“Dadburnit, Why Me Again?”
Part two of Dadburnit, Why Me?”
by
“Dadburnit, why me again? Here I am havin’ ta stay in my room er should I say, my ‘Chamber’, cuz I’m in BIG TROUBLE with thy much older and I mean much older brother, Adam! It’s just a good thing Pa ain’t here cuz I would be in even more trouble. Ya see, he’s gone away on business.”
“Yer probably wonderin’ what happened this time, right? Well, let me tell ya, cuz it’s that old Shake’s fault just like it was last time and that wasn’t all that long ago either. Hey, I’m just the innocent victim here just like last time!”
“’Member what happened last time? It all started in school with old Jonesy readin’ old Shake’s story of Romeo and Juliet. Ya ‘member who old Shake is, right? That Shakespeare guy who writes all them awful stories!”
“Well that was bad ‘nough havin’ ta sit there in that stuffy old classroom with Jonesy and that goofy look she gets on that face of her’s when she reads old Shake, or when she’s dreamin’ ‘bout thy big brother. Dunt tell no one, but old Adam is scared of her. Ain’t that funny, old Adam scared of goofy lookin’ Jonesy!”
“Sorry, got sorta side tracked there. Now, where was I-oh yeah, old Shake! I tried so hard, I really did ya know, not ta giggle out loud while Jonesy was readin’that awful story or as Adam and Jonesy keep saying, ‘A great classic work’. A great classic work, HUH! I just couldn’t help it, but my giggle just sorta escaped me and it made itself heard.”
“Old Jonesy stopped readin’ yippy, but then she glared at me, so I smiled at her, but she didn’t smile back at me. Nope she sure dunt. She dun told me not to laugh at such a classic story. That ain’t no classic story ta me. Its pure torture, that’s what it is, pure torture!”
“When she finally finished that story, I was so happy, but ya will never guess what happened ta me when I got home from school that night, my worst nightmare happened and it came from Adam!”
“He handed me a book ta read and when I saw it was Romeo and Juliet, I thought I was gonna pass out, no lie! I dun told thy big brother that old Jonesy just got done readin that….that so called classic story ta us, and that I didn’t need ta read it. He said in not so many words, that I needed ta read it so I would learn something and that I should be very grateful to be able ta read such a great classic story. HUH, I dun told him, but he told me it would also keep me out of mischief! Can ya believe that! I dunt get inta mischief…ummm…ummm well maybe I do sometimes, but ya know, it’s mischief that gets me inta mischief, not me!”
“Heck, I’m just bein’ a good boy when out of nowhere, POW, mischief attacks me! So ya see, it’s mischief’s fault and not mine, but try tellin’ that ta Pa and Adam!”
“Back ta that day when mischief attacked me, all I was doin’ was walkin’ ta the barn, when mischief made me trip and fall down. Heck, how was I ta know that Adam’s book would take off and it flew straight over ta the trough and make a big splash and sank ta the bottom of the trough. So all that caused me ta get inta BIG TROUBLE with Adam and Pa too.”
“Heck, I coulda got hurt when I tripped and fell. Old Shake’s classic ended up soakin’ wet. Ha, ha, ha! Then once I rescued that dadburn book it decided ta fall in the dirt. Yup it sure did! By then that book was a wet and dirty classic. Serves it right!”
“Anyhow, all that was back then, but as I said earlier, I’m in BIG TROUBLE again! So here’s what happened this time. Jonesy was yet again talkin’ ‘bout old Shake then she ORDERED us ta write a short essay on old Shake and she also told us ta add what we thought of old Shake. Oh joy, NOT! Boy I am sure gonna tell her just what I think of old Shake too!”
“Now I ask ya, why in the world would anyone wanna write an essay on him? I really think that I know why too, and that’s cuz Jonesy really dunt know ‘bout old Shake, so we gotta teach her. Yuck! She needs ta write a report, not us!”
“When I got home from school that day and after I dun all my chores and had dinner, I had ta write my stupid essay. Sure hope I dunt get nightmares from it.”
