him.  She didn’t know whether there were wild coyotes about or not.  She let herself into the barn, barred the door, and settled herself uncomfortably in a pile of clean hay in the corner.  This structure was no better than the cabin in terms of human comfort, and it certainly didn’t have a fireplace to give off any additional warmth.  Sleeping here was going to be a cold misery.  She wrapped herself in the quilt as best she could, wrinkled her nose at the stable smell, and then burst into tears as she felt the cold semen that had trickled down her thighs.

 

 

Sometime during the night he came into the small barn.  He didn’t see her at first, but eventually he spotted her in the corner, away from the horses.  She was curled up in a tight ball, sleeping.  The quilt was wrapped tightly around her, up to her ears.  Making low murmuring sounds to the horses, he moved over to where she lay and picked her up in his arms.  It was way too cold to safely sleep here.  He opened the stable door with his shoulder and slid the bar back in place with his elbow.  She wasn’t heavy, but as he waded through the snow drifts back to the cabin, he found the going tricky.  He had to negotiate his steps carefully or they would both land flat in the deep snow.  Fortunately he kept his balance and managed to get her inside and into bed without waking her as he removed her coat and boots.  After securing the door and adding more wood to the fire, he sat next to her and watched her in the firelight.  He absently picked pieces of hay off the quilt and from her long French braid, tossing them into the fire when he got a handful.  He peered more closely at her face.  Her eyelids were pink and swollen.  Her nose was red.  She had been crying. 

 

Thoroughly confused, he wondered for the hundredth time what he had said to offend her.  He had been trying to reassure her, to allay her fears, and clearly he had failed.  Maybe there was no hope for an ongoing relationship with this woman.  This he regretted, because he had never enjoyed loving a woman more in his life than he had that night.  And he wanted more, he admitted it freely.  Let a pregnancy come.  He would marry her; hadn’t he said that?  If not in so many words, certainly he had conveyed his point, hadn’t he?  He sunk his chin into the palm of his hand.  Even with swollen eyes and straw in her hair she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.  Good Lord, he wanted her again even now.  Slowly he lowered himself under the covers, leaving a good distance between them.  He didn’t know what to say to her in the morning or how to say it.  And whatever he did, he’d have to watch for her flying hand as he did it.

 

 

When Mary Lynn awoke the next morning, her eyes felt as though sand had been rubbed into them. In seconds she realized she was in the line shack and not the stable.  She had no memory of leaving the stable during the night.  She wanted to groan out loud, but she didn’t.  Her back was to the hearth, and she tried to figure out where Adam was.  She could hear his breathing close to her.  Damn.  He was still in bed.  She wanted to get up and wash herself off, but she certainly wasn’t going to do that in front of him.  Keeping her eyes closed, she turned over.  Maybe he would think she was still asleep.  Minutes passed and then she felt his hand brush her cheek.  He also tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  She opened her eyes, knowing that he was watching her.

 

Leaning on his elbow again, he looked serious.  “Before you do anything, will you let me tell you something?” he asked her.

 

She didn’t answer him, which he took as her assent.

 

“When I told you last night that I wouldn’t leave you stranded if you became pregnant, I didn’t mean what you thought I meant.  I would never hide you away somewhere and try to pay you off.  Cartwrights don’t do that.  I would marry you.  You would be the mother of my child.  I would honor you in every way,” he was doing his best to be sincere.

 

“What makes you think I would want to marry you anyway and be stuck in a loveless marriage?”

 

“You wouldn’t be stuck in a loveless marriage.  You would be made love to every day of your life.  Didn’t last night tell you anything at all?  You would be surrounded by our babies and our family.”

 

She chewed on her lip and looked away from him.  Was he really telling her he wanted her?

 

He was quiet for a few minutes, and when she didn’t say anything he decided to nudge her a little.  “Was I really that awful last night?”  He had one eyebrow raised and gave her a lopsided smile.

 

A solitary tear ran down her cheek and she shook her head.

 

“Well, it was all new for you.  Was it a good experience?”

 

She nodded.

 

“An experience you would care to repeat sometime?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Well, then let me tell you something I generally make it a policy never to reveal.  Not only are you the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you are the best lover I have ever had.  And, to put the icing on the cake, you also saved my life, and for all of those things, I am most humbly grateful.”

 

She raised her head to look at him, and he was grinning back at her.  She inexplicably burst into tears again, and all he did was pull her into his embrace, where he held her for a very long time until both their stomachs growled too loudly to ignore.

 

They made love again that afternoon,  Mary Lynn had had a chance to wash herself, which she was very happy about, because Adam used his tongue on her in ways that made her grab his head with both hands at the time, and still made her blush to think about now.  He also showed her ways of pleasuring him that gave her satisfaction when he groaned from the sheer enjoyment of it.  Among other things, he taught her to straddle his hips and take control of their lovemaking herself, moving herself up and down and rubbing herself against him while leaning on his strong chest.

 

They didn’t argue again, and in the evening they both sat watching the fire while he caressed her body and she leaned against him, reaching up for a kiss every few minutes.  That night, waking momentarily, Mary Lynn reached over to take Adam’s penis in her hand.  She massaged it gently, and a few minutes later, still half asleep, he was inside her.  Afterward, as they fell asleep in each other’s arms, she heard him whisper very low, “I love you, Mary Lynn.”  “I love you, too, Adam,” she murmured into his chest.  Later she could never say for certain that the words had actually been spoken between them for the first time that night.

 

They both wanted full baths after a couple of days, and one entire afternoon was spent heating melted snow over the fire until the tin hip bath was full enough to bathe in.  Then, like children, they both got in it together, having to draw their knees up to their chests to fit in.  But fit in they did, and bathed each other with his bar of soap.  Adam helped her wash her long hair, and Mary Lynn bathed his penis to the point that he finally leaned back with a deep sigh and she watched a white creamy substance spurt from it.  “Those are your babies,” he informed her.  “Millions of them.”  Wide eyed, she caught some of the creamy substance in her palm and examined it closely, impressed.

 

This was the pattern of their days, and on the sixth day after his arrival in the blizzard, Adam began to discuss leaving the line shack.

 

“I think we might give it a try tomorrow or the next day,” he said one morning.  “It will probably be slow going for the horses because the roads and paths are still covered, but if we take our time, we should be able to reach the Ponderosa by the end of the day.”

 

“Adam, you’re sure your family won’t mind me coming with you?” she was still nervous about this, and also very worried about what her grandfather must be thinking about her survival.

 

He looked closely at her.  “Do you still think by now that I would leave you behind?” and he pulled her in for a deep kiss.  She sat in his lap facing him, her ankles crossed behind his back.  She sighed contentedly and rested her head on his shoulder.  He played with her long hair, letting its silky strands slide through his fingers.

 

“Mary Lynn, “he was suddenly serious and she sat up to look at him.  “When was your last monthly flow before you came here during the storm?  You weren’t bleeding when you got here, were you?”

 

“No,” she thought for a moment.  “I guess it was a week and a half or two weeks earlier.  Somewhere thereabouts.”

 

“Well then, my dear, we should make plans, because you are very likely pregnant at this very moment.  And that means we need to get married.  I definitely don’t want to have to explain the unwed mother of my child to my Pa.  I’d rather walk through the desert without water first,” he declared.

 

“But Adam, I don’t feel pregnant…that is, I feel like I always do.  I guess I’m not really sure what it feels like to be pregnant.”

 

“Well, it would take several weeks before you felt anything anyway.”

 

“How long?”

 

“About six, I think.  But the first thing you would notice is that you missed a monthly flow.”

 

“Well, that hasn’t happened yet.”

 

“All right, but it sounds to me as though we’ve been shooting at fish in a barrel, so to speak.”

 

The time was right, huh?”

 

“That’s it, little lady.  So come here and kiss me.  You’re going to be my wife soon, and probably a mother too.  Looks like big changes are in store for you.”

 

“But what about my grandfather?  I don’t want to get married without having him there.  He’s my only family.”

 

“Well, I’d like my family to be there too.  Maybe we could sneak into town and get married as soon as we can, and then have a wedding ceremony at the Ponderosa as soon as we can get your grandfather down the mountain.  That way we’re not really breaking any rules.  We just bent them a lot this last week,” he winked at her.

 

“You’ve got a deal, cowboy,” she grinned and planted a kiss directly on his waiting mouth.

End of Part I

 

 

Blizzard of Destiny – Part II

 

It took two more days until Adam thought it was safe to attempt travel.  They had been together in the line shack for eight days and those days had changed everything for both of them.  Neither one could imagine being without the other, nor could they manage to keep their hands off each other.  But the food was running low and they had been subsisting on whatever wild game Adam could scare up, and dried vegetables which had seen much better days.  The coffee was gone, and Mary Lynn’s tea supply was down to a handful of leaves.  It was time to leave.

 

On the morning of departure, they both woke early and made love one last time together in the privacy of the cabin.  They put the mattress back on the bed and set it to rights.  Adam extinguished the fire after they’d eaten and mucked the stable.  They both dressed in their warmest clothing, knowing that whatever they wore wouldn’t be enough to keep them warm all the way back.  They both saddled their own horses, and once mounted, Adam held onto April’s reins to keep her close to him and Sport.  They set out down the mountain, as close to the paths as Adam could remember, moving slowly.  The sun was out and a breeze was blowing.  Both were squinting from the glare of sunshine on the snow.  Adam pulled his hat brim down over his brow and Mary Lynn had to use her hand to shield her eyes.

 

Sport picked his way carefully through snow that was still over a foot deep.  Adam didn’t want him slipping on a rock or tripping on a tree root.  About a quarter mile from the line shack, Adam pulled Sport to a stop.  He spotted something sticking out of the snow.  It was a boot. Adam shot a sideways glance toward Mary Lynn and told her to look away.  He dismounted and handed her the reins of both horses. Moving over toward the boot, he bent over it, discovering that it was attached to a leg, and unfortunately, a dead man.  Frozen.  Adam dug him out with his hands.  The man looked to be in his forties, and was dressed for cold weather. Adam inspected his body for injuries that could have caused death, but found none.  He was probably a blizzard statistic: someone who became disoriented in a white-out and walked blindly in the wrong direction until he dropped and froze to death.  Grimly Adam thought that this was exactly the reason he had insisted on stringing the rope from the line shack to the stable.  It was a simple thing that prevented horrors like this one.  He didn’t recognize the man’s face, which was purplish.

 

“Mary Lynn, there’s a dead man here.  He’s frozen.  We can’t leave him here.  I’m going to have to build a travois to carry him down the mountain.  It’ll take me a while.”

 

Mary Lynn was very quiet for several moments.  Then she kicked herself into gear.  “I can help you.  What do you need?”

 

“We need rope and long sapling-size branches that we can weave into a makeshift litter to lay him on. The greener the wood, the better because it won’t snap.”

 

She nodded, and threw him the rope that was coiled on his saddle. She dismounted and tied the horses to a nearby branch and then began foraging for the wood he needed.  It took at least an hour to gather all the wood they would need.  When he was ready to begin, Mary Lynn got close enough to see the dead man for the first time.  He was a ghastly sight, clearly frozen.  After one look, she turned away quickly, her face against Adam’s coat. 

“Go back to the cabin and bring back the quilt from the bed and the rope we used to get to the stable.  We can wrap him in the quilt, and we’ll need the extra rope no matter what.  Will your horse be all right on her own?”

 

Mary Lynn nodded, and moved over to April’s side.  She separated the reins of the two horses and mounted up.  Turning back toward the shelter, she had a sick feeling from the sight of the dead man.  What if this man had passed by the line shack and just missed it during the fury of the blizzard?  Was it he who made the noise on the cabin window the second night?  Had he been that close to help and life and had they failed him?  Miserably, she turned these thoughts over and over in her mind. She thought about lying in the warm bed with Adam for eight days and nights, loving him, pleasuring and being pleasured while this man had frozen to death alone a few yards away.  She leaned over April’s side and vomited.  The thought of it all was grisly and she felt like a murderer.

 

It didn’t take long to reach the line shack and grab the items that were needed.  When she returned to Adam, she found him already at work weaving the wood together.  He looked up and reached out his arm for the quilt, which she tossed to him.  He quickly wrapped the body in it, covering it completely.  She wouldn’t have to look at the dead face again, but she didn’t think that would make a difference; it was already burned into her mind like a nightmare. 

 

She dismounted and after tethering April back near Sport, she went to help Adam however she could.  She had never made a travois, so she simply did whatever he told her to do, and before long she noted the pattern of his work which was making the conveyance take shape.  He used his knife to cut lengths of rope to tie the wood where he needed to.  Several times the wood pieces snapped and she had to go in search of greener ones.  About two hours later Adam judged the project done to his satisfaction.  He lifted the body onto the litter, and used the remaining rope to tie it in place so it wouldn’t slide off during the journey.

 

With Sport pulling the travois, they were once again on their way.  The time spent rigging the makeshift bed, however, had cost them more than hours.  Both had damp clothing from kneeling in the snow, and the chill that brought would intensify as the day wore on in their travels.  Adam had briefly considered returning to the line shack for one more night to get a fresh, dry start the next day, but he quickly dismissed the thought.  Their food supplies had run low, and both of them had mentally made the transition to leave and reach the Ponderosa. 

 

Mary Lynn tried to convey her feelings of guilt about the dead man, but Adam’s logic was unemotional.  “Mary Lynn, we simply don’t know what happened to him.  He may not have been anywhere near the cabin before he collapsed, and we have no idea how long he had been outside, or if it was day or night when he fell.  And the stark reality is that he probably had no visibility at all and would never even have seen the cabin.  Short of prescience, there’s very little we could have done.  If we had gone out looking for lost stragglers, it’s likely we would be in the same condition he is right now.”

 

She was silent, but the look on her face was forlorn.  “Look,” he continued, noting her expression, “blizzards are nothing to fool around with.  I was stupid to stay out in that storm like I did.  They can be killers.”

 

She sat up straighter in her saddle.  “But if you hadn’t, we may never have met.  Perhaps it was destiny.”

 

Looking at her brighter countenance, he smiled.  “Perhaps you’re right.  I’ve heard it said that everything happens for a reason.”

 

From then on there was little beside necessary conversation between them as the horses moved along slowly, picking their way carefully down the mountain.  They reached the bottom by early afternoon.  Adam turned the horses southwest, in the direction of the Ponderosa, relieved to see that although everything was snow covered, the depth of it was less than what they had been traveling through so far.  This would help them pick up both speed and time.  So far, the travois was holding up well, but he had been checking on it regularly.  She didn’t say so, but he knew that Mary Lynn was chilled.  He was, too.  He was looking forward to his family’s huge hearth and crackling fire.  He was on thoroughly familiar ground now, and he estimated that they would be home by twilight.  He glanced at Mary Lynn and saw that her head was nodding as she rode.  He made a quick decision.

 

“Mary Lynn, I’m cold and you probably are, too.  Let’s let April pull the travois, and you come sit in front of me on Sport.  We’ll combine our body heat again, just like old times.  How does that sound?”  He gave her a wink.

 

Her head jerked up, and she gave him a tired smile and a nod.  After the exchange had taken place, he rode with one arm around her waist.  “Why don’t you try to sleep,” he urged her, “we still have a way to go.”  She didn’t reply, but she did lay her head back against his shoulder.  He kissed the top of her head.  He could smell the fresh, clean scent of soap in her hair, and for the first time that day he allowed himself to think of the pleasures they had shared, and would share.  He shook his head, surprised at himself.  He was behaving like a man in love, not like the serious, practical Adam Cartwright everyone depended on.  Maybe he had been bitten, his number had come up.  He had talked about marriage with this woman and hadn’t regretted it!  Still didn’t regret it.  And babies.  He placed his hand over her belly protectively.  Maybe there was one there even now. It was a marvel, all the changes of these past eight days.  He wondered if any other man before had ever felt the way he was feeling.

 

 

And so it was that Sport and April came trudging up to the hitching post near the Ponderosa’s front door just as dark was falling.  Adam gave a piercing whistle that was apparently recognized inside, because there was the sudden pounding of feet and chorus of yelling as three men threw the front door open and ran outside.  Mary Lynn had jumped at the unexpected whistle, having been dozing, and her heart started to pound with all the excited noise. 

