Thoughts, This Time From Little Joe
By DebbieB
Golly, I was surprised when Adam and his lady friend stopped seeing each
other. When I saw Adam riding into the yard that late afternoon, I could
tell by the expression on his face that something had happened. I wanted
to ask; my older brother dismounted and stomped by me so fast that all I
had the time to do was open my mouth. Adam must have seen me inching towards
him cause all he said, without so much as glancing my way, was to shut up.
So I did. And I went about my business, keeping my thoughts to myself. That
is until Hoss ventured out to the barn where I’d gone to work. When I saw
my middle brother, he looked…well…troubled, so I asked him what was wrong.
“Nuthin’.”
“Yeah right,” I snarled back and went back to work.
Later we were sitting at the dinner table waiting for older brother to come down and join us.
“Can’t we go ahead and eat?” I remember grumbling. My food was getting cold, and I hate eating a cold supper.
“NO!”
I raised my brows slightly and cast a sideways glance at Pa.
“Sorry,” I remember muttering and then wondering to myself what on earth had put Pa in such a bad mood. And then ‘he’ came down the stairs. I looked up at him and thought…he looks as if he’s going to the gallows.
I started to open my mouth to say something to him, but Hoss kicked me under the table, so I thought I’d better keep my mouth shut.
Well, Adam sat down with barely an acknowledgement to any of us and picked up his fork and started eating.
“I thought you were bringing your lady friend home to supper?”
Man…the looks I got from Pa were enough to make me wish I’d been born without a tongue in my mouth. I gulped hard and tried to swallow.
“Leilani couldn’t make it…not tonight or any other night…”
Adam’s statement was straight to the point and he never even looked up at me, but sat there and kept eating. I couldn’t stand the suspense and though I knew I should have minded my own business, Adam’s business seemed a little more exciting at the moment than mine. I had to ask.
“Why?”
Hoss kicked me harder, hurting my shin. I glared at him but when Adam dropped his fork, I turned quickly to look at him. He shoved back his chair and stood up. The dark fire in his eyes told me that in no uncertain terms I had crossed the line.
“Because she…dumped me…that’s why…if you must know!” Adam shouted at me.
I was stunned and I know my mouth dropped opened. And then it hit me…it began as just a wee grin but spread across my face without me hardly realizing it. The gurgling down in my gut erupted then and my giggling burst forth like an exploding volcano. I couldn’t believe my ears…my brother was dumped by a girl! I don’t know why I found that funny, Adam’s the one who usually dumps the girl…and then I looked up into his eyes and saw it. He was hurt…Adam was actually hurt over the fact that Leilani…or whatever her name is…dumped him first!
But I could have told him it would happen. I saw through her deceptiveness on day one. I don’t understand how Adam missed it. That woman, though beautiful to look at was like a venomous snake. Oh, her voice was sweet…too sweet, to tell you the truth. And her mannerisms bespoke of being lady, even the way she dressed screamed LADY! I had a bad feeling about her from the moment I first laid eyes on her. And I was stunned that Adam even went so far as to give her a second look, let alone allow himself to become involved with her. I mean, after all, my older brother is a dadburn good-looking man…almost as handsome as I am, so he could have any girl he wanted, just like me. Why he wanted Leilani, was a mystery to me and one that I’ll probably never know the answer to. I’m not even sure I want to know the reason. I know, it sounds strange; I can’t explain it. Who knows what makes Adam do the things he does?
Adam stormed from the house and the front door slammed when he shut it. I felt like a heel. When I glanced over at Pa, his eyes were dark and he was frowning. I looked across the table at Hoss but he had his head bent low and wouldn’t even look at me. I watched for a second or two how he pushed his food around his plate with his fork.
“I’m sorry,” I said in a soft whisper.
I didn’t know what else to say. How on earth was I to know that Adam was actually in love with this woman? He certainly hadn’t taken me into his confidence and told me so. Shoot, I just thought he was having himself a fling…though I better not say that in front of Pa. Ben Cartwright doesn’t take too kindly to one of his sons having themselves a ‘fling’. Not that I’ve ever had one mind you.
Honestly, I feel bad for Adam. After taking time to think it over, I realize now that Adam probably didn’t care what Leilani was really like. My older brother is usually a fine judge of men or women in this case, but he isn’t judgmental of people. Adam takes a person at face value. That’s probably how he felt about her in the beginning…and then as time passed by, he forgot using his mind to think with and started thinking with his heart instead. And that led him down the road to heartache.
Dam…I wish I hadn’t laughed. Now Adam probably thinks I think this whole mess was funny and probably believes that I’m glad it happened to him this time instead of me, like it usually does. And he’ll be thinking I’ll rag him all the time about it and not let him live it down. But nothing is further from the truth. Adam can be a pain sometimes, but he’s still my brother…we have the same blood flowing in our veins and I’d rather it had happened to me than to him. He’s got so much pride. To have it crumbled up into a little ball and thrown in his face…well…he’s bound to have taken it hard. The look in his eyes, his demeanor…it screams of a broken heart.
I’m such an idiot…I guess it’s true what Pa always tells me, that I never know when to shut up. When will I ever learn to keep my trap shut?
I promise…I’m going to apologize to Adam…for laughing. I didn’t mean to add to his hurt…honest. I just didn’t know that he’d fallen so hard for this woman…I just didn’t know! I’ll give him time to cool off…and then I’ll go have a talk with him…I’ll say to him, “Adam…ere…I’ll say…’Hey Big Brother…she wasn’t worth all the pain’…NO…I can’t say that, obviously he thought she was. I’ll say, ‘Adam…I…didn’t mean to hurt your feelings by laughing…I…wasn’t laughing AT you…I was laughing because’…NO…I can’t tell him that either. Aww dadburnit…I’ll just say it straight out. ‘Adam, I’m sorry…’
That’s it…just straight to the point and then I’ll tell him that I didn’t know how much he cared for the young lady and that I’m sorry things didn’t turn out like he hoped they would. Yeah…I’m sorry…that’s about all I can say. I’d never intentionally hurt him or Hoss or Pa either. I…love my big brother and I don’t care who knows it…even him!
Now, all I have to do is sit back and wait...
Joe Cartwright