April Fooled
by
Janice Sagraves
ONE
Groping through the darkness, he made his way as quietly as possible to the pipe protruding from the roof. All he needed was to fall off and break something vital to him, like his neck. The family inside still slept though he knew they would stir before long so he had to finish his task quickly. Unbuttoning his shirt, he pulled out a burlap sack with a long piece of heavy twine stuffed into it. He sequestered a chuckle as he slipped the bag over the tin tube, and his nimble fingers wound the string several times around it and tied a triple knot and tugged it down hard. Now all he had to do was sit back and wait for the fireworks to start. This time the laugh was not to be denied as he slunk away, and his mind raced to further exploits. He’d been waiting a long time to do this, and he felt almost indecent, though it didn’t last as he dissolved into the dimness.
*******
Ben Cartwright came down the stairs closely followed by his oldest son, his black shirt open and loose and his boots in his right hand. They had roused themselves a little earlier than usual this morning to get a jumpstart on the day. After Adam’s injury had laid him up for a while last month and the work on the Madden house taking time to complete they had gotten a tat behind and they were trying to make up for lost time.
Adam Cartwright sat in his favorite tall-backed blue chair and was in the process of putting on his boots when a bright voice livened up the room.
“Hey, does anybody know what today is?” Joe Cartwright asked robustly as he bounded down the stairs.
“It’s April first,” Ben said as he began stirring up the banked fire.
“That’s right,” Joe said as he left the last step. “April Fool.”
Ben’s hand tightened on the poker handle, and his eyes clamped shut, and his mouth drew into a hard knot. “Well, this year I think we will dispense with your shenanigans,” and he finally looked around, his coffee eyes gone black.
“All I did was…”
“Put vinegar in everybody’s coffee,” Adam said as a shiver temporarily interrupted the buttoning of his shirt.
“Fortunately, that was all,” Ben said as he resumed his task.
“And don’t forget the previous year,” Adam said as he stood and began tucking in his shirttail.
“I wish I could,” Ben said as he finished and leaned the poker against the hearth. “And I’m sure Joseph does too.”
“It was only a little snake.” Joe held the thumb and index finger of his left hand several inches apart.
Ben’s eyes snapped onto his third-born. “It was big enough.” He shook his silvery head. “Joe, don’t you think it’s time to grow up, son?”
“I have grown up, I just don’t show it all the time.” A mischievous twinkle danced in his impish emerald eyes.
“Who knows what today is?” Hoss asked as he started down the staircase.
“April first,” his father and brothers said loudly and in unison.
“Whatcha got planned for us this year, little brother?” Hoss asked with a titter.
“Nothing.” Ben looked back into the growing fire. “This is a working ranch, not a school yard. I don’t want to…”
He was suddenly cut off by a loud whiffing sound followed by the most intense, heated stream of shrill Chinese they had ever heard. They looked around toward the kitchen as dark smoke drifted out into the dining room.
“What in the world?” Ben said as he shot a look to each of his sons.
Almost as one they rushed for the kitchen. It was filled with what they found to be oily soot and not simple smoke, and the room was filled with it.
“Hop Sing?” Ben said as he coughed and fanned in front of his face.
The little man materialized from the foreboding charcoal cloud like an enraged apparition, covered from head to feet and almost as black as his eyes. He was still spouting off in rampant Cantonese as he came to stand in front of them.
“English, Hop Sing,” Ben said firmly. “What happened?”
“Hop Sing light stove for bleakfast just like always but this time smoke not go out. It come out and fill kitchen like black fog.”
Adam thrust his hands into his front britches pockets and hunched his shoulders. “The stove pipe must be blocked.”
“Does this mean they won’t be no breakfast?”
Ben shot Hoss a sharp look then turned to his youngest. “Joseph, why don’t you go outside and see if you can find out what the problem is?”
“Why me? Why not Adam or Hoss?”
“Because if Hoss falls off the roof, like you once said, we’ll be all day just filling in the hole, and I’m still not ready to go climbing around up there.” He rested a hand on Joe’s shoulder. “Besides, little brother, you’ve always been more of a mountain goat than the rest of us.”
Joe cocked his head to one side. “How long can you use your accident as an excuse not to…?”
“Joseph, would you please?”
“All right, Pa, since you put it that way.” He glared at his oldest brother for a few seconds then left by the kitchen door.
Ben’s hands went to his hips as he surveyed the mess around him. “We might as get well at this if we plan on eating anything this morning. And somebody open the door so it can air out in here.”
They hadn’t been working long when Joe came back in. “Pa, this was tied over the end of the stove pipe with this,” he said as he held up a burlap sack and a length of strong twine that had been cut near the sturdy knot.
“Now why would anybody wantta do a thing like that,” Hoss asked as he eyed what his brother held.
Adam’s mouth set, and he crossed his arms over his broad chest. “Why don’t we ask our younger brother?”
“Now wait a minute.”
“Joseph, if this is another one of your April Fool pranks I’ll…”
“Pa, I promise you, I had nothing to do with this. Somebody musta slipped up there while we were asleep.”
“Well, we know that at least three of us were asleep, and I don’t think Hop Sing would sabotage his own stove,” Adam said as he slapped a hand on the little cook’s back and coughed from the soot it puffed up.