 

Hoss was the first to reach them.  “Dang it, Adam.  I just knew you were all right.  I kept tellin’ Pa you knew how to hole up in a storm,” he slapped his brother on the leg.

 

Joe caught up next and shook Adam’s hand.  “Hey, big brother, back so soon?”  They all laughed at that whopper, knowing that the long wait had been tense at the ranch.

 

Then Ben Cartwright reached his son.  He just stopped and looked fondly up at his oldest son, who by now was grinning down at his family.  “I won’t lie to you, boy.  I was worried about you.”

 

“Me too, Pa.  Me too.  Wait until I tell you the story.  Uh, everybody, this is Mary Lynn Nolan.  She saved my life.  Help her down, Hoss, she’s cold,” he gave her a reassuring squeeze before he helped her slide down off Sport and into Hoss’ waiting arms.  He was a giant of a man, but he had a kind face, and he smiled a welcome at her before steering her toward the house, keeping a strong arm around her shoulders.  Joe tipped an imaginary hat at her and gave her a cheery, “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”  He then stood by to help with the horses.

 

Adam swung down from the saddle and moved toward his father.  “Pa,” he said quietly, “we’ve got a frozen dead man here.  We found him this morning and I didn’t want to leave him that way.  I don’t recognize him, but I thought we could take him into town,” Adam gestured toward the travois.

 

Startled, Ben took a few steps to view the wrapped bundle on the litter.  “Of course, of course,” he immediately agreed.  “We should probably leave him on the porch.  He should be safe there.  Anyplace else and strays may get to him, or he may start to thaw, which probably shouldn’t happen just yet.”  Adam winced at the words, but he knew they were right.  “Joe, get one of the hands to help you,” Ben instructed.

 

Father and son started walking into the house.  “Pa, we’re cold, hungry and tired, in that order,” Adam told him.  “We’ve been riding all day. Tell me you have some hot food ready.”

 

“Son, we haven’t eaten yet, and yes, there’s plenty of hot food ready.”

 

In short order Mary Lynn had been given a guest room and hot water to wash up with.  Adam had gratefully changed into fresh clothing in his own room.  He splashed water on his face, but ignored the day’s growth of beard.  He knocked on Mary Lynn’s door so she wouldn’t have to go downstairs alone for the first time.  She answered and he stepped inside quickly, softly closing the door behind him. She had redone her pretty French braid and her face was fresh and clean.  She wore a dress he hadn’t seen before and had satin ballet slippers on her feet. They must have been in her satchel from her visit before the storm.

 

“You’re beautiful,” he said, drawing her into his embrace.  He caught her mouth in a kiss that lasted a long time until she broke away.  “Adam!” she laughed.  “I can’t breathe!”

 

“Well, I have a lot of catching up to do.  I didn’t get to kiss you properly all day,” his voice was low in her ear.

 

She kissed him back.  “What are we going to tell your family?”

 

“Tonight, nothing, except the storm story.  I’m working on a plan for the rest of it.  Now come on downstairs with me.  We’re starving and they’re going to love you.”  He took her hand and led her to the stairs.  They descended together, not touching each other.

 

The Cartwright men, assembled at the dining table, all stood when Mary Lynn reached them.  Adam took control.  He placed his hand on the small of her back and re-introduced her.  “Pa, Hoss, Little Joe, may I present Miss Mary Lynn Nolan.  It is she who is responsible for the fact that I stand before you now,” he pulled out her chair and helped her to sit, and then he took the chair next to her.

 

“Well, Miss Nolan, we can’t wait to hear the story, but we are certainly grateful to you for coming to Adam’s aid,” Ben smiled at her graciously as everyone sat and began to pass the food.

 

Mary Lynn blushed.  “I don’t think I did anything that anyone else wouldn’t have done.”

 

Adam turned to her, “Will you look at this table?  Roast chicken, potatoes, vegetables, bread, and I know I smell Hop Sing’s chocolate cake.  My family will have to forgive us if we eat three and four helpings.  Our food supplies were running low the last couples of days and I can honestly say we are nearly starving,” this last he addressed to his family.

 

“Well then, you two better eat fast before Hoss catches up with you!” Little Joe chortled in his characteristic laugh.  Hoss grimaced and messed his brother’s hair good-naturedly.

 

Ben poured wine and Adam relayed the story of his misadventure in the blizzard, and how he happened upon the line shack, half frozen.  He explained how Mary Lynn had kept close watch over him as he slowly warmed up, and how they hadn’t been able to travel until today.

 

“Adam, I’m surprised you took a chance against that storm.  That isn’t like you,” Ben reproved.

 

He sighed.  “I know, Pa, but I tell you, it was a long three-day negotiation, and by the time it was over, I was just ready to be home again.  A little too ready, I guess,” he admitted ruefully.

 

“Then you got the timber contract?” Ben inquired.

 

“Signed and sealed, in my saddle bags,” Adam replied between mouthfuls.

 

“Good work, son,” Ben smiled.  “So, Miss Nolan, where are you from and do have family that is wondering about your well-being this night?”

 

“Please, all of you, call me Mary Lynn.  I live up on Nolan Mountain with my grandfather.  I’m afraid he has probably given up on me by now,” she looked downcast, “and Adam says it may still be awhile before we can get up the mountain.”

 

“Is your grandfather Vance Nolan?  I know him well.  He’s lived around these parts for a good long time,” Ben responded. “I didn’t know he had a granddaughter, let alone such a pretty one.”

 

Her cheeks were pink.  “Yes, that’s him.  I’ve only lived with him the past two years, before that I lived in St. Louis.”

 

“Well, Vance is tough and he certainly knows the terrain.  He’ll know you wouldn’t have been able to travel up the mountain in a blizzard.  With a little luck he’ll assume you either stayed with your friend or found shelter, just like you did,” Ben reassured her.

 

When Hop Sing brought out the chocolate cake, Adam introduced Mary Lynn and complimented him on the meal.  “Hop Sing, compared to what we’ve been eating, this has been a veritable feast.  As usual, everything is delicious.”

 

“Mistah Adam welcome home, and Missy Nolan welcome too,” Hop Sing’s face was wreathed in smiles. 

 

After the cake—two pieces for Hoss—the family retired to the great room for coffee.  Adam and Mary Lynn were next to each other on the settee, Ben and Hoss in arm chairs opposite the low wood table, and Joe lounged near the hearth.  The great, crackling fire that Adam had so missed was snapping and burning brightly.  The conversation turned to news about the routine matters of the ranch that Adam had missed in the past week, along with other idle conversation about the town and how neighbors had weathered the storm.  Adam noticed that Mary Lynn only sipped a little coffee, and was beginning to look sleepy.  Without interrupting the conversation, he reached around her waist and pulled her right up next to him and guided her head onto his shoulder.  Her legs curled up under her, and then Adam was careful to place his arm along the back of the settee without touching her.

 

Turning his head to her, he said casually, “You take it easy.  It was a real long day.  Just relax.”  If his family was surprised to see this tender move on Adam’s part, they didn’t show it.  It wasn’t long before Mary Lynn was sleeping on his shoulder as the conversation continued around her.

 

The family discussed the frozen man and decided that Ben and Adam would ride into Virginia City the following day and leave the body with the undertaker.  Adam said that Mary Lynn would come too since she would probably be staying for a while and would need to buy some things she hadn’t brought for her short visit to her friend.  That agreed upon, Adam, becoming groggy himself by then, said goodnight and carried Mary Lynn upstairs to her room.  He wanted to make sure a fire was started in her fireplace so she stayed warm during the night.  He also asked Hop Sing to bring a bathtub to her room in the morning, knowing she would want it.

 

He laid her on the bed in her room, and she wakened as he was preparing and starting the fire.  Once it was burning, he sat next to her on the bed, pulling her into his lap.  He explained the plan for the next day.

 

“While we’re in town, I want you to marry me.  Will you?  We’ll stop by to see the Reverend.  Sherriff Coffee could do it too, but he’s a good family friend, and he might just spill the beans to my Pa.”

 

“But Adam, we don’t even know if I’m pregnant.”

 

His smile was wry, “Well if you’re not, you will be.  You get ready for bed now.  When the house is quiet, I’ll sneak back here to be with you.”  After a quick good-night kiss, he slipped out of her room and down the hall into his own.

 

 

The house had grown quiet when Adam, wrapped in his robe, left his room and moved soundlessly down the hall to the room Mary Lynn was staying in.  He slowly eased the door open and softly closed it behind him.  The fire had burned down but he could still see in the dim light.  She was asleep, that much he could tell.  Throwing his robe to the foot of the bed, he pulled back the covers enough to slide in beside her.  He was only wearing the bottoms of his long-johns.  As he had so many times before, he studied her as she slept, memorizing her face.  But what was this?  Her cheeks were damp and there were tear tracks down her face.  He gathered her close to him and held her as she slept.  He knew she was exhausted and probably felt alone in an unfamiliar house.  Resting his chin on top of her head, he closed his eyes for whatever sleep he could claim.

 

Before dawn, he wakened her to the feel of his hands on her body.  As he stroked her, she turned to him.  “How long have you been here?”

 

“Most of the night.  You were crying, and then you fell asleep.  Are you upset about something?”

 

“I was just feeling all alone and I was missing you.  So many things have happened so fast, it just felt overwhelming.” 

 

“Mmm.  That’s what I thought.  Do you still want to marry me today? His hands were moving up and down her back.

 

Her eyes flew open at his remark.  Marry, today?  Today she would marry Adam.  Today was her wedding day.  “I think so, yes.  That seems like the best idea.”

 

“You think so? I only want you to do it if you want to.  Don’t marry me for any other reason.”

 

Her face was close to his chest and she could smell his now familiar scent.  She kissed and then licked his nipple.  Her hand wove through his chest hair and stroked his stomach and moved even lower.  “I want to,” she declared.

 

He shivered at her touch and stripped her nightgown over her head.  “We only have a little while.  Hop Sing is bringing you a hot bath before breakfast.”  They made love slowly, with Mary Lynn’s breath coming in short gasps as Adam brought her to a climax.  He was then leisurely as he moved inside her, partly for the enjoyment and partly to make sure no one else heard them.  When they were done, they lay together kissing for several minutes before Adam pushed himself up.  “I have to be out of here before anyone else starts moving around,” he kissed the tip of her nose, and before she knew it, he was out the door and gone.

 

Not too long afterward, Mary Lynn found herself soaking in a copper tub of steaming water that Hop Sing had filled for her.  The feel of the warmth surrounding her body was bliss, and she thought she had never felt anything so wonderful before.  Well, maybe just one thing.  She was clean and happy when she went downstairs for breakfast, wearing her riding skirt and boots for the trip to town.  Breakfast was another treat after the plain fare she and Adam had been cooking for themselves, and about an hour later they were on their way to Virginia City.

 

Adam drove the buggy, which was warmer for Mary Lynn, and Ben rode his big horse, Buck, who pulled the travois.  On reaching town, they first stopped at the undertaker’s to drop off the body, and then at Sherriff Coffee’s office to report it. While Ben visited with Roy Coffee, Adam and Mary Lynn begged off to run their errands.  Ben also had an appointment to see his attorney in town, and they agreed to meet at the International House for lunch.

 

Adam quickly guided Mary Lynn through the streets of town to the church and its attached house, where Reverend Hawlings and his wife lived.  Mrs. Hawlings answered the door and let them in, calling for her husband to come talk to Adam.

 

After cordial greetings and introductions all around, Adam got down to business.  “Reverend, Mary Lynn and I want to get married today.  Right now.  Can you do it?”

 

The Reverend was clearly taken aback.  “You mean right here, without your Pa and brothers, and no music or flowers or anything else?”

 

“That’s right,” Adam answered mildly.  “We’re planning a more formal wedding ceremony several weeks from now when Mary Lynn’s family can be here.  But in the meantime, this is important.”

 

That seemed to sink into Hawlings’ brain.  “Oh, yes, of course, right away.”

 

He ushered them into the church, and within 10 minutes, plus a little paperwork along with Mrs. Hawlings as a witness, Adam and Mary Lynn were husband and wife.  There was no wedding ring because Adam didn’t want to arouse suspicion by buying one in the general store.  He planned to send to San Francisco for a special wedding ring for his wife to receive at their formal ceremony.  After slipping the reverend some money, the newlyweds found themselves back outside.  Even though it was cold, Adam pulled Mary Lynn around to the side of church, pressed her against the wall and kissed her deeply.  His hips pressed suggestively against hers at the same time. 

 

“Adam, people will see us!” she protested.

 

He put his forehead against hers, flashed one of his rare full smiles and then twirled her around in a great big bear hug.  “I don’t care, Mary Lynn.  We did it.  We’re married.  Now everything is proper, I love you, and we can make love all day long if we want to and no one can say a thing about it.”   He patted the marriage certificate tucked in his coat pocket.

 

She put her arms around his neck.  “I love you, too….and, when do you want to start?” she asked slyly.

 

He grabbed her hand and started walking toward the general store, grinning.  “Tonight.  We’ll start tonight, in my room, which is now our room, and with a bottle of my father’s best champagne.”

 

She pulled him to a stop.  “When are you going to tell your family?  It’s going to have to be pretty soon, you know.”

 

“Maybe tomorrow morning.  Pa and I have to get an early start to town for a Cattlemen’s Association meeting.  Maybe I can explain everything to him on the way there,” he still knew it was going to be a tough go, even though he and Mary Lynn had done the right thing by getting married as soon as they could.

 

Reaching the general store, Adam encouraged his new wife to buy whatever things she needed to tide her over until her things could be brought to the Ponderosa from Vance Nolan’s mountain top home.  That took some time, as there were clothing, shoes, sundries and general items such as fabric, needles and thread to be gathered together.  Adam tried to stay away from his wife as she selected her things.  He chatted idly with other customers he knew in the store.  He didn’t want to be obvious and start tongues wagging in town, but occasionally he would sidle past her and nod his head toward certain dresses and pieces of lingerie he liked.  And of course, if Mr. Cooper, the storekeeper, though it was unusual for all of those feminine articles to go onto the Cartwright account, he didn’t betray his surprise.  Adam had introduced Mary Lynn to him as Miss Nolan, a guest staying at the Ponderosa for a few weeks.  Mr. Cooper had given Mary Lynn a cheerful good morning.  Adam couldn’t resist adding some scented soap cakes and decorated hair pins to the growing pile of goods before he signed off on the bill, with a good-humored smile.

 

Mr. Cooper agreed to keep the mountain of string-tied boxes behind the counter while Adam and Mary Lynn went over to the International House to meet Ben, who was already waiting at a table.  They moved quickly over to join him, careful not to make any physical contact with each other. Waiting until Adam had seated Mary Lynn, Ben began to tell them about Sherriff Coffee’s plan of action in regard to the frozen man.

 

“Adam, Roy said the most he could do was to print a poster with details about the man you found and send them to surrounding towns.  He said if a man is missing, that’s the best way to get the word out.  They’ll do at least a temporary burial.  And for all we know, the man could have just been passing through and wasn’t from this area at all.”

 

Mary Lynn again expressed her regret that there hadn’t been more they could have done to help the man, but Ben was as adamant as Adam about how slim the chances were to have really helped.”

 

“It is so easy to lose one’s way in a true blizzard,” Ben said sadly.  “If you’d gone out, you may have become a victim yourself.”

 

“That’s exactly what Adam said,” Mary Lynn grumbled.  “Like father like son.”

 

Ben laughed and patted her hand on the table.  “It’s very frustrating under the circumstances, I know, Mary Lynn, but you and Adam did the right thing just staying put in that line shack.”  He failed to notice that as he finished his sentence both his son and Mary Lynn were staring hard at their menus and pointedly ignoring each other’s gaze.

