Seeing Old Friends
By
EPM
When
I read that Mr. Roberts watches Bonanza to “see old friends”, I
couldn’t get
the phrase out of my head. Hence, the
inspiration for this story.
As
he sat on the bench, he noticed how his hips seemed to hurt more often
these
days. The years of hard physical labor had taken their toll. Out of all
the acreage
on the Ponderosa, Adam Cartwright loved this spot most of all. He
looked out
through the spaces between the stones to see the brilliant blue of the
**********
Riding
home, Adam was a man whose mind struggled with conflicting thoughts and
feelings. His discontent transferred itself to his horse and Sport’s
behavior
was reflected in restlessness. If he were honest with himself, Adam
would have
to admit that his mind and his heart took turns pushing him away and
than
pulling him back to the life he had known for so long. His need to see
and
experience new things, to meet new people, loomed forever on his mind
but
somehow, his heart always brought him home.
Caught
up in his own conflict, Adam didn’t realize he was in front of the barn
doors
until Sport stopped. He smiled to himself and dismounted, giving Sport
a pat of
apology on his long, sleek neck. His wasn’t surprised when he walked in
and saw
his middle brother fussing with his own mount.
“Wondered
if you was comin home brother. You missed a
good
dinner.” Hoss smiled over the stall divider.
“I
planned on being here but I stopped up by the lake. Guess time got away
from
me,” Adam replied, returning the smile.
“Time
don’t usually get away from you unless you
got somthin
on your mind. Feel like talkin?” Hoss
kept brushing Chubb, waiting patiently for Adam to decide whether he
was ready
to share what was bothering him.
Adam
walked out of Sport’s stall. He went to the feed bin and retrieved a
measure of
oats. As he poured them into a bucket and placed them within the hungry
horse’s
reach, he was rewarded with a soft whicker. He retreated and sat on a
pile of
grain sacks. Without looking up, he said,” I’m thinking about going
away for
awhile.”
Hoss
hesitated for a moment as he brushed Chubb’s shinny coat, than resumed
the
rhythmic strokes. He already knew the answer to the question he was
about to
ask, but he wanted to be wrong. “You thinkin
about
takin a trip to
Adam
looked into his brother’s soft blue eyes. He felt as if a fist was
squeezing
his chest. He shook his head and said softly, “No Hoss, not
The
two men talked for a long time, neither afraid to share their thoughts.
Their
bond had been forged by the pain of loss and the joy of new beginnings
and
there was nothing they couldn’t say to each other.
“Well Adam, if this is somethin you got to do
than you should go ahead and do it. Can’t say as I understand but that
don’t
matter. Just promise me that you’ll come home someday.”
Adam
knew that no matter how much longer he stayed at the Ponderosa, he and
Hoss had
just said goodbye. They started for the house, walking a little closer
to each
other.
**********
The
sun was already in the mid-morning sky when Adam awoke. He got up and
readied
himself for the day. As he came down the stairs, he was surprised to
see his
father still sitting at the table.
Ben
looked up from his coffee and paper and said, “Good morning son--- did
you
sleep well?”
“Yeah,
I guess a little too well. Why didn’t you wake me?” Adam poured himself
some
coffee and sat at his father’s right side.
“You’ve
been working long hours lately and you seemed especially tired last
night.
Thought I’d let you sleep some this morning.” Ben knew something was
bothering
his eldest son and he hoped Adam would take this opportunity to open up.
Adam
gave his father a shy, half-grin and said, “Thanks
“Alright
son, I’ll see you tonight.” Ben watched as Adam disappeared up the
stairs once
more. He knew whatever it was that Adam was wrestling with would come
out
eventually. He tried to dismiss the feeling of dread that rose up and
threatened to choke him.
**********
Adam
took a minute to watch his youngest brother at work. No longer a boy, Joe had taken his place in the running of
the ranch.
He tightened his legs and Sport moved forward.
Joe lowered the
mall that he was about to
swing and flashed a smile when he saw Adam riding toward him. “About
time
brother, thought you were gonna sleep all day.”
“I
think I almost did! I can’t believe Pa let me get away with that,” Adam
answered. He took off his gun than unbuttoned his shirt and put on his
heavy
work gloves. “You wanna pound or hold?”
“I been pounding
all morning. It’s your turn.” Joe retrieved
his canteen and poured a good measure over his head. His thick, wavy
mane
separated into soft curls. It reminded Adam of what Joe’s hair looked
like when
he was a baby.