“That light.”
Joe’s skin began to prickle as he took in each stern faces and felt their eyes going right through him. “Pa, you have my word that I didn’t do this.”
“Whatever else he is, Joe ain’t no liar. If’n he says he didn’t do it then I believe ‘im.”
“Thanks, Hoss.”
“All right,” Ben said as a scowl set over his face. “I believe you too, Joe. Now let’s get back to this. Work’s waiting for us, and we still haven’t even eaten.”
As they went about their chore Joe couldn’t miss the dark hazel eyes constantly on him and it made the hair stand on the nape of his neck. Pa and Hoss and Hop Sing may have believed in his innocence but it was obvious that his oldest brother was skeptical. As he watched Adam toiling he began envisioning the tough, mustachioed bandit with the crossed bandoleers again and forced himself to turn away and focused on sweeping the floor.
TWO
Breakfast was late and consisted of cold biscuits with honey and butter, jerky and a pot of strong coffee. Not exactly the most palatable of fare but it was better than nothing and they were rushed. It was almost nine o’clock when they finally rode out. They split off into pairs with Hoss and Joe heading out to the East range while Ben and Adam started out for the saw mill. A dispute among the lumbermen needed arbitration and Ben and Adam were in charge of this part of the venture and this required their negotiating skills.
It took the two youngest Cartwright sons about an hour to reach their destination. A loco steer had broken through a winter-weakened part of the fence and it was in bad need of repair. Burt Tillis – ne’er-do-well that he was – was waiting for them in the back of the wagon when they got there. His gangly legs hung out the back, bent at the knees, and his hat was pulled down over his face.
The second they saw him they knew he had fallen asleep in the warm spring sunshine, and his ragged snoring only cemented the fact. The brothers looked at each other with the usual ho-hum that Burt’s lethargy drew.
“Burt,” Joe said softly then his voice went up an octave. “Burt.”
“After a year, ain’t you learned better yet? Burt!” Hoss shouted as he drove his boot heel into the weathered and cribbed side of the heavy wagon.
Burt sat straight up with a jolt, his hat falling into his lap and his nutmeg brown hair ruffling into disorder. “What the…” he started huskily.
“Uh, Burt,” Joe said mildly as he leaned forward against his saddle’s pommel with a skewed grin.
Looking around, Burt found himself greeted with a lackluster, finger twiddling wave from Joe and Hoss’ stern glower.
“We kinda hoped, not really thought, mind you, but hoped you might’ve already started by the time we got here. I see we weren’t to be disappointed… again.”
“But not the least bit surprised,” Hoss said as his mouth pulled down.
“I got up earlier this mornin’ than usual,” Burt scooted across the bed, “and the sun felt so good…”
“You’ll git a splinter thataway,” Hoss said as the man came down on the ground standing.
“I thought…” but his words died and his mink brown eyes fastened on the big man. His face contorted, and he scratched the back of his head. “Hoss, you feelin’ all right?”
“I ain’t never felt better.”
Burt clutched his hat tighter to his chest and leaned closer for a better look. “You sure? ‘Cause you’re sweatin’… black.”
“What’re you talkin’ about, Burt?”
Joe looked around and for the first time noticed a dark trickle running slowly down the side of his brother’s face.
“He’s right, Hoss. There’s something running down from your hat and it’s for sure not sweat.”
Hoss reached up and touched it, and his fingertips came away greasy. He rubbed them together then sniffed at the substance and his nose wrinkled. Carefully, he took his hat off and inside, in the highest part of the crown, he found a thick, dark brown, oily glob. Some of it had melted and run down across the sweatband and into his hair. “Axel grease.” His head shot around. “Dadburnit, Joe, that ain’t funny!”
“I didn’t do it, Hoss, I swear, I didn’t,” Joe said as his held his hands up in defense.
“When I git aholt o’ you.”
“I thought you believed me when I said I didn’t…”
“That was the stove, this is different. This is my hat.”
Hoss brought Chubb’s head around, and Joe knew he was about to get seriously clobbered if he didn’t talk fast.
“Hoss, you know I’d never touch your hat. Hoss?”
Hoss’ face had grown menacing, and his eyes turned icy. In a desperate effort to keep himself in one piece, Joe kneed Cochise and took off.
“Joe, you come back here!” Hoss yelled after him as he jammed his hat back on his head – gook and all – and urged Chubb on.
“Not until you listen to reason!”
Burt watched as they rode off in a rumble of hooves for a few minutes then crawled back into the wagon, stretched out and put his hat over his face.
*******
A good portion of the morning had been spent dickering and cajoling and trying to smooth the disheveled feathers of the flustered lumbermen. Now Ben and Adam were on their way home to the welcomed sanctuary the big house provided.
“I don’t know who would start such a rumor,” Adam said as Sport ambled along next to his father’s big buckskin. “Imagine us wanting to close down the mill and fire all the men, and there was no reason.” He shook his head and his thick brows set into a deep frown.
“Oh, you know how these things get started. A supposition leads to innuendo and people start speculating and embroidering until it’s blown all out of proportion. I think we’ve cleared everything up, though. The men seemed satisfied.”
“Yeah, but I’m not so sure I am. I certainly would like to find out where this came from.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it, son,” Ben clapped a reassuring hand on his back. “I don’t think it’ll come up again, but if it does, we’ll handle it just like we did this time.”