 

Following lunch, the three of them returned to the ranch.  Mary Lynn spent the afternoon opening her many boxes and sorting her new things.  Adam was in the barn working on chores and repairs that had been waiting for him.  Hop Sing served another wonderful dinner of venison roast, homemade yeast rolls and sweet potatoes. Adam was in an especially fine mood and regaled them all with tales not only of the blizzard, but from his long-ago days in college as well.  After dinner, Joe and Hoss played a lively game of checkers.  Joe began to cheat almost immediately and Hoss never figured out why he was losing so badly.  Mary Lynn did, however, and she was laughing behind her hand when Joe’s twinkling eyes met hers.  Adam and his father were involved in a more cerebral and quiet game of chess across the room.

 

“Dadgummit, Joe!  You must be cheatin’ on me.  Nobody can win at checkers that fast,” Hoss sat back with an accusing glare at his brother

 

Mary Lynn shook her head and forced herself not to look at the round checkers hidden on the seat behind Little Joe.  “Who, me?” Joe’s voice was unnaturally high.  “I never cheat, you know that.  I’m just a better player than you are, brother.”

 

“Well, I’m gettin’ me somethin’ to eat.  You play by yourself,” Hoss pushed himself back from the table and headed toward the kitchen. 

 

“I’ll play with you, Joe,” Mary Lynn offered and Joe gave her a suspicious look as he scooped up the errant pieces and laid out the board for a fresh game.  She gave him a level look.  “I’m sure everything will go fair and square right from the start.”  Joe grimaced and began to concentrate intensely on the game.  She beat him twice, and he beat her once.  Hoss returned and was encouraged by his brother’s lack of success, whereupon he invited Mary Lynn to play a match with him.  He was amazed at how much better the playing went with her than with his younger brother.

 

Over at the chess table, Ben finally sat back.  “Well, you’ve got me over a barrel there, son.  That was a good strategic move.  I could have sworn I was closing in on you.”  Adam just gave him a self-satisfied smirk as he put the pieces back in their rightful places.

 

Shortly after that, everyone bid each other goodnight and went upstairs.  Adam had told Mary Lynn earlier that he would come and get her when the house was quiet.  He warned her not to fall asleep.  He had other plans for them tonight.

 

He eased her bedroom door open about forty-five minutes later.  She was sitting in a rocking chair in her nightgown, close to the fireplace, waiting for him.  He banked the fire, picked her up, and then moved into the hallway, closing her door softly behind them.  He moved down the hallway a few doors, made a turn, and carried her across the threshold of his own bedroom. 

 

“Happy wedding night, Mrs. Cartwright,” he said, depositing her on the bed.  There was a bottle of champagne on a bedside table and two champagne glasses.  He was wearing nothing beneath his robe, and he soon relieved her of her nightgown.  He pulled back the covers on the bed and they settled in while he poured champagne.  They toasted their new marriage and sipped champagne in between heated kisses. 

 

Adam kept his wife up most of the night making love and drinking champagne. She had been thoroughly loved by the time they were through. It was the better part of morning when they both fell asleep, Adam whispering to Mary Lynn to skip breakfast and sleep late.  He knew he was headed to the Cattlemen’s Association meeting with Ben bright and early, so he would only nab a couple of hours of sleep.

 

Ben had risen at his usual time and was quickly dressed.  He hadn’t reminded Adam yesterday about the cattlemen’s meeting, so as he stepped out of his room, he walked over to Adam’s door and tapped on it lightly, opening the door slightly to remind Adam to wake up.  He was caught completely off guard to see Adam and Mary Lynn asleep in the disheveled bed, the covers at their waists.  Adam’s arm was flung across her bare back and their heads were touching.  Ben could definitely see the undercurve of one breast.  He also noted the empty champagne bottle and glasses near the bed.  Astonished, he quickly and quietly closed the door without disturbing them.

 

So this was how things were between them.  Although they had seemed comfortable with each other and had bonded over a shared traumatic experience, he had not suspected this kind of intimacy. And his sons had not been raised to treat women this way.  He did suddenly remember their first night home when Mary Lynn fell asleep on the settee with her head on Adam’s shoulder.  With his brow knit in anger, he went downstairs to await his son’s arrival.

 

Ben was drinking coffee alone at the breakfast table about fifteen minutes later when Adam came down the stairs, freshly shaved and buttoning the cuffs of his black shirt.

 

“Morning, Pa,” he said lightly and cheerfully.

 

“Morning nothing,” Ben’s voice was ominous.  “I want to talk about last night.”

 

Adam’s hand hesitated as he reached for the coffee, and then kept going.  Damn.  Somehow Ben knew he and Mary Lynn were sleeping together.  Now he wasn’t going to be able to control this conversation as he had wanted to.

 

Ben spoke in a low voice, very slowly as though Adam was stupid.  “Since when have I tolerated my sons sleeping with unmarried girls under my roof?” he demanded.

 

“Pa, will you let me….”  But Ben didn’t.

 

“Adam, you of all people!  You should know better!  Have I taught you nothing in thirty years?” Ben’s voice was rising, and Adam definitely didn’t want his brothers to wake up to this.  “How long and with how many women has this been going on?  Exactly what do you think you were doing last night?”

 

Adam slammed his palms down on the table, spilling his coffee.  He stood up and knocked his chair over behind him.  “I think I was making love to my wife on our wedding night!” he shouted back.  Then he winced as he heard thumps upstairs and doors opening. Hoss and Joe weren’t sleeping through this, unfortunately.

 

Ben sat back suddenly in his chair, the wind gone out of his sails.  “Your wife?  You and Mary Lynn got married?”  He was genuinely perplexed.

 

Adam sighed deeply and righted his chair.  “Pa, let me explain this to you.  We were stuck together in that line shack for eight days.  We had to stay in bed just to stay alive, the cold was so bad.  We had a lot of time on our hands, and one thing led to another.  Pa, we both fell in love.  And yes, you did teach me something in thirty years.  You taught me the right way to treat a woman, which is why we got married as soon as we could yesterday.  I love Mary Lynn, and she is very likely carrying my child even now,” he picked up his coffee cup, slurped it, and didn’t meet his father’s eyes.

 

Ben leaned toward him. “But son, are you sure about love after only eight days?  Will it be enough to sustain a lifetime together?”

 

“How were you sure you loved my mother?  Don’t you know when you know?” Adam countered.  “Mary Lynn saved my life, she’s sweet and beautiful, and we spent hours and hours together.  I think I’m sure.”

 

Hop Sing quickly moved into the room to set hot platters of food on the table and then tip-toed out quickly to avoid the tension.

 

Ben shook his head as if to clear it.  “Adam, what about Vance Nolan?  He can be a touchy fellow.  He might be furious about this when he finds out.”

 

“I know that, but surely he had to realize that Mary Lynn would marry some day?”

 

“Well, he won’t be pleased he wasn’t invited to the wedding,” Ben harrumphed.

 

“Well, Mary Lynn wasn’t happy about that either.  And for that matter, neither was I.  We both wanted our families to be with us, but it was important to make it legal quickly.  I told her that when the snow clears and travel up the mountain is safe, we’ll bring Vance down and have a wedding ceremony here at the Ponderosa.”

 

For the first time that day, Ben smiled.  “That’s an excellent idea, son.”

 

There was a whoop from upstairs as Little Joe’s head appeared from around the corner where he had been listening on the second floor.  “Hoss! Adam got married and they’re going to have another wedding right here real soon!”  And then he was clumping down the stairs, tucking in his shirt as he came.

 

“Joe, be quiet!” Adam hushed him swiftly.  “Mary Lynn’s tired.  She had a long night,” and then he had the grace to blush as he actually listened to what he had said.  That broke the tension, however, and everyone began to laugh.  Hoss appeared at the table and slapped Adam on the back heartily by way of congratulations.

 

Mary Lynn didn’t appear downstairs until almost lunch time, and she knew the news was out right away when she was immediately enveloped in hugs from Joe, Hoss and even Hop Sing.  She wondered how Adam had pulled it off, since she knew his plan was to speak to his father while they traveled to Virginia City for the morning’s meeting.  She expressed this aloud, and Little Joe’s jaw dropped. 

 

“Didn’t you hear all the hollering this morning?” he gaped.

 

She blushed.  “No, I was sleeping.”

 

“Well, I don’t know who was hollerin’ louder, Pa or Adam, but it didn’t take long to figure out you two had gotten hitched,” Hoss filled in.

 

“But don’t worry,” Joe reassured her.  “Everything’s fine now, and Pa even likes the idea of the second wedding.”

 

Mary Lynn beamed at this news; it did her heart good to know there would be a real wedding and that family who cared would be there.

 

Ben and Adam were still in Virginia City, but as the rest of them sat down to lunch, Hop Sing informed her, “Hop Sing make velly special wedding suppah tonight for Mistah Adam and Missy Melly.  You wait and see!”

 

“You are all being wonderful to welcome me like this,” she said, dabbing quickly at her eyes.  “I can see why Adam thinks his family is so very special.  I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice every time he spoke of you.”

 

Joe and Hoss grinned back at her.  They were a close family and they knew their great good fortune in that aspect.

 

Adam and Ben returned shortly before dinner.  Not even bothering to remove his coat and hat, Adam swept up Mary Lynn from the leather chair where she was reading by the fire, and planted a long kiss on her mouth.  He hugged her.  No more need to hide their feelings.  They snuggled together on the settee until dinner was announced.  Hop Sing had outdone himself.  There was a roast goose with stuffing, potato and onion casserole, fresh bread and cauliflower.  And Ben broke out a bottle of his best champagne, noting in a puzzled manner that another bottle seemed to be missing.  At that, a direct look was darted at Adam, who merely smiled.  There were toasts all around to a long and happy marriage and to another lovely woman now residing on the Ponderosa again.  Adam and Mary Lynn held hands throughout most of the meal, and they were genuinely surprised and touched when Hope brought out a white, three-tiered wedding cake decorated with red roses.

 

“Oh, Hop Sing, you made this all yourself just for us?” Mary Lynn cried out.

 

Hop Sing bowed to her, “Especial cake for Mistah Adam and Missy Melly,” he informed her.

 

Hoss looked at the mouth-watering confection and urged the newlyweds to cut it quickly.  “I’m gonna die if you two don’t cut that thing right now,” he declared.

 

Together, the bride and groom cut the cake and dutifully fed each other the first pieces before dishing out slices for everyone else, and an extra large one for Hoss.  It was perfect.  Mary Lynn felt she couldn’t be happier.  Finding Adam had been her destiny, she was absolutely certain.

 

End of Part II

 

 

Blizzard of Destiny – Part III

 

Three and a half weeks had passed and Mary Lynn was enjoying life on the Ponderosa.  Almost all the snow was gone and spring was present in the Carson Valley, but all the Cartwrights assured her that snow would still be present on the upper parts of the mountain. 

 

She settled into a routine of working with Hop Sing on various household chores, riding April along various scenic paths Adam had shown her, and reading classics from Adam’s very respectable book collection. 

 

She hadn’t gotten her monthly flow, but she didn’t mention it to Adam since sometimes these things just happened.  However, she knew that her husband had an eagle eye and not much escaped his attention.  And at the rate they were making love, he was surely going to question her soon.

 

One morning after their one-month wedding anniversary, Adam and Mary Lynn joined the family for breakfast at the usual time.  Everyone was in good spirits, discussing the round-up that was scheduled in a few weeks.  Hop Sing’s usual hearty breakfast was on the table: hotcakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, toast.  Adam and his brothers jockeyed for who would perform what function in the round-up.  Mary Lynn was listening to them quietly, taking small bites of egg.  She found she wasn’t terribly hungry this morning.  Suddenly her stomach rebelled and she stood up quickly.

 

“Excuse me,” she managed and ran from the table, through Hop Sing’s kitchen and outside, where she grabbed a nearby tree and leaned over helplessly as her stomach emptied itself.  Adam had followed her quickly and soon had his arm around her waist as she retched on the ground.  He pulled her hair back and waited until she was finally quiet, breathing heavily to catch her breath.  She leaned back against him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

 

“Adam, I don’t know what happened, but I just don’t feel well.  The thought of eating makes me ill.”

 

“That’s all right.  Let’s get you upstairs so you can lie down until you feel better.”  As they walked together back through the house, Adam made apologies for his wife and got her settled comfortably in bed.  He sat with her for a while, telling her to come back down whenever she felt better.

 

Mary Lynn napped and did, in fact, feel better when she woke up again.  The house was quiet, with everyone out working.  She had discovered that the ranch was just like a small community, and there were always projects and events going on all over.  She had also learned that it covered a huge area; more than 1,000 square miles.  That thought made her head spin.  How could any family keep tabs on what was happening across that much land?  Well, it was a western dynasty, that was for sure.  She certainly had not realized that when she first met Adam, not even when he talked on and on about the ranch.

 

She ventured downstairs, and even found she was hungry when Hop Sing offered her a light lunch, which she kept down.  It was cool outside, so she spent the day reading in the great room.  When the Cartwrights returned for dinner, she was feeling like herself again, and she enjoyed dinner with everyone.

 

That night when she and Adam made love, she was surprised that her breasts were tender when he touched them, and she almost asked him to stop.  She was glad afterward when he was just holding her in his arms; for some reason the day had been very tiring, even though she hadn’t done very much at all.

 

The next morning she was horrified to repeat the same race from the breakfast table outside to throw up.  Once again, Adam escorted her upstairs and back to bed.  They met each other’s eyes this time, and he quizzed her about her monthly period.  She admitted she hadn’t had one since she met him, and also that her breasts felt almost painful.

 

There was a shimmer of tears in her eyes, and Adam smiled as he brushed imaginary hair off her forehead.  “See?  I won’t say ‘I told you so’ but you’re going to be a mother, Mrs. Cartwright.  You should know that I do want both my baby, and you too, my dear,” he hearkened back to their first big argument in the line shack, when she had stormed out to sleep in the stable.

 

She squeezed his hand as a small degree of panic hit her.  “Why do you have to be right all the time?  You predicted everything that’s happened between us.  And you’re so smug about it, too,” she made a face at him.

 

He gave her his self-satisfied smirk.  “That’s what everyone always says.”  But then he was serious.  “There’s no magic to it.  It’s just stuff you learn with time.  Don’t sell yourself short, Mary Lynn.  You’ll be an amazing mother.”  Then, “You might as well start thinking now about a time to visit Doc Martin,” he said as he got ready to go back downstairs.  “And,” he said pointedly, “no more horseback riding for you, young lady.”

 

When Adam returned to the table, only his father remained.  Joe and Hoss had left to start their work day.  Ben raised an eyebrow to Adam.  “Time for a visit to Paul Martin?”  As a three-time father, he knew the signs.

 

Adam sipped his coffee, but he was pleased.  “It looks that way, Pa.  I told you there wasn’t a whole lot to do in that line shack,” and he glanced away as Ben laughed out loud.

 

 

Dr. Paul Martin confirmed that Mary Lynn was 6-7 weeks pregnant.  He seemed a little surprised by the appearance of Adam and Mary Lynn together, but then, the local doctor saw many things he had to keep to himself.  He noted how happy both Adam and Mary Lynn were, and he knew that Mary Lynn was living at the Ponderosa.  They didn’t come right out and admit that the baby was Adam’s, but judging by the number of questions he peppered the doctor with, it was a fair guess that he was a highly interested party.  There had been no wedding and no announcement that he knew of, but the two of them certainly acted like newlyweds. 

 

As Adam waited for Mary Lynn to get ready to leave Dr. Martin’s office, he sensed the questions running through Martin’s mind.  Paul Martin had never let the Cartwrights down over the years through the thick and thin of illnesses and injuries.  He had spent long nights at the boys’ bedsides following one scrape, accident or another.  Adam felt it was only fair to fill him in.  “By the way, Paul,” he offered in a low voice, “Mary Lynn and I have been married for a few weeks now.  It’s all sealed and proper.  You can, however, expect an invitation to a small wedding ceremony out at the ranch in the near future.”  Dr. Martin smiled happily at this news and shook Adam’s hand.  As they left his office, he cautioned Mary Lynn to get a lot of rest and not overdo things.

 

“Well, at least that explains why I’m always so sleepy,” she said outside, yawning immediately afterward.