“I worked so hard, way too hard fer a little kid like me, but I finally got my essay done and I think I wore my brain out too, cuz it feels really tired!”
“I have ta tell ya that I feel so proud of myself. I was so glad when we gave them essays ta Jonesy. I sure hope that I never gotta see that old essay again!”
“That next day at school, Jonesy seemed kinda quiet. Ya know, not quite right, sorta angry I would say. She looked funny, funnier then normal. She kept glaring at me fer some reason. Heck, I dunt do nuffin’ wrong. Maybe she had a nightmare ‘bout old Adam er somethin’. Every time she glared at me I smiled at her, but she never smiled back at me. Hummmm. When she handed back our old Shake essays, she wasn’t very happy. Wonder why?”
“She dun told me that my essay was totally unacceptable! She was angry fer as she put it, I was mockin’ her and old Shake! WHAT? Now I ask ya, why anyone would wanna mock her and old Shake, not me! What the heck is she talkin’ ‘bout? Then she TOLD me that she was…was gonna make me rewrite my essay!”
“OH NO, and that she was gonna also send a note home with me fer Pa. She wanted ta have a talk with him, but I dun told her that Pa was away on a business trip. Now see what that old mischief has dun ta me yet again!”
“I told her that Adam was in charge. Of course when she heard that, she got that goofy look on her face. Poor Adam and poor me cuz that means that thy big brother has ta come and have a little talk with old Jonesy. He’s gonna be so mad at me! Well, it serves him right fer bein’ so bossy ta little innocent me!”
“Boy was old Adam ever upset with me when I got home from school with that note from Jonesy, yikes! No lie, he had smoke comin’ out his ears and flames shootin’ out his eyes. Talk ‘bout scary lookin’, oh my goodness. I bet Pa could hear him yellin’ all the way ta San Francisco, and I bet ya could hear him too!”
“Adam dun told me that I would be the death of him yet. Come ta think ‘bout it, Pa says’s just that same thing. Adam also told me that I was totally hopeless too. There’s that ‘totally hopeless’ statement again. Guess old Adam dun gone and changed my name again. Life just ain’t fair fer a good boy like me!”
“Now, ‘bout my essay, I just happened ta think that I dun a really good job on it. Wait a minute; let me go and get it and I will read it ta ya, so ya can see just how good it is. Ok I found it. Here goes.”
"William Shakespeare”
By Little Joe Cartwright
“William Shakespeare was born a long time ago in 1564 in a place called Stratford on Avon. He was the third child of John Shakespeare and Mary Arden. Hey, just like me, a third child, but that’s the only thing old Shake and me got in common, thank goodness!”
“Mary came from a rich family, but not sure what town she was from. Old Shake went ta school in Avon. While in school, not only did he learn English he also learned Latin and some Greek too. Now why would he wanna learn them languages?”
“When his family went through hard times, old Shake gotta job as a butcher boy and the money he earned helped his family.”
“In 1582, he married Anne Hathaway. She was older than him, but he didn’t care cuz he loved her. They had three kids and their names were Susanna, and the twins, Judith and Hamnet. What kinda name is that? They should have given him a better name than that. He was named after a neighbor, Hamnet Sadler. When Hamnet was twelve years, he died. That was very sad.”
“Old Shake loved ta write stories and poems. His first story was published in1593 and it was called, “Venus and Adonis.” What kinda names are them anyway? He sure comes up with some strange names! From then on, there was no stoppin’ him. He just wrote and wrote, and his last story, which was called, “The Tempest” and that was in 1610.”
In March of 1616, old Shake became very ill and on April 23, 1616, which just happened to be his birthday, he died. It’s bad ta die on yer birthday ya know! His two daughters survived him.”
Old Shake left behind all of his poems and stories and they soon all became great classics.”
“Now here is what I said ‘bout old Shake: I hate hearin’ and readin ‘bout old Shake. He talks funny and he gives the people in his stories and poems awful names. What’s wrong with him? Boys shouldn’t have ta hear all that mushy stuff. Its fer girls and ladies, and my big brother, Adam, cuz they like all that mush. Girls are yucky! And that’s the truth too!”