“I know, but what bothers me is that maybe somebody is trying to disrupt operations. I mean, what’s next, our mining interests or the grain mill? Something like this could get serious.”
“We’ll keep an eye on things, but I really do think this is the last of it.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Adam said with resignation and began rubbing the back of his neck. “Still…”
“I know, but then I wouldn’t expect anything less from my oldest son.”
“I guess I am a bit of worrier.”
“And more than once that worrying has saved us from disaster, so you just keep it up.”
“All right, Pa.” Adam’s weary grin didn’t quite reach his eyes as he massaged a kink in his lower back.
“Are you all right? You look all in for so early in the day.”
“I didn’t sleep so well, and I thought I heard something moving around on the roof, but I figured it was just from sleeplessness so I didn’t check it out. I guess I should have, huh?”
“I don’t know,” Ben said as one corner of his mouth turned up, “it was kind of worth seeing Hop Sing covered in soot that way.” He snickered. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that mad. I wish I knew who it was.”
“I still haven’t ruled out Joe. You know how he gets this time of year. April first is the perfect opportunity for him to be a kid again.”
“He doesn’t need the first day of April as an excuse. We both know that your youngest brother has steadfastly refused to grow all the way up.”
“That’s what keeps him young. Those who keep part of the child inside are the lucky ones. It took a hard lesson to teach me that.”
Ben couldn’t miss the pain of awful memories in the depths of the dark hazel eyes. He knew the haunting events of last June still pervaded his sons thoughts – as they did his own – though not as much as once. They had begun slipping into the background of his life where they would remain as ominous, ever-present shadows just waiting to come to full force in his dreams.
“Enough about that,” he said as he squeezed Adam’s shoulder reassuringly. “Let’s get home and settle down in front of the fire with a cup of hot tea. I don’t know about you, but after this morning, I sure could use it. And, besides, it’ll soon be time for dinner.”
“And after that meager breakfast and missing the midmorning meal I could eat ten bulls, hair, hide, horns, hooves and all.”
“All right, then, enough said, and the first one home gets the best seat in the house,” Ben said as an ornery gleam entered his coffee eyes.
“Is that an invitation to a race?”
“I think you’re smart enough to figure it out on your own.” Then with a loud whoop Ben nudged Buck into a gallop, leaving his eldest son in a haze of dust.
“So that’s the way it’s gonna be. Come on, Sport.” With a yelp of his own he kneed the big chestnut and flew off after his father.
It looked like the phantom prankster wasn’t the only one to whose head spring had gone.
THREE
As Ben and Adam were taking off their gun belts a dark curly head eased cautiously around the corner of the dining room wall and vigilant emerald eyes scanned the entryway.
“Hoss isn’t with you is he?” Joe whispered.
“No,” Adam said briskly as he laid his belt onto the bureau, “we haven’t seen ‘im since we parted company this morning.”
“You’re sure?” Joe asked as he came into full view.
Adam shot a wily smirk toward their father. “I think we’d pretty much know if somebody the size of our brother was with us.”
“Joseph, you two didn’t have a falling out did you?” Ben asked as his hands went to his hips.
Joe’s face twisted into a slanted grimace. “I wouldn’t exactly call it a falling out.”
Ben’s impatience had begun making itself known. “Then what would you call it?”
Adam crossed his arms over his chest and cocked back onto his right foot. “This oughtta be good.”
Joe’s upper lip rose, and he waggled his head at his brother, but then his expression went sick as he looked back at Pa. “Somebody put axle grease in his hat…, and he thinks I did it.”
Ben mimicked his oldest as he did the same with his arms. “Well, did you?”
“Pa, I had nothing to do with the stove pipe being covered, and I had nothing to do with this. I don’t understand why nobody seems to want to believe me.”
“Maybe because we know your past record,” Adam said as he ducked his head and scratched the side of his neck.
“Well, that was before I decided it was time to grow up.”
“Son, there’s a side of you that will never grow up, and I’ve been informed that that’s part of your appeal,” Ben said as he gave Adam a knowing glance.
“Well, maybe,” Joe said with a discomfited grin, “but I know for sure that I’m not behind this.”
Hazel and coffee eyes focused in but Joe didn’t realize that they were looking past and not at him.
“Now you’re absolutely sure he’s not with you?” Joe went on.
“No, he’s not with us,” Adam cleared his throat and smoothed back his heavy hair. “He’s standing right directly behind you.”
The color fell out of Joe’s face, intensifying his eyes, and he gulped as his chin dropped. “Behind me,” he squeaked.
Ben only nodded.
Joe tried laughing it away but it wasn’t exactly coming off. Slowly and methodically, he turned and found himself facing his seriously disgruntled brother, more of the melted grease running down the sides of his face. “Hi, Hoss,” he said timidly. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“That’s ‘cause I used the kitchen door.”
“Now, look, I can explain if you’ll just give me a chance.”
“They ain’t nothin’ to explain. I been doin’ a lot o’ thinkin’ since I nigh onto pounded you like a fence post…. I told Pa you ain’t no liar an’ it ain’t right my tellin’ anybody to believe that if’n I ain’t goin’ to my own self.”