 

Adam laughed.  “Lucky you, you’re going to be the pampered princess for the next nine months.”

 

She stopped still on the sidewalk and pulled at Adam’s arm.  “Adam, we have to get my grandfather now, and we have to have a wedding fast.  Very fast!”  Suddenly everything that Adam had warned her about pre-marital sex was ringing in her head.  Did he know everything about everything?  Really, if she thought about it too much it would just be maddening!

 

He was looking off into the distance.  “You’re right about that.  It won’t do to delay any of it any longer.  One thing is for certain though, you cannot travel up the mountain in your condition. I’ll have to go myself.”

 

“But Adam!”  She protested with the stamp of one foot.  “I have to get all my things.”

 

“I can very well get them for you, but you are not riding in a wagon which is bumping over stones and ruts and limbs a long way up a steep mountain.  And there’s no room for argument about that.”  She knew from his tone of voice that there was no use in trying to argue the point.  No doubt he was right as usual anyway.

 

With wedding plans already underway, Adam found himself driving a solid wagon up Nolan Mountain on a clear, relatively warm day about a week later.  He was alone and not particularly looking forward to breaking his news to Vance Nolan.  Vance had a reputation for keeping to himself and having a touchy temper.  Adam didn’t know him as well as Ben did, so he wasn’t sure what to expect in terms of a reaction.

 

Even with a team of strong work horses, traveling up the mountain was not easy.  The horses had to step carefully in order not to lose their purchase.  The snow was melting rapidly now, but it was still slippery, and there were still spots where snow covered whatever lay beneath it, and the unknown could be treacherous for the team.  As he passed the general vicinity of the line shack where he and Mary Lynn had met, Adam felt a general nostalgia.  Just thinking about having sex with her those first few days made him hard.  He shook his head and moved on.  It took an additional three hours to reach Vance Nolan’s compound.  It consisted of a small ranch house, a barn, several out buildings and a corral.  As Adam pulled up the brake on the wagon, he looked at the vista surrounding the sight.  He had to admit that at this remarkable height it was beautiful; as beautiful as any the Ponderosa offered.

 

Company didn’t come calling for Vance very often, and it only took a few seconds before the front door opened and he ambled out to see who it was.  He thought this young man in a light coat and black hat looked kind of familiar, but he couldn’t really be sure.  Maybe he had some news about Mary Lynn.  She had never returned from what was supposed to have been a short, overnight visit to her friend’s house.  The blizzard had hit, and he had been agonizing about her ever since.

 

Adam jumped down from the wagon and smiled as he walked toward Mary Lynn’s grandfather.  Vance Nolan was a rather short, wiry man with a grizzled face he didn’t always shave, and an ever-present pipe he chewed on if he wasn’t actually smoking.  Today he wore a flannel shirt and jeans with suspenders, along with heavy work boots.

 

“G’day, son,” at least he seemed in a good enough mood, Adam thought.  He extended his hand, “Mr. Nolan, I’m Adam Cartwright from the Ponderosa.  I believe you know my father, Ben.”

 

“Ben Cartwright!  I surely do.  I must have met you at one time or another?” he gave Adam a close look.  He gestured toward the house, and Adam followed him in.  It was small and sparsely furnished, but it seemed comfortable.  A fire burned in its central fireplace.  It was definitely colder up on the mountain top than in the Carson Valley, and the fire felt good to Adam after the long ride.

 

“What can I do for you?”  Vance was puffing on his aromatic pipe.

 

“Well, sir, I have news for you about your granddaughter,” Adam began cautiously.

 

Vance perked up instantly and yanked the pipe out of his mouth.  “You do?  Where is she?  Is she all right?”

 

Adam held up his hands.  “Yes, yes sir, she’s fine,” he heard Vance let out an audible sigh of relief.  “She and I both holed up in the same line shack about halfway down the mountain when we both got stuck in the storm.  Only she was smarter than I was and she hunkered down there in the afternoon before it got really bad, and being stubborn, I stayed out in it until almost dark, and only stumbled on it by accident in the white-out because she had a fire lit and I could see its light.”

 

Vance chuckled, “She’s a smart girl, my Mary Lynn.  But where is she now?  Why didn’t she come with you?”

 

“Well, sir, we had to stay in that shack 8 days before we could get out to travel, and then we could only go down the mountain.  Travel uphill has only been possible in the last few days, as you probably realize.”  Vance was nodding.  “So I took her with me to the Ponderosa, and that’s where she’s been ever since.  And she’s fine,” Adam hastened to add again.

 

“So where is she now, young man?”

 

“Well, sir, she’s still at the Ponderosa.  You see, we got married, Mr. Nolan.”

 

“Got married?  Without her grandfather to give her away?”  Vance seemed hurt.

 

“Well, yes, but you see, sir, she had a good reason for that.  Mary Lynn is expecting a baby and that’s why we got married right away and why I wouldn’t let her take the bumpy ride up the mountain,” at least Adam had gotten it all out at once.

 

Vance Nolan stood stock still, staring at Adam, pipe in hand.  “She’s married and expecting a baby?” 

 

“Yes, sir.  We fell in love during the blizzard and she asked me to come up here and…” Adam didn’t see it coming quickly enough.  Vance had taken two steps toward him, pulled his arm back and slammed his fist into Adam’s jaw.  Caught completely off guard, Adam stumbled backward several steps.  He was sure his jaw was broken, and Vance was seventy if he was a day.  He put his hand up to it, feeling it gingerly.

 

“You took advantage of my granddaughter?  You raped my granddaughter when she was trapped and had nowhere to go?  Why you’re no better than human scum, and I don’t care if your name is Cartwright!  You’re a criminal; you should be in jail,” Vance was moving toward Adam again, and this time Adam put his fists up to protect himself.

 

“Mr. Nolan, I don’t want to do this, but if you swing at me again, I’ll deck you,” he called out.

 

“Go ahead, boy.  I’ll take you on any day,” by now Vance was pushing his sleeves up, pipe dropped to the floor.

 

“Look, I told you I love her, Mr. Nolan.  She’s happy. She hasn’t been forced to do anything.  I came here to bring you down to the Ponderosa so we can have a formal wedding ceremony.” 

 

That seemed to register with him, and he halted.  “You’re having a wedding and Mary Lynn wants me to be there?  You’re positive she’s happy?”

 

“Mr. Nolan, I assure you, we love each other.  It would make her very happy to have you with her for the wedding.”

 

“How long have you two been married?” he asked suspiciously.

 

“Almost two months.”

 

“You didn’t rape her?”

 

“I most certainly did not rape her.  I have only treated her with the utmost love and respect.  She is my wife.”

 

“But you had to get married.”

 

“We both wanted to get married.”

 

“Aren’t you a little old for her?”

 

“Nine years, sir.”

 

“Oh,” he seemed, at last, to be out of questions.  But then he thought of one more.  “Well, when do you want to leave?”

 

“Well, Mary Lynn asked me to bring back her clothes and other belongings, which I figure will take a while to pack up.  So I thought we might leave in the morning, if that’s convenient for you, sir.”

 

“Oh, of course, her clothes.  I’ll show you where they are.  You got boxes?  Good.  We can leave in the morning, that’ll work.”

 

So after unhitching the team of horses, Adam spent the rest of the day in Mary Lynn’s room packing up her things.  His wife had pretty dresses, and he was impressed because he knew she made many of them herself.  Now and then he stopped to rub his distinctly sore jaw.  Vance Nolan packed quite a wallop, he thought every time he touched it carefully.  He was never called for dinner, but when he smelled food and his stomach growled in response, he wandered through the house until he found Vance eating boiled beef and cabbage.  Although Vance hadn’t called Adam to dinner, a place setting had been laid for him, so he sat down and ate. It seemed that Vance couldn’t decide whether to take to Adam or not, so conversation was rather stilted.  After eating, Adam cleaned up after himself and slept in Mary Lynn’s bed that night.

 

Early in the morning, Adam was up and loading boxes into the wagon.  He had asked Vance if any of the furniture in her room should be taken, and Vance had indicated a bureau with an attached mirror as well as a rocking chair.  So Adam wrapped them carefully, loaded them as well, and tied a canvas tarpaulin securely over the contents of the wagon bed.

 

Breakfast had been dry toast, bacon and cheese, along with strong, bitter coffee.  As soon as Vance appeared with his satchel, Adam stowed it behind the buckboard and they were off down the mountain.  Vance had a hired man who would be able to look after the place while he was gone.  The journey was mostly silent.  Occasionally Adam whistled to himself, and Vance puffed on his pipe most of the time.  He knew where the line shack was, and when they passed the turnoff where it was located, he gestured in its general direction.

 

“Is that where you did it?”

 

Adam held his breath, counted to ten and exhaled.  “That’s where we both took refuge from the storm,” he said politely.  “Actually, Mary Lynn saved my life.”  Vance halfway turned his head at that to look at Adam—perhaps trying to decide if his life was worth saving—but then listened quietly while Adam related the story.  At least it helped pass some time.

 

By mid-afternoon Adam was greatly relieved to reach the Ponderosa.  One of the hired hands took the team from him and he grabbed Vance’s satchel, escorting him into the house, where Mary Lynn was waiting with Ben. 

 

“Oh, Grandpa, I missed you!” she cried, running into his embrace.  He hugged her fiercely.

 

“I was mighty worried about you, Missy.  Didn’t know where you’d got to,” he took her left hand and held it up, then clucked his tongue.  “He knocked you up and didn’t even buy you a wedding ring!”

 

“Grandpa!”  Mary Lynn could only put her hands to her red cheeks and stare at him, astonished. 

 

Adam stepped in lightly at that moment.  “Don’t worry, Vance, she’ll have a special one next week at the wedding ceremony.”  He then proceeded to reintroduce Vance to his father, who wasn’t particularly surprised by the older man’s direct coarseness.

 

While Ben poured brandy for Vance, Adam used the opportunity to take Mary Lynn into his arms and kiss her.  When she noticed the bruise on his jaw, he whispered, “He thinks I raped you.”  Again her eyes widened in surprise, wondering if the Cartwrights would survive Vance Nolan.

 

But survive him they did, and on the following Saturday, Vance Nolan gave away his granddaughter at a lovely wedding ceremony held in the great room at the Ponderosa.  A string quartet played music, beautiful flowers filled the room, Mary Lynn wore a cream colored lace gown with her blonde hair styled into a French roll, and Adam was darkly handsome in a black suit with a white shirt and black string tie.  Close Cartwright friends filled the room and Ben was Adam’s best man.  Hoss and Joe stood proudly by while Hop Sing presided over delicious food and an even bigger wedding cake than he had previously made.  After exchanging vows, with Reverend Hawlings officiating, Adam placed a gold ring on Mary Lynn’s finger.  It was a polished, wide gold band with a circle of diamonds that ran clear around the center of it.  Even Vance couldn’t find anything to criticize about it.  At the conclusion of the ceremony, Adam wrapped his arms tightly around his bride and kissed her long enough that everyone in the room knew that this was no shotgun marriage.

 

The rest of the day was devoted to eating, dancing and toasting the newly married couple.  It was a perfect wedding and a perfect party. The last of the guests left after midnight, and Adam hustled Mary Lynn off to bed shortly after that, despite her protests.  He knew she was dead on her feet, and he wanted her to get the sleep she seemed to need so much of these days. He felt good.  He had found a fine woman and married her.  It had happened fast, but it felt right.  After all his thirty years, it felt right to be wed to Mary Lynn; to love her, hold her, be her life partner, sleep with her and give her babies.  He felt a peace his searching soul had never known before.  If he could come home every day and see her face, talk with her, be with her, then everything in his world would be right.

 

 

It seemed to Mary Lynn that her pregnant belly was awfully big.  Not that she had a lot of experience in that department, but it was her general perception.  She was in her fourth month of pregnancy, and thankfully the morning sickness had finally left her.  She didn’t even feel sleepy all the time anymore.  She felt more like just herself.  Except with a large belly.

 

One day when the men were all out mending fence line and looking for stray cattle, she rode into town with Hop Sing.  They both had errands to run.  Her fist stop was Dr. Paul Martin’s office.  She wanted him to reassure her that everything with her pregnancy was as it should be.  He greeted her cordially and then gave her a thorough examination.  He took a long time listing at her belly with his stethoscope.  When he stood up straight, he smiled at her.

 

“Well, Mrs. Adam Cartwright, the reason you perceive your baby’s size to be larger than normal is that I can hear two heartbeats inside, and you are carrying twins.”

 

Mary Lynn’s face lit up at this news.  She placed her hands on her stomach in wonderment.

 

“Oh, Dr. Martin,” she said, a slow smile spreading over her face.  “Won’t this have the people of Virginia City counting the days from our wedding while they watch my growing waistline!”

 

“Probably, Mary Lynn,” he chuckled.  “But you’ll just have to ignore them.  They don’t know everything there is to know, unless, of course, you choose to tell them.”

 

She jumped down from the examining table and began adjusting her clothes.  “I can wait to see Adam’s face when I tell him!”  She was beaming with excitement.

 

“Just remember,” Paul cautioned.  “Multiple pregnancies carry higher risks in general, so I want you to be careful and make sure you take it easy.  Sometimes these babies comer earlier than singles, and the closer you get to delivery, the harder it will be to move around.  So just sit back and let yourself be pampered by all those big strong men at the Ponderosa.”

 

“I will, Dr. Martin.”  She kissed him on the cheek and fairly floated out of his office.  She stopped at the general store to buy fabric to begin sewing more clothes for what was now going to be a double layette.  She was glowing and she knew it.  Hop Sing noticed right away.

 

“Missy Melly happy.  Get good news?”

 

“Yes, Hop Sing.  Very good news.  I’ll tell everyone at dinner tonight.”

 

The first person to hear the news, of course, was Adam.  Mary Lynn told him in their bedroom before dinner.  His eyes grew very wide and then he swung his wife around in a circle.  “Twins,” he said, shaking his head.  “We really got ourselves into something here, didn’t we?”  He smiled at her.  “Pink? Blue? Boys? Girls? One of each?”  They just looked at each other and shrugged, laughing helplessly.

 

They told their news at dinner that night to a very excited Cartwright family.  Everyone said they couldn’t wait to find out exactly what type of twins would appear. 

 

“Why, the human type, of course,” replied Adam with eminent logic.

 

C’mon Adam, you know what we mean,” Little Joe, said, his eyes sparkling.

 

“I know what you mean,” Mary Lynn jumped in.  “We can’t wait to find out either.  It’s so exciting.”

 

But they all had to wait another five months.  In the meantime, Erin, now Hoss’ wife, helped Mary Lynn make double the items she had planned on for her layette.  And they tried to stay away from gender specific colors.  Erin was very interested in all aspects of the pregnancy, since she and Hoss wanted a baby very much.

 

But ranch business didn’t stand still for pregnancies, and so the busy life of the Ponderosa ranch moved on inexorably, with all the men busy with their seasonal work.  Sometimes Adam was away on business, and other times the men were away overnight, but still on the Ponderosa for round-ups or other work.  Mary Lynn passed the time as quietly as she could, growing her babies.  As Adam told her, that was her Number One job right now.  And eventually she reached the point where she was within a few weeks of delivery.

 

Mary Lynn was finding it increasingly hard to get around these days.  Everyone in the family was helping her to get out of chairs, out of bed, climb down from carriages, walk up stairs and almost everything else.  They did it gladly, but she was frustrated by her inabilities, and ready for the babies’ appearance.

 

Adam still held her close at night, his arm around her belly, but they had ceased lovemaking several weeks ago at Dr. Martin’s warning. They both missed the closeness, but also realized the physical obstacles such an act was faced with.

 

After one particularly sleepless night, Mary Lynn had fallen asleep fitfully just hours before dawn.  When she awoke, Adam was up and pulling on his pants.  She turned to him, alarmed,

 

“Adam, the bed is wet.  I’m all wet!  Did I…?” She was embarrassed and angry at herself.

 

“No, Mary Lynn, you didn’t.  It seems your water has broken.  Our babies have decided to come.  Today may be their birthday,” he grinned at her.

