" Nasty Chores !"
[ as told by Little Joe ]
By: Lynne G.
" I HATE nasty chores and for some strange reason, I always seem ta get suck havin' ta do em, cuz I'm the youngest. DADBURNIT !"
" I have two older brothers...much older I might add. First there's Adam, he's the oldest and the bossiest too. Then there's Hoss, my favorite brother, but dunt tell old Adam that, ok? Hoss is a good guy and my best friend, plus he sticks up for me when I'm in some kinda trouble."
" My two brothers think it is very funny that me, their sweet little brother has ta do all them yucky chores on the ranch."
" They keep tellin' me in so many words that it's my turn ta do them nasty chores. Ya see, they had ta do em when they were my age. Sure they did !"
" HUH ! I tell em, share and share alike, since they both helped each other with all em chores when it was their turn, but do they help me out? NOPE !"
" Once a week, we or I should say ME needs ta get all the water out of the water troughs and then I have ta scrub out them dadburn troughs. Ya see, they get all slimy inside, and that's why they gotta be scrubbed out."
"It takes FOREVER ta get ALL that dirty water out of them troughs with a bucket. I just hate it when my so called lovin' big brothers stand there and watch me STRUGGLING with FULL buckets of dirty water !"
" When they least expect it, I throw the dirty water from the bucket and get em all wet ! Ha,ha, ha, serves em right fer not helping ME, their poor little brother who is very small for he age."
" You wouldn't believe how many water troughs there are on the Ponderosa. There's MILLIONS of em. Well...not really, but it sure seems like it when it's poor little ME havin' ta clean em all."
" Then there's the...manure pile. YUCK !!! It's out behind the barn...way behind the barn, but it's there alright, and there some days when it dunt smell so good either. YUCK !!"
"
Would ya believe that every year, Hop Sing mixes
manure in with the dirt in his garden? That's totally DISCUSTING !!
There's NO WAY I'm gonna put my hands in THAT dirt
!!
" Muckin' out all the stalls is NO FUN either, but ha ha ha, my big brothers have ta take their turns at this chore. Ha ha ha !"
" Another nasty chore is cleaning up the hen house and pen. What makes that chore so nasty is that dadburn rooster. He always chases me around the pen, and to make matters worse, he bites my poor little butt. Have ya ever had a rooster bite yer butt? It HURTS !"
" When my poor little butt gets bit, ya know what my big brothers do? They laugh at ME. Talk about HEARTLESS !
Here I am being attacked by a MAD rooster and they just laugh. Gotta find a way ta get even with em for that."
" Another nasty chore I always get stuck with is cleaning out the fireplace. Now that chore really ain't all that bad."
" Hey, ya know what I dun one day ta get back at old Adam, and this is really a good one too. I had a full bucket of ash that I had just taken outside ta dump it out, when Adam came out of the barn. Ah, my victim had NO idea what was 'bout ta happen ta him Ha ha ha !"
" As he walked past me with that smug look on his face, I dumped that full bucket of ash all over him. Talk 'bout funny lookin'. His black clothes weren't black no more. Nope, he looked like a giant walking ash covered monster !"
" I was gigglin' so hard, I couldn't stand up anymore and I fell ta the ground and was rollin' in the dirt and holdin' my tummy with tears rollin' down my face. I couldn't help it."
" Old
Adam was so MAD at me, ya could almost hear him yellin' all the way ta
" By now Adam had lots of smoke comin' out of his ears and flames shootin' out of his eyes. Now my big brother looked like a giant ash covered pipe ! Talk 'bout funny !"
" Pa ran out of the house as soon as he heard Adam start ta yell his lungs out. I dun't think Pa liked what he saw either, nope cuz he glared at me as he stood there with his hands on his hips, and that look on his face."
" The
next thing I knew, my ash covered brother had tossed me in the water
trough. Some sense of humor he ain't got.
But I have ta tell, it was well worth it though, even
though I had ta sit and listen ta
a rather long lecture from
" A real nasty chore on the ranch is...cleaning out the water holes ! Do ya have any idea what that's like? Probably not. Once in a while my brothers have ta help out with that chore, but most of the time I gotta do it myself."
" There must be MILLIONS of dead things in them water holes ! Well...not really. Hey, I'm just kiddin' ya. I've never found anything dead in any of them water holes, and I hope I dunt either."
" Just gotta check ta see what's at the bottom of them holes, like leaves, branches..ya know stuff like that. Thank goodness them water holes ain't too deep."
" I HATE feeling the bottom of them holes with my hands cuz stuff at the bottom of em dunt feel so good. YUCK !"
" Of course, I have my boots and socks off so my poor little feet gotta stand in that yuck at the bottom of them holes. YUCK !"
" When I get done with them holes, I head over ta the creek er river er what ever clean water is near by, and I jump in the water ta get cleaned up."
" I've thought 'bout cleanin' out them water holes naked, but if'n I dun that, I sure wouldn't want ta put my sorta clean clothes back on. 'Sides Pa wouldn't like me walkin' 'round naked now would he?"
" There is another chore that I consider as nasty, and that's cleanin' up the tackroom. I know what yer thinkin', what's so nasty 'bout that chore? Well, let me tell ya. It's BORING !!!! What more can I say? That's the truth too."
" Oh yeah, fergot 'bout this next nasty chore. Gotta clean out Hop Sing's stove too. Gotta get all them ashes out of there too, plus the woodstove by Pa's desk. Gotta get ashes out of there too. Can't have em full of ashes now can we?"
" There's another nasty chore that I have ta do a lot and that is cleanin' out the chamber pots from the bedrooms, but we really dunt use em that much cuz we use the outhouse, but there are times when we do need em. Hop Sing cleans em too, so I guess I shouldn't complain 'bout it then."
" Hum, let me think...I know there's another nasty chore that I have ta do that ain't fun, but what the heck is it? Hum. Oh I 'member now, it's cleanin' the pig pen. YUCK ! That dadburn mud get really slippery ya know and I slip and fall inta it sometimes."
" Sometimes one of my brothers will purposely knock me over inta the mud, and yup, ya guessed it...they laugh at me until I start ta throw mud at em. They stop laughin' real fast. Boy, does Hop Sing ever get mad when he see's our muddy clothes. YIKES !!"
" He's always tellin me not ta get so dirty. Well, excuse me ! I tell him that with all the nasty chores I gotta do, I can't help it, but I get dirty. I like ta get dirty, cuz it makes me look like I've been workin really hard...and I have ya know."
" So now ya know why I HATE nasty chores. Life just ain't fair, but nasty chores can make it fun ta get even with my two older brothers. Ha ha ha !"
" One of the fun things I do is...ok...maybe ya wouldn't think it was a fun thing ta do, but I do. I have a large supply of dried cow chips, ya know, cowpies, ok, cow dung !"
" Now,
wait a minute and let me explain this ta ya. When cow dung is dried out, ya
can pick it up and ya can toss it. I 'spose ya are thinkin'
' now why would anyone ever wanna touch somethin' like that'? Right? Am I right ?"
" I love ta do sneak attacks on Adam and Hoss
with them cow chips. They never know when they are gonna
get hit with a cow chip. I got em hidden all
over the place and no one but me knows where they all are. Pretty sneaky
huh?"
" So I can find some fun havin' ta do nasty chores. Heck, ya gotta have some fun while ya work. Dunt mess with me big brothers, er else....I'm gonna getcha ! Ha ha ha !"
" Nasty chores, gotta love em....NOT !!!"
The End.