“Good, now that we’ve got that settled,” Adam eagerly rubbed his hands together, “I’m gonna see what’s for dinner? I’m starved,” and he disappeared into the kitchen.
“You know, he’s taking this whole thing just a little too lightly,” Joe said as he jabbed a thumb after his retreating brother. “Maybe I should…”
“Joseph.”
“It was just a thought.”
“That’s fine,” Ben said as he eyed him guardedly, “as long as that’s all it is.”
“Well, I think I’d best go up an’ see if’n I can git this stuff washed off before we set down to table,” Hoss said as he removed his hat and his nose wrinkled. “Like they say, ‘what you smell you eat’ an’ I ain’t in no mood to go tastin’ this. Wearin’ it’s bad enough.”
As Hoss started upstairs Joe’s wheels began to turn. He had to make his family realize that he wasn’t doing this. Sure they said they believed him, but looks and tones in voices told him that they weren’t completely convinced, so it was up to him to convince them. If he could find the culprit then they would be forced into seeing the truth. But how to go about it was the main problem right at the moment?
*******
Hoss was at the bureau buckling on his gun belt as Joe came down the stairs and joined him. Plenty of work still needed doing and – much as they wished they could stay home – that wouldn’t help in getting any of it done.
“Hoss,” Joe said as he began putting on his own gun, “I need your help.”
“Doin’ what?’ Hoss asked as he put on an old hat he hadn’t worn in a long while. It was battered and disreputable to say the least, but it would have to do until he got the other cleaned up, if he did.
“Clearing my good name.”
Hoss snittered. “Then you got problems. I think that’s gonna take a lot more ‘n what I can do.”
“I’m serious, Hoss. Somebody’s trying to make it look like I’m doing this, and I’m not, but I have a sneakin’ idea who is.”
“Who?” Hoss asked as he started tying the holster’s leather laces around his thigh.
Joe eyes darted toward the front yard. “Our older brother?”
Hoss’ head shot up, and he froze dead solid. “Adam? Joe, you crazy? He ain’t the funnin’ type. I ain’t sayin’ he won’t an’ he ain’t got it in ‘im, but this much all at once, uh-uh. I think you’re barkin’ down the wrong hole.”
“This time last year I would’ve gone along with you on that, but not now, not since Stretch came to the family.” He gripped Hoss’ arm. “So say you’ll help me prove it.”
“An’ if’n you’re wrong?”
“Then we’ll still know who it is, but, Hoss, I don’t think I am wrong.”
Joe waited, albeit not so patiently, while Hoss made up his mind. “Well?”
“All right, but if’n it ain’t him an’ he finds out, remember,” he began poking his brother in the chest with his finger, “it were your idea.”
“Great,” Joe said exuberantly and gave him a slap on the arm. “We’ll get started when I get back.” He gave him another slap then dashed out the door.
Adam sat in the saddle and watched as Joe made a final check of his cinch.
“I tell you what, we’ll stay together as far as Strawberry Meadow then I’ll head on to Gobbler’s Ridge and you can take out by Little Bit Creek. I think it’ll go quicker if we split up.”
“All right, brother,” Joe said as he got mounted. “You know, of all the jobs we get stuck with this hasta to be one of my least favorites. I know it’s not that hard, but I just don’t like paperwork.”
“That may be so, but it has to be done. The idea of getting snowed or stormed into one of the line shacks and finding out that it hadn’t been resupplied is more than a trifle unsettling.”
“So we have to see which ones are out of what and make a list and so on, and I still don’t like it.” He shifted and got comfortable in the saddle. “But, like you say, it’s better than getting caught foul.”
“I also say the sooner we get started the quicker we’ll get it done.”
“Then let’s go do it.”
Without any further discussion the brothers rode out past the barn. Adam didn’t catch the devious green gaze directed at him for it quickly averted as he looked around. Joe was bound and determined to prove Adam behind this, and if he wasn’t, which Joe doubted, he’d prove that too. At least, that was his goal.
FOUR
The day had begun as a lovely morning and had turned into an equally wonderful
afternoon. A light spring breeze riffled the grass and the budded trees
and kissed weatherworn cheeks. The clop of horse’s hooves against the ground
and the warmth of masculine voices made themselves at home with nature’s
sonata as the brothers rode on toward a job neither particularly cared for.
“Maybe we should’ve gotten somebody else to do this,” Joe said as he rested
his left hand on his leg.
“I thought about that, but I needed to get away from the house, and I wanted company.”
“Well, it didn’t havta be mine did it? You could’ve gotten any one of the men or Hoss; it didn’t have to be me.”
“True enough, but I thought you could use the fresh air.”
“Like there isn’t enough of that back at the house.”
“Well, I thought I’d get you away from that joker that’s running loose before you become his next victim.” He gave his brother a sly wink that didn’t go unnoticed.
“And what if I’m him like most everybody seems to think? You’ve just put yourself right into my hands.”
“You keep saying you’re not, and I’ve got no reason not to believe you… yet.” Adam’s eyes narrowed. “Are you planning on giving me one?”
“We’ll see,” Joe said with a cunning smirk.
He went silent, and Adam found himself the object of intense emerald eyes but he didn’t let on. He knew Joe suspected him, as he figured he would. His little brother had a sneaky mind and it was only natural for him to think that everybody else did.