 

“Oh!”  She pushed herself up suddenly.  She felt a small twinge around her belly.  “I think you’re right, Adam.”

“Sweetheart, you stay there and I’ll send Erin to help you and someone else to ride for Doc Martin,” Adam spun around, and still shirtless, he was gone from the room.

 

End of Part III

 

 

Blizzard of Destiny – Part IV

 

By the time Doc Martin arrived at the Ponderosa, Mary Lynn had been changed into a dry gown and moved into a larger room.  She was sitting up in bed with pillows propped behind her back.  Her hands were splayed across her stomach as small contractions tightened her belly every 15 minutes or so.  Erin sat by her bedside sympathetically, chatting lightly, ready to do whatever was needed.

 

Breakfast downstairs had an excited air, as the family gathered and eagerly anticipated the first Cartwright grandchildren.  This group included Vance Nolan who had arrived a few days before the anticipated event.  There wouldn’t be much work done on the Ponderosa this day.  Ben was finally able to force Adam to eat a few bites of food before he bolted upstairs to be with Mary Lynn.  Dr. Martin pronounced everything moving forward on schedule, and even took time to have a bit of breakfast with the family.

 

By noontime, Mary Lynn’s contractions were more intense and coming more frequently.  She was getting through them with gritted teeth and squeezing Adam’s forearms tightly each time.  Dr. Martin had told them there were probably hours to go yet, so Mary Lynn tried to rest between contractions.  Adam murmured reassurances to her and bathed her face with a cool cloth.  Erin laid out Dr. Martin’s instruments at his instruction and gathered the other supplies he ordered.

 

Several hours later, when Paul felt the first baby was close to being born, he tried to persuade Adam to join his family downstairs.  Adam was characteristically himself at that point and bluntly refused.  He was staying with his wife.  With intense contractions tearing at her mid-section, Paul finally told Mary Lynn she could push the first baby out.  She struggled mightily, and Adam had by now tied rope pulls to the bed posts for her to grasp.  She felt as though nothing was happening, but both Paul and Erin told her she was doing a good job.  Adam couldn’t see what was happening from his vantage point by Mary Lynn’s head, but he knew that things were under control.

 

“Keep going, Mary Lynn, we can see a head of black hair now.  Give another push and let’s get that head out,” Dr. Martin encouraged her.  The contractions seemed right on top of each other, and she barely had time to lie back and breathe before the next one assaulted her body.  At last Paul told her the baby’s head was out and that she could lie back while he eased the baby out.

 

After a few silent moments when Doc Martin was very busy, a very loud cry filled the room.  This was one baby who was objecting to being thrust out of his nice, dark, warm cocoon.

 

“Well, look at that.  You two have a very fine son, and if he doesn’t look just like his father, I don’t know who does!”  Doc Martin sounded pleased.  He handed the baby off to Erin who began to clean him, and he turned his attention back to Mary Lynn.

 

“All right, now, Mary Lynn, we have one more to go.  It may be a few minutes before the contractions start for this one, but you’re going to do the same thing all over again.”

 

Elated at the news of her son, Mary Lynn just rested, holding tightly to Adam’s hand.  Adam was amazed by the thought that he and Mary Lynn had created a child, who was now, in fact, here and crying lustily.  He disengaged his hand from his wife’s and moved over to where Erin was bathing his son.  His heart swelled watching the red-faced baby yell for all he was worth, arms and legs flying.  Well, the boy had energy, that much was certain.

 

He returned to Mary Lynn’s side.  “He’s beautiful, sweetheart.  You did a great job,” and he kissed her lightly.  She smiled and a tear fell from the corner of her eye, which Adam caught and brushed away.

 

After a few more minutes passed with no activity except on the part of the newborn, Dr. Martin checked on the second baby.  He had to reach way up inside Mary Lynn to get an exact position, which he knew caused her discomfort.  His head dropped down momentarily, but then he sat up and took a deep breath.

 

“Okay, everyone, we have a problem here.  This second baby has flipped on us and is now in a breech position.  We’re going to have to turn him so Mary Lynn can deliver him.

 

Adam felt a chill run through his body.  He knew what the risks of a breech birth were.  Both the mother and the baby could die.  Suddenly he felt nauseated, but he just kept stroking Mary Lynn’s hand.

 

“Adam, I’ve got hold of the baby’s foot, which is pointing toward me.  We have to get his head where his foot is.  I want you to try to turn him.”

 

Adam felt true panic as suddenly everything he lived for stood at stake. He had never done anything remotely like this before.  He stood woodenly and moved toward Paul.

 

“I want you to get a grip on her belly and turn that baby 180 degrees.  I’m going to hang onto his foot as long as I can so I can gauge his progress.  Mary Lynn, this isn’t going to be comfortable, but we have to do it.”

 

She nodded.  “Just do it, then,” her jaw was clenched.

 

Adam pulled up her gown to expose her belly and then felt it with both hands trying to get a feel for the baby’s position.  Her belly felt hard, but the baby’s head must be facing her if the feet were facing Paul. 

 

“Just do it, Adam.  You have to turn hard,” Paul instructed.

 

Not even sure he was grasping the baby at all, Adam’s hands gripped and he turned them toward Paul.  Mary Lynn shuddered.

 

“Nothing, Adam.  Try harder.”

 

Adam gripped again and twisted with all his might.  Mary Lynn screamed at the pain and Adam took an immediate step back, his hands in the air.  He placed one hand over his eyes, trying to block out the developing nightmare in front of him.  Hearing his wife scream at pain he had caused her terrified him.

 

Paul looked quickly at Erin.  “Is Hoss here?”  When she nodded, Paul instructed, “Get him up here, and make Adam leave.”

 

Erin swiftly placed the first baby in a waiting cradle and rushed out the door.  For a big man, Hoss was in the room in mere seconds.

 

“Get Adam out of here,” Paul said tersely.

 

As Hoss tried to guide him to the door, Adam struggled, “I’m not leaving.  I’m staying with Mary Lynn.  Leave me alone!”  He was in a black fury born of fear.  In the end, Hoss simply picked him up bodily, put him outside in the hall, and locked the bedroom door.

 

“Tell me what to do, Doc,” he turned back to the birthing bed, all business.

 

“We’ve got to turn this baby, Hoss.  I know you’ve done this before with animal births.  It’s not all that different.  I’m holding a foot and we’ve got to move the head down toward me.”

 

Hoss took a deep breath.  He knew what needed to be done.  First he looked at Mary Lynn.  “Darlin’, don’t you worry none.  If I have anything to do with it, you ain’t goin’ to die and neither is your baby.  I’ll be as gentle as I can, but like as not this is going to hurt.”  When he saw her eyes acknowledge his statement, he went into action.

 

The excitement in the Ponderosa’s great room had turned into tension when Hoss went racing upstairs at Erin’s beckoning.  Ben heard Adam struggling with Hoss upstairs, and he ran up to try to comfort his son.  Adam stood outside the birthing room, facing the wall.  His arm leaned against the wall, and his face was buried in the crook of it.

 

“Adam,” Ben put a fatherly hand on his shoulder.  “Everything will be all right.  Paul Martin knows what he’s doing, and you know how much experience Hoss has birthing animals, even some pretty difficult breech births.

 

“You don’t know that everything will be all right,” Adam’s voice was muffled.  He heaved a dry sob.  “I can’t lose her, I just can’t.”

 

“Son, the Good Lord is watching over her, you have to believe that.”

 

Before Adam could answer, another scream of pain came from the room.  Hearing this, Adam turned and flung himself into his father’s arms.  All Ben could do was to hold him, filled with anxiety himself.  His son hadn’t sought the comfort of his arms since he was nine years old.  They stood there holding each other for an eternity, until finally the door opened and Hoss stood there, straight faced and serious.  Adam spun around and Hoss gripped his shoulders.  He placed a hand on Adam’s back, gave him a nod and with a light push sent him into the room.

 

Mary Lynn was lying back in bed, eyes closed, her face terribly pale.  Her freckles almost stood out in relief against the whiteness of her skin.  Paul Martin was working busily with something on his lap, and Erin stood close by, watching anxiously.

 

“C’mon, fella, breathe and turn pink for me,” Paul was muttering as he swiped out the baby’s mouth with a clean cloth.  He deftly turned him over and tapped sharply on his back.  There was a gasp, and then another before a thin wail was heard, that grew steadily stronger as Paul rubbed the baby’s back briskly.  After a few moments, he handed the baby off to Erin and turned back to Mary Lynn.

 

“Well, Adam, Mary Lynn did a lot of hard work, but she’s given you two fine sons today.  Looks to me like they’re both going to be just fine, and I need to take a closer look, but if I’m not mistaken, you’ve got identical twin boys there.  I’d watch out for that second one, though.  He’s going to be a little devil, given what he put us through today.”

 

Adam let go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.  He caressed Mary Lynn’s face, and she opened her eyes.  “Adam,” she whispered. 

 

“Hush, sweetheart.  You need to rest.  Did you hear?  We have two sons!”

 

She smiled weakly, “And I suppose they look just like you.”

 

He smiled at that, “That’s what I’ve heard, but I haven’t seen them both yet.

“They’ll probably know everything about everything, too, won’t they?”

 

He kissed her forehead.  “Adam, let me see my boys.  Bring them here.”

 

Erin brought them over, and as Adam rose to meet her, he saw a large pile of bloody towels near Paul’s feet.  Mary Lynn was bleeding heavily.  His eyes met Erin’s and he saw fear looking back at him.  He knew Paul was packing clean towels between Mary Lynn’s legs and he was massaging her belly to get the bleeding to stop.

 

Feeling the same earlier chill, Adam took the two small bundles and held them where Mary Lynn could see them.  When she reached one arm out, he nestled one baby next to her.

 

“This is Number One,” he said

 

“Nolan Benjamin,” she said.  “Just like we decided.”

 

“And I’ve got Number Two,” Adam held the baby so she could look at his face.

 

“Logan Eric,” she smiled.  “Adam, Hoss saved him.  We have to name him after Hoss.”

 

“I know he did,” Adam replied, feeling the sting of tears.  He saved you too, dearest, he thought.

 

“Take them downstairs.  I’m sure everyone is waiting to see them.”  She closed her eyes again after Adam had a baby in each arm.  “And Adam?”  He turned back to her.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too, Mary Lynn, my darling.”

 

Erin opened the bedroom door for him and he moved gingerly down the hall and then the stairs until he reached the landing. His entire family was gathered there, including Vance.  Adam stood there with a baby in each arm, suddenly grinning like a fool, and everyone let out whoops of joy.  Moving down to the bottom of the stairs, Adam handed one baby to his father, announcing, “Nolan Benjamin.”  Vance and Ben eagerly began to inspect their namesake.  The other bundle was handed to Hoss.  “Logan Eric,” Adam said, and then, in a voice that failed him, he whispered hoarsely, “Thank you, Hoss.”  The baby looked unbelievably small in Hoss’ big arm, but never was there a more tender embrace. Hoss had tears in his eyes as his gaze met Adam’s and he answered, “Anytime, brother, anytime.”

 

The rejoicing and celebration was all too short, because Erin appeared at the top of the stairs and called for Adam.  “Dr. Martin needs to see you, Adam.”

 

Leaving his newborn sons with his family, Adam bounded up the stairs.  Paul Martin looked very serious when he saw the new father.

 

“Adam, I think I got the bleeding stopped.  She hemorrhaged, and she’s weak from it.  The delivery was hard on her; you know that.  She’s slipped into a coma, Adam, and there’s nothing to do for it except wait it out.”

 

Adam looked quickly at Mary Lynn.  She was pale, but she was just sleeping like before, he was sure of it.  He moved toward the bed and sat next to her.

 

“Mary Lynn?  Wake up, sweetheart, it’s me,” he stroked her cheeks as he spoke to her.  But she didn’t move.  He could see her chest rising and falling with her breathing.  She was still alive.

 

“Adam, she can’t hear you,” Paul sounded inordinately sad.  He had moved over to Adam and now placed his hand on his shoulder.  Adam grabbed his wrist.  “Paul, she won’t….. tell me she won’t….” he couldn’t finish the sentence.

 

“Adam, I can’t say.  She took a beating and this is her body’s way of protecting itself.  It’s shutting her down and putting up all its defenses so she can get the rest she needs.  There’s so much we doctors don’t know about the human body.  I’ve seen people recover from things like this, and I’ve also seen them slip away.”

 

Adam grabbed the man’s coat.  “No!” He was nose to nose with Paul.  “Tell me what to do for her.”

 

Doc Martin shook his head from the futility of it.  “Keep her warm and watch for a fever.  If she starts to bleed again, pack her with clean towels and send for me right away.  I’ll send a wet nurse for the babies.”

 

“No!” Adam now looked almost like a wild man.  “Do not send a wet nurse.  If she wakes up and finds I’ve let her milk dry up so she can’t nurse her babies, she’ll have my hide.  If she lives, she wants to nurse them.”

 

Paul knew that Mary Lynn’s milk would come in anyway if she woke up within a few days, but since the issue seemed so important to Adam, he just nodded and turned to leave the room.  “Remember, son, call me if anything changes.”

 

Adam sat and rested his forehead on his arm.  A light hand touched his shoulder.  He looked up to see Erin still in the room.  The look in her eyes spoke volumes about love and sympathy.  He took her hand.  “Thank you for everything you did, Erin.  I’ll never forget it.  When the babies get hungry, bring them up here.  This is where I’m staying for now.”  She nodded and quietly went downstairs.

 

It was almost evening.  Adam turned down the lantern in the room and pulled down the covers opposite Mary Lynn.  He crawled slowly under them, moved close to her, and took her gently in his arms.  When had it happened that her life had become his?  It didn’t really matter, he thought, because it was already done.  He knew he would not leave this bed until her condition had resolved one way or another.  He was a father now, but he didn’t know if his children would have a mother.  He put his head down next to his wife’s and silently let fall the tears that he had held back for hours.

 

 

For the next two days Adam never left Mary Lynn’s bed.  Occasionally he took a drink of water, but he didn’t eat.  Mary Lynn’s condition didn’t change and he just held her close in his arms.  When the babies needed a feeding, Erin brought them in and they would unbutton Mary Lynn’s nightgown and each held a baby so he could nurse at his mother’s breast.  On the second day her milk came in and her breasts were engorged with milk.  When the babies weren’t feeding, Adam draped her with towels to absorb the leaking milk.  The bleeding had diminished to normal post-delivery bleeding, but Erin checked it regularly.  Adam knew that if she didn’t wake up and take liquids soon her milk would begin to dry up.  But he couldn’t think about that now.  For now, he was just doing whatever he could manage without going crazy.

 

His family tried to persuade him to leave the room, but he adamantly refused.  He essentially never took his arms away from her.  If she was dying, he needed every moment to memorize the feel of her, and if she was going to recover, he knew the feel of his love would spur her on.  He talked to her, too.  He told her about the babies and how greedy they were when they ate.  He told her stories about his days in college in Boston, and about how he fell in love with her at the line shack during the blizzard.  He told her he needed her to wake up so he could keep on living, and how he didn’t know how he would live if she didn’t. And when he had talked himself out, he recited Shakespeare’s sonnets to her.

 

On the morning of the third day, Adam, spent, was sleeping fitfully.  The twins had fed at 4:30 in the morning, and he had fallen into an exhausted sleep after that.  He woke up slowly to the feeling of someone stroking his chin.  When he opened his eyes, he saw Mary Lynn’s deep blue ones looking back at him.  She was smiling at him, and it was she who was touching him.  He started when he saw her, and she laughed.

 

“Adam, you’re growing a beard.  Why?”

 

“Mary Lynn, sweetheart, are you all right?  Do you feel all right?” he hovered over her anxiously.

 

She laughed again.  “Of course, silly.  Why wouldn’t I be?  Well, on second thought, I do feel a little sore, and I’m thirsty, and starving, and most of all I want a bath.”

 

“Well, you slept for a long time after the babies were born,” he said cautiously.  Was it possible she didn’t remember the coma?  Doc Martin hadn’t even talked about that.