“So that is how I ended that stupid essay!”
“Now I ask ya, what’s wrong with that essay? Heck I gave all the important dates and stuff. My poor little brain will never be the same after writing all that!”
“Oh man, ya shoulda seen the look on Adam’s face when he read my wonderful essay out loud. Talk ‘bout scary lookin’! Poor Hoss kept coughin’ and when I looked at him, he winked at me. I had ta cough too. Well I did! We dun that ta hide our laughing.”
“After thy brother read my essay he slowly shook his head and he pinched the bridge of his nose. Uh oh! He took a deep breath while glarin’ at me and he slowly and kinda softly asked how I could ever write somethin’ so bad! Hey big brother, it ain’t bad, it’s wonderful!”
“I was shocked by what he said so I told him that it was a great essay with important stuff and that it was also creative writin’. Ummm, let’s just say that he dunt think it was creative writin’! Oh no, he dun called it….rubbish! Rubbish, can ya believe that! Guess big brother just dunt know creative writin’ when he reads it!”
“He kept saying over and over that he was totally embarrassed with me and that there was no way I could be his brother. Hope Pa dunt hear that! Hoss just had ta laugh so Adam glared at him too. Maybe Adam ain’t really our brother.”
“That next afternoon, Adam had ta make that dreaded long ride ta Virginia City ta have his little talk with old Jonesy.
“I can just picture that little scene: Old Jonesy is sittin’ at her desk with that goofy look on her face just waitin’ with great anticipation fer her dream man to arrive and sweep her off her feet.”
“Adam on the other hand is lookin’ rather ill and pale as he gets closer ta that school house. He’s ridin’ as slow as possible too, and ya know what else, he’s really upset with me fer makin’ him go through all of this torture. Makes me giggle even more!”
“As soon as big brother reaches the school he just sits on Beauty tryin’ ta get the nerve ta face old Jonesy. He slowly gets off Beauty and he slowly walks towards the love of his life. Oh my tummy is hurtin’ from gigglin’ so hard!”
“The love of his life, that’s pretty funny huh? Back ta what is takin’ place. As Adam reaches the door ta the school, he swallows deeply and takes a deep breath as he forces himself ta open the door. He slowly walks in as if headin’ ta the gallows.”
“When Jonesy hears the door open her heart races with excitement and she stands up tryin’ ta control herself. The two love bird’s stand there lookin’ at each other, with one of em trembling with fear and the other one tremblin’ with excitement, and ya know which one is tremblin’ with fear. Yup, thy big brother Adam is shakin’ in his boots!”
“They sit down ta talk, but Jonesy sits as close ta big brother as she can while he is finding’ it hard ta breathe. Can’t ya just picture that scene? Just too funny! Poor Adam dunt get ta say much as Jonesy is almost non-stop blabbin’ away. Finally Adam promises ta help me rewrite that….that essay. Just great! NOT! He tells old Jonesy that he is so sorry ‘bout that essay.”
“Well, I’m not sorry one bit cuz I dun a great job of creative writin’! Heck, even Hoss thinks so too. Good old Hoss. He’s the best big brother in the whole wide world! Then there’s Adam………”
“When thy big brother arrived back home he had smoke comin’ out his ears and big flames shootin’ out of his eyes. No lie, he sure did! He was so angry with me and he dun told me if’n I ever do anythin’ like that ta him again, he’s gonna put me in a cage fer the rest of my life! Can ya ‘magine that! Pa won’t like that none…at least…I hope he dunt!”
“Adam dun told me that he was gonna make me read everythin’ old Shake has ever written. OH NO, that’s a fate worse than death! I’m only ten years old Adam! Ya can’t do that ta me!”
“I just can’t figure out why in the world we gotta learn ‘bout old Shake’s stuff and all them other writers too. After all, I ain’t gonna teach that stuff ta the cattle er horses. Heck, they’d run off and we’d never find em again!”
“Nope the only ones who love that stuff is Jonesy, Adam and yucky girls, and who knows, may be one er two more people do too. NOT ME!!”
“Life just ain’t fair fer boys like me! DADBURNIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The end