“So, have you seen Tristine Hellman again since the disaster with Sarah Madden?”
Joe winced. “No, I figure if she lied on me once – for which I almost got my head busted by her brothers – she’d have no trouble with doing it again, and I’ve learned my lesson.”
“Since when?” Adam said with an ornery grin. “When it comes to women, little brother, I’ve found that you never seem to learn.”
“Well, that’s not altogether true.”
“Oh, really? What about the May before last when you started seeing that one in Carson? I thought I heard the faint peal of wedding bells until her husband showed up, that one almost got you shot. And what about…”
“All right, all right,” Joe said with annoyance as he fanned his brother off. “Well, this time things are gonna be different.”
“Um-huh.” Dark suspicious eyes darted in Joe’s direction. “Remind me to believe that when it happens.”
“And what makes you so smart?”
“Knowing you for almost twenty-three years. Face it, Joe, there are constants in life, like the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, the geese flying south every autumn and returning every spring, and you getting into trouble with women, it’s just nature.”
“You’re a real wit, you know that?”
“Sure do.”
It went silent for a few seconds as they just looked at each other then Joe’s gleeful cackle filled the air, quickly joined by Adam’s rich baritone as they rode on side-by-side.
*******
Ben had just led Buck out of the barn when Hamp Lacey rode in. He had been foreman at the saw mill for the past seven years and the Cartwrights trusted him implicitly. And right now anyone not blind in both eyes could see that something had him agitated and worked into a dither.
“Afternoon, Hamp,” Ben said brightly as the bay gelding reined up in front of him. “What brings you out this way?”
“We’ve got more trouble, Mr. Cartwright.”
“What kind this time? The same thing?”
“The men’ve heard that you’re gonna cut their pay in half starting next month, and they aren’t happy about it, and that’s saying the least.”
“Now where did they ever hear a thing like that?”
“Don’t know, probably the same place they heard the other one, but if they aren’t set straight, things could get ugly. Fact is they were starting to when I left. Bell’s a good man right enough, but when that many get in a nasty mood even a good man’ll be hard pressed to hold ‘em.”
“All right, Hamp, I’ll head up there with you, but first I want to tell Hop Sing where I’ll be in case the boys get back before I do.”
“Okay, Mr. Cartwright, I’ll wait right here.”
After Ben did as he said he came right back out and got mounted and they started off. This had turned into the woolliest April first he could remember in a long time, maybe ever, and he didn’t want it getting any woollier. He couldn’t understand what was going on with the men at the saw mill. Adam’s concern – as was usually the case – had turned out to be well founded after all. He found himself wishing he had his first born son there to go with them but Adam and Joe had gone out to check some of the line shacks and wouldn’t be back for a bit yet. It wasn’t like he couldn’t handle it on his own, and Hamp was a good man, but since last summer he couldn’t seem to have his sons around him enough, and it was the most strong with Adam. “Get over it, Ben Cartwright,” he thought. “Who helped you through your problems before he was born?”
“You all right, Mr. Cartwright? You’re awful quiet.”
“I’m fine, Hamp. I just want to get there and get this thing straightened out once and for all.”
Hamp agreed wholeheartedly and they urged their horses faster.
*******
The shack nestled in among the trees in Poplar Grove wasn’t much to look on but it served its purpose. It had a roof and four walls and a door to keep out the weather, a fireplace to hold back the cold and a covered lean-to for the horses and little else in the way of amenities. The trees sheltered it from snow and wind and rain and their shade held back the sun’s heat. If ever there was a place for a home, this was it.
Joe sat on the edge of the rickety cot inside with a piece of paper and a pencil. He hated paper work, all kinds of paper work, so that put this job on the list of his least all-time favorites. He scribbled down another item that this place needed to stay well stocked for any eventuality, but his mind wasn’t on it.
He’d thought about following Adam to see if he could catch him at something but had thought better of it. This stinking job had to be done, and if Adam caught him he’d be skinned alive. Some things had changed about his brother but that wasn’t one of them. When the occasion called for it his tongue still had the same acidic bite that no one wanted to be the object of. One side of his mouth turned and crinkled the corner of his eye. For all the things that made his oldest sibling difficult at times, Joe still loved him, and the dark period they had all endured the previous year made his annoying traits more tolerable. He crooked a full grin and riffled his defiant hair then wrinkled his nose and went back to writing. Daydreaming wouldn’t get this done.
*******
Hoss had returned home and was in the barn taking care of Sugar and Miracle, who was growing like a weed, when he heard a loud commotion and a deluge of swear words that would make a teamster blush. He recognized the voice as belonging to Cookie and – aside from the colorful language spewing past the man’s lips – he knew the decidedly irate tone. Laying the curry brush aside he rushed outside and the ranting became more evident. It came from inside the bunkhouse, and Hoss wondered if it had something to do with the mysterious prankster now at large on the Ponderosa.
He dashed across the yard, up the porch steps and into the bunkhouse, where the unbridled raving grew in volume. As he came to stand at the doorway that led into the kitchen a tin sailed past him to hit the wall on the other side of the main room, to fall to the floor with a resounding metallic clatter.