 

“Well you would too if you had gone through what I had to!” She feigned indignation. “The men get to have all the fun making babies, and the women do all the work birthing them.  Isn’t it just typical!”  She gave him a pointed look.  “And Adam, next time Doc Martin says turn the baby, turn the baby!  I have to give Hoss a big hug and kiss.  You should too.”

 

Adam couldn’t take his eyes off her.  He was beginning to feel life and joy coursing through his veins again.  She was awake and it appeared she had no memory of the terrible hours when she hovered between life and death. 

 

He stroked her hair and smiled at her.  “I will, Mary Lynn.  As soon as I see Hoss, I’m going to kiss him.”

 

“Adam, go get the babies.  Let’s look at them again,” she sounded as excited as a child with a new toy.  “And please ask Hop Sing to bring me a hot bath.”

 

Within minutes they were both lounging on the bed they hadn’t left for the past three days, examining and playing with their sons.  They counted fingers and toes, compared eye color, fingernails and length of hair.  They couldn’t tell the boys apart.  Mary Lynn, beginning to realize that she had slept for longer than she realized, wanted to know how everyone was telling them apart.

 

“Who’s Nolan and who’s Logan?” She was truly perplexed.

 

“Well, if you really want to know,” Adam teased her, “look at their ankles.  Erin made a red band for Logan’s ankle since he gave us all the trouble by trying to come out feet first.  It’s like a scarlet letter.”  There was, in fact, a red band around one of the four ankles.

 

Mary Lynn made a face and kissed Logan’s foot.  Then she kissed Adam’s mouth and sighed.  “Don’t we make beautiful babies?” 

 

“Of course we do.  They both look just like me,” he smirked for the first time in days and in the course of doing so, didn’t duck fast enough to avoid the pillow that flew through the air and hit him square in the face.

 

After eating a light meal at Adam’s insistence, Mary Lynn let him help her take a bath and wash her hair.  It felt heavenly.  She was amazed by the increased size of her breasts.  “Adam, I have giant breasts.  I can’t believe it.  Are they going to stay that way?” she was just staring down at herself.

 

“It’s great, isn’t it?  And I certainly hope so.”  He grinned again and caught a wave of water the heel of her hand sent his way.  He felt giddy with happiness.  She was his Mary Lynn, back and being herself.  However, he encouraged her to finish her bath and get back into bed.  He didn’t want to overtire her, and Doc Martin had already been sent for.  He was just helping her button a new, clean nightgown when Erin knocked on the door and offered to braid her hair.  Hoss was right behind her.  Erin hugged Mary Lynn.  “You gave us all a scare, dear,” she said in her Irish brogue.

 

Mary Lynn held out her arms.  “Oh, Hoss, how can we ever thank you?”  She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek.  He blushed a bright red.

 

“It weren’t nothin’ and you know it,” he said softly.

 

“Yes it was!”  Mary Lynn insisted.  “You saved my life and Logan’s too, little hellion that he is.  And Adam, remember you said you’d kiss Hoss, too.”

 

Adam rolled his eyes, but obediently got on his tip-toes and planted a kiss on his tall brother’s forehead.  Mary Lynn and Erin laughed together at the sight of their husbands’ display of affection.  It was this scene that Doc Martin encountered as he entered the room. How different it was from the one he had last seen in this very same room!

 

“Now, now,” he said.  “My patient is not allowed to have any levity at all.  It makes her cheeks pink.”  They all grinned at him.  Hoss and Erin left the room, and Paul proceeded to examine Mary Lynn.

 

“Well, Mrs. Cartwright, I would say you are well on the road to recovery.”  He was amazed by her verve and renewed strength.  He had taken the time to explain in detail what had happened to her, which surprised her since she didn’t remember anything beyond the babies’ birth.  “I think you were in shock and your body just put you on shutdown,” he concluded.  He also pronounced the babies healthy and fit and left the “sick” room with Adam and Mary Lynn nuzzling each other.

 

A very relieved Ben Cartwright offered him coffee with brandy when he got downstairs, which he happily accepted.  The Cartwrights were whole again, and the life and love of their daily routine would now resume.

 

Later that night, when Adam and Mary Lynn were lying in bed together following a 10:00 feeding, Mary Lynn told Adam about her long sleep.

 

“I know I was dreaming, Adam.  I saw my mother and we had a long talk.  I told her I had gotten married and just gave birth to twins.  She acted like she knew all about it and she said they were going to be very handsome men, along with their brothers and sisters.  She was in a beautiful garden, and I wanted to stay and talk to her, but she told me I needed to go back because you needed me and the boys did too.  Then I dreamed about the blizzard and how we met and fell in love.  And finally I was dreaming Shakespeare.  Does that make any sense to you at all?”

 

Adam was quiet for a while, breathing deeply and peacefully.  “It does, Mary Lynn.  It makes perfect sense to me.”

 

End of Part IV

 

 

Blizzard of Destiny – Part V

 

The Cartwright twins were growing like weeds, as Ben liked to say.  At three months they were alert, smiling and cooing to each other on a regular basis.  They both seemed happy, and loved it when a parent, uncle, aunt or grandfather picked them up to play. And as Dr. Martin had predicted, they were definitely identical.  Logan still wore the red band around his ankle, even though Mary Lynn thought she could see some differences between the young brothers that helped her tell them apart.  Even though they were too small yet to be moving around on their own, Logan seemed happiest when he was in the center of action.  He wanted to see things happening, and tended to fuss more in quiet times.  Nolan, on the other hand, seemed as though he might take after his father’s bookish side.  He didn’t seem to mind solitude, and spent much of his time just taking in what was happening around him.  Nevertheless, until her theories were further borne out, Mary Lynn left the ankle band on Logan.

 

To her surprise, even though Adam was affectionate and kissed her as often as he could, he had not made a move to make love to her since the twins’ birth.  She was still nursing the babies and thought that might be part of the reason her husband hadn’t initiated any romantic activity.  He seemed thrilled to be a father, and spent many evenings playing with his sons in the great room of the Ponderosa.  Of course, the twins had become the favorite playthings for the entire Cartwright family, and the babies were usually in the arms of one doting relative or another.  Adam liked to hold a baby on his lap and make silly faces, or let little fists grasp his fingers as he pulled unsteady legs up to a standing position.  He also delighted in throwing them up in the air and catching them, which they also loved, and which Mary Lynn abhorred.  But of course, Adam always caught his sons.  He never missed.

 

One night some weeks later, Mary Lynn decided to take matters into her own hands and made romantic overtures to Adam that night when they went to bed.  He held her and kissed her as usual, but he didn’t respond to any further advances, even ones she knew should have him ready and willing.

 

“Adam, what’s wrong?  Don’t you want to make love to me anymore?”  She was confused and somewhat angry, so she took the direct approach.  This was not like the pre-baby Adam.

 

He turned on his back and addressed his answer to the ceiling.  “I do, Mary Lynn.  It’s just that I think we should be careful about starting another pregnancy until the boys are older.  You had a hard time with them, and we almost lost you.  I want to be sure you’re completely recovered before I get you pregnant again.”  He had chosen his words very carefully.

 

“But Adam, it’s been five months now.  Haven’t you seen me back to normal for some time now?”  She pressed him.

 

“You’re doing a wonderful job.  I just want to make sure you don’t become exhausted.  Maybe when the boys are closer to a year would be a better time.”

 

A year!  That didn’t sound anything like the Adam who had promised her a houseful of babies.  “Weren’t you going to surround me with babies?” She wouldn’t let the subject drop.

 

He turned serious eyes to her.  “Well, things are different now.  We have twins and their delivery was very complicated.  Another baby anytime soon could be very overwhelming.”

 

She knew the hurt showed on her face, but she didn’t press him any further.  She let the matter drop and settled into bed for the night.  She had her back to Adam.  He pulled her close and put his arm around her waist as usual, but as he fell asleep he never noticed the tears she allowed to fall.

 

Within the week she made a trip to see Paul Martin in Virginia City.  Erin and Hop Sing had agreed to watch the babies while she was gone, and she agreed to pick up some supplies for Hop Sing.

 

She poured out her heart to Dr. Martin, even shedding a few tears in her distress.  He understood what she was telling him, remembering vividly how frantic Adam had been during the three days Mary Lynn was in a coma after giving birth.  Fortunately, he was able to share some information with her.  First, he told her that as long as women were nursing, they usually didn’t become pregnant.  He also explained the few days of the month that a woman was able to become pregnant, how to tell when they were, and how the timing of sex to avoid these days would make all the difference.

 

Mary Lynn was greatly relieved to learn this information, and she felt renewed hope when she left the doctor’s office.  She quickly picked up the items on Hop Sing’s list and hurried back home. That night she explained what she learned to Adam.  At first he was skeptical, but at his wife’s continued insistence, and because he trusted Paul Martin, he showed more interest, and finally, great relief.  Since she was nursing the boys right now, they should be safe, he thought.  And would have been safe all along, he thought as he mentally kicked himself.

 

That night they resumed their lovemaking with all the vigor they have ever put into it.  For both of them, the feeling afterward was indescribably peaceful and close.  The gap that had been between them had closed, and they were one again.  Mary Lynn didn’t completely understand Adam’s earlier attitude, but she was grateful his appetite for her had returned, and she felt complete.

 

Nolan and Logan began teething a couple of months later, and Mary Lynn was forced to wean them from the breast.  Hop Sing helped her by mashing table foods they might enjoy, and they both demonstrated healthy appetites at the table.  The family joked that they had inherited Hoss’ eating genes, and Hoss just grinned.  He loved his nephews more than anything except Erin.  Everyone laughed at the mess they made of themselves as they learned to eat on their own, and it usually took two or three adults to clean them up after a meal.  Sometimes Adam would just carry one boy under each arm upstairs to a waiting bathtub, to do the job properly.

 

Once she was no long nursing, Mary Lynn was careful to watch for the return of her monthly period and also the signs of fertility Dr. Martin had told her about.  This she managed well, and the marital intimacy between her and Adam continued successfully and spiritedly.  It seemed to be the glue that held their love together, for they never tired of each other.

 

The twins’ first birthday arrived with great celebration on the Ponderosa.  Hop Sing made a huge birthday cake that both boys eventually got as much of on their clothes, faces and hair as they did in their stomachs.  They were both toddling now, and everything was fair game.  All the adults accepted responsibility for keeping an eye on them whenever they were nearby.  An addition had been added to the house that allowed for a suite of rooms for Adam and Mary Lynn, and the boys slept in trundle beds in a room adjacent to their parents’ room.

 

The boys were a true joy for both their parents.  Neither one had realized how much they would enjoy being a mother and a father.  Adam was looking forward to the day he could teach them to ride a horse and do many of the other of the ranch activities, because the Ponderosa was their legacy too.  Mary Lynn had just never realized the human heart could expand to love as much as hers was doing, not only for the twins, but for Adam and his family too.  She was great friends with Erin, and she knew that Hoss and Erin loved each other very much.  They were a perfect match.  If only they could have a baby too, their happiness would be complete.  And Joe…well, Joe was still courting many of the local girls as far as the family could tell.

 

When the twins were not quite 13 months old, Mary Lynn discovered that she was pregnant again.  That didn’t bother her in and of itself; in fact, it was a happy event for her.  But she was afraid to tell Adam.  She wasn’t sure he would be happy despite how much pleasure the twins were bringing to his life.  He never talked about having another baby, even though they were making love regularly now.  If the subject came up in any way, he changed it or avoided any discussion.  She knew that she would not be able to hide her condition from him for very long, especially if she had morning sickness the way she had the first time. She still wasn’t sure what had changed Adam’s feelings because he had never spoken candidly to her about it; she only knew he had changed.

 

She chose to talk to him about a week after she was sure she was expecting.  She waited until they had gone to bed and turned out the lantern.  The weather was mild, and a pleasant breeze drifted in through the open window.  Adam was lying next to her with one arm behind his head, and his other hand holding hers, their fingers interlaced.  He had been talking about a new system for processing timber, and when he seemed to have finished, she spoke up.

 

“Adam?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I have something important to tell you.”

 

What’s that?”  He leaned over and kissed her temple.  She almost flinched, she was so nervous.

 

“I’m pregnant, Adam.”

 

He didn’t respond right away; he was very quiet.  Nothing really changed, and yet everything changed in those few moments.  He still held her hand, but he didn’t move.  He didn’t make a sound, and she wasn’t even sure she could hear him breathing.  A long time passed.

 

“Adam, did you hear me?”

 

“I heard you,” his voice was neutral.  There was more silence.  She wasn’t going to say anything else.  She certainly wasn’t going to defend herself or apologize.

 

Very slowly he disengaged his hand from hers.  Somehow that was painful, even though it wasn’t an overtly negative act. 

 

“How long have you known?”  His voice was quiet.

 

“About a week.”

 

“How did it happen?”

 

She was startled.  “What do you mean, how did it happen?”  She was beginning to be nervous.  How could he ask her that?  He unquestionably knew how it happened.

 

He spoke again, very slowly, “I mean, how did it come to be that you are pregnant at this time?  Did you make a mistake?”

 

Mary Lynn knew her jaw had dropped and she was glad the room was dark.  “A mistake?”  It came out in a whisper.

 

“Yes.  Did you miscalculate the time of the month?”  It sounded so cold and clinical.

 

“No, I don’t think so…”

 

His voice had dropped even lower, and she knew he was beginning to seethe.  “You knew that we were waiting before we had more children.”

 

She tried to sound reasonable.  “No. Although I’m surprised by this, all I remember was that you said we should wait until the twins were at least a year old, and they are now.”  Now she was defending herself, so she shut up.

 

“So you decided that the time was right?”

 

“No!”  She sat straight up at that.  “I didn’t decide anything.  I didn’t plan anything.  I didn’t think anything.  It just happened.”  She was getting angry now, and she could hear it in her voice.

 

He moved slightly and she knew he was rubbing his eyes.  “So what are we going to do about it?”

 

This time she was stunned.  She didn’t even know what his question meant.  How could he ask such an absurd thing?

 

“Well, I don’t know what we are going to do about it, but I am not going to do anything about it,” she spoke as normally as she could even though she had begun to shake.  Then she lay back down, turning her back to him, and spoke no more.

 

Adam said nothing more either and turned away from her.  There were no ‘good nights’ between them.  Adam stared into the darkness, hugging a pillow to his chest.  Mary Lynn just felt angry. The discussion had gone far worse than she’d ever expected.  She knew he blamed her and didn’t understand why.  It wasn’t a disaster; babies were blessings.  Logan and Nolan certainly had been.  But somehow Adam didn’t think another baby would be.  She turned this puzzle over and over in her mind until she fell asleep, much, much later.  What she didn’t know was that Adam lay awake until morning.

 

From that point on, Adam treated his wife very politely and very correctly.  But he did not make love to her, he did not start conversations with her, and he did not laugh at all.  He was not naturally given to laughing and smiling to begin with, but those occurrences all but disappeared.  The only few exceptions were moments he spent with his sons.  He went places with Mary Lynn, they slept in the same bed, and they ate at the same table, but everyone in the family knew that something had gone very wrong.  They were aware that Mary Lynn was pregnant.  That became obvious when her morning sickness set in.  But there had never been an announcement from either parent, and there was no talk about the coming baby. 

 

Adam worked from sunup until sundown, six days a week.  He wasn’t sleeping, although he kept that to himself.  There were, however, dark circles under his eyes that spoke about how he spent his nights.  He snapped at his brothers if they talked to him about anything beyond what was absolutely necessary, and they learned to tread a wide berth around him.  Ben tried to keep out of his sons’ personal business, but he was very worried about Adam.  He thought about trying to talk to him, but he held back, hoping Adam would work things out with Mary Lynn.

 

Mary Lynn spent her time watching over the twins and drinking ginger tea, which was once again being brewed regularly in the house.  The boys were a real handful these days because they were into everything and wanted to go everywhere.  Erin helped with them often.  When they had a chance, she and Erin spent time together, but Mary Lynn didn’t confide her problem to Erin, and Erin was too polite to ask about it.  She did, however, try to be a good and fast friend to Mary Lynn because she knew it was badly needed right now and therefore it was sincerely offered.  Mary Lynn knew that and was grateful for it.  No one else in the Cartwright family treated her any differently than they ever had, and that felt good.  But she knew they were concerned when she barely ate at meals.  She was actually losing weight, too. 