“Your
mother loved playing with your hair. She was always brushing and
combing those
curls,” Adam smiled at the memory.
Joe
laughed and said, “Bet that made Pa happy.”
Adam
joined Joe’s laughter than said, “Well, even Pa knew he’d never win
that
battle. Your mother could be formidable when she wanted something.”
Joe
was quiet for a moment. “Did you really like her---my mother?”
It
was easy for Adam to answer with no hesitation. “Yes, I really did like
Marie.”
He let the mall head fall to the ground and he leaned against the
handle. “I’m
not saying it wasn’t hard at first. I couldn’t quite understand why Pa
wanted
to upset our masculine household but in time I learned to love all the
things
your mother brought to us--- and to me.”
Joe
smiled as his brother reminisced about his mother. Adam didn’t often
open up
about his growing up years but Joe learned something new each time he
did. “She
used to tell me stories about
Joe
picked up a post and lowered it into the hole that he had dug.
Steadying it, he
watched as Adam swung the heavy mall downward over the post head,
driving it further
into the earth. “Now that outta last awhile,” Joe remarked.
When
his brother didn’t answer, Joe said, “You ignoring me again brother?”
“Hmm---no, I was just
thinking about how real Marie
made all her stories sound.” Adam cleared his throat. “Joe, there’s
something I
have to talk with you about.”
Joe’s
body automatically tensed. His brother looked anxious and rarely did
Adam ever
look anxious, even if he was. “What is it?”
“I’ve
decided to see all the places Marie and I talked about. Places I
studied about
in college.” Adam waited, not knowing how Joe would react.
“I
don’t want you to go.” Joe’s voice was harsh with the sudden rush of
emotion
that grabbed at his breath.
“I
know you don’t Joe but if I don’t go now, I’ll never go. I can’t spend
the rest
of my life with “what ifs”. Adam stepped toward his brother. “I can’t
promise
when, but I promise I’ll be back.”
The
two men sat beneath a towering pine, sometimes talking, sometimes in
silence.
And when they had finished, Joe said, “Have you talked to Pa yet?”
“No, not yet but soon.” He smiled at Joe and said, “Would you care
to help me
with that?” Adam stood up.
“Not
likely brother.” Joe hesitated than asked, “Will you really come home?”
Adam
reached out his hand to help Joe up. “I promise.”
***********
Ben
thought that dinner had been quieter than usual. The boys all seemed to
be
subdued and thoughtful. He decided to wait. He knew that sooner or
later one of
them would come to him. But of the three, he thought it least likely to
be his
eldest. Known for keeping his own counsel, it surprised Ben when Adam
asked if
he could speak to him later that evening.
Both
Hoss and Joe had retired, leaving Ben and Adam reading quietly by the
sparse
light of the fireplace. “Guess I’d better light some lamps if you and I
are
going to keep reading.” Ben got up but before he could reach a lantern,
Adam
said, “Can we talk for a minute Pa?”
Ben
sat back down. “Certainly son. What’s on
your mind?”
Suddenly,
Adam felt like a little boy again. How to make his father understand?
“Do you
remember how you felt when you left
“Yes
son, I remember it well.” Ben lit his pipe and waited for Adam to
continue.
“I’m
going away,
“I
wondered how long it would be,” Ben answered. A look of confusion
crossed his
son’s face. “I knew in my heart I’d never keep you forever but I
hoped----.” In
a voice taunt with emotion, Ben asked, “When?”
“I’m
not exactly sure. There are things to arrange.” Silence fell between
the two
men and for the first time in their lives it seemed there was nothing
more to
say.
Adam
broke the stillness. “I made Hoss and Joe a promise. I told them I’d be
back. I
wanted you to know that.” Adam watched as his father rose from his
chair and
walked toward him. Ben pulled him into an embrace. Everything father
and son
had shared through the years seemed pressed between them.
**********
Adam
felt his head drop and he pulled himself up with a jerk. He’d told
himself he didn’t
have time to fall asleep. He looked out once more to see the sun’s
light
sparkle on the deep blue water. His eyes came to rest on the stone
tablets in
front of him. He remembered all those years ago and the promise that he
had
made to come home again. And he had kept that promise. Now his greatest
comfort
came when he visited here each day. He had come home to the dream.
9/05