A small man of less than imposing stature, Cookie had a sonorous voice that could hurl words, especially of the cussing variety, like lightening bolts. And right now they were being thrown – along with a few other items – with reckless abandon.
“Cookie, what happened?”
As the red faced man turned to Hoss with an abrupt jerk dust and debris fell from his normally reddish blond hair. “Ah, some jackass propped a bucket full o’ wood ash in the pantry and when I opened the door I got it right in the top o’ the head.” His voice went up. “And if I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch I’ll…”
Hoss cringed as the air around him became increasingly bluer by the second.
*******
By the time Ben and Hamp reached the lumber camp the elder Cartwright expected to find the place in a state of riot and utter chaos, judging from what he had been told. An image of Keith Bell’s slim body lashed to a tree flooded his mind and did nothing to calm him. Instead, however, he found it quieter than usual with not a man in sight and that was even more unsettling.
“Where is everybody,” he asked as he reined Buck up in front of the cook shack.
“I don’t know,” Hamp said as he stepped down, his wary storm gray eyes scanning around him. “When I left most of ‘em were in the bunkhouse, maybe we should try there first.”
Ben agreed and after tethering their horses to the hitch rail they started in that direction. They made their way along the wide dirt path that wound its way at a gentle upward slope until they came to a long building made of rough wooden planks. If the men were in there they were quiet as church mice.
They went up the three steps to the door and Hamp went in first. All sixty-five men that worked the camp were there, and Keith Bell held a spot right up front with them.
“Shouldn’t you men be working?” Ben said as he took in the less than cordial faces.
“Not until we get a few things straightened out,” a big man in a red and black plaid shirt said as he came forward.
“Bell, what’s going on here?” Hamp asked with a puzzled frown.
“I happen to go along with the men,” Keith Bell said as he came to stand next to the man. “None of us are being paid enough to start with and now we hear that we’re all gonna be fired, and we don’t even know why.”
The men all noisily agreed.
“Now just hold on,” Ben said as he stepped closer to them and raised his hands, “nobody’s gonna be fired or have their pay cut.”
“That’s not what we heard,” a voice from the back sounded.
“It doesn’t matter what any of you heard, nobody is being fired. Hamp assures me that you’re all doing a first rate job, and you’re making better wages than you could anywhere else.”
“I hear they’re making twelve dollars an hour over at the Blue Jack camp!” another voice shouted.
“That isn’t right,” Ben said. “I know the owner of the Blue Jack, and I know for a fact that you’re making more.”
“Ah, he’d say anything to keep us from finding out!” someone else threw in.
The men clamored around him, and Ben was having trouble making himself heard.
“Please, if you’ll just listen!”
But no one seemed to be in any big mood of doing so as they closed in around Ben and Hamp.
Bell stepped away from the others and took a folded piece of paper from his shirt pocket. “Here’s a list of our grievances,” Bell said as he handed it to Ben.
Slowly, Ben unfolded it, and his gaze hesitantly lowered to it. Written on it was the words ‘April Fool’ and ‘Don’t Tell’, and he recognized the handwriting.
The coffee eyes came up and every man around him – including Hamp Lacey and Keith Bell – broke into uproarious laughter. It took a couple more seconds for it to completely sink in then Ben found himself laughing as hard and loud as anyone there.
*******
Sport was led back into the stand of pines behind the shack, and his saddle and breast collar hastily removed and placed on the ground. An unfamiliar saddle was placed on his back, and he wasn’t too keen on the idea. The sleek chestnut got a pat on the withers and the animal’s head came around as if to ask, “What’re you doing to me?” Nimble fingers worked deftly with each strand of coarse red mane and fastened each one with a piece of neatly tied ribbon as alert eyes watched to make sure no one sneaked up and caught him.
FIVE
The evening had begun its gradual winding down toward eventual nightfall. The sky had become dusky and night birds were beginning their melancholic calls. The wind lightly blew filled with the scent of rain, which everyone knew at this time of year could still easily arrive in its white, frozen form. Supper would soon be put on the table and the exhausted men had steadily straggled in one, two or three at a time with the exception of the first born Cartwright son.
“You don’t think Adam’d be dumbernuff to leave something incriminatin’ layin’ around, do ya?”
“He could’ve dropped something he didn’t know about. He’s our brother, but that doesn’t make him perfect.”
“Says who?” Hoss mumbled as he rummaged through the things on top of the dresser. “What’re we lookin’ for anyway?”
“Beats me, but I’ll know it when I see it.” Joe got down on his knees and looked under the bed, but all he found was the chamber pot and a pair of slippers.
“Well, whatever it is we best find it soon ‘cause Adam could git back at any time, an’ if’n he catches us in his room diggin’ around,” his full face pinched, and he shook his head, “um-ummmm.”
“Don’t worry,” Joe said as he stood and looked around him.
“When’ve I heard that before?” Hoss grumped as he turned to look elsewhere.
Ben sat at his desk catching up on some correspondence when Adam stormed into the house like a furious whirlwind. “That does it!” he stormed as he shoved the door together hard behind him.
“What in the world,” Ben said as he shot up out of the green tufted leather chair, his heart racing like a runaway team. “Adam?”
As he came around the substantial mahogany desk he could hardly miss his oldest’s infuriated state. He repeated his son’s name and the dark hazel eyes – amber sparks flitting in them like lightning bugs – came around and connected with his.