 

It was very hard to act normally around Adam when coldness practically radiated from him.  Had he once loved her?  Had she once loved him back?  She remembered feeling passion for him at one time, but lately she simply avoided him.  Their eyes rarely met, and when they did, it was never with warmth.  Even at night there was a dividing line down the middle of the bed.  Of course it couldn’t be seen, but Mary Lynn knew it was there as surely as she knew her own name because neither one of them ever crossed it by so much as a hair.  Mary Lynn quietly saw Dr. Martin, who told her everything about the pregnancy was proceeding normally.  He had also been able to tell her that this time she was carrying just one baby.  She knew Adam deserved to know this news, so she told him briefly one night after they were in bed.  His response was short, mild and seemingly disinterested: “That’s nice.”

 

When Mary Lynn was four months along, Erin and Hoss joyfully announced that at long last they were expecting a baby.  Mary Lynn rejoiced with them, knowing how long they had hoped for this event.  She knew of Erin’s fear that somehow her inability to conceive was related to her abduction and treatment at the hands of the Sioux Indians.* When she went to hug Erin after the dinnertime announcement, Mary Lynn had tears in her eyes.  They were bittersweet tears.  Adam simply shook Hoss’ hand, gave Erin a quick kiss on the cheek and walked away without speaking.  Little Joe tried to make up for Adam’s rudeness by loudly whooping more than he normally would.  Now it was Erin’s turn to drink ginger tea and she was less able to help watch the twins.  Thus, Mary Lynn’s time was spent primarily with child care, which was fine because it gave her little time to think about her marital situation. Ben finally did make an attempt to talk with his oldest son about the rift between him and his wife, but he was curtly told to mind his own business.

 

As the time for Mary Lynn’s delivery grew closer, Ben hired a local widow, Mrs. McCarthy, to come in to help take care of the twins.  It was becoming too cumbersome for Mary Lynn to do it all day by herself, and she tired easily now.  Adam was away on a cattle drive when the baby was born.  The cattle drive was a yearly event, and this year Adam went along with Little Joe and a group of the ranch hands. 

 

Mary Lynn went into labor in the middle of the night, and Erin, now obviously pregnant, came to sit with her.  One of the hands rode into town for Dr. Martin.  Hoss stayed nearby just in case he was needed, as he had been for Mary Lynn’s first delivery.  By late morning of that day, Adam’s and Mary Lynn’s daughter had arrived safely, normally, and in the usual way.  She had, of course, black hair, but this baby had blue eyes to go with it.  Mary Lynn was sitting up immediately afterward holding the baby, and the family filed in to take a peek at the newest Cartwright.  Hoss and Erin were especially interested, as they knew they would be the next ones to experience this miracle of life.  And Ben, of course, was bursting with pride.  Although she had never discussed it with her husband, Mary Lynn quietly named her daughter Elizabeth, after Adam’s mother.  Ben’s eyes teared up at this news and he squeezed Mary Lynn’s hand gratefully.

 

The following day Adam and Little Joe returned from the cattle drive, dirty, tired and hungry.  Hoss happened to be working outside the barn when they arrived.  He greeted Little Joe, but only gestured at Adam as he dismounted and walked toward the house.

 

“Your daughter was born yesterday,” Hoss called out.  It was hard for him to hide the derision in his voice.  He was ashamed of the way Adam had been behaving toward Mary Lynn.

 

Adam’s stride broke, and his head turned briefly toward his brother, but then he caught himself and kept walking.  Inside he was greeted by his father, who also broke the news.  “Son, you have a beautiful daughter.  Just wait until you see her,” Ben was smiling from ear to ear, and never even asked about the cattle drive.  Adam gave him a caricature of a smile, showing his teeth briefly.

 

He stopped in the kitchen to ask Hop Sing for food and a bath, where he again received congratulations.  He went upstairs and into his family’s rooms.  Mary Lynn seemed to be sleeping, a blue ribbon tying back her hair.  The sound of the tub being filled and Adam’s bathing awoke her even though he tried to be quiet.  She turned to look at him as he dried himself off with a fresh white towel.  She looked at him appraisingly, and the fact that he had to quickly wrap the towel around his waist was not a matter of interest to her as it would once have been.

 

“Your daughter is in the cradle over here if you want to see her,” she gestured to her side of the bed.

 

Adam walked over in his bare feet and stared down at the sleeping infant.  Black hair like mine.  She looked a lot like the boys had looked as newborns.  He looked at her for a long time.

 

“She looks like the twins did,” he turned and looked matter-of-factly at his wife.

 

She shrugged. “Same parents.”  And then, after another uncomfortable silence, “I named her Elizabeth.”

 

“After my mother,” he murmured, almost to himself.  “What’s her middle name?”

 

“I didn’t give her one,” Mary Lynn answered matter-of-factly.  “You can if you want to.  You can hold her if you want to.”  I give you permission.

 

He looked at her quickly, feeling the jibe. “I will after I eat,” and with that, he left the room.  Mary Lynn wasn’t even surprised, nor was she hurt.  She hadn’t expected him to ask her how she felt or how the birth had been. She had given up that hope long ago.  She knew he was too steely for that type of sentiment now.  She simply didn’t expect it of him.

 

While he ate, Adam tried to register what he felt inside about this new baby.  Mostly, he was glad that Mary Lynn had come through the birth without incident.  She seemed almost as though it hadn’t happened, aside from the fact that she was resting in bed.  He didn’t know how he felt about having a daughter.  He should be pleased.  He should be crowing.  Had he erected walls around him so high that he was now incapable of feeling?  He thought that maybe he had.  He was inured to any emotional feeling.  He couldn’t even express love to his wife anymore.  He served her blame instead.  When had he become so dysfunctional?  Silently he berated himself for his faults.  For someone supposedly so intelligent and educated, he certainly was a difficult, convoluted man.  Did he have feelings, or was he just afraid to examine them, to let them out of the tight cage he kept them in?  He didn’t know.  He just didn’t know.  His family certainly didn’t understand him, and he knew he had become a stranger in his own house.

 

He pushed back from the table and returned upstairs to their rooms.  Mary Lynn had fallen asleep again.  Adam bent down and picked up the sleeping infant in the cradle.  She was tightly swaddled in a receiving blanket.  She was tiny and barely seemed to weigh anything at all in his arms.  He waited for feeling to wash over him.  She looked like Nolan and Logan had looked.  They had amazed him, such miracles of life.  She was also a miracle of life, he knew that, but one that had helped freeze him into a stifled prison of his own making.  He didn’t know if he would be able to break out of it. The baby began to stir and make small newborn noises.  He watched her face screw up, getting ready to cry.  It took her a while to work up to it, but in a few minutes she was crying loudly enough to wake up her mother, who knew it was time to feed her.  Adam handed Elizabeth to her.  Their hands touched as the baby moved from his arms to hers.  They both almost jumped.  This was the first touch between them in months.  It should have been an endearing experience.  Why couldn’t he let it be?  As Mary Lynn prepared to nurse her daughter, Adam turned and went into the twins’ room.  There was a cot in there.  He lay down on it and went to sleep almost instantly.

 

Adam continued to sleep on the cot, with the door between the bedrooms closed.  The boys loved having him there; they thought it was great sport.  He told them they had to be quiet in order to let the baby and Mama sleep.  They tried, but it was practically beyond their genetic abilities.  They were Cartwright boys.  Sometimes he let them burrow into the cot and sleep with him.  It was crowded, but he enjoyed it.  He could express love to them.  Why couldn’t he let it overflow to Mary Lynn and the baby?  Somewhere inside him he knew he couldn’t live without Mary Lynn, so why was he doing this to her?  He didn’t understand it; he didn’t think anybody did.

 

On a Sunday morning when Elizabeth was a little over a week old, Adam was dressing for church.  Mary Lynn hadn’t gotten up yet, having just finished nursing the baby.  She had been doing a lot of thinking.  In fact, she had made a decision and she was ready to act on it.

 

Watching him button his shirt, she took a deep breath.  “Adam would you give me some money?”

 

Surprised, he turned to look at her.  She always had enough for whatever she needed, he saw to that.  “Mary Lynn, I’ve never denied you money for anything you need, you know that.”

 

“Well, this would be more than usual.”

 

“What do you need?”

 

“I want to buy a house.”

 

“You want us to leave the Ponderosa?”

 

“No.  I want to buy a house.  In town.  I want to live there with the children.”

 

He appeared to be dumbstruck.  He stood facing the mirror, with his head turned, looking at her for the longest time.  “Mary Lynn,” he finally said gently, as if speaking to a child, “you have a perfectly good house right here.”

 

“No, you don’t understand,” she was shaking her head back and forth, determined.  I want to leave the Ponderosa, Adam.  I want to leave you.  You have spent the past nine months humiliating and ignoring me in front of your family, you haven’t even bothered to spend time with your own daughter, and we don’t sleep in the same bed anymore—not that we did in any real way the whole time I was pregnant. I don’t know why, but you systematically went about killing our relationship as soon as I told you I was pregnant.  And you’ve done a good job of it.  There’s no reason to be married to each other anymore. I don’t want to be exposed to your obvious distaste for me anymore, and I don’t want it for my children, either.”

 

His eyes had narrowed, and he had not taken them off her as she spoke. The Mary Lynn he knew would have been in tears by now.  This Mary Lynn was calm and dry eyed.  Had he done this to her?

 

“No, Mary Lynn, I won’t give you money to move out.  You’re my wife.  This is where you live, with our children.”

 

“I told you once I would not be stuck in a loveless marriage, and now that is exactly where I find myself.  No matter what you say, Adam, I am leaving you and I’m taking the children with me.” She gave a short, harsh laugh.  “This should actually be good news for you.  You won’t be saddled with people you resent anymore.”  She threw back the bed covers and stood up.  “Go to church by yourself.  I’m going to start packing.”

 

He actually took a step back from her.  By this time his string tie was hanging loosely around his neck.  He grabbed his hat and swung the door open.  “Everybody’s waiting downstairs.  I’ll take the boys with me,” and the door slammed shut behind him.

 

Later that day Mary Lynn asked to speak to Ben privately while Adam was outside in the barn.  She told him everything she had told Adam.  She asked him to help her move away from the Ponderosa.  He certainly knew what she was talking about. He had been watching it unfold in front of him for the past nine months.  Although his heart broke for his son, he agreed to help Mary Lynn.  He knew how thoroughly Adam had pushed her away.  They briefly discussed whether going to live with Vance Nolan was an acceptable solution, but Mary Lynn didn’t want her children growing up in an isolated mountain-top setting.  Ben nodded, understanding this.

 

The following day, Monday, Ben took Mary Lynn into Virginia City while Adam was working the timber site with his brothers.  They found a pleasant, furnished house with enough room for the boys to play in, and a good back yard with a fence.  Ben paid three months’ rent in advance.  On Tuesday, he drove her there with the children and their clothes.  He hired Mrs. McCarthy full-time to live in the house to cook and help with all general duties.  Ben knew that he was in for a doozy of a confrontation with Adam that night, but he had promised Mary Lynn he wouldn’t tell him where she was.  They both knew that he would find out soon enough on his own.

 

Adam was in a black rage when he got home and discovered that his family had moved out. He was especially angry that no one would tell him where they had gone. And the fact that his own father had betrayed him by helping Mary Lynn leave hurt like a gut punch.  That night, his family sat in the great room and tried reasoning with him.  Erin, wisely, had escaped upstairs to avoid the flying barbs.

 

“Adam, you drove her away and you know it,” Hoss stated emphatically.  “You ignored her the entire time she was pregnant, and you didn’t even bother to be with her when the baby came.”  He just shook his head, not understanding how his brother could have done such a thing.

 

“Brother, if she did something to you, tell us.  But otherwise, we couldn’t see that she ever changed how she acted or who she was, but you sure did.  And you won’t even talk about what’s wrong.  Anyway, it’s pretty obvious that baby belongs to you, so that can’t be the problem,” Little Joe giggled at what was obvious to all as he finished.

 

“What’s wrong is none of your business!”  Adam roared.

 

“Son, what happened between you two anyway?”  Ben was coaxing now.  “We could all see how much you loved each other once.”

 

Adam was standing by the hearth, facing the fire, and he just put his face in his hands.  He didn’t speak.  He wasn’t going to.  He stood up straight and without ever turning back to his family, walked upstairs to the empty rooms his wife and children had fled.

 

Weeks passed and Adam threw himself into work more than ever.  He spoke to almost no one these days, and usually came back home long after the rest of the family had eaten.  He had stopped going to church on Sunday because if Mary Lynn was there he didn’t want to encounter her.  The truth was, he had never been more miserable in his life.  He knew he had steered himself into this dark place and that he had only himself to blame.  He missed Mary Lynn terribly, and perversely, he was furious with her.  I love her, he thought, can’t she see that?  He thought he didn’t even understand it himself, but he did.  He was afraid of losing her, and in his fear, he had driven her away.  What we fear, we create.

 

Six weeks after Mary Lynn left, a letter to Adam came from her attorney.  She was starting divorce proceedings against him, and she sought sole custody of the three children.  Adam was livid and jumped on Sport, immediately heading for Virginia City.  Ben was very sad and thoughtful.  He hadn’t really thought that Mary Lynn would take matters this far.  But he was also surprised that Adam had made no attempt to find her since her departure.  If he thought he would make any headway, he would sit Adam down for a serious talk, but two previous attempts to do just that had already failed.  Ben wasn’t anxious to try again.

 

Reaching town in the late evening, Adam went directly into the saloon.  He bought a bottle of whiskey and sat alone at a back table.  He was well into the bottle when Sam, the bartender, came over to his table. 

 

“Adam, why don’t you just go home?  You’re not a drinker.”

 

“I am tonight,” Adam pronounced the words slowly but perfectly.

 

“Why don’t you just go home to Mary Lynn?”

 

“Exactly where is she, Sam?”

 

“Aw, Adam, you know perfectly well she’s in that nice house on D Street,” Sam said innocently.  He had seen her often in the past few weeks, shopping with the children.

 

“That’s right, Sam.  I remember now.  D Street,” Adam stood up slowly, put on his hat and took his bottle with him as he carefully walked out into the night, pulling Sport by the reins along behind him.

 

By the time he reached D Street, the bottle was empty, but he clutched it by the neck as he walked past houses along this street, trying to guess which one was hers.  He finally stopped in front of one that had children’s toys on the front porch.  And he recognized the toys.  There were lights on upstairs, so he approached the house.  The front door was locked, so he pounded on it.  Mrs. McCarthy came to the door in her night robe.  “Mr. Cartwright!” she gasped, seeing clearly that he was drunk.

 

“Get Mary Lynn.”  It was an order, not a request.

 

She closed the door in his face, and he slid down the porch wall, arms on his raised knees, dangling the empty bottle from his fingertips to wait until she came down.  It took several minutes, longer than it should have, but finally the door opened again and Mary Lynn stood at the threshold, watching him.  She didn’t think she had ever seen him look worse before.  She had also never seen him drunk.  He was always in control, but not tonight.

 

“Adam, I don’t think you should be here.”

 

He got up slowly and faced her.  “Why did you send me that letter?  All I was trying to do was save your life.”

 

She thought he was talking nonsense, that in his drunkenness he wasn’t making sense.  He was actually making perfect sense.  “Why did you leave? You took my children.”

 

“Adam, I told you I was going to.”

 

“Now I have nothing.”

 

“You threw away what you had.”

 

“I was trying to save what I had.  Save you.”

 

“Save me?”

 

“Save you so you could live.”

 

She looked down and saw the whiskey bottle.  For heaven’s sake, had he drank the entire bottle?  “Adam, where’s Sport?”  He raised his hand and gestured to where she could see the horse tethered loosely to a shrub. She reached out and pulled Adam inside.  “You better stay here while you sleep this off.”  She really didn’t want him in her house, but she couldn’t just turn him out in this condition, either.

