DON'T UPSET THE BOSS
by
Lynne C.
Adam, Hoss and Little Joe Cartwright had, reluctantly, made their way
into town and the first person they encountered was Sheriff Roy
Coffee, the keeper of law and order in Virginia City. Roy made it his
business to check out all the new faces that appeared in the town, and
so when the three men arrived, he went over to find out who they were.
Their answer was not at all what he expected.
"Really, Roy, it's us, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe," said the eldest
of
the three. "I know we don't look exactly like you expect us to look,
but it is us, truly it is. Something's happened and we've changed, but
we've been assured it is reversible."
"Right, you've had your fun, and now you can tell me who you really
are," said Roy, drawing his gun. "I've known the Cartwright boys
since
just after Little Joe was born and you are not them. For a start, you
are all far too old, and you're also too ugly. Ben Cartwright's boys
are a real handsome bunch, especially Little Joe."
"Thanks, Roy," said the youngest of the three. "I didn't
know you
cared that much."
"The name's Sheriff Coffee, to you," said Roy. "Only ma
close friends
call me Roy. Now then, just tell me the truth and I might be prepared
to forget that you have tried to commit fraud, by pretending to be
someone you are not. What brings you men to ma town?"
"We've come ta pick up our Pa," said the middle one. "He's
bin on a
trip ta Sacramento, but he's due back today, and so we came to take
him home ta the ranch. We're hopin' that Pa's gonna be able ta talk
some sense inta Hop Sing, and then our crazy cook will return things
back to the way they were."
Roy wasn't sure what his next move should be, but standing on the
street, in the hot sun, wasn't helping his thought process, and so he
herded the three men into his office.
"Right, then, you," he said, pointing at the oldest of the three.
"Start from the beginning."
The man leaned against the wall, and tugged on his earlobe, before he
started to speak.
"Well, it was like this, Roy," he said. "Pa went off on
a trip to
Sacramento, leaving me in charge."
At this point, the youngest of the three rolled his eyes, sighed, and
said,
"And don't he just love the chance to throw his weight around? But,
not only does he boss me and Hoss around, but he starts on Hop Sing, too."
The other man, the middle one, then joined in.
"Yeah, I mean, fancy tryin' ta tell Hop Sing how ta cook. So much
fer
bein' the brains of our family; I reckon he must've had his brain
cells loosened, fallin' off them broncs as often as he does."
At this remark, the oldest man looked rather annoyed.
"There is nothing wrong with my brain, thank you, brother. All I did
was make a couple of suggestions to Hop Sing and he just blew things
all out of proportion."
"What else did you expect him to do, when you gave him the impression
that you thought he was getting old and not up to the job, anymore?"
said the youngest man.
"I never did say he was too old. I just said that maybe he was getting
a bit forgetful."
"Well, whatever you said, it made him madder than a hornet, sure
enough," said the middle one. "And that's why we ended up lookin'
like
this."
Roy was trying to keep his patience, but he wasn't getting any nearer
to knowing who these three yahoos were, and so he slammed his hand on
the desk, in order to gain their attention.
"Will you please get back to the point and tell me who you are."
"That's what I'm trying to do, Roy," said the oldest man. "We
are
Adam, Hoss and Little Joe. I know we don't look the same, but Hop Sing
put something in our coffee and when we woke up this morning, this is
what we looked like. He said it was revenge for me calling him old; he
decided to make us old."
"I don't believe a word of this," said Roy. "How can anyone
change
another person's age and looks, that's impossible."
"Now I know it's kinda hard ta believe, Roy, but it's the goldanged
truth," said the middle one. "Hop Sing's gotta storeroom full
of herbs
and roots and stuff. He's always concoctin' cures fer whatever ails
ya. So it don't seem that far fetched ta me that he's bin able to make
us look old, and give us the rheumatics ta go with the age," and he
rubbed the small of his back, as he said this.
"Hop Sing promised us it would wear off, before Pa got back, today,
but the stage is due in less than a hour, and as you can see, we're
still old and ugly," said the youngest one.
"And not only that, but being this old means that we can't do as much
work on the ranch, without needing to rest," said the oldest of the
three. "We've been up since daybreak, making sure that all the chores
were completed, before Pa got back, and then we've had to ride into
town, so would it be okay if we had a short nap in your cells, before
we meet the stage?"
Roy didn't know what to think, but putting these three strangers in
his cells sounded like a good idea, so he agreed.
Just over an hour later, Ben arrived on the stage, and went in search
of his boys. He could see that their horses, and Buck, were tied up
outside Roy's office, and so assumed that his sons were passing the
time of day with the sheriff, while waiting for him to get back.
He entered the office and found Roy, with his head resting on his
desk, fast asleep.
Ben gently shook Roy's arm.
"Hi, Roy, where are you hiding my boys? You haven't had to lock them
up, have you?"
Roy woke with a start, surprised to see his old friend.
"Oh, hello Ben," he said. "Your boys? Oh, yeah, about your
boys. You
see, this real strange thing happened."
Before Roy could say anymore, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe emerged from
the cells, and entered the office. There was no sign of the three old
men, whom Roy had seen go into the back room.
"Hi, Pa," said Little Joe, hugging his father. "It's sure
good to have
you back. Adam's been so bossy, since you've been gone."
Ben returned the hug and said, "More like you've been impossible and
he's had to keep you in line, young man," and he landed a love pat
on
Joe's backside.
Hoss and Adam shook hands with their father and then thanked Roy for
the use of the bunks.
"We got inta town, far too early ta meet ya, Pa," explained Hoss.
"We
were up, most of the night, with Penny. She was havin' a tough time,
bringin' her foal inta the world, and by the time we'd got cleaned up
and ridden inta town, we were plumb tuckered out. Roy kindly said we
could stretch out on the bunks in the cells, until you got here."
"Thanks, Roy," said Ben. "Well, come on boys, I think we'll
go and
have a beer before we ride home. It's been a long, dusty trip on that
stagecoach."
"Sounds good to me, Pa, but we best not be late home for lunch,"
said
Adam. "You know how temperamental Hop Sing is, if we miss a meal."
"About Hop Sing," said Roy, and four pairs of Cartwright eyes
were
trained on him.
"Yes, Roy, what about him?" said Ben, when the sheriff failed
to say
anymore, for several seconds.
Roy didn't really know where to begin, as the whole idea of the cook
turning the boys into old men was just too ridiculous. He decided that
it must have all been a dream, and best kept to himself.
So, he just smiled at Ben and said, "Oh nothing, just say hi from
me,
will ya?"
"Sure will, Roy," said Ben, and the Cartwright family left the
sheriff's office.
As they walked across to the Silver Dollar, Hoss rubbed his back.
"Must've slept awkward," he said. "Those cots are jest too
danged
small fer me."
THE END
Little Joe forever
Lynne
May 14th 2006