“Adam, what is it?”
Just then Hoss and Joe came to stand on the top landing, both pale at having
nearly been caught where they knew they shouldn’t be. Hop Sing came out
of the kitchen drying his hands on his apron to see what all the fuss was
about.
Someone knocked at the front door, and Ben answered it as Adam just stood
there and seethed.
“You all best come on out here and see this,” Mort Styles said as he pushed his hat back on his head.
“What is it, Mort?”
“You best come see for yourself, Mr. Cartwright,” Mort said then started back across the porch.
As the elder Cartwright and his two youngest sons and the little cook came outside – their surprise patently obvious – words eluded them. Some of the men had gathered around the object of everyone’s attention with evident amusement.
“See what I mean?” came in the form of the harsh baritone at Ben’s elbow.
Ben moved closer and put his hand discreetly to his mouth in an effort to hide the budding grin.
Sport was decked out like the finest steed that ever saw the streets of London. An English saddle replaced his usual one and the breast collar was gone, only his bridle remained. His mane hung in braids along his neck, as well as his forelock and tail, and all had been adorned with royal blue satin ribbon tied in delicate bows. He stood stock still with his head slightly lowered as if mortified by his current state.
“That happened at the shack out toward Coyote Canyon. When I came out he was gone, but it didn’t take me long to find him, and when I did he was like that. I couldn’t find my own saddle so I had to ride him home that way,” Adam groused.
The men were obviously trying hard not to laugh, but Joe was making no such effort. His giggle had the ability to exasperate and it showed in the drawing down of his oldest brother’s mouth.
“Well, now Adam, I think he looks very proper,” Joe said through titters. “Maybe you should rig ‘im out like this all the time.”
His family drew closer and Adam looked like he wanted to commit murder.
“Ha, ha, very funny. And what were you doing today while we were separated?”
“Now, Adam,” Joe started in his own defense.
“Maybe I should return the favor and do the same to Cochise? I think pink ribbon looks so good with black and white, don’t you?” Adam said as he put an arm around his youngest brother’s shoulders.
“You wouldn’t.”
“With the mood I’m in, don’t bet on it,” Adam said with a knowing smirk.
“An’ you thought he was behind all this. Guess you was wrong, little brother.”
“Oh, you did, did you?” Adam asked smugly.
“Say, Joe,” Hoss broke in again, “ain’t that the same saddle you used in that race a couple years back on Blackie.”
Joe’s eyes widened and stark onyx engulfed the warm emerald then his head snapped in the direction of his brother’s horse. He reached out and touched it. It sure enough was the same saddle that he had been allowed to keep, and he was about to die. No one would believe he had nothing to do with this now, especially Adam.
“Oh, that was real bright, younger brother,” Adam said icily. “Use your own saddle.”
“Adam, I… Anybody could’ve…”
“But I don’t think just anybody did,” Adam said as his arm tightened. “You’re gonna owe me for this.”
“Pa, I…” Joe started feebly as his desperate gaze found his father but his voice quickly fell off. Why bother? He knew everyone there thought he was behind this so why fool trying to explain his way out of it? He grinned sickly at those around him as he felt Adam’s grip tighten even further.
*******
That night everyone slept sound with one exception. Joe sat up in his bed with his elbows propped on his bent knees, and his chin resting in his hands. He wasn’t any closer to uncovering the culprit, but the big thing keeping his eyes wide open was why he had hadn’t been got yet. Pa, Hoss, Cookie, Hop Sing, even Adam, who he had thought was behind the whole thing. But why hadn’t he been pranked as the others had. Maybe his would come in the morning or – even worse – after he went to sleep. His eyes widened and roved about the room still swathed in warm lamp light. Maybe he should look again, he could have missed something.
“Nah, this is ridiculous,” he said as he tousled his thick hair. “There’s nothing to find. If there had been I would’ve found it.” He went quiet and the cogs behind his eyes began turning more feverishly. “And then again, what if…?”
With a sudden jerk, he threw the covers back and his bare feet smacked the floor. He went to the big wardrobe in the corner near the window and jerked open the doors, half expecting something to jump out at him and relieved when it didn’t.
All of the sudden the room seemed a lot bigger than it did three hours ago as he rummaged through his clothes hanging inside.
SIX
At breakfast the next morning it was all Joe could do to hold his eyes open. The thought of some impending practical joke catching him in his sleep had kept him awake and restless all night long.
“What’s the matter, Joe, didn’t you sleep so well last night?” Adam asked and took a sip of his coffee, his eyes flicking to his father.
“I don’t think I closed my eyes more ‘n ten minutes at a time.”
“How come?” Hoss asked as his gaze darted furtively to his little brother. “It couldn’t be you was afraid of gittin’ got seein’ as how you never was.”
“I just don’t understand it,” Joe said as he sawed at a piece of ham with his knife. “He got all three of you and Hop Sing but he left me alone. Why? I just don’t get it.”
“Well, now who says he did?” Adam said clandestinely as he turned his attention to his plate.
He became the object of the concentrated stares of his brothers, and Ben’s eyes, along with a secretive half grin, focused on him as well.
“Did what?” Joe asked.