 

Why?  You don’t care.”

 

“You’re my children’s father, so that makes me care.”  She pushed him onto a settee and tossed a throw over him.  He closed his eyes and stopped talking.  Mary Lynn watched him for a while before she began to go softly up the stairs to her own room.

 

“Mary Lynn, everything went so wrong.”

 

“Yes, it did.  I never thought it would, I loved you so much,” she whispered in his direction, her eyes stinging.

 

“I love you too, Mary Lynn.”  And then he was snoring.

 

When Mrs. McCarthy got up to prepare breakfast the following morning, Adam was still sleeping on the settee.  When Nolan and Logan found him there, they were delighted.  They had been puzzled by their father’s absence and their mother’s lack of any explanation that made sense to them.  The both hurled themselves onto his stomach.  He came awake in an instant, an agony of nausea and pain in his stomach and head.  But when he recognized the boys he loved so well, his arms reached out to squeeze them as tightly as he dared.

 

Shortly Mary Lynn was standing over him, peeling the twins off him and sending them in to breakfast.  Elizabeth wasn’t with her.  Maybe he had imagined Elizabeth?  Maybe this had all just been a nightmare?  “When was the last time you ate?  Let me feed you something, and then we need to talk.”  He nodded, and she left for the kitchen.  Adam’s head fell back and the misery of his life returned full fold.  He heard Sport whinny softly outside in front of the house.  By the time Mary Lynn came back with food for Adam, he was gone.

 

Three weeks later Erin gave birth to a blonde haired, blue eyed baby boy.  He was named Eric, of course.  Mary Lynn learned the news when Ben stopped by one day when he was in town, as he often did.  She was very happy for Hoss and Erin, and she wished she had been able to be with Erin the way Erin had never left her side during both her deliveries.  But she knew that Hoss had been at his wife’s side every step of the way. 

 

Mary Lynn had not heard from Adam since the night he had slept on the settee, but now Ben was telling her that he wanted to pick up the boys Sunday evening for an outing.  She could hardly deny him that, she thought, nor the boys, who adored him.  They had cried to find him gone that morning three weeks ago.  For them, he had momentarily popped back into their lives, and then popped back out just as quickly.  She told Ben to tell Adam to pick them up at 6:00.  What she didn’t tell Ben was that she was having her first dinner party in her new house that night.  It made things a little awkward, but Mrs. McCarthy could help her handle everything.  She had to begin a new life sometime, and she had invited some people from church to join her.  Ben played with the boys and kissed Mary Lynn’s cheek as he left.  Neither of them had spoken of Adam, which meant that nothing had changed on his part.  Sadly, they were both still feeling the chill of his anger.

 

 

 

Mary Lynn was sitting at her dressing table after her guests had departed.  She was combing out her hair over one shoulder, pleased that the evening had gone so well.  Her guests had seemed to enjoy themselves, and Mrs. McCarthy had taken care of the handoff of Logan and Nolan to Adam when he arrived for them at 6:00.  This had been her first foray at entertaining on her own, and she had been hoping she could make it work so she could make new friends for this new phase of her life.  Tonight had been encouraged her in her efforts, and she smiled.

 

Her door opened unexpectedly and she turned to see Adam in the doorway.  He glanced behind him down the hall, and then came into the room, closing the door after himself.

 

“I just brought the boys back,” he informed her. “Mrs. McCarthy is putting them to bed.”

 

“Thank you, Adam,” she replied quietly.  She was then silent, not knowing what else to say to him, feeling awkward.  This was their first contact since the night he had shown up at her door, drunk.  Adam had picked up the twins tonight to have some time alone with them, and she hoped it had done him some good.

 

He moved closer to her.  “Mary Lynn, have you been entertaining unmarried gentlemen in this house?”  His voice was very low and quiet, a sound she had come to know as a prelude to anger.

 

“Adam, I had a dinner party tonight with three guests. Two of the people were married, and the other was a single man from church.  Just friends.  Nothing more.”

 

He had moved directly behind her and she could watch him in her mirror.  He was looking at her, unmoving, silent.  She didn’t know what he was thinking.

 

“You cannot entertain unmarried men in this house as long as we are married,” he said very quietly.

 

“Adam, it was just dinner.”

 

His jaw clenched and he moved swiftly around her to drag her upright by her upper arms so she stood facing him, much closer than she cared to.

 

“As long as we are married you will not entertain unmarried men in this house,” it was an order.

 

“If you remember, Adam, we are separated, and this is my house,” her voice was turning cold.

 

“We are still married, and as long as you’re my wife, you’ll behave respectably, especially while my children live in this house with you.”

 

She began to struggle against his hold.  “Stop it, Adam.  I did nothing wrong, and we are separated anyway.”

 

“But we are still married.”

 

“We may be married for now, but don’t forget that you were the one who left me, first emotionally, and then physically.”  His grip was beginning to hurt her.  “Let me go,” and she tried to twist away, unaware of the double meaning of her words.

 

Instantly aware of the double entendre, he took his hands off her suddenly and took a step back.  He moved over to her bed and sat on it, putting his head in his hands.  She remained standing where she was, just watching him.  She didn’t know what he was thinking.

 

“I can’t,” he finally said.

 

“You can’t what?”

 

“I can’t let you go.  You’re my wife.”  I can’t keep living this way; it’s hell.

 

“You did a fine job of letting me go while I was pregnant with Elizabeth.  You were the perfect example of letting go.”  She sounded bitter.

 

He groaned to himself and swung his head up to look at her.  “You don’t understand.  I’m not sure that I understand.”

 

“What don’t I understand?  That once you loved me and then you stopped?”  Her voice was almost a whisper.

 

“I didn’t stop.  I never stopped.  I was afraid of losing you,” his voice was miserable and he stared at the floor.  Keep talking.  Tell her everything.

 

She couldn’t help letting out a sharp laugh, and he winced.  “For someone who was afraid of losing me, you did a great job of actually doing it!”

 

“I made a complete mess of it.”

 

There was a long silence.  Neither one of them moved.  She looked at the man she knew so well, whom she had loved so much and perhaps still did, who had hurt her so badly with his rejection not only of herself, but of their child as well.  This educated man, so worldly, so proud; what could he be afraid of?

 

“I don’t understand you, Adam.”

 

I don’t understand myself.  He sighed deeply and stood up, facing her.  “I let myself love you,” he said simply.

 

She looked surprised.  “I knew that, Adam.”

 

“No, I mean I really let myself love you.  I completely dropped my guard.  I’ve had walls around me all my life.”

 

“But I loved you back, you knew that.  I thought we loved each other,” it hurt to say the words, especially after so many months.

 

“I’ve lost so many people that I loved—three mothers, other sweethearts.  I put up walls to protect myself against being hurt again.”

 

“But I never hurt you!  I’ve been loving and loyal and constant in my affections toward you,” she was thoroughly perplexed now.

 

“I know you never hurt me, but you might have.”  And then I would have been alone again.

 

“What?”  She didn’t believe what she was hearing.  “I never gave you any reason to even think such a thought!”

 

“You don’t understand.  When you almost died birthing the twins, I thought that I would die too.  I thought that I would have to die because if you weren’t here, I couldn’t live either.  And then you recovered and our life together continued.  But…when you became pregnant again, there was that monster again, looming over me all the time, night and day.”  Good, get it out.

 

“What monster?”  She was whispering.

 

“Death.  The thought again that you could die in childbirth.  My mother died birthing me.”

 

She thought she saw the sheen of tears in his eyes, and her heart was swelling with sorrow at his miserable expression and the long, stupid silence of their separation.

 

“But I didn’t, Adam.  Elizabeth came easily in the most normal way possible.  You know that.”

 

“I do, but I had long before decided that if I distanced myself from you…put up a wall…then if you died I might be able to survive it.”

 

She was overwhelmed by his reasoning.  “Is that what this has been all about?  All these months?”

 

He nodded and turned his back to her.  She moved over to him and touched his shoulder lightly.  He almost flinched.

 

“Remember when we first met and you told me that if I became pregnant you would marry me and we would live on the Ponderosa surrounded by our babies?”

 

“Yes, but I can’t do that now.”  Because love hurts too much.

 

“Because you’re afraid I might die?  Adam, you could die too.  Any day you go out and work the Ponderosa, an accident could claim your life. I know it’s dangerous work.  And this is wild country.  But I never stopped loving you because of that.  I waited for you to come home every night to love me again.  And you always did.”

 

He turned and studied her face.  Clearly he was struggling with his demons.

 

“You said you would give me babies to surround me.  You said you would love me every night.  So love me, and give me babies to surround both of us.  I’m not frail.  The twins were a very unusual birth experience.  Elizabeth wasn’t.  And then Adam, even if something were to happen to me—which I don’t intend to allow—then you will have our children to surround you for the rest of your life.  A piece of me and you, each one of them.”  Her voice was soft now, caressing him, washing away his sorrow.

 

“I do love you,” his voice sounded strangulated in a way she had never heard before.  The vulnerable side of her husband had made its way to the surface from a private place deep down inside him were he kept it firmly tamped down.  You are everything to me, from the first moment I saw you.

 

“That’s all you need, then.  I love you, too.  Now show me.”  Her hands were on either side of his face, her lips were smiling and she drew him toward her.  Their kiss was tentative, like a first kiss.  And in a way it was.  It was a first kiss of a new understanding, after a very long time. She slid her arms under his and around him.  He pulled her tightly against him.  There were no words for the longest time.  There was only contact, healing, love that came bubbling back to the surface. Don’t ever let go; I won’t ever let go of you either.

 

They began to undress each other, but it was a slow process as each was occupied with their own thoughts.  When they stood naked before each other, Adam looked at her.  She had had two pregnancies.  Her breasts were fuller, her belly slightly rounded, and her hips more curved.  This was better; she was more beautiful than ever.  This was a mature woman, and he lusted for her.  She gazed at his hard man’s body, the one she loved so much.  No fat, all strength.  He picked her up and they fell on the bed together, touching each other every place their hands could reach.  He kissed her in that deep way he had, pulling on her lower lip.  She reveled in the feel of his hands on her breasts, and wanted it to last forever.  She slid her way down his belly and took possession of his penis, stroking it until he made her stop before it was too late.  For several long moments they simply held each other, legs intertwined, his thigh between her legs until it was wet from her need.  He raised himself over her, and moved into her, filling her with a thrill she hadn’t felt for way too long.  They moved against each other slowly, prolonging the pleasure, drawing it out.  And then he began a faster stroke, moving in and out of her with increasing urgency.  She moved with him and they rode each other until there was a mutual explosion of release.  Adam collapsed on Mary Lynn, and they both lay together, still feeling the aftermath of their love pulsing inside them.  She treasured the feel of his weight on top of her, and held him there even when he would have moved off.  He put his arms around her and flipped them to their side, still remaining inside her, his leg over hers.

 

“Mary Lynn, I never stopped loving you,” he whispered.

 

She put a finger over his lips.  “Don’t ever stop.  Please.”

 

They slept after that, but woke more than once to make love again and then again.  They were sleeping as one when sunlight slanted into the room and the door was thrown open as Nolan and Logan burst into the room.  They were momentarily confounded when they saw their father in bed, but delight quickly replaced surprise.

 

“Daddy, Daddy!”  And then they leaped onto him, rousing him instantly from a blissful slumber. 

 

“Oh, boys,” he groaned, grabbing them each in an arm.  “I may never be a father again after that!”  The twins each squirmed until they sat on his stomach, grinning at him.

 

Mrs. McCarthy opened the door, bringing in Elizabeth for her feeding as she was used to doing every morning for Mary Lynn.  She stopped short when she saw Adam in the bed, but Mary Lynn just smiled and held out her arms for the baby, who was soon nursing comfortably in her mother’s arms.  Adam watched the baby remorsefully.  He had a lot of making up to do.  He and Mary Lynn had barely spoken during her pregnancy.  He had been unreasonably angry and blamed his wife for allowing the pregnancy to occur, even though she could hardly have prevented it.  He had missed his daughter’s birth and had ignored the first few months of her life.  She had his jet black hair, but he thought she had a lot of Mary Lynn’s beauty.  He stroked her fine hair and smiled at the sound of her hungry suckling.  He leaned over to kiss Mary Lynn, just as the boys began bouncing on his stomach.  That caused him to turn his attention quickly to them, and soon they were burrowing under their parents’ pillows.  Adam picked the imps up by the backs of their pajamas and set them on the floor.  “Now wait for me, and I’ll take you downstairs for breakfast,” he promised.

 

As he wrapped his robe around him, Mary Lynn looked up at him.  “How soon are we going back to the Ponderosa?”

 

“Today.  We’re going today,” and his saucy grin and wink told her that the Adam that she knew and loved was back.

 

 

When the buggy containing Adam’s family pulled up at the ranch’s front hitching post later that day, Hoss and Joe were working outside and came running to greet them.

 

“Hey, it’s great to have you back!”  Little Joe wrapped Mary Lynn in a bear hug, careful not to squeeze Elizabeth, who slept in her arms.  Then he held her at arm’s length, “You are back to stay, aren’t you?”  Mary Lynn smiled and nodded.  Hoss had picked up the twins and had one in each hand, twirling them above his head, on their stomachs, as they squealed with delight.

 

As they went inside, Erin looked up from where she was rocking baby Eric near the fire.  She beamed at Mary Lynn, who hurried over to admire the newest Cartwright.  The two sisters-in-law were close, and Erin knew it was a good sign to see the family walk through the door together.

 

Ben got up quickly from behind his desk and moved to Mary Lynn’s side, where he put an arm around her shoulders.  “I had hoped it was a good sign when Adam didn’t come home last night,” he told her.  “He convinced you, I hope?”  Mary Lynn nodded.  “And you convinced him too, didn’t you?”  Ben’s penetrating look brought a knowing smile to her lips, and again she nodded.  Ben sighed with relief.  He squeezed the back of Adam’s neck affectionately.

 

“Hop Sing!” He shouted.  “Four more for dinner!”

 

Hop Sing hurried out from the kitchen, and beamed to see Mary Lynn.  He patted Adam on the arm, and bowed toward Mary Lynn.  “Missy Melly back home, very good, and babies, too.”

 

No one commented any further on the separation between Adam and Mary Lynn, for which they were grateful.  Dinner went on as it normally did these days, with lots of noise and laughter and food.  And even at bedtime, Mary Lynn felt almost as though she had never left the Ponderosa, especially when Adam reached out to her and said simply, “Come here.”

 

 

EPILOGUE

 

More babies came for Adam and Mary Lynn.  Another set of twins (Eli and Susannah) and then Hunter, Caroline, Ross, and Marianne, individually.  Mary Lynn never had trouble delivering a baby again, and she and Adam learned to completely trust each other.  Their love remained constant and was never again put to the test it went through before and after Elizabeth’s birth.  Adam went to considerable pains to make up for his lack of attention to his first daughter.  Often of an evening, no matter what was happening in the big ranch house, Elizabeth was in Adam’s arms, either looking over his shoulder as he held her upright, or later sitting on his shoulders as he moved through the house or yard.  She proved to be the most stubborn Cartwright grandchild, probably to directly spite her father, but her countenance had all the beauty of her mother’s.  So it was no surprise to anyone when she generally got her way.  But then, Elizabeth Patience (as Adam had appropriately chosen for her middle name) was her father’s treasure.

 

Several additions were added to the ranch house, all designed by Adam.  Hoss and Erin needed one for the two brothers that joined young Eric, Benjamin and Gunther.  And Joe and Amy, once they recovered from the initial shock of their sudden wedding** contributed a total of five grandchildren to the Cartwright clan: Isabel, Joseph, Jonathan, James and Sarah.

 

The Ponderosa became a place of laughing, playing, loving, hardworking family with unbreakable ties.  None of them would ever have changed the living situation—all under the same big roof.  Their roots had begun there, and that’s where they all found the love that sustained them long into the years that followed.  No matter where life took any of them, they always knew that returning to the Ponderosa would anchor them, bring them back to each other and to their vast Nevada legacy.

 

THE END

 

*See Desert Destiny

**See Destiny Next Door

 

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