A Twisted Tale

"Lips that touch Kool Whip, shall never touch mine!" declared Adah Menkin as
she boarded the stage leaving Virginia City.
Ben smiled weakly. A tear trickled down his manly cheek.
Another woman had learned the SECRET OF THE PONDEROSA. Hop Sing used Kool
Whip not real whipped cream. And his pies were not homemade....they were
purchased frozen at the Virginia City Kwikee Mart and reheated them in the not yet
invented microwave that Adam powered with a windmill.
Ben was so flustered he got run over by the stage as it left town.
"Pa! Come quick!" Hoss hollered. "Little Joe is a gonna be the sheriff of
Rubicon!" He took a pancake flipper from Ira and managed to scoop a battered
Ben up from the dirt street.
Adam snickered into his black shirt "Our baby brother a sheriff? Hardee har
har! Next thing he will be singing off key ballads on Hullabaloo on not yet
invented TV!"
"Don't make fun of jofshesh. Jofpse ? Josehp? your brother what's his name?"
Ben stammered. His mouth was filled with dirt and horse poop.
"Little Joe?" Hoss said.
"Pa? Are you ok?" Adam said shoving Ben's left kidney back into place.
"Should I send for Doc Martin?"
"Dema? Addie?" Ben spit a horseshoe out of his mouth. "Adam?"
"Pa?" Adam said nervously. Pa had his heart broken many times....and his
kidneys..all of them had but Pa looked a bit peaked. He wasn't as young as he
used to be. Adam adjusted Ben's toupee so it faced the right way.
"Jest give your Pa some of this water and he'll reconstitute and be fine!"
said Roy Coffee. He dunked his pal Ben in the nearest horse trough a few
times, squeegeed him off and Ben Cartwright sprung back into shape. "See! Your Pa
is jest fine!"
"Yup! " Ben smiled. "Now what was it you boys said about LIttle Joe being
the Sheriff of Rubicon?"
"Some hoochie mama gal tricked him Pa! He's the sheriff of Rubicon!" Hoss
and Adam declared in unison.
"A civil service job? Paid medical insurance? A pension?" Ben counted off on
his fingers. "What's the problem?"
Hoss shrugged.
Even Adam couldn't find fault with Joe's career plans.
"Can we have his dessert?" they both asked.
Ben nodded.
"So? Let's go home! Hop Sing has pizza for dinner!" Ben declared. "And if
you boys get in your jammies, we can have dinner in front of the not yet
invented TV. There is a "Gunsmoke" marathon on TVland and I want to see Buck."
"And we want to see Miss Kitty! " Hoss and Adam added.
Life couldn't get any better.