“Left you alone. I mean, everybody thought it was you, and you didn’t sleep a wink. I could hear you rummaging around in there, and I don’t have to guess what you were doing. I can’t think of a better April fool joke to play on somebody, can you?”
“How do you know so much about what he was thinking?”
The room went perfectly still with the exception of Ben continuing with his coffee.
“Because he was your brother,” Ben said as he too went motionless.
Joe and Hoss just about came out of their chairs. “What?”
Adam went back about his food as if nothing had been said and didn’t look up.
“I thought it was you until…. Who got you?” Joe asked.
There was a pause then Ben spoke again. “He did?” and the grin broadened and became less guarded.
“Well, now a man’s gotta cover himself,” Adam said as his eyes went to each face around him, saving his father’s for last.
“What about the men. They wasn’t got, was they,” Hoss asked as he scratched the side of his head.
“Who do you think helped me get Pa and Cookie? Even the best laid plans require allies to carry them out.”
“How did you know, Pa?” Hoss asked as he turned to his father. “An’ how long’ve you known?”
“Just since yesterday when I went out to the saw mill, and I was handed a note written in very distinctive handwriting.” The deep eyes connected with the cunning ones across the table from him.
“Oh, boy,” Hoss said as his arms rested on either side of his plate with a thump. “Wait’ll Cookie finds out.”
“He already knows,” Adam said as his grin grew craftier. “He’s the one who dumped that bucket of wood ash on his head. Like I said, a man needs allies.”
“Then you mean that all the hands and all the men at the saw mill… were in on this?”
“That’s right, Joe, and with their help it came off beautifully, don’t you think?”
Hoss let loose with a loud guffaw, and Ben kept his own mirth restrained, but Joe was less than amused.
“What’s the matter, Joe, can’t take a joke?”
Joe just continued glaring at him, his hand tightening on his fork. As he thought about it he had to admit that it had been pulled with artistry and finesse. Not only had his brother gotten him good, but he’d also gotten Pa and Hoss and Hop Sing in his sights as well. Joe would never admit to Adam how good at this he was.
Next thing Joe’s own delightful giggle mixed in with Pa’s and Hoss’. Hop Sing stepped from the kitchen, a rolling pin in one hand. “What so funny?”
The laughter intensified as Adam reveled in his moment of glory.
*******
It had been just over two weeks since the rash of practical jokes had broken out on the Ponderosa from which no one had seemed immune. But after the prankster had been unmasked things had settled back into their normal routine.
Another day of drudgery and ranch work was winding down. Supper would be in a short while and the family, all but Hoss, had gathered in the parlor. Adam and Joe were engaged in a riveting game of chess, and Ben had brought out his Christmas pipe and was filling it.
“That must be Hoss,” Ben said at the sound of a horse coming into the yard. “I was beginning to think he wasn’t going to get back from town in time for supper.”
“Hoss miss a meal?” Joe said softly as he pondered over one of his bishops.
Hop Sing had just put the platter of meat on the table when Hoss came in but stopped cold just inside the door. Anyone who bothered to look could tell that something was definitely troubling him.
Glances were exchanged all around then Ben came to his feet from the red leather chair. “Hoss, what’s wrong?”
It took Hoss several seconds to be able to speak. “Pa, I…,” but his voice faded away.
“It can’t be that bad can it, son?”
“I’m afraid it can, Pa…. Two days ago… President an’ Mrs. Lincoln went to see a play at Ford’s Theatre.” His face went even paler. “He was shot in the head an’… he died yesterday mornin’. Mr. Johnson is president now.”
Adam and Joe were standing by this time and Hop Sing had edged out of the dining room.
“This has to be a mistake,” Ben said.
“It ain’t no mistake, Pa. It was in the Territorial Enterprise.”
“Well, do they know who did it?”
“Yeah, Pa, they know. It was an actor. He jumped from the balcony after he done it an’ ran across the stage.” Hoss swallowed hard, and his bleak eyes went to his older brother. “It was… John Wilkes Booth.”
All the air seemed to be sucked from the room and everyone in it.
“Are they sure?” Joe asked meekly.
“Yeah, Joe, they’re sure.”
“I’m sure Edwin had nothing to do with this,” Ben said as his eyes riveted to Adam.
“I know he didn’t,” Adam said adamantly as he looked at his father. “I’ll be in the barn.” Then he started out.
“Adam,” Joe said as he reached out to him.
“Let him go, Joe.” Ben took a deep, ragged breath. “Let him go.”
Adam entered the barn and went straight to Sport’s stall. After the shattering news Hoss had just brought home he needed the comfort of the horse. “Hello, son,” he said as he ran his hand along the satiny red neck and got an affectionate nuzzle in return.
He could feel all the emotion churning inside him and threatening to choke off his breathing. No one had to tell him that Edwin Booth had nothing to do with what his brother had done, he knew the man too well. With a deep, ragged sigh he closed his eyes and put his forehead against the animal’s jowl. Fiery tears escaped their confines to make their way past the thick black lashes and run down his cheeks.
It was amazing how, when you thought you had things licked, life would come around and smack you square in the face to let you know you were wrong. In the short space of a few days a war had ended, a president had died and a new one had taken the reins of the country. Through fire and blood and death a nation had changed and things would never be the same again